10% Happier with Dan Harris Are You a Grudge Holder or a Revenge Seeker? Here’s How It’s Hurting You – And How To Get Over It | James Kimmel, Jr.
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Oct 6, 2025 
James Kimmel, Jr. is a Yale psychiatry lecturer and the author of The Science of Revenge. He discusses the deep-seated neuroscience behind revenge, revealing how it can activate addiction-like cravings in our brains. James shares his own childhood bullying experience and the link between revenge and empathy. He also offers practical strategies for letting go of grudges, advocating for forgiveness as a healthier alternative. Listeners learn about his innovative Miracle Court app, designed to facilitate the emotional release from revenge desires.
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Childhood Bullying That Almost Turned Fatal
- James Kimmel recounts brutal multi-year bullying culminating in his dog being shot and a mailbox explosion.
- He chased his tormentors with a loaded revolver but stopped just before committing murder, which changed his life.
Revenge Lights Up The Addiction Circuit
- Revenge fantasies activate the brain's reward circuitry (dorsal striatum and nucleus accumbens) and flood dopamine.
- This gives a brief high then a craving similar to drug addiction, while the prefrontal cortex must inhibit action.
Adaptive Drive Gone Wrong
- Revenge is evolutionarily adaptive for enforcing social norms but misfires in modern contexts.
- When uncontrolled it becomes pathological and underlies much human violence from bullying to warfare.
