#826 - Jonny Miller - How To Stop Feeling So Frustrated All The Time
Aug 17, 2024
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In this engaging discussion, Jonny Miller, a writer and nervous system coach, shares insights into emotional regulation. He explains why our bodies often need to be fixed before our minds can process feelings. Jonny tackles the pitfalls of the personal development industry and reveals how negative self-talk hinders progress. He also dives into the importance of breathwork for managing emotions and offers practical strategies for nurturing emotional awareness. Discover how embracing emotional fluidity can lead to personal growth and resilience.
Emotional numbness often arises from societal norms that discourage vulnerability, leading to a disconnection from one's true feelings.
Intellectualizing emotions can inhibit genuine expression, making breathwork a valuable practice for reconnecting with bodily sensations and feelings.
Shifting the self-improvement narrative from fixing oneself to fostering natural growth promotes authentic emotional exploration and enhances personal resilience.
Deep dives
Struggling with Emotional Connection
Many individuals find it challenging to connect with their emotions due to societal norms that discourage emotional expression, particularly in environments like nightclubs where vulnerability is perceived as weakness. The common upbringing often leads to emotional numbness, leaving people feeling disconnected from their true feelings. This disconnection can be compounded by cultural expectations that promote stoicism or restraint, particularly among men. As one opens up about their journey of rediscovering emotions, they realize the importance of acknowledging a range of feelings beyond just anxiety or worry, encouraging a deeper understanding of emotional complexity.
Understanding Emotional Numbness
Emotional numbness frequently arises from learning environments where expressing feelings was deemed unsafe or inappropriate, leading individuals to repress their emotions. Personal experiences of bullying or trauma can contribute to this resistance, making it difficult for individuals to recognize or articulate their emotional states. As one navigates through feelings of anger, frustration, and joy, it becomes vital to create a sense of safety within oneself and their surroundings, enabling genuine emotional exploration. Recognizing this journey typically requires compassionate self-reflection and the emergence of supportive environments that validate emotional experiences.
The Limits of Thinking
Intellectualizing emotions can hinder true emotional experiences, creating loops where individuals understand their feelings but do not fully engage with them. While talk therapy can be beneficial for identifying emotions, it can also risk creating a state of attachment to this thought process, preventing genuine emotional expression. Breathwork practices offer a means to reconnect with the body, allowing individuals to explore sensations rather than just thoughts. By fostering awareness of bodily sensations and feelings, people can navigate through emotional landscapes more fluidly.
High Agency and Emotional Awareness
Cultivating high agency involves developing intentionality in pursuing goals despite emotional challenges. Individuals must identify physical sensations associated with emotional responses, which can interfere with their ability to act on intentions. Pertinent strategies include recognizing the physical markers of stress or anxiety early, establishing practices to expand one's capacity to manage emotional intensity, and integrating emotional awareness into daily life. With heightened emotional and bodily awareness, individuals can develop the resilience needed to pursue their goals more effectively.
The Importance of Emotional Fluidity
Recognizing and allowing all emotions, rather than disregarding uncomfortable feelings, is pivotal for personal growth. Many individuals only navigate a limited emotional spectrum, often avoiding negativity while not fully embracing positive experiences. Exploring emotional fluidity entails understanding that the discomfort of certain emotions, like grief or anger, can shift when they are accepted and processed rather than resisted. By embracing the full range of human emotion, people can connect more deeply with themselves and their environment, enriching their overall experience of life.
Rethinking Self-Improvement
The traditional self-improvement model often promotes the idea that individuals are inherently broken and need fixing, which can hinder true personal growth. A more empowering approach reframes development as a process of unfolding where individuals are inherently okay and safe, allowing natural growth without force. By focusing on curiosity about one's emotional and mental landscape, people can organically nurture their personal evolution. This shift in mindset encourages authentic emotional exploration, fostering resilience and a richer engagement with life.
Jonny Miller is a writer, nervous system coach and a podcaster.
Emotions are scary. Feeling feelings and being truly connected to your life is hard. But what if the solution to these thinking problems doesn't lie in thinking more, but in fixing your body, nervous system and breath first?
Expect to learn why it’s so hard to feel feelings, whether it’s possible to think your way out of overfeeling, how to use breathwork to master your nervous system, what the personal development industry gets wrong, why negative self-talk is holding you back, how to regain control after losing your temper and much more...
