Playing With Fire

Purity culture can often shape our sexuality in ways we don't even realize. Whether you grew up deeply immersed in it or just caught the edges, cultural messages about sexual "purity" impact how we view ourselves, our bodies, and our relationships. But what happens when we start questioning these teachings? How do we reclaim our sexuality and pleasure after being told our bodies belong to someone else?Lauren Elise Rogers joins us to share her powerful journey from purity culture survivor to certified holistic sexuality educator. Her story of transformation—from wearing a purity ring and teaching "Ladies in Waiting" Bible studies to becoming an embodied intimacy coach—shows us that liberation is possible, even after deep indoctrination.In this episode, we talk about:— What purity culture actually is and how it manifests— The subtle ways purity culture shows up even for those who weren't raised in religious households— Lauren's personal experience with purity culture, including her first marriage to a man who later came out as gay— How pleasure became the pathway to Lauren's deconstruction and healing— The challenges of exploring sexuality after leaving purity culture behind— The resurgence of purity culture concepts in modern movements like "trad wife" culture and certain wellness spaces— A powerful exercise for examining your own beliefs about sex, relationships, and pleasure— How questioning our inherited beliefs about sexuality can lead to greater authenticity and joyResources mentioned in this episode:— Lauren's website— The documentary Give Me Sex, Jesus— Mary Magdalene Revealed by Meggan Watterson— The Ethical Slut by Dossie Easton and Catherine A. LisztJOIN The Year Of Opening® community for a full year of learning & support. Registration is open now at ⁠⁠www.TheYearOfOpening.com⁠⁠Learn the 5 secrets to open your relationship the smart wayAre you ready to open your relationship happily? Find out at www.JoliQuiz.comGet the answers you want to create the open relationship of your dreams! Sign up for an Ask Me Anything hereMusic: Dance of Felt by ⁠Blue Dot Sessions

Explore the inner tug-of-war between the freedom of non-monogamy and the desire for a singular romantic ideal. Delve into the Jungian 'tension of opposites' and discover how embracing these conflicts can lead to significant personal growth. Learn why rushing towards resolution can stifle transformation and how to find creative ways to engage with opposing feelings. Plus, insights into how to weave both monogamous and polyamorous values into your identity, along with practices for reflecting on dreams and symbols.

This episode dives deep into the art of reassurance in relationships, highlighting how effective reassurance varies based on context and individual histories. The hosts explore essential ingredients like empathy and validation, while emphasizing the importance of attunement to a partner's unique needs. Listeners learn how to ask for specific reassuring actions and confront the challenge of balancing personal values with the need for emotional support. The discussion also touches on the complexities of reciprocity versus transactional fairness, making it a valuable resource for those navigating relationship dynamics.

Communication is the foundation of all relationships. But what happens when we're speaking different languages without even realizing it? Often the result is confusion, frustration, and feeling misunderstood.Enter, the fascinating world of high context and low context communication styles. This framework can transform how you understand relationship patterns and help you traverse the complex terrain of negotiated relationships.In this episode, we talk about:— The difference between high context communication (relying on implicit messages, non-verbal cues, and shared knowledge) and low context communication (explicit, direct statements with less room for interpretation)— Why these aren't fixed personality traits but rather strategies we can learn and adapt— How our upbringing shapes our communication preferences (Joli was raised in a low context household but developed high context skills for safety, while Ken was raised in high context but never felt he mastered it)— The healing that can happen when partners understand and adapt to each other's communication needs— Why opening up relationships often requires a shift toward more explicit communication as the context changes— How to navigate the frustration that can arise when communication styles clash (like during special events or anniversaries)— The importance of having meta-conversations about how you communicate when you're in a "cool state," not in the middle of conflict— Why communication patterns aren't static—they evolve over time as relationships deepen and partners learn each other's cues— The safety component of communication styles and how different approaches can make people feel secure or insecure— Why neither style is inherently better—both have their place in healthy relationshipsResources mentioned in this episode:— Edward Hall's anthropological theory on high context and low context communicationJOIN The Year Of Opening® community for a full year of learning & support. Registration is open now at ⁠⁠www.TheYearOfOpening.com⁠⁠Learn the 5 secrets to open your relationship the smart wayAre you ready to open your relationship happily? Find out at www.JoliQuiz.comGet the answers you want to create the open relationship of your dreams! Sign up for an Ask Me Anything hereMusic: Dance of Felt by ⁠Blue Dot Sessions

Bill and Laura transformed their 33-year marriage by exploring non-monogamy gradually and thoughtfully. They share how becoming empty nesters ignited their curiosity for deeper intimacy. Emphasizing the need to unlearn societal norms, they discuss navigating fears while moving from theory to real-life experiences. Their journey highlights the importance of presence, communication, and individuation. They reveal how opening their relationship rejuvenated their connection and redefined their sense of self at this stage of life.

Exploring the idea of opening relationships, the hosts dive into how this shift can challenge the traditional views of enmeshment versus individuality. They discuss the importance of differentiation and how new partners can uncover hidden patterns in established relationships. Insights include the need for patience, highlighting that adapting to non-monogamy can take years. Listeners learn how this journey can lead to personal growth and repair opportunities, with friendships serving as a practice ground for openness.

Jealousy can feel overwhelming, urgent, and all-consuming. It can make us want to act immediately—to confront, to check locations, to curl up and hide, or even to rage. But what if instead of rushing to "fix" the situation, we first learned to stay present with ourselves through the storm? This episode is designed for you to use in real time, in the moments that jealousy hits. We’re offering a guided meditation and practical tips for those times when jealousy feels too big to handle.In this episode, we talk about:— How to recognize jealousy in your body and stay present with the physical sensations— The importance of naming your feelings without trying to explain or fix them— Why the urge to take immediate action during jealousy is often counterproductive— How to practice self-compassion when jealousy feels overwhelming— Reconnecting with your values and remembering why you chose your relationship style— The power of bilateral tapping and other nervous system regulation techniques— Why jealousy doesn't mean you're "doing relationships wrong"— How to choose one small, kind step to care for yourself when jealousy is present— The importance of not outsourcing your worth to someone else's actionsResources mentioned in this episode:— The Jealousy Resource Center— The Befriending Jealousy WorkshopJOIN The Year Of Opening® community for a full year of learning & support. Registration is open now at ⁠⁠www.TheYearOfOpening.com⁠⁠Learn the 5 secrets to open your relationship the smart wayAre you ready to open your relationship happily? Find out at www.JoliQuiz.comGet the answers you want to create the open relationship of your dreams! Sign up for an Ask Me Anything hereMusic: Dance of Felt by ⁠Blue Dot Sessions

Jealousy is a natural emotion that can overwhelm relationships if not handled properly. The podcast explains the nuances between jealousy, envy, and insecurity, and stresses the importance of self-regulation. It offers practical tools for supporting partners through jealousy without losing oneself. Listeners learn how shame can create distance and the value of reflective empathy. By understanding jealousy as an opportunity for intimacy, couples can transform challenging moments into a chance for deeper connection.

Reconnecting in long-term relationships is crucial, especially after tough times. The hosts detail their intentional 5-day retreat that sparked renewal in their bond. They emphasize establishing Minimum Viable Agreements to clarify expectations and reinforce communication. Choosing familiar settings is key to deepening connections. Emotional challenges can be turned into growth opportunities through intentionality and active participation. Regular check-ins and explicit dialogue are essential to avoid misunderstandings and nurture a thriving partnership.

When we step outside established relationship norms, we're not just changing our dating lives—we're challenging entire paradigms that shape how we see the world. In this episode, we welcome Marla Schreiber, author of the new book Non-Monogamy and Defying a Paradigm, to discuss what it truly means to question and move beyond mononormativity.Marla brings a fresh perspective as someone who's been practicing polyamory since 2005, when resources were scarce and community was hard to find. Their journey offers valuable insights for anyone questioning relationship structures or feeling constrained by societal expectations.Paradigm shifts aren't just intellectual exercises—they're deeply personal transformations that require courage, patience, and a willingness to exist in uncertainty. Whether you're considering non-monogamy or simply questioning other societal norms, this conversation offers wisdom about the challenging but rewarding process of creating your own path.In this episode, we talk about:— What paradigms are and why they're so difficult to challenge— The humbling experience of trying to create new relationship structures without established models— How mono-normativity is embedded not just in our social world but in legal systems and economic structures— Why it takes 3-5 years (or more!) to truly begin shifting paradigms— The scarcity model that underlies mono-normativity and how it affects our sense of security— Why "exclusivity" often stands in for deeper values and needs that can be met in other ways— How couples privilege operates and why it's challenging to recognize when you're benefiting from it— The courage required to question your approach, even after years of practice— Why defiance can be a powerful tool when challenging established norms— The importance of staying in the "unknown" rather than rushing to create new rigid structuresResources mentioned in this episode:— Marla Schreiber's new book Non-Monogamy and Defying a Paradigm— Marla’s socials: @PolyaMarla— Marla's newsletter at polyamarla.com— The new edition of More Than TwoJOIN The Year Of Opening® community for a full year of learning & support. Registration is open now at ⁠⁠www.TheYearOfOpening.com⁠⁠Learn the 5 secrets to open your relationship the smart wayAre you ready to open your relationship happily? Find out at www.JoliQuiz.comGet the answers you want to create the open relationship of your dreams! Sign up for an Ask Me Anything hereMusic: Dance of Felt by ⁠Blue Dot Sessions