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What To Do When When Someone’s Pissed At You | Matthew Brensilver, Vinny Ferraro, Kaira Jewel Lingo

Oct 16, 2024

Executive Producer DJ Cashmere interviews Kaira Jewel Lingo, a former nun, Vinny Ferraro, a veteran Dharma teacher, and Matthew Brensilver, who blends mindfulness with addiction insights. They explore effective ways to handle anger, both in others and within ourselves. Expect practical strategies grounded in mindfulness, the significance of clear communication, and heartfelt anecdotes emphasizing empathy and personal boundaries. Discover how embracing love alongside anger can transform relationships and lead to deeper understanding.

01:08:31

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Quick takeaways

Recognizing and addressing one's emotional triggers is essential for breaking the negative cycle of anger in relationships.

Meditation serves as a critical tool for cultivating mindfulness, enabling individuals to respond more skillfully to others' anger.

Establishing healthy boundaries is vital for protecting emotional well-being while maintaining compassion in interpersonal dynamics affected by anger.

Deep dives

Understanding Responses to Anger

The discussion highlights the common reactions people have when faced with someone else's anger, such as defensiveness or the urge to appease. Many individuals instinctively respond to anger with their own anger, creating a cycle of negativity that complicates relationships. This behavior often stems from a fear of confrontation or the desire for conflict resolution, which can lead to misunderstandings. Recognizing these patterns is essential for personal growth and effective communication, making it important to acknowledge one's emotional state before reacting.

Intro

2min

Navigating Anger Through Mindfulness

5min

Navigating Anger Through Mindfulness

13min

Navigating Anger: The Peace Treaty Approach

17min

Navigating Empathy and Anger

4min

Navigating Anger and Empathy

12min

Navigating Anger and Boundaries

11min

Navigating Love and Compassion

11min

Embracing Fallibility and the Art of Surrendering

4min

How to handle other people's anger—and the anger that their anger might trigger in you.

For this episode, Executive Producer DJ Cashmere interviewed a trio of brilliant Dharma teachers to get their advice about how to handle anger. This is the second in a series of 'correspondent' episodes, in which DJ identifies a pain point in his life and meditation practice, then goes out into the world to report on the best ways to address it.

Kaira Jewel Lingo is a former nun in the Plum Village tradition started by Zen Master Thich Nhat Hanh. Vinny Ferraro teaches at the Insight Meditation Society and Spirit Rock, and also in prisons. Matthew Brensilver teaches at many of the same retreat centers, and spent many years working in the field of addiction pharmacotherapy.

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Want to study and practice with today's guests? Please check out these Spirit Rock offerings:

Matthew Brensilver, Buddhist Psychology Training (Begins in January)

Vinny Ferraro: A Year to Live; Discovering What Death Can Teach Us About Living Fully (Begins in January)

Kaira Jewel Lingo: Healing Our Way Home (Oct. 20); Insight Meditation Retreat (April 9-16; opens Dec. 11)

All 10% Happier listeners receive a discount code for our December Insight Retreat (Dec. 8-18) with the code TENPERCENT

& if you'd like to study with these guests on the East Coast, check out these retreats at the Insight Meditation Society:

Kaira Jewel Lingo, Strength to Love: Honoring Dr. Martin Luther King: Jr. (Jan 17 - Jan 20), and Return to Wholeness: Opening to Wisdom & Love (Mar 23 - Mar 29)

Vinny Ferraro, Peace in Presence: A Four-Night Retreat for All (Jan 31 - Feb 4)

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