Do you love reading thrillers and mysteries? Or binging shows like Dexter on Netflix? If you do, you’re going to love this episode! We’re interviewing our very first podcast guest, Dr. Todd Grande, who is the author of Harm Reduction, a thriller of extraordinary psychological depth that explores the interactions of a therapist, a narcissistic serial killer, and a detective. Their lives intertwine and revolve around leveraging and holding a secret.Dr. Grande is a content creator on YouTube, with 950k subscribers (he’ll likely reach 1 million before this episode airs). On his channel, he discusses the details of various news events, court cases, celebrities, serial killers, personality theory, mental health and much more.Dr. Grande joins Bill and Megan on this episode to discuss his new book and to take a deep dive into the pathology of serial killers. Are they all narcissistic? Sociopaths? Psychopaths? All of the above? What are intricacies of various types, and do they overlap with other types of mental illness. For example, have you ever wondered about serial killers who also have OCD? Dr. Grande and Bill will discuss the personality types, led by Megan who will also discuss Dr. Grande’s other books, a series titled The Notorious Series. They will talk about:The Psychology of Notorious Serial Killers (2021)The Psychology of Notorious Church Killers (2022)The Psychology of Notorious Celebrity Deaths (2022)Don’t miss this fascinating talk with Dr. Grande.Links & Other NotesHARM REDUCTIONTHE PSYCHOLOGY OF NOTORIOUS SERIAL KILLERSTHE PSYCHOLOGY OF NOTORIOUS CHURCH KILLERSTHE PSYCHOLOGY OF NOTORIOUS CELEBRITY DEATHSYOUTUBE CHANNELDr. Todd GrandeSubmit a Question for Bill and MeganAll of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books.You can also find these show notes at highconflictinstitute.com/podcast as well.Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing patterns of behavior. (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault (02:42) - Dr. Todd Grande and His Book Harm Reduction (04:57) - What's It About? (05:46) - Why These Characters? (07:50) - Narcissistic Serial Killers (12:16) - Clusters A, B, & C (16:20) - Low Numbers (18:35) - Addiction (19:16) - Tech and Serial Killers (21:32) - Cues to Watch For (24:02) - Dramatic Interests (24:31) - Lack of Empathy (27:12) - Serial Killer Character in Book (29:42) - Not First Person (31:39) - Inspiration for Writing Fiction (32:54) - What would a mental health clinician learn from this book? (35:09) - Any Follow-Up Planned? (37:00) - Movie Adaptation? (37:39) - Wrapping Up (38:12) - The Notorious Series (43:14) - Closing (43:59) - Coming Next Week: Domestic Violence in Relationships 2-Part Interview Learn more about our New Ways for Mediation Coaching Sessions. Get started today!

What causes conflict? Differing ideas and opinions do, but most people can manage it, although extraordinary circumstances, time pressures and stress can click the conflict dial to max for just about anyone. But when you’re dealing with someone with a high conflict personality, you can expect the any gathering, especially holidays gatherings, to have some dramatic or even explosive situations.In the 2020-21 global pandemic, most people are on edge. Anxiety is high. Arguments over the efficacy of masks; whether vaccines will save you, harm you or kill you; lockdowns as a necessity or a loss of fundamental human rights. These are all important topics and impact almost everyone but only a fraction will end up shouting, slamming doors, ending conversations, throwing phones, and telling you that you’re wrong. It doesn't matter what the topic is, people with high conflict personalities will likely create some conflict around it.This episode focuses on how to handle the person who wants to discuss and debate over the dinner table. Bill Eddy will give his best tips for shutting those conversations down in an non-confrontational way that will save your sanity and keep the conflict low through the holidays.The second half of the episode deals with handling loneliness during the holidays, as many parents, grandparents and even kids spend them alone, isolated from the people they love. Whether a regular divorce keeps you from your kids, or a high conflict divorce with alienation has kept you from them for a long time — it’s hardest to cope during the holidays. Bill and Megan touch on these sensitive topics with some helpful information to help you through the holidays and beyond.Links & Other NotesBOOKSCalming Upset People with EARBIFFBIFF for CoParent CommunicationThe Courage to FeelThe High-Conflict Co-Parenting Survival GuideONLINE COURSECalming Upset People with an EAR StatementARTICLESEAR Statements for the HolidaysHandling High Conflict Situations During the HolidaysHandling High Conflict Situations During the HolidaysHow to Survive the Holidays with an Anti-Social RelativeSubmit a Question for Bill and MeganAll of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books.You can also find these show notes at our site as well.Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing patterns of behavior. (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault (02:42) - Holiday Conflict (03:34) - Tips to Stop Holiday Conflict (09:54) - Assumptions (10:54) - One More Tip (11:37) - A Family of Multiple HCPs (13:24) - The Overly Sensitive Person (15:34) - The Narcissist (16:50) - When Alone (26:00) - HCP Whiplash (28:55) - Reminders & Coming Next Week: Dr. Todd Grande Learn more about our New Ways for Mediation Coaching Sessions. Get started today!

Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) is an often misunderstood and unfairly maligned mental health issue. Years of misinformation on the Internet, filled with scary details or an impossible life cast a dark shadow. Unfortunately, those who struggle with it would be helped if more people understood what it is and how to help. Many with BPD tend to isolate, but those who also blame may have a borderline high conflict personality.What is it like on the other side of the relationship? What do you do when faced with explosive rage? How do you handle the mood swings and need for constant attachment? What do you do when someone you love seems beyond help? Or how do you help your client in the best way when it seems they sabotage their own case?This type of personality is driven by a fear of being abandoned, so the rules of their operating system direct them to try to remain connected with the people closest to them. Once their fear button is triggered, whether perceived or real (it feels very real to them), their mood can take a wild swing, which is when high conflict behaviors surface: blame, all-or-nothing thinking, unmanaged intense emotions and extreme behaviors. Sadly, this can drive people away, unless you develop some skills to help you manage the relationship. Without diagnosing or labeling, Bill and Megan discuss the borderline high conflict personality type, including:What it means to feel abandonedWhat this looks like in relationshipsHow past trauma may cause or contribute to the development of a borderline high conflict personalityHow to identify someone who may have a borderline high conflict personalityTips for interactions that will help everyone involvedStatistics on Borderline Personality Disorder in the U.S.There’s a gift side to every person, including those with a borderline high conflict personality, but becoming aware and educated are keys to helping them and helping yourself. In this episode, we explore the borderline high conflict personality — the final in the ‘five types of people’ series. In the previous four episodes we talked about Narcissistic, Antisocial, Paranoid, and Histrionic HCPs (high conflict people). Listen in as Bill and Megan explore the basics of this personality type. You will likely learn something new, gain some insight and a few basic tips on managing relationships with them that benefit everyone.Links & Other NotesBOOKS5 Types of People Who Can Ruin Your LifeCalming Upset People With EARBait and Switch: Saving Your RelationshipThe Big Book on Personality DisorderThe Borderline Personality Disorder Wellness Planner for FamiliesThe Dialectical Behavior Therapy Wellness PlannerARTICLESCan Relationships with People who have Borderline Personalities be Saved?7 Tips for Working with Clients with Borderline Personality DisorderUnderstanding Borderline Personality Disorder in Family Law CasesSubmit a Question for Bill and MeganAll of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books.You can also find these show notes at our site as well.Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing patterns of behavior. (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault (01:56) - Borderline Personality Disorder (07:39) - What Is BPD? (10:20) - Main Characteristics (14:42) - BPDs vs. Borderline HCPs (16:54) - What does High Conflict mean? (18:46) - Stats (22:11) - Bipolar vs. Borderline HCPs (27:03) - Where does it come from? (30:51) - Relationships with BPDs (35:56) - Empathy (39:00) - Jealousy (41:03) - Summary (42:36) - Is there hope? (47:26) - Reminders & Coming Next Week: Listener Questions Learn more about our New Ways for Mediation Coaching Sessions. Get started today!

Ever been around someone who was ultra-suspicious? Not just the typical accusatory behaviors, but someone who suspects conspiracies against them or that someone doesn’t like them or feels a certain way about them ... all based on an assumption or jumping to conclusions from a facial expression? Well, you just may have been around someone with a paranoid high conflict personality.This type of personality is driven by a fear of being betrayed, so the rules of their operating system direct them to be suspicious of others. Once their fear button is triggered, whether perceived or real (it feels very real to them), they attack first. The behaviors of those with high conflict personalities all come out at that time: blame, all-or-nothing thinking, unmanaged emotions, and extreme behaviors. Bill and Megan discuss the paranoid high conflict personality type, including:Their need to be in control of their surroundings and fear of being betrayed and need to hold grudgesThe differences between paranoid high conflict personality and other paranoiasHow to spot people who may have a paranoid high conflict personalityTips for interacting with them, using an EAR Statement™ and BIFF Response®Statistics on Paranoid Personality Disorder and Paranoid HCPs in the U.SBeing around someone like this can wear on your nerves and become draining, but it doesn’t have to. In this episode, we continue talking about the five types of people who can ruin your life. In the previous three episodes we talked about Narcissistic, Antisocial and Histrionic HCPs, or high conflict people. In this episode we are talking about Paranoid HCPs. This one has always been a little confusing for people because the other four types can also appear to have paranoia, and other mental health disorders may also experience the same. Paranoid Personality Disorder is a little different.Links & Other NotesBOOKS5 Types of People Who Can Ruin Your LifeIt’s All Your FaultCalming With EARBIFF: Quick Responses to High Conflict PeopleARTICLESPossible HCP kills former boss, insures lawyer after mediationCan high conflict people change?Compassion for high conflict peopleSubmit a Question for Bill and MeganAll of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books.You can also find these show notes at our site as well.Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing patterns of behavior. (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault (02:42) - Paranoid HCPs (03:25) - What is Paranoid Personality Disorder? (09:35) - Paranoia in HCPs (10:48) - Stats (11:24) - How They Present Themselves (12:48) - The Fear That Drives Them (13:47) - Relationships With Paranoids (15:30) - Social? (19:05) - In the Workplace (21:05) - What NOT to Do (22:11) - Revenge (23:08) - In Summary (26:06) - Dealing With Paranoid HCPs (29:19) - Reminders & Coming Next Week: Borderline HCPs Learn more about our New Ways for Mediation Coaching Sessions. Get started today!

Histrionic Personality Disorder. It’s all about the drama.Drama abounds online, on television, in movies, and in everyday life. But have you been around a person who is all drama all the time? With loads of storytelling and emotional persuasion? You may have been around someone with a histrionic high conflict personality.This type of personality is driven by an intense need to be the center of attention, and when they aren’t, the blame and anger begin. But in the beginning, you may have been charmed by their sometimes flirtatious behavior (not all are this way) and later experienced and been exhausted by their non-stop drama and attention-seeking. Bill and Megan discuss the histrionic high conflict personality type, including:Their need to be the center of attention and fear of feeling ignoredThe differences between a self-absorbed person and someone with histrionic high conflict personality traits and behaviorsWhy they exhaust those around them and how others experience their high conflict behaviorsHow to spot themStatistics on Histrionic Personality Disorder and histrionic HCPs in the U.S.Understanding and dealing with Histrionic HCPs takes time, but learning about their fear-based operating system as well as learning a few simple skills – like setting limits – will help calm your life and prevent you from burning out.If you’ve spent much time around someone with a histrionic high conflict personality, you know how exhausting interactions with them can be. Plus, their M.O. in life is it’s all about me, creating lop-sided relationships and one-way interactions. Setting limits is a key skill in turning that around. The first step is to understand their behavior patterns, starting now.Send us your stories!We’d love to hear your stories so we can talk through them on the show! Please visit our site and click the ‘Submit a Question’ button at the top of the page. You can also send us an email at podcast@highconflictinstitute.com or send us a note on any of our socials.Please rate, review and share this show!Links & Other NotesBooks:It’s All Your Fault5 Types of People Who Can Ruin Your LifeConflict Communication SeriesCalming Upset People with EARBIFFBIFF for CoParent CommunicationBIFF at WorkAll of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books and some in audio format.On Demand Courses:Calming Upset People with an EAR Statement™How to Write a BIFF Response®Submit a Question for Bill and MeganYou can also find these show notes on our website as well. (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault (02:51) - Histrionic Personality Disorders (04:31) - What Is Histrionic Personality Disorder? (07:28) - Superficial Speech (10:08) - Histrionic Fear (11:56) - How Does It Develop (13:50) - Helping Your Children Avoid Becoming Histrionic (16:36) - Stats (19:00) - When In a Relationship With a Histrionic (20:11) - In Romantic Relationship (21:47) - In the Workplace (23:10) - In Summary & Tips (24:22) - Common Areas (25:50) - Persuasive (27:08) - Histrionic vs. the Other Four Types (28:03) - Wrapping Up (28:50) - Reminders & Coming Next Week: Paranoid Learn more about our New Ways for Mediation Coaching Sessions. Get started today!

The Antisocial Personality DisorderHave you met this person? Someone who:tries to dominate youdisruptive/volatiledisregard for laws/social rulesfrequently lie and mislead youmanipulatesconfuses youlacks remorse/empathy/respect for your rightsIf so, you might have been around someone with an Antisocial personality. This isn’t the person who stands in the corner during parties –which is often top of mind with the term antisocial. It’s actually Antisocial Personality Disorder (used interchangeably with sociopath). You know... it’s the guy (or gal) who thinks they’re special. He thinks he can park his car anywhere and not be towed. She embezzles from the company or fakes cancer to raise money. He blows up if he does not get the superior treatment he apparently deserves. She has an opinion about everything, hijacks conversations, poo-poos your thoughts and emotions and will lie though her teeth even when she knows she can get caught. Most of all – he wants something from you!If you think you’ve never been around someone like this, you probably have been... but weren’t aware of what you were dealing with. Those who are married to them or have them as bosses know the confusion they cause and likely have experienced the terror in the pit of your stomach. But, surprise, you were most likely charmed in the beginning. Bill and Megan do a deep dive into the antisocial personality type, exploring:their fear-based need to dominate and manipulate otherswhy they present with charm at first but are willing to hurt others for personal gainwhy they disregard the rules and laws of society, lack remorse, and have a reckless disregard for risk and dangerhow to spot themstatistics on Antisocial Personality Disorder and Antisocial HCPs in the U.SUnderstanding and dealing with Antisocial HCPs come in layers, and understanding the why they behave that way is the first step.If you’ve been the Target of Blame for an Antisocial HCP, you know the terror and helplessness they exact and the toll they take. Because they’re highly manipulative and charming, it’s easy to get conned by them. Instead, learning what to watch for is imperative. And if it’s too late and you’re already involved with one, it’s a good idea to get help from an expert. The first step is to understand their behavior patterns, starting now.Send us your stories!We’d love to hear your stories so we can talk through them on the show! Please visit our site and click the ‘Submit a Question’ button at the top of the page. You can also send us an email at podcast@highconflictinstitute.com or send us a note on any of our socials.Please rate, review and share this show!Links & Other NotesBooks:BIFF at Work5 Types of People Who Can Ruin Your Life: Identifying and Dealing with Narcissists, Sociopaths, and Other High-Conflict PersonalitiesAll of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books and some in audio format.Training:For attorneys: Dealing with Sociopaths: The Con Artists of DivorceFor attorneys: Personality Disordered Parents & Alienated ChildrenArticles:Do’s and Don’ts for Living with an AntisocialHow to Survive the Holidays with an Antisocial RelativeSociopaths and their DeceptionsSubmit a Question for Bill and MeganYou can also find these show notes on our website as well. (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault (02:49) - The Anti-Social Personality (03:49) - What Is the Anti-Social Personality? (07:54) - Why Do They Rise to the Top? (10:19) - Anti-Socials in Divorce (15:18) - How They Fool You – An Example (24:56) - Lying (29:31) - Back to Megan's Example (31:37) - Why Do They End Up This Way? (34:17) - Backing Out of a Situation Wtih an Anti-Social (36:51) - When They're in Your Life (38:17) - Avoiding When Dating (39:38) - Reminders & Coming Next Week: Histrionic People Learn more about our New Ways for Mediation Coaching Sessions. Get started today!

When an HCP is a Narcissist...Do you know someone whose moods swing wildly? Do they act unreasonably suspicious or antagonistic? Do they blame others for their own problems? When a high conflict person (HCP) has one of five common personality disorders – borderline, narcissistic, paranoid, antisocial, or histrionic – they can lash out in risky extremes of emotion and aggression. And once an HCP decides to target you, they’re hard to shake.Most everyone has been around a narcissist, but not everyone understands how to handle a narcissistic HCP. Bill and Megan do a deep dive into this personality type, exploring:Their fear-based need to be superior and makes others feel inferiorThe differences between vulnerable, narcissistic and malignant typesWhy they see themselves as a hero and protector while those around them experience them as bulliesHow to spot themStatistics on Narcissistic Personality Disorder and narcissistic HCPs in the U.SUnderstanding and dealing with Narcissistic HCPs come in layers, and understanding the why they behave that way is the first step.If you’ve been the Target of Blame for a narcissistic HCP, you know the devastating impact it can have. It’s easy to get emotionally hooked by their aggressive behaviors and respond with aggression or avoidance, which emboldens them. Instead, learning the necessary skills –that don’t always feel natural – is the ticket to managing interactions with them. The first step is to understand their behavior patterns, starting now.Send us your stories!We’d love to hear your stories so we can talk through them on the show! Please visit our site and click the ‘Submit a Question’ button at the top of the page. You can also send us an email at podcast@highconflictinstitute.com or send us a note on any of our socials.Please rate, review and share this show!Links & Other NotesBooks:BIFF at Work5 Types of People Who Can Ruin Your Life: Identifying and Dealing with Narcissists, Sociopaths, and Other High-Conflict PersonalitiesIt’s All Your Fault: Managing Narcissists and Other High Conflict PeopleAll of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books and some in audio format.Training:For attorneys: Dealing with Narcissistic Personalities: The Arrogant Players of DivorceThe Narcissistic Family Member: Prickly and SuperiorArticles:Do Narcissists Make Good Leaders in Business?Narcissism and Incivility: Is There a Connection?Narcissist in Your Family? 4 Tips for Dealing with ThemSubmit a Question for Bill and MeganYou can also find these show notes on our website as well. (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault (02:45) - Last Time... (03:10) - HCP Refresher (06:06) - The Narcissistic HCP (08:38) - Statistics (09:54) - Dealing With an Narcissistic HCP (10:57) - Sexual Abuse (11:21) - Genetic Component? (13:47) - Empathy Factor (15:58) - How They See Themselves (18:45) - Types of Narcissists (24:56) - Lack of Self-Awareness (27:07) - Treatment (30:00) - Dealing With a Narcissistic HCP in Your Life (33:27) - Getting Support (34:40) - Gender Breakdown (36:18) - Don't Tell Them They're an HCP (37:04) - Narcissists vs. Narcissistic HCPs (37:50) - Are HCPs bad people? (40:00) - Raising Healthy Kids (43:06) - Reminders & Coming Next Week: Antisocial HCPs Learn more about our New Ways for Mediation Coaching Sessions. Get started today!

When an HCP also has a personality disorder...Personality disorder or not, people with a high conflict personality (HCPs) have a pattern of high-conflict behavior that increases conflict rather than reducing or resolving it. This pattern usually happens over and over again in many different situations with many different people. The issue that seems in conflict at the time is not what is increasing the conflict. The “issue” is the high-conflict personality and how the person approaches problem-solving. With HCPs, the pattern of behavior often includes a lot of these four characteristics:Blaming othersAll-or-nothing thinkingUnmanaged emotionsExtreme behaviorsHCPs also seem to have personality disorders or some traits of these disorders. This means that they have long-term patterns of:Interpersonal dysfunctionLack of reflection on their own behaviorLack of changeMental health professionals have identified ten personality disorders. Five of these have a tendency to become HCPs: those with narcissistic, borderline, antisocial, paranoid, or histrionic personality disorders or traits. This helps us understand why they stay stuck in conflict – namely because of two reasons: they don’t reflect on their part of the problem, and they don’t change. So, the conflict continues or gets worse.Perhaps you know someone with this pattern. Someone who insists that you – or someone you know – is entirely to blame for a large or small (or non-existent) problem. If so, he or she may be an HCP and you likely have felt targeted by them and unsure what to do.In this episode, Bill and Megan give an overview of the five types and why the ways we interact with them don’t work, and why you can’t get them to reflect on themselves.Send us your stories!We’d love to hear your stories so we can talk through them on the show! Please visit our site and click the ‘Submit a Question’ button at the top of the page. You can also send us an email at podcast@highconflictinstitute.com or send us a note on any of our socials.Please rate, review and share this show!Links & Other NotesBooks:5 Types of People Who Can Ruin Your Life: Identifying and Dealing with Narcissists, Sociopaths, and Other High-Conflict PersonalitiesIt’s All Your Fault: Managing Narcissists and Other High Conflict PeopleIt’s All Your Fault! 12 Tips for Managing People Who Blame Others for EverythingAll of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books and some in audio format.Training:Who Are High Conflict People?Understanding & Managing High Conflict People in Legal DisputesArticles:High Conflict People in Civil LitigationHandling High Conflict Situations During the HolidaysSubmit a Question for Bill and MeganYou can also find these show notes on our website as well. (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault (02:42) - HCPs In Your Life (03:47) - Four Key Characteristics (06:27) - All or Nothing Thinking (08:48) - Personalities (10:11) - Unmanaged Emotions (11:55) - Giving It Time (13:21) - They Don't Stop Themselves (15:06) - Look for the Pattern (17:41) - Five Personality Disorder Types (21:45) - Range of HCP? (23:34) - They're Everywhere (26:31) - HCPs in Court Cases (28:07) - Antisocial (30:42) - Always Check Yourself (32:57) - Where These Types Pop Up (35:38) - When These Overlap (38:08) - Bipolar (41:42) - Wrapping Up (42:52) - Reminders & Coming Next Week: The Narcissistic HCP Learn more about our New Ways for Mediation Coaching Sessions. Get started today!

We’re looking at HCPs in the workplace and how to use BIFF at work.A narcissistic boss. Have you had one? It’s pretty common, so you’re lucky if you haven’t experienced the dread of waking every morning knowing you must face your boss for the next eight hours. Condescending comments and zingers. Out-of-control narcissistic rage from a narcissistic injury. Storming off to HR, their manager, the CEO — anywhere they go to let out their frustrations — which are many. It seems there’s always a dilemma, which obviously is a major time suck. What’s behind this? And what can be done to manage it? Is termination the only option for a high conflict employee? Or do you just remain in misery? Should you quit or should you stay?Knowing how challenging it can be to handle a narcissistic supervisor, manager, or boss of any kind, Bill and Megan talk about the driving forces behind this high conflict personality type and discuss some specific tips for managing the HCP instead of letting them make you miserable. The good news: it is possible to turn things around using the right skills. Your life gets easier if you use these when dealing with a hostile boss, an undermining co-worker, a disruptive team member or any high conflict situation.Bill and Megan also discuss their thoughts on media observations about whether Steve Jobs from Apple was a high conflict personality, as well as Elizabeth Holmes, who is currently standing trial in federal court for her alleged misdeeds as CEO of Theranos.If you’re in a situation with a Narcissistic HCP at work, try one of these communication tools: an EAR Statement™ or BIFF Response®.Empathy • Attention • Respect: an EAR Statement is all you need to remember when communicating verbally with a Narcissistic HCP.Brief • Informative • Friendly • Firm: use a BIFF Response when communicating in writing. They’re easy to learn, but can be hard to do in the moment, so it will take some practice, especially if you’re emotionally hooked.We’d love to hear your stories so we can talk through them on the show! Please visit our site and click the ‘Submit a Question’ button at the top of the page. You can also send us an email at podcast@highconflictinstitute.com or send us a note on any of our socials.Please rate, review and share this show!Links & Other NotesBook: BIFF at WorkBook: Calming Upset People with EARBook: It’s All Your Fault: Managing Narcissists and Other High Conflict PeopleTraining: New Ways for Work (a coaching method for dealing with HCPs in the workplace)Article: Do Narcissists Make Good Leaders in Business?Article: Fire or Keep High Conflict Employees?All of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books and some in audio format.Submit a Question for Bill and MeganYou can also find these show notes at highconflictinstitute.com/podcast as well. (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault (02:44) - High Conflict Personalities in the Workplace (03:57) - The Narcissistic Boss (08:19) - Is There Healthy Narcissism? (10:33) - Narcissistic CEOs (11:46) - Emotional HCPs (17:58) - A Few Examples Within Organizations (21:12) - Steve Jobs (23:39) - Using EAR Statements (26:42) - An Example and 'Sorry' (29:22) - Using BIFF Responses (31:25) - An Example Using BIFF (34:30) - Reminders & Coming Next Week: 5 Types of People Who Can Ruin Your Life Learn more about our New Ways for Mediation Coaching Sessions. Get started today!

In today’s episode, we talk about how to tackle hostile communications with BIFF Responses.What is a hostile communication? It usually contains blame and personal attacks. You read it. Your heart rate doubles. You either want to blast back or instantly delete. Mostly, you never want to hear from that person again. It was far less common pre-electronic communication. Now it’s a matter of daily life, especially on social media or even more so when the communication is coming from someone with a high conflict personality.The challenge with dealing with HCPs, or people with High Conflict Personalities, is that they wage war wherever they can, including on your screen. The problem is that most people respond right away. Why? Because they think they need to defend themselves. We talk about why people do that; why the HCP sends it in the first place; whether or not you need to respond; and if you do, how to do it differently using a BIFF Response.Do you need to respond?Much of hostile e-communication does not need a response. Letters from (ex-) spouses, angry neighbors, irritating co-workers, or attorneys do not usually have legal significance. The letter itself has no power, unless you give it power. Often, it is emotional venting aimed at relieving the writer’s anxiety. If you respond with similar emotions and hostility, you will simply escalate things without satisfaction, and just get a new piece of hostile mail back. In most cases, you are better off not responding.If you do have to respond, use a BIFF Response.Some letters and emails develop power when copies are filed in a court or complaint process – or simply get sent to other people. In these cases, it may be important to respond to inaccurate statements with accurate statements of fact. The best way to handle hostile communications from an HCP is with a BIFF Response. BIFF reminds you to be Brief, Informative, Friendly, and Firm, assuming you need to respond.We’d love to hear your stories so we can talk through them on the show! Please visit our site and click the Submit a Question button at the top of the page. You can also send us an email at podcast@highconflictinstitute.com or send us a note on any of our socials.Please rate, review and share this show!Links & Other NotesSubmit a Question for Bill and MeganArticle on using BIFF Response®Online course for lawyers on BIFF Response®Online course for anyone on using BIFF Response®Info on BIFF CertificationBIFF BooksBIFF for AnyoneBIFF for Co-ParentsBIFF for the WorkplaceAll of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books.You can also find these show notes at highconflictinstitute.com/podcast as well. (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault (02:42) - High Conflict in the Written Word (05:45) - Using BIFF (08:30) - What's Happening in the Brain? (12:13) - When to Respond (14:08) - An Example (17:14) - Not Taking It Personally (18:23) - Three As (24:53) - BIFFing That Example (31:00) - BIFF in High Conflict Divorce (35:19) - Being Disciplined to Use BIFF (36:25) - BIFF Certification (37:29) - Reminders & Coming Next Week: Using BIFF at Work Learn more about our New Ways for Mediation Coaching Sessions. Get started today!