Playing With Fire

Two relationship experts share their enlightening journey through an 18-month sexual drought. They redefine magnificent sex as a soul-shaking connection that demands ongoing attention and vulnerability. The conversation dives into the key elements of intimacy, the importance of creating safe spaces, and simple yet effective interventions like written requests. They also emphasize the significance of aftercare and reconnecting with personal erotic themes to restore sexual vitality. A candid exploration of growth and intimacy awaits!

Discovering your polyamorous identity while in a long-term monogamous relationship can feel both liberating and terrifying. It's a moment of personal truth that can shake the foundations of your partnership—and that's exactly why it deserves careful, thoughtful consideration.When you realize something fundamental about yourself has shifted (or perhaps was always there but unnamed), it's natural to want to share this with your partner. But how do you navigate this conversation without causing unnecessary harm or rushing into territory neither of you is prepared for?In this episode, we talk about:— Why rushing into action after this realization can lead to unnecessary pain and relationship damage— The importance of understanding what your current monogamy actually looks like before trying to change it— How to create space for both excitement about new possibilities and grief about what might be changing— The value of slowing down and sitting in the "liminal space" between paradigms— Why the person bringing polyamory into the relationship needs to be mindful of their partner's need for processing time— The difference between polyamorous identity and polyamorous behavior (you can be polyamorous without having multiple partners!)— How to approach the conversation with care, acknowledging that it may feel like betrayal to your partner— The importance of making explicit what has been implicit in your relationship— Why both partners need support during this transition, regardless of who initiated the conversationResources mentioned in this episode:— Our guide for having difficult conversations with your partner— Our episode on grief and relationship changes— Entwined by Alex AlbertoJOIN The Year Of Opening® community for a full year of learning & support. Registration is open now at ⁠⁠www.TheYearOfOpening.com⁠⁠Learn the 5 secrets to open your relationship the smart wayAre you ready to open your relationship happily? Find out at www.JoliQuiz.comGet the answers you want to create the open relationship of your dreams! Sign up for an Ask Me Anything hereMusic: Dance of Felt by ⁠Blue Dot Sessions

Discover why knowing what you truly want can transform relationships. Explore how childhood experiences and social pressures shape your desires. Learn to use disappointment as a guide and differentiate between real wants and societal expectations. Uncover techniques to access your imagination and recognize envy as a sign of unmet needs. The podcast dives into personality styles that influence how we navigate our desires. Engage in playful practices to embrace longing and ultimately create a fulfilling life.

When we're in the thick of navigating non-monogamy, especially in the early stages, it can feel like an endless emotional workout. The jealousy, the NRE highs and lows, the constant communication—it's a lot! Many people wonder if it will ever get easier or if this constant state of emotional processing is just what non-monogamy is all about.The good news? It absolutely can become more easeful! In this episode, we explore what "boring polyamory" might look like and why it might actually be a good fit for you. We challenge the assumption that non-monogamy must be inherently harder than monogamy and offer practical insights for creating more sustainable, grounded relationships.We’re breaking down:— The difference between "easy" and "easeful" in relationships— How we often mistake intensity for intimacy, and why that keeps us locked in drama cycles— The ways we unconsciously validate our non-monogamy by staying in turbulence and conflict— Why the premise that "monogamy is easier" is a harmful myth that keeps us stuck— How our nervous system awareness directly impacts our capacity for easeful relationships— The drama triangle and how it keeps us locked in unhealthy patterns— The importance of making implicit expectations explicit through clear agreements— Creating micro-spaces for reconnection and communication in your relationships— Why familiar patterns will win out over healthy ones (and what to do about it)— How to identify what a week of calm, fulfilling polyamory would look like for youResources mentioned in this episode:— Our Drama Triangle episodeJOIN The Year Of Opening® community for a full year of learning & support. Registration is open now at ⁠⁠www.TheYearOfOpening.com⁠⁠Learn the 5 secrets to open your relationship the smart wayAre you ready to open your relationship happily? Find out at www.JoliQuiz.comGet the answers you want to create the open relationship of your dreams! Sign up for an Ask Me Anything hereMusic: Dance of Felt by ⁠Blue Dot Sessions

Feeling exhausted by non-monogamy? You're not alone! Even when we know why we chose this path, the day-to-day reality can sometimes feel overwhelming. But before you throw in the towel, let's explore what's really happening when non-monogamy feels like "too much" – and what you can do about it.Whether you're new to non-monogamy or have been practicing for years, we all hit points where we question if the effort is worth it. The good news? There are concrete strategies you can use to build resilience and reconnect with your "why" – without burning yourself out in the process.In this episode, we talk about:— The difference between persisting through growth versus persisting through unnecessary pain— How to assess whether you're genuinely at capacity or just expecting things to be easier than they realistically can be— The importance of checking your actual capacity across different domains of life (physical, emotional, social)— Practical ways to recognize your personal "tells" when you're becoming dysregulated— Why the stories we tell ourselves about our exhaustion matter just as much as the exhaustion itself— Building nervous system regulation skills to help manage relationship challenges— The value of making meaning from difficulties rather than just trying to eliminate them— Why it's impossible to "go back" to not knowing about relationship possibilities once you've started exploring them— How the skills you're developing through non-monogamy benefit your growth regardless of your relationship structure— The importance of community support when navigating relationship challengesResources mentioned in this episode:— Normalizing Non-Monogamy's community resources— Marion Woodman's The Ravaged Bridegroom— James Hillman's works— Andrea Zanin's Post Non-Monogamy and BeyondPlaying With Fire has been featured at #3 in FeedSpot's list of the ⁠Top 25 Non-monogamy Podcasts⁠!JOIN The Year Of Opening® community for a full year of learning & support. Registration is open now at ⁠⁠www.TheYearOfOpening.com⁠⁠Learn the 5 secrets to open your relationship the smart wayAre you ready to open your relationship happily? Find out at www.JoliQuiz.comGet the answers you want to create the open relationship of your dreams! Sign up for an Ask Me Anything hereMusic: Dance of Felt by ⁠Blue Dot Sessions

Navigating holidays can be a joy and a challenge for those in non-monogamous relationships. Discover how holidays amplify stress and joy while managing complex dynamics with family. Learn the importance of documenting experiences to enhance future celebrations and the extra weight on hinge partners. They share practical strategies like scheduling check-ins and redistributing emotional labor to ease stress. Recognizing personal triggers and co-creating meaningful traditions is key to reclaiming holiday joy.

Can trauma survivors venture into non-monogamy? Absolutely, but it demands intentionality and self-compassion. Opening up relationships can actually showcase the healing progress made. Hosts discuss the challenges of navigating emotional responses and the tools trauma survivors bring to the table. Pacing is vital, as is understanding the difference between moving slowly and stonewalling. Community support offers crucial validation during these transitions, making room for explicit repair practices essential in any healthy relationship.

The podcast dives into the complexities of secrecy and privacy in relationships. It reveals how keeping secrets from ourselves can be just as damaging as hiding them from partners. The hosts discuss 'bifurcated monogamy,' where people lead dual lives that create friction in intimacy. They emphasize the importance of writing down thoughts to achieve self-integration and rebuild trust through consistent actions. Listening encourages embracing uncomfortable truths and developing new communication skills for healthier connections.

Navigating non-monogamy can feel overwhelming, but it's a common struggle. The hosts share insights on reconnecting with your personal reasons for being poly, known as your 'poly why.' They explore the hidden dynamics of entitlement and how it can skew relationships. Creative outlets are suggested as ways to process challenging emotions. Community support is crucial, but alternatives like journaling can help too. Listeners are encouraged to celebrate small wins and remind themselves that change takes time and effort.

In this insightful discussion, psychotherapist Jessica Fern and restorative justice facilitator David Cooley explore the transformative power of addressing shame. They introduce their book, revealing the 'shame triangle' and how inherited narratives shape our experiences. Listeners learn practical tools to shift from self-criticism to self-nurturing, and how relationships serve as mirrors for personal growth. With actionable strategies, they emphasize the importance of cultivating authentic connections and understanding the underlying patterns of shame in our lives.