It’s All Your Fault: High Conflict People

It’s time for the Q&A Lab again! In this episode, Bill and Megan answer listener questions on several topics, including:dealing with high conflict family members who accuse you of not living up to their expectations. Should hurtful comments be ignored? Should EAR Statements be used?similarities and differences of ADHD and personality disorderscan ADHD co-exist with a high conflict personality in the same individualfrom a previous podcast on Russia’s Putin in which we suggested that he may suffer from malignant narcissism, and whether the term “psychopath” would be more accuratedeciding when to use EAR Statements and BIFF Responses to create connection with a person with a high conflict personality, and when to just take distance or avoid themre-kindling an old friendship with someone with Borderline Personality HCP attributesListen as we break it down and answer these questions that truly have a significant impact on lives.Links & Other NotesBOOKSIt’s All Your Fault! 12 Tips for Managing People Who Blame Others for EverythingARTICLESThe CARS Method® for Resolving High Conflict SituationsDon’t Let HCPs Ruin Your LifeYou Can Strengthen Any Relationship With Empathy, Attention, and RespectWEBSITEOur website: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/Submit a Question for Bill and MeganAll of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books.You can also find these show notes at our site as well.Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing patterns of behavior. (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault (01:57) - Q&A Lab (02:09) - Question 1 (09:29) - Question 2 (16:07) - Question 3 (21:46) - Question 4 (25:09) - Question 5 (31:54) - Links, Etc. (32:53) - Reminders & Coming Next Week: Catherine Mattice

Family members (and friends) of someone who suffers from Borderline Personality Disorder (or BPD) are typically mystified about how to interact with them, walk on eggshells around them, and generally feel overwhelmed and defeated because they don’t know what to do.In this episode, Bill and Megan continue their discussion with BPD expert Amanda Smith, LCSW, founder of HopeforBPD.com. Amanda is a highly skilled BPD and Dialectical Behavior Therapy expert, having helped countless clients through their recovery. She’s helped family members learn the necessary skills for helping their loved one best while also taking care of themselves. Amanda also provides treatment consultation. She is the author of two books:The Dialectical Behavior Therapy Wellness PlannerThe Borderline Personality Disorder Wellness Planner for FamiliesIn this episode – part 2 of 2 – Amanda gives hope and help to family members and friends of those with BPD. She discusses what to do and what to avoid. She will explain whether BPD is a hopeless situation with no resolution or whether something can be done to intervene – including whether an “intervention” can work.Links & Other NotesHopeforBPDThe Dialectical Behavior Therapy Wellness PlannerThe Borderline Personality Disorder Wellness PlannerOur website: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/Submit a Question for Bill and MeganAll of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books.You can also find these show notes at our site as well.Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing patterns of behavior. (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault (01:40) - The Family of Someone With BPD (02:43) - Avoiding Blame (05:34) - Helping When They Don't See the Problem (07:28) - When in a Marriage (09:22) - Couples Counseling (11:26) - Intervention? (13:50) - Calling It Out (15:18) - How to Approach It (17:03) - In High Conflict Divorces (20:42) - E A R Statements (22:18) - Medication (23:59) - Amanda's Book (26:50) - Wrapping Up (29:04) - Reminders

People throw around the term Borderline Personality Disorder (or BPD), but most likely don’t even know what it is, and many have no idea how to handle it, whether within themselves or with a family member. Relationships and interactions are somewhat of a mystery to those around them, and even to themselves. People with BPD often feel like the black sheep of the family, but once you have an understanding of what may be happening and use a set of skills that are typically quite opposite.In this episode, Bill and Megan talk with BPD expert Amanda Smith, LCSW, founder of HopeforBPD.com. Amanda is a highly skilled BPD and Dialectical Behavior Therapy expert, having helped countless clients through their recovery. She’s helped family members learn the necessary skills for helping their loved one best while also taking care of themselves. Amanda also provides treatment consultation. She is the author of two books:The Dialectical Behavior Therapy Wellness PlannerThe Borderline Personality Disorder Wellness Planner for FamiliesIn this episode – part 1 of 2 – Amanda discusses the basics of BPD and how to get help. In next week’s episode – part 2 – she will focus on what families can do to help.Links & Other NotesHopeforBPDThe Dialectical Behavior Therapy Wellness PlannerThe Borderline Personality Disorder Wellness PlannerOur website: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/Submit a Question for Bill and MeganAll of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books.You can also find these show notes at our site as well.Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing patterns of behavior. (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault (01:34) - Amanda Smith (03:19) - Successes (04:12) - Trauma (06:20) - BPD vs. PTSD (08:18) - Emotion Disregulation (12:22) - Treatment (15:22) - In Parenting Cases (22:05) - On the Rise and More Acceptance? (24:11) - Resistant? (26:11) - Online Course (27:13) - Therapist Parameters (30:12) - Complicating Factors (32:51) - Amanda & Her Books (35:38) - Reminders & Coming Next Week: Part 2

The slap heard around the world. Obviously this was a high conflict situation, but was it a one-off incident resulting from a highly stressed person, aka Will Smith? Or two highly stressed people, Smith and comedian Chris Rock? Or did either of them show signs of a potential high conflict personality?In this episode, Bill and Megan break it down.What could have been happening just before Will walked on stage?What impact did Chris Rock’s responses have on Will and on the situation?Were both of them exhibiting high conflict behaviors? Is there a history on either side showing a high conflict pattern?Did Chris use what ultimately was an EAR Statement?Were the consequences effectuated by the Academy effective?If not, what should happen to effect actual change in high conflict behavior?This is a behind-the scenes exploration into what could have been happening with Will Smith in this situation. We don’t diagnose. We don’t blame and shame. We just explore and focus on what to do next.Links & Other NotesBOOKSCalming Upset People with EARARTICLESCan High Conflict People Change?Our website: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/Submit a Question for Bill and MeganAll of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books.You can also find these show notes at our site as well.Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing patterns of behavior. (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault (01:23) - The Slap Heard Around the World (07:28) - Background (08:53) - Recognize and Adapt (12:06) - Chris Rock (14:00) - Breaking Down the Responses (19:15) - What Happened Next (23:12) - Consequences (29:56) - Wrapping Up (30:41) - Reminders & Coming Next Week: Guest Amanda Smith

Continuing from the previous episode, Bill and Megan take a listener question about a high conflict situation in the workplace. Specifically, what do you do when actual high conflict people in management turn the “Bill Eddy” skills around and use them with others who are not high conflict.Megan and Bill explain how their new Conflict Influencer™ Certification program can help in situations like this.Links & Other NotesCONFLICT INFLUENCER™ CERTIFICATION COURSEBOOKSIt’s All Your Fault at Work: Managing Narcissists and Other High Conflict PeopleARTICLESGetting to the Root of Conflict in Employment CasesAre High Conflict People Ruining Your Business?Our website: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/Submit a Question for Bill and MeganAll of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books.You can also find these show notes at our site as well.Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing patterns of behavior. (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault (01:22) - High Conflict Certification Course Recap (02:29) - Listener Question: HCPs in Healthcare (21:48) - The Course (29:31) - Reminders & Coming Next Week: More BIFF

This podcast discusses high conflict situations in the workplace and introduces the Conflict Influencer certification course. They explore the rise of workplace conflicts during and after the pandemic and the impact of individuals with high conflict personalities. The High Conflict Certification program offers tailored solutions for managing high conflict situations, including online videos and live labs. Organizational level training is emphasized for addressing complex behavior and creating a happier work environment.

A diagnosis of bi-polar disorder can be both devastating and liberating. Although such a diagnosis is unsettling because of the lifetime implications, it can also be a relief to have an answer and hope for a calmer future.In this episode, Bill and Megan are joined by Dr. Jay Lieberman, a retired surgeon in the podiatry field who was diagnosed with bi-polar disorder later in life than most — at age 60. As one might expect, his professional and personal life took some major hits after some harrowing events that wouldn’t have happened if he hadn’t been suffering with an undiagnosed mental illness.Dr. Jay shares his journey – in a very transparent way – through the impacts of his behavior on his marriage, his career, and other relationships. It’s a journey marked with significant loss, but also with a great deal of new life, new purpose, forgiveness, and hope. Listen in as Bill and Megan talk with Dr. Jay about:the similarities and differences between bi-polar behaviors and high conflict behaviorsdomestic violence and incarcerationmedicationswhat and who were most helpfuladvice for members, friends, and colleagues regarding someone who may be exhibiting “high conflict” behaviors, whether from a bi-polar diagnosis or with a high conflict personalityhelping othersLinks & Other NotesGenieBee PublishingNational Suicide Prevention LifelineNational Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI)BOOKSCalming Upset People with EARARTICLESEAR Statement Can Calm Anyone7 Tips for Dealing with Difficult People During This CrisisOur website: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/Submit a Question for Bill and MeganAll of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books.You can also find these show notes at our site as well.Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing patterns of behavior. (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault (01:51) - Meet Dr. Jay Lieberman (23:59) - What Worked (27:30) - High Conflict with Bipolar (32:44) - Extreme Behaviors (35:26) - Domestic Violence (36:03) - When It's Family (37:50) - Don't Tell Them Directly (38:51) - Respect and Suspect (42:56) - Dr. Lieberman's Book & Wrap Up (44:30) - Reminders & Coming Next Week: High Conflict in the Workplace

Putin hasn’t stopped, as we predicted, and it doesn’t look like he’s going to stop. Is that because he’s backed into a corner? Because he’s trying to save face? Or because his malignant narcissism (yes, that means his narcissism grows over time) won’t allow him to stop?Bill and Megan continue their discussion about what has become one of the worst disasters not only in modern times but in all recorded history, driven by a man who is willing to do what 99.9999% of the rest of the world would never do. In our work we teach that high conflict people do things that 90% of other people would never do. In this case, it’s even more extreme. Although there are other malignant narcissists as political leaders across the globe, he’s the only one engaging in actions that 99.9999% of other people would never do.Listen as Bill and Megan discuss:what makes a malignant narcissist and whether Putin fits the description (although we’re not diagnosing him)what stops a malignant narcissistwhether Ukraine’s President Zelensky handling Putin’s narcissism in the correct mannerwhether NATO and other nations are handling Putin’s narcissism in the correct mannerBill’s book Why We Elect Narcissists and Sociopaths and How We Can Stop written in 2019 (he’s not different now in 2022, he’s just worse)the fantasy triad and whether/how it applies in this escalationhow much of this bad news is harmful for us to watchLinks & Other NotesBOOKSWhy We Elect Narcissists and Sociopaths ― and How We Can Stop5 Types of People Who Can Ruin Your LifeARTICLESPutin Attacking Ukraine: Is this Malignant Narcissism? If so, Can We Predict His Future Actions?How High-Conflict Politicians Turn Peace into WarOur website: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/Submit a Question for Bill and MeganAll of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books.You can also find these show notes at our site as well.Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing patterns of behavior. (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault (01:36) - Week Three (03:17) - What Is a Malignant Narcissist? (08:27) - Will He Stop? (10:15) - Suicide? (12:17) - Manipulations (15:11) - Zelensky's Leadership (16:36) - How Everyone's Handling Him (19:10) - Bill's Research for His Book (23:20) - How This Affects Us (28:57) - Reminders & Coming Next Week: Dr. Jay Lieberman

Putin’s attack on Ukraine. Why is he doing it? What drives him to act with such ferocity to destroy a county, innocent civilians, children? In this episode, Bill and Megan discuss whether Putin is a malignant narcissist, what that means, and whether his future actions can be predicted with this knowledge.To get insight into this personality type and how it manifests in Putin’s framework, listen in as Bill and Megan discuss The Heart of Man: Its Genius for Good and Evil by Erich Fromm wherein Fromm explains malignant narcissism in leaders, along with these important notes:What do malignant narcissists want? Do they want unlimited power over others?Are malignant narcissists unusual and rare? Or do we find them in the workplace and in political leadership?Why is this happening now? Does Putin think he can get away with what he’s doing?Does he have the ability to stop himself?What is needed by Ukraine and by the world to stop him?This is one of our most important episodes — one that everyone should hear to gain an understanding of the realities of what the world is dealing with and what, if anything, can be done to stop him.Links & Other NotesBOOKS5 Types of People Who Can Ruin Your Life: Identifying and Dealing with Narcissists, Sociopaths, and Other High-Conflict PersonalitiesWhy We Elect Narcissists and Sociopaths―and How We Can StopARTICLESPutin Attacking Ukraine: Is this Malignant Narcissism? If so, Can We Predict His Future Actions?‘Yes, He Would’: Fiona Hill on Putin and Nukes: Submit a Question for Bill and MeganAll of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books.Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing patterns of behavior. (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault (02:30) - What is Malignant Narcissism? (06:11) - Diagnosis in public... for the public good. (09:47) - Have there been signals in public? (16:05) - Gaslighting (19:30) - The Nuclear Option (23:04) - What can we do? (25:36) - Why is this happening now? (27:20) - Ukranian Leadership (29:41) - Final Thoughts

In this episode, Bill and Megan discuss the use of EAR Statements to calm current conflicts experienced by people across the globe. Anger, accusations, and opinions flying everywhere. People having conversations that most would have not engaged in a few years ago but now seem to be unable to stop themselves. Megan starts off with a recent example from the show ‘Sister Wives’ about the need for the use of empathy in relationships and conversations.Bill explains what an EAR Statement is and how to use them in various scenarios in every day life, such as:reducing political polarizationarguments over vaccines, masks, and social distancing during this pandemicfamily and marital conflictcurriculums in your children’s schoolslaw enforcement encountersprotestscustomer serviceListen in and learn how to use EAR Statements in any walk of life.Links & Other NotesBOOKSCalming Upset People with EARARTICLESEAR Statement Can Calm Anyone7 Tips for Dealing with Difficult People During This CrisisOur websiteSubmit a Question for Bill and MeganAll of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books.You can also find these show notes on our site as well.Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing patterns of behavior. (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault (01:41) - EAR Statements (04:25) - What Is EAR? (08:30) - EAR in a Non-High Conflict Situation (09:47) - Today's Conflicts (13:38) - An Example (16:09) - Using EAR in Today's Conflicts (20:31) - Using EAR Calming a Protest (27:05) - Listener Question (30:24) - Reminders & Coming Next Week: Guest Dr. Jay Lieberman on Being Bi-Polar, with Domestic Violence