203 Money & Non-monogamy: Skip This Episode at Your Own Peril

When we open our relationships, we often focus on creating boundaries and agreements around emotions, time, and sex. But there's another crucial element that frequently gets overlooked (until it becomes a problem): money. How we handle finances in our relationships can reveal deep-seated values, trigger old wounds, and create unexpected power dynamics—especially when we start dating outside our established partnerships.

The financial aspects of non-monogamy touch on some of our most vulnerable places. They can bring up childhood patterns, highlight privilege differences, and force us to examine our relationship with capitalism itself. While these conversations might feel uncomfortable, they're essential for building healthy relationships with clear expectations and boundaries. Money conversations in non-monogamy can be terrifying—but avoiding them is worse!

In this episode, we talk about:

— Why money conversations are often avoided until they become painful problems

— How our personal money histories shape our approach to finances in relationships (including childhood experiences with scarcity or abundance)

— The practical questions that arise when dating: What counts as a "date expense"? Who pays? How do we handle financial disparities?

— Why separate accounts can be helpful for financial differentiation in non-monogamy

— The challenge of funding separate accounts when income disparities exist between partners

— How dating expenses can reveal our values and trigger judgments about what's "worth" spending on

— The way money intersects with other resources like time, emotional labor, and childcare responsibilities

— Why regular money check-ins are crucial as relationships evolve and circumstances change

— How money conversations can actually build intimacy when approached with curiosity and compassion

— The importance of allowing partners to change over time and not assuming their financial values remain static

— Why examining privilege and socioeconomic differences can be both challenging and a way to deeply connect

Resources mentioned in this episode:

— Imago dialogue as a tool for difficult conversations

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Music: Dance of Felt by ⁠Blue Dot Sessions