It’s All Your Fault: High Conflict People cover image

It’s All Your Fault: High Conflict People

Can People with High Conflict Personalities Change?

Jul 7, 2022

Exploring the possibility of change in individuals with high conflict personalities, focusing on borderline personality disorder and treatment methods like cognitive behavioral therapy and dialectical behavior therapy; developing empathy in high conflict people through role-playing exercises and a supportive environment; the importance of not diagnosing or labeling individuals; addressing the challenges faced by high conflict personalities and the need for time, repetition, and support for lasting change.

29:18

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Quick takeaways

People with high-conflict personalities often lack self-awareness and are resistant to change.

Change for individuals with high-conflict personalities requires long-term commitment, repetition, and an encouraging environment.

Deep dives

Can people with High Conflict personalities change?

People with High Conflict personalities often lack self-awareness and are resistant to change. They are preoccupied with blaming others, have all-or-nothing thinking, unmanaged emotions, and engage in extreme behavior. Since they don't see the need for change, their conflicts tend to escalate and remain unresolved. While ordinary individuals are open to self-reflection and changing their behavior in conflicts, high-conflict individuals don't follow this pattern. However, there is hope for individuals with borderline personality disorder (BPD) traits. Cognitive behavioral therapies like Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) have shown promise in helping individuals with BPD change their thinking and behavior. Other high-conflict personalities like narcissistic, histrionic, and antisocial individuals are less likely to seek or respond to treatment, although some may develop self-awareness and engage in therapy. Change for these individuals requires long-term commitment, repetition, and an encouraging environment.

1.

Introduction

3min

2.

Understanding the Characteristics of High Conflict Personalities

3min

3.

Can People with High Conflict Personalities Change?

10min

4.

Developing Empathy in High Conflict Individuals

11min

5.

Dealing with High Conflict Personalities and What's Next

2min

As we know, change is hard for everyone, but if you’ve had a high conflict individual in your life, you know that change for them is seemingly impossible. Our minds tell us that they’re doing it on purpose or at least partially so; and that they can change if they’d just choose that route. But is that a reality? If we start with the premise that people with high conflict personalities don’t even know they have such a thing, why would change?

In this episode, Bill and Megan talk about:

whether people with high conflict personalities know they’re such
whether people with high conflict personalities can change
if change is possible:
- what is the likelihood of change
- what it takes to help them change, such as therapy, programs, those around them
how to approach someone with a high conflict personality HCP about their need for change and whether you should ever do that

NOTE: We are not diagnosing or labeling anyone and neither should anyone listening to this podcast. Instead, we focus on what to do to help.

Links & Other Notes

BOOKS

ARTICLES

Fire or Keep High Conflict Employees

Our website: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/

Submit a Question for Bill and Megan

All of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books.

You can also find these show notes at our site as well.

Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing patterns of behavior.

(00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault
(02:09) - Does an HCP recognize they need to change?
(05:35) - Can an HCP change?
(07:36) - Borderline Personality Type
(08:57) - Narcissistic Personality Type
(10:38) - Histrionic Personality Type
(11:04) - Antisocial Personality Type
(12:10) - Helping Borderline HCPs Change
(13:17) - What It Takes to Help Them Change
(16:03) - Developing Empathy
(18:09) - Time and Repetition
(20:08) - Adapting to the Change in HCPs
(21:10) - Approaching an HCP About Changing
(26:43) - Reminders & Coming Next Week: What if I'm high conflict?

Learn more about our New Ways for Mediation Coaching Sessions. Get started today!

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