It’s All Your Fault: High Conflict People Q&A Lab - Answering Listener Questions
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May 5, 2022 They answer listener questions about handling high conflict family members who make hurtful accusations. They discuss when to use EAR statements, BIFF responses, or distance. They explore overlaps between ADHD, borderline traits, and high conflict patterns. They weigh labels like malignant narcissism versus psychopathy and stress practical skills and limits for staying safe.
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Start With EAR, Then Analyze Options
- Use EAR statements first to calm conflict by showing empathy, attention, and respect.
- Then analyze options (A in CARS) and propose future-focused choices rather than relitigating the past.
The Issue Often Isn't The Issue
- The issue someone raises is often not the real problem; the personality pattern is.
- Focusing on the past with high conflict people usually creates quicksand and rarely resolves anything.
Set Concrete Limits With Consequences
- Set clear limits by saying what you will and will not do if someone continues specific behaviors.
- Offer concrete consequences and stick to them (e.g., I can't do that anymore if X keeps happening).
