Being Well with Forrest Hanson and Dr. Rick Hanson

Self-Compassion: How to Make it Work For You with Dr. Chris Germer

Oct 14, 2024

01:10:06

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Dr. Chris Germer, a clinical psychologist and Harvard lecturer, joins Forrest to unpack the concept of self-compassion. They explore why many resist it, revealing the tight grip of shame and self-criticism. Dr. Germer explains the delicate balance of tender and fierce self-compassion while addressing its paradoxes. The duo also tackles how the model of safety, challenge, and overwhelm can guide us in reducing burnout. They emphasize that nurturing self-kindness can transform our internal dialogue and help us embrace our emotions.

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Quick takeaways

Self-compassion is often misunderstood as selfishness, hindering its practice despite its proven benefits for reducing distress and improving well-being.

The paradox of self-compassion highlights the importance of confronting personal pain without the need for quick fixes, fostering long-term healing and growth.

Shame significantly obstructs self-compassion, but embracing it allows individuals to redefine self-worth through kindness instead of relying on external validation.

Deep dives

Understanding Self-Compassion

Self-compassion involves treating oneself with kindness during difficult moments, similar to how one would treat a friend. Many individuals struggle with fully grasping and applying self-compassion, often associating it with weaknesses such as selfishness or self-indulgence. These misconceptions can prevent people from embracing self-compassion, despite extensive research indicating its benefits, including reduced distress and improved well-being. The discussion highlights that self-compassion is not merely about feeling sorry for oneself; rather, it encourages a healthy perspective on personal struggles and promotes self-care.

Self-Compassion Fuels Growth, Not Complacency

02:54

Intro

2min

Understanding Self-Compassion

21min

Navigating Retail Complexity and Embracing Self-Compassion

4min

Embracing Self-Compassion

8min

Navigating Burnout and Shame

10min

Navigating Emotions with Mindfulness and Self-Compassion

23min

Navigating Difficult Emotions with Mindfulness and Self-Compassion

3min

Why do so many people seem to resist self-compassion? Dr. Chris Germer, co-creator of the Mindful Self-Compassion program, joins Forrest to explore how we can work with the deeply ingrained shame that gets in the way.

Dr. Germer shares common misunderstandings about self-compassion, and they discuss the complex interplay between shame, self-criticism, and our capacity for self-care. Forrest focuses on the paradox of self-compassion: how approaching it as a “solution to your problems” actually gets in the way of it helping you out. Dr. Germer then shares the model of safety, challenge, and overwhelm, including how we can use it to guide our practice, get to the bottom of shame, and avoid burnout along the way.

You can watch this episode on YouTube.

Key Topics:

0:00: Introduction

1:30: What people get wrong about self-compassion

5:10: Tender vs. fierce self-compassion, and the “paradox of practice”

11:35: Shame and self-compassion

17:35: Safety, challenge, and overwhelm

23:30: Holding ourselves before holding our experience

31:45: Burnout, and inner-kindness vs. external approval

37:35: Getting to the bottom of shame, and loving ourselves up

42:00: Applying mindfulness to self-compassion practice

48:40: Overzealousness, and clarity of intention

53:10: Motivating ourselves

57:00: Recap

I am now writing on Substack, check out my work there.

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