Being Well with Forrest Hanson and Dr. Rick Hanson

Why We Don’t Change (and what you can do about it) with Dr. Ross Ellenhorn

Dec 2, 2024

Dr. Ross Ellenhorn, a psychotherapist and sociologist specializing in change, dives into the complexities of why we resist transformation. He discusses the 'fear of hope' and how unmet childhood needs can hinder our willingness to change. The conversation highlights the interplay between self-efficacy, community support, and personal growth. Ellenhorn also touches on existential anxiety and the potential of psychedelics in therapeutic settings, making a compelling case for understanding our motivations to facilitate meaningful change.

01:17:18

Episode guests

Ross Ellenhorn

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Episode notes

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Quick takeaways

Meaningful change is heavily influenced by social environments and relationships, underscoring the interdependence of individual struggles and broader social dynamics.

The fear of hope stemming from past disappointments often traps individuals in their current routines as a self-protective measure.

A nurturing social network enhances the effectiveness of mental health interventions, highlighting the need for connection alongside traditional therapeutic methods.

Deep dives

The Nature of Change

Change is fundamentally tied to each individual’s personal context, particularly their social environment and relationships. People's experiences are interconnected, emphasizing that individual struggles often reflect broader social dynamics rather than being isolated traits. A person's sense of self-efficacy, or belief in their own ability to change, is built through social interactions and accomplishments, rather than self-reflection alone. This perspective debunks the myth of the individual as merely a 'skull-bound' entity, suggesting that meaningful change requires consideration of one's social context and support systems.

Intro

3min

Embracing Personal Responsibility

9min

The Complexity of Change and Hope

15min

Reframing Self-Criticism and Understanding Anxiety

3min

Navigating Existential Anxiety

4min

Understanding the Resistance to Change

2min

Understanding Personal Motivations

7min

Community Connections in Mental Health

20min

Navigating Change and Personal Growth

12min

Why does change feel so difficult, even when we desperately want it? Dr. Ross Ellenhorn joins the show to explore our resistance to change, and the many good reasons we might have to stay just as we are. Forrest and Dr. Ellenhorn discuss the “fear of hope,” the allure of sameness, and what actually helps people develop the confidence to make meaningful changes in their lives. Topics include challenging conventional self-help wisdom, existential dread, dealing with disappointment, major issues in social work, psychedelics, and self-compassion.

About our Guest: Ross Ellenhorn is a psychotherapist and sociologist, the owner and CEO of Ellenhorn, a community-integration program offering services for individuals experiencing addictive behaviors or extreme and complex states of mind and mood, and the author of three books including How We Change (and Ten Reasons Why We Don’t).

You can watch this episode on YouTube.

Key Topics:

0:00: Introduction

1:00: How Dr. Ross’s background in social work influences his outlook on change

6:20: What makes people want to stay the same

18:00: Self-efficacy, faith, and making hope big

24:55: Seeing your problems as solutions

30:00: Grappling with existential anxiety

34:20: The shock of recognition, and connecting with motivations through dialog

40:25: Managing disappointment

43:20: Psychosocial rehab, and the changing definition of mental health

52:55: Psychedelics and direct action

1:04:30: Recap

I am now writing on Substack, check out my work there.

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