Opening up isn’t just about f*cking around and finding out. Done thoughtfully, it’s an experience of opening up yourself. It winds up being a journey of learning what you truly need and want and how to collaborate to create relationships that truly fit. The Year of Opening is POWERFUL. I’ve seen people transform themselves and their lives in this program, over and over. In this special PWF episode, we sit down with five past participants to hear about what brought them to The Year of Opening, the challenges they faced in their opening journeys, and the transformations they underwent along the way. We created The Year of Opening to give people access to researched-backed tools, professional support, and a community of people who just get it, all in one place. Hear all about it from these amazing, brave YOO graduates, who get vulnerable in this episode to give you a peek into what it’s like to join this community. If you’re looking for support on your opening journey, but you have some questions about the best way to get it, this episode is for you! Our graduates share: — What inspired them to find support — What it was like being in a group and talking about vulnerable stuff — The tools and concepts that stuck with them — How the work is continuing to benefit their lives — The unexpected personal growth that came from working on their relationships — The importance of community support while exploring non-monogamy JOIN The Year of Opening community for a full year of learning & support. Registration is open now at ⁠⁠www.theyearofopening.com⁠⁠ Are you ready to open your relationship happily? Find out at⁠⁠ ⁠www.JoliQuiz.com⁠ Get the answers you want to create the open relationship of your dreams! Sign up for an Ask Me Anything here Read the transcript of this episode here Music: Dance of Felt by ⁠Blue Dot Sessions

When we read Entwined, Alex Alberto’s genre-blending memoir, we felt seen, understood, and represented on a whole new level. We knew right away that we wanted Alex to join us on Playing With Fire—and this week’s episode is even better than we could have imagined!! Alex’s ground-breaking collection of essays covers beautiful and difficult parts of polyamory that are rarely discussed in story-telling formats. They show us how intense and transformative metamour relationships can be, and they bring us stories of sex and love that go beyond the romp-in-the-hay format. Whether you're polyamorous, monogamous, or somewhere in between, this conversation will expand your understanding of what's possible in relationships. In this episode, we discuss: — Alex’s journey to non-monogamy — How polyamory can be a path to self-discovery and personal growth — The value of intentionality in relationships, regardless of structure — How non-monogamy can expand our capacity for joy and connection — Appreciating the day-to-day realities of non-monogamous relationships, even the challenging parts — The beauty and importance of metamour relationships in polyamorous dynamics — The power of storytelling in normalizing and validating non-traditional relationships — The need for diverse representation in polyamory media — Parenting, co-parenting, and navigating the societal pressures of raising a child in a non-monogamous family dynamic — Embracing change and transitions in long-term partnerships Resources mentioned in this episode: — Alex's book, Entwined: Essays on Polyamory and Creating Home — Alex's website — Alex's Instagram and TikTok: @thatalexalberto — The upcoming magazine Entwined Mag Join the global Week of Visibility for Non-monogamy – July 15-21. Visit www.weekofvisibility.com to learn more and get involved! Are you ready to open your relationship happily? Find out at⁠⁠ ⁠www.JoliQuiz.com⁠ Get the answers you want to create the open relationship of your dreams! Sign up for an Ask Me Anything here Read the transcript of this episode here Music: Dance of Felt by ⁠Blue Dot Sessions

Opening up your relationship does not automatically lead to you getting more of your needs met. Monogamy or not, identifying and communicating your needs, wants, and likes can be really challenging!! It’s also crucial to building fulfilling relationships, which is exactly why we created this episode. Like most aspects of relating, individuating, differentiating, and all the wonderful things we like to talk about on Playing With Fire, identifying and communicating your needs is a skill that you can practice and build. Listen on to learn about: — The difference between needs, wants, and likes in relationships — Why identifying and communicating your needs can be so challenging — The importance of developing a rich vocabulary to describe your experiences and desires — How shame and trauma can impact our ability to express ourselves in relationships — The role of negotiation and consent in getting needs met — Who is responsible for meeting whose needs — Why writing things down can be a powerful tool for self-reflection and communication — The challenges of balancing individual needs with relationship dynamics, especially in non-monogamous contexts — How to identify your own manipulative and people-pleasing tendencies, and why those strategies can be harmful for everyone in the long run Resources mentioned in this episode: — David Cooley's writing and coaching — Dan Shipper's article on developing sensory vocabulary — The "Yes, No, Maybe" list for exploring sexual preferences (kinkier version here) Join the global Week of Visibility for Non-monogamy – July 15-21. Visit www.weekofvisibility.com to learn more and get involved! Are you ready to open your relationship happily? Find out at⁠⁠ ⁠www.JoliQuiz.com⁠ Get the answers you want to create the open relationship of your dreams! Sign up for an Ask Me Anything here Music: Dance of Felt by ⁠Blue Dot Sessions

Resentment is one of those emotions that can be truly destructive in relationships. It can turn into contempt, and even acrimony… which is why we want to help you address these feelings early and thoroughly. Whether you're in the middle of a big, longstanding resentment issue, or if you’re just starting to feel a little bit bubble up in your relationship, this mini-episode is a must-listen. This week, we’re breaking down: — The difference between incompatible wants vs. incompatible relationship structures — How entitlement and sexual shame can fuel resentment — The importance of clearly communicating needs and desires to your partner — Why regular relationship check-ins are crucial for preventing resentment buildup — How to create a relationship culture that welcomes difficult conversations — The role of gratitude in counterbalancing resentment — When and how to find a qualified therapist or coach who is a good match for your relationship goals and values — Why compromise doesn't mean compromising your core self Resources mentioned in this episode: —AASECT (American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors, and Therapists): www.aasect.org Join the global Week of Visibility for Non-monogamy – July 15-21. Visit www.weekofvisibility.com to learn more and get involved! Are you ready to open your relationship happily? Find out at⁠⁠ ⁠www.JoliQuiz.com⁠ Get the answers you want to create the open relationship of your dreams! Sign up for an Ask Me Anything here Read the transcript of this episode here Music: Dance of Felt by ⁠Blue Dot Sessions

Ever been in a relationship where one of you wanted a lot more sex than the other? Us too! It can be challenging to navigate, especially when you throw in stigma, trauma, sexual shame, and all the other obstacles that can make conversations about sex and desire tricky and painful. We have good news: There’s a lot you can do to address these issues! In fact, we find that when we do a little digging with our clients, many of those who struggle with desire discrepancy have barely talked about the issue… at all. This week, we’re unpacking why that is and what you can do about it, and we’re sharing some powerful resources to help you along the way. In this episode, we talk about: — Why conversations about desire discrepancies can be so challenging — Destigmatizing the topic of desire mismatches through open conversation — Why there is no such thing as the “normal” amount or type of sex — The importance of understanding your own desires first — Why even small differences in desire can start to feel like a problem — Why getting really clear and specific about desires and past patterns is the key to improving these conversations — The importance of consent in relationships with desire mismatches — How we often project inner conflicts about sex and pleasure onto our partners — Reimagining relationship norms and structures rather than assuming fixed rules — The complexity and ongoing nature of unpacking unconscious assumptions around sexuality within relationships Resources mentioned in this episode: — Emily Nagoski's books "Come As You Are" and "Come Together" — Emily Nagoski's TED talks and podcast episodes Join the global Week of Visibility for Non-monogamy – July 15-21. Visit www.weekofvisibility.com to learn more and get involved! Are you ready to open your relationship happily? Find out at⁠⁠ ⁠www.JoliQuiz.com⁠ Get the answers you want to create the open relationship of your dreams! Sign up for an Ask Me Anything here Read the transcript of this episode here Music: Dance of Felt by ⁠Blue Dot Sessions

We talk about compersion a lot (duh, it’s awesome!!). But compersion is more than an emotion, and it’s more than the opposite of jealousy. Luckily, Marie Thouin (one of our podcast BFFs) returns to PWF to discuss her new book, What Is Compersion?, which dives into the complexities of compersion as a value system that does not have to be restricted to romantic relationships. In fact, we all have benefitted greatly from expanding the way that we understand and practice compersion to our platonic and professional relationships! If compersion hasn’t clicked for you in the past, if you struggle with feelings of jealousy in your platonic, romantic, or professional relationships, or if you just want to nerd out with us about compersion, you don’t wanna skip this one! We draw on our personal experiences, academic research, and insights from coaching hundreds of people in the non-monogamy community. In this episode, we talk about: — Why compersion is more than just an emotion — Compersion as a value vs. compersion as an escape — Compersion myths, including the misconception that it can eliminate jealousy entirely — The power of applying the concept of compersion to non-romantic relationships, and how that can be a huge opportunity for personal growth — Compersion vs. jealousy vs. envy — Addressing personal challenges in feeling compersion, particularly in friendships, and overcoming envy and competitiveness — Discussing practical ways to cultivate compersion in daily life and relationships — Why compersion doesn’t mean the absence of jealousy, as emotions are fluid and contextual — Integrating academic research, coaching, and personal experience to better understand and teach compersion Resources mentioned in this episode: — Marie Thouin's new book "What is Compersion" is available for pre-order! — Check out Marie’s website whatiscompersion.com for information about her research, blogs, and a list of resources on compersion — Follow Marie’s Instagram account @loveinsightdating — Book a FREE 30-minute introductory coaching call with Marie Join the global Week of Visibility for Non-monogamy – July 15-21. Visit www.weekofvisibility.com to learn more and get involved! Are you ready to open your relationship happily? Find out at⁠⁠ ⁠www.JoliQuiz.com⁠ Get the answers you want to create the open relationship of your dreams! Sign up for an Ask Me Anything here Read the transcript of this episode here Music: Dance of Felt by ⁠Blue Dot Sessions

This episode is about betrayal. I know, super fun subject, but don’t click away!! Betrayal can touch on some of our deepest insecurities. But in my experience, the fear of betrayal can be more painful and damaging than betrayal itself. That’s one of the reasons why it’s important to face betrayal head-on, and to be honest with yourself about how your history with betrayal may be impacting your current relationships with your partner(s) and yourself. This can be a confusing subject, especially for those of us who are still unpacking that default ‘mono-mindset’ (aren’t we all?). When we transition from monogamy to non-monogamy our paradigms of safety, trust, and betrayal totally change. This can leave people feeling really lost. But that’s what this episode is for ;) In this episode, we walk you through: — The idea of exclusivity in romantic, emotional, and sexual attention as a safeguard against betrayal — Cultural expectations and norms around monogamy and how they influence our perceptions of betrayal — Why making the shift from monogamy to non-monogamy is so challenging when it comes to betrayal — How you can reconceptualize betrayal in the context of non-monogamy — How personal experiences of betrayal shape people's views and approaches to relationships (often without them realizing it) — The impact of betrayal witnessed in childhood, such as watching parents betray each other — How the fear of betrayal can make people close themselves off, and why those emotional walls can hinder the development of deep and meaningful connections — The profound effects of self-betrayal and the importance of self-trust — The importance of clear communication and well-defined boundaries — How to build repair plans into your relationship agreements, and why they’re so important — Strategies for managing emotions and relationships after trust has been violated Resources mentioned in this episode: — Listen to examples of the Imago Dialogue conversation technique here Join the global Week of Visibility for Non-monogamy – July 15-21. Visit www.weekofvisibility.com to learn more and get involved! Are you ready to open your relationship happily? Find out at⁠⁠ ⁠www.JoliQuiz.com⁠ Get the answers you want to create the open relationship of your dreams! Sign up for an Ask Me Anything here Read the transcript of this episode ⁠here Music: Dance of Felt by ⁠Blue Dot Sessions

People hurt each other all the time. Even in the strongest relationships and with the best intentions, it happens! Ruptures in trust are not fun to think about, but we’ve found that addressing the subject proactively is crucial. So whether you’ve just experienced a break in trust, or you’re looking to prepare for those inevitable relationship challenges, this mini-episode is a must-listen. In this episode, we talk about: — The nature of trust and how it is built and broken in relationships — Our personal experiences with trust issues and the impacts of past mistakes — The importance of understanding the depth and complexity of trust — Practical strategies for rebuilding trust — The role of predictability and consistent behavior in establishing trust — Why people with histories of trauma may have additional challenges with trusting others — The difference between the Golden Rule and the Platinum Rule when it comes to trust — Essential ingredients for rebuilding trust: inquiry and time — The iterative process of healing from lost trust — The potential consequences of not addressing trust issues in relationships Resources mentioned in this episode: — Episode 156 of the Playing With Fire Podcast: Betrayal Trauma & Non-Monogamy Are you ready to open your relationship happily? Find out at⁠⁠ ⁠www.JoliQuiz.com⁠ Get the answers you want to create the open relationship of your dreams! Sign up for an Ask Me Anything here Read the transcript of this episode here Music: Dance of Felt by ⁠Blue Dot Sessions

This one’s for you, fellow relationship nerds! Listen in on this fabulous conversation with Dr. River Farrell, a clinical psychologist, independent non-monogamy researcher, and member of the polyamory and queer communities. They’re joining us to talk about research, therapy, jealousy, and how we can actually apply findings from the research to improve mental health care for people in the non-monogamy community. Dr. Farrell uncovers the reasons why traditional therapy modalities might not be working for you, and we discuss why Acceptance and Commitment Therapy could be the paradigm-shifting tool you need to be able to address jealousy without judgment. This one is a must-listen for anyone interested in what the research has to say about non-monogamy, and for therapists and therapy-goers who want to learn more about how to improve the therapeutic process for non-monogamous clients. In this episode, we discuss: — Dr. Farrell's research on non-monogamous relationships — Compersion and its impact on relationship satisfaction — The evolutionary roots of jealousy and stigma — Compassionate strategies for managing jealousy — Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) and its applications to non-monogamous relationships — The importance of therapists’ cultural competency and mindfulness — The state of independent research and the challenges Dr. Farrell has faced — Bridging the gap between non-monogamy research and mental health practices Resources mentioned in this episode: — Dr. Farrell’s research on The Michigan School of Psychology website — Acceptance and Commitment Therapy training manual for clinicians — ACT Made Simple: An Easy-To-Read Primer on Acceptance and Commitment Therapy by Russ Harris Dr. River Farrell is a non-binary, queer, polyamorous, clinical psychologist who has been working in the field for over 15 years. They have specialized in working with gender and sexual minority clients utilizing Acceptance and Commitment Therapy. Currently they are conducting research on using ACT with CNM clients. Follow River on Instagram or TikTok Are you ready to open your relationship happily? Find out at⁠⁠ ⁠www.JoliQuiz.com⁠ Get the answers you want to create the open relationship of your dreams! Sign up for an Ask Me Anything here Read the transcript of this episode here Music: Dance of Felt by ⁠Blue Dot Sessions

Have you ever had really strong feelings for someone— so strong that they took over your brain (and maybe even your life)? That kind of obsession can be super exciting, but it can also have big consequences. Limerence and New Relationship Energy are two kinds of intense romantic fixation that have some key differences, and we’re diving deep into both of them. We’ve been there—and that’s why we want to help you navigate these (exciting, scary, complicated… the list goes on!!) states of being. In this episode, we’re covering: — Symptoms and characteristics of limerence, including intrusive thoughts and ambiguity — How NRE can disrupt or challenge existing relationships in the context of non-monogamy — Our own personal experiences with limerence and NRE, and the challenges it brought to our relationships — The difference between limerence and NRE, and why making that distinction can help you better understand your feelings — The psychological effects of limerence, and why it involves so much asymmetry — The role of projections in and their impact on new, limerent, and existing relationships — Strategies for navigating NRE and limerence, including communication, boundaries, and self-compassion Resources mentioned in this episode: — The book The Limerent Mind by Lucy Bain — The book Living With Limerence by Dr. L — Love and Limerence: The Experience of Being in Love by Dorothy Tennov — Dr. Sophia Graham on signs that new relationship energy may be problematic Are you ready to open your relationship happily? Find out at⁠⁠ ⁠www.JoliQuiz.com⁠ Get the answers you want to create the open relationship of your dreams! Sign up for an Ask Me Anything here Read the transcript of this episode here Music: Dance of Felt by ⁠Blue Dot Sessions