178 ADHD and Relationships Part 1: Identifying and Meeting Your Own Relational Needs
Sep 27, 2022
37:56
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Quick takeaways
The most important relationship we have is with ourselves, and meeting our own basic relational needs is crucial for a healthy relationship with others.
Childhood relationships and attachment styles significantly impact our adult relationships, and understanding this influence is essential for creating healthy connections in adulthood.
Deep dives
Becoming a Relational Adult
The podcast episode explores the importance of becoming a relational adult and meeting our own basic relational needs. It emphasizes that the most important relationship we have is with ourselves, and our relationship with ourselves determines how we experience the world and all other relationships. The episode discusses the need for affection, acceptance, validation, autonomy, security, trust, empathy, prioritization, connection, and space in our relationships. It highlights the importance of meeting these needs for ourselves and not solely relying on others to fulfill them. The episode encourages listeners to work on accepting, validating, and prioritizing themselves, as well as developing empathy and trust in their relationship with themselves.
The Impact of Childhood Relationships
The podcast delves into the impact of childhood relationships on our adult relationships. It suggests that most adults with ADHD did not grow up with securely attached and safe relationships, which can lead to struggles in creating secure and safe feeling relationships in adulthood. The episode highlights the need to understand how our childhood connections, or lack thereof, affect our ability to create healthy relationships now. It explores the issues that may arise, such as fear of abandonment, difficulty forming healthy relationships, low self-esteem, anxiety, and more. The episode encourages listeners to seek therapy and work with trauma-informed therapists to understand their attachment styles, past traumas, and disruptions in connections.
Meeting Our Basic Relational Needs
The podcast emphasizes the importance of meeting our own basic relational needs. It discusses the needs for affection, acceptance, validation, autonomy, security, trust, empathy, prioritization, connection, and space. The episode highlights the tendency to look to others exclusively to meet our needs, but asserts that we must learn to meet these needs for ourselves. It encourages listeners to develop the skills of self-acceptance, self-validation, and self-empathy. The episode highlights the transformative power of meeting our own relational needs, which can lead to a shift in how we feel, experience the world, and what we tolerate from others.
Becoming a Mature Relational Adult
The podcast discusses the process of becoming a mature relational adult. It explains that this involves identifying and acknowledging our own needs and meeting them for ourselves. The episode emphasizes that while there may be mutual accountability and boundary-setting in relationships, we must take responsibility for meeting our own relational needs. It explores the skills of affection, acceptance, validation, autonomy, security, trust, empathy, prioritization, connection, and space, and how they all interconnect to create healthy relationships with ourselves and others. The episode acknowledges that this process takes time and encourages listeners to be patient and compassionate with themselves as they work on improving their relationship with themselves.
Most ADHDers struggle with relationships, and I am no exception to this. In the last 3 years, I've done a TON of work in therapy and in coaching, and I've really changed the way that I view relationships. In this 4-part series, I'll share everything I've learned about healthy relationships with you so that you can change your relationships, too.