Emotional intelligence involves recognizing and accepting the wide range of human emotions, even the contradictory and complex ones.
Developing a precise vocabulary for our emotions helps navigate and regulate them effectively.
Deep dives
The Role of Emotional Intelligence in Our Lives
Emotional intelligence plays a significant role in various aspects of our lives, including education, the workplace, and personal relationships. It goes beyond simply being nice or happy and involves developing skills to understand and manage emotions in a healthy way. Recognizing and accepting the wide range of human emotions is important, even the contradictory and complex ones. Mark Brackett, the founder of The Center for Emotional Intelligence at Yale, emphasizes the use of the ruler acronym: recognize, understand, label, express, and regulate to develop emotional intelligence. By using these components, individuals can enhance their ability to navigate the world and lead fulfilling lives.
Redefining Success and Understanding Emotional Well-being
The conventional view of success often overlooks the importance of emotional well-being. Mark Brackett challenges the notion of success by questioning if that's really one's state of well-being. Despite external accomplishments, many successful individuals may lack emotional well-being. Students at prestigious universities, for example, may still struggle with mental health issues. It is crucial to redefine success as having the skills to deal with the entire spectrum of emotions experienced in life. Giving oneself permission to feel and finding strategies to handle emotions are vital. By embracing the full range of emotions and striving for contentment rather than constant happiness, individuals can have a healthy approach to emotional well-being.
The Importance of Being Curious About Feelings
In our fast-paced society, we often neglect the importance of caring about and understanding our own emotional states and those of others. Many people avoid asking themselves or others about their feelings, which inhibits emotional growth and hinders relationships. Mark Brackett emphasizes the need for curiosity and exploration when it comes to emotions. Instead of being closed, critical, or judgmental about emotions, individuals should strive to be curious. By adopting a mindset that emotions matter, being open to genuine conversations about feelings, and cultivating a non-judgmental attitude, people can develop a deeper understanding of their emotions and foster healthier relationships.
The Power of Labeling and Understanding Different Emotions
An essential aspect of emotional intelligence is the skill of accurately labeling and understanding various emotions. Mark Brackett's ruler acronym provides a framework for recognizing, understanding, labeling, expressing, and regulating emotions. Developing a precise vocabulary for our emotions helps to navigate and regulate them effectively. Many people have limited emotional vocabularies, using only a few general words to describe complex emotional experiences. By recognizing the nuances and distinctions between different emotions, such as anxiety, stress, disappointment, or despair, individuals can gain a deeper level of self-awareness and regulate their emotions more effectively. Emotion regulation does not mean avoiding or eliminating certain emotions, but rather being comfortable with and skilled at managing them.
Leah sits down with Marc Brackett, founding Director of the Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence and Author of Permission to Feel, to talk about what emotional intelligence really is, how to become an Emotion Scientist versus an Emotion Judge, and why it matters that we use words like trauma, gaslighting and narcissist accurately.
