Playing With Fire

When couples consider opening their relationships, one of the most common questions that comes up is: "What will happen to us?" This fear makes perfect sense—you've built something special together, and the prospect of change can feel threatening to the relationship you've carefully cultivated.This question comes from a place of caring deeply about your connection, but it also reveals something important about how we conceptualize relationships in our culture. Many of us have been taught that relationships should involve a certain level of enmeshment, where "we" becomes more important than the individual "I" and "you."Opening up invites us to examine this balance between togetherness and individuality in ways we might never have considered before. It's not just about adding new partners—it's about discovering parts of ourselves and our existing relationships that have been hidden beneath the surface.In this episode, we talk about:— The difference between healthy interconnection and unhealthy enmeshment in relationships— Why differentiation (understanding where you end and your partner begins) is crucial for successful open relationships— How the "matchy-matchy" game many couples play can mask important differences between partners— The ways opening up can reveal unexamined patterns, biases, and wounds in existing relationships— Why it takes 3-5 years to fully adjust to the paradigm shift of non-monogamy— How new relationships can illuminate both old wounds you've experienced and ways you may have hurt your partner— The unexpected positive surprises that can emerge when opening up (like increased sexual energy!)— Why the unpredictability of opening up can be both challenging and rewarding— How justice jealousy can emerge when you see your partner relating differently with someone new— The opportunity for deep relationship repair that opening up can provide— Why friendships can be excellent practice for developing the skills needed in open relationshipsResources mentioned in this episode:— Jessica Fern's concept of Justice Jealousy— Dan Siegel's work on interconnection as a healthy alternative to enmeshment— Imago Dialogue— Rainer Maria Rilke's Letters to a Young PoetJOIN The Year Of Opening® community for a full year of learning & support. Registration is open now at ⁠⁠www.TheYearOfOpening.com⁠⁠Learn the 5 secrets to open your relationship the smart wayAre you ready to open your relationship happily? Find out at www.JoliQuiz.comGet the answers you want to create the open relationship of your dreams! Sign up for an Ask Me Anything hereMusic: Dance of Felt by ⁠Blue Dot Sessions

Jealousy can feel overwhelming, urgent, and all-consuming. It can make us want to act immediately—to confront, to check locations, to curl up and hide, or even to rage. But what if instead of rushing to "fix" the situation, we first learned to stay present with ourselves through the storm? This episode is designed for you to use in real time, in the moments that jealousy hits. We’re offering a guided meditation and practical tips for those times when jealousy feels too big to handle.In this episode, we talk about:— How to recognize jealousy in your body and stay present with the physical sensations— The importance of naming your feelings without trying to explain or fix them— Why the urge to take immediate action during jealousy is often counterproductive— How to practice self-compassion when jealousy feels overwhelming— Reconnecting with your values and remembering why you chose your relationship style— The power of bilateral tapping and other nervous system regulation techniques— Why jealousy doesn't mean you're "doing relationships wrong"— How to choose one small, kind step to care for yourself when jealousy is present— The importance of not outsourcing your worth to someone else's actionsResources mentioned in this episode:— The Jealousy Resource Center— The Befriending Jealousy WorkshopJOIN The Year Of Opening® community for a full year of learning & support. Registration is open now at ⁠⁠www.TheYearOfOpening.com⁠⁠Learn the 5 secrets to open your relationship the smart wayAre you ready to open your relationship happily? Find out at www.JoliQuiz.comGet the answers you want to create the open relationship of your dreams! Sign up for an Ask Me Anything hereMusic: Dance of Felt by ⁠Blue Dot Sessions

Jealousy is a natural emotion that can overwhelm relationships if not handled properly. The podcast explains the nuances between jealousy, envy, and insecurity, and stresses the importance of self-regulation. It offers practical tools for supporting partners through jealousy without losing oneself. Listeners learn how shame can create distance and the value of reflective empathy. By understanding jealousy as an opportunity for intimacy, couples can transform challenging moments into a chance for deeper connection.

Reconnecting in long-term relationships is crucial, especially after tough times. The hosts detail their intentional 5-day retreat that sparked renewal in their bond. They emphasize establishing Minimum Viable Agreements to clarify expectations and reinforce communication. Choosing familiar settings is key to deepening connections. Emotional challenges can be turned into growth opportunities through intentionality and active participation. Regular check-ins and explicit dialogue are essential to avoid misunderstandings and nurture a thriving partnership.

When we step outside established relationship norms, we're not just changing our dating lives—we're challenging entire paradigms that shape how we see the world. In this episode, we welcome Marla Schreiber, author of the new book Non-Monogamy and Defying a Paradigm, to discuss what it truly means to question and move beyond mononormativity.Marla brings a fresh perspective as someone who's been practicing polyamory since 2005, when resources were scarce and community was hard to find. Their journey offers valuable insights for anyone questioning relationship structures or feeling constrained by societal expectations.Paradigm shifts aren't just intellectual exercises—they're deeply personal transformations that require courage, patience, and a willingness to exist in uncertainty. Whether you're considering non-monogamy or simply questioning other societal norms, this conversation offers wisdom about the challenging but rewarding process of creating your own path.In this episode, we talk about:— What paradigms are and why they're so difficult to challenge— The humbling experience of trying to create new relationship structures without established models— How mono-normativity is embedded not just in our social world but in legal systems and economic structures— Why it takes 3-5 years (or more!) to truly begin shifting paradigms— The scarcity model that underlies mono-normativity and how it affects our sense of security— Why "exclusivity" often stands in for deeper values and needs that can be met in other ways— How couples privilege operates and why it's challenging to recognize when you're benefiting from it— The courage required to question your approach, even after years of practice— Why defiance can be a powerful tool when challenging established norms— The importance of staying in the "unknown" rather than rushing to create new rigid structuresResources mentioned in this episode:— Marla Schreiber's new book Non-Monogamy and Defying a Paradigm— Marla’s socials: @PolyaMarla— Marla's newsletter at polyamarla.com— The new edition of More Than TwoJOIN The Year Of Opening® community for a full year of learning & support. Registration is open now at ⁠⁠www.TheYearOfOpening.com⁠⁠Learn the 5 secrets to open your relationship the smart wayAre you ready to open your relationship happily? Find out at www.JoliQuiz.comGet the answers you want to create the open relationship of your dreams! Sign up for an Ask Me Anything hereMusic: Dance of Felt by ⁠Blue Dot Sessions

When we think about altered states of consciousness, we often focus on individual experiences. But what happens when we bring psychedelics into our relationships—especially non-monogamous ones? The potential for healing, connection, and transformation is immense, but so are the risks if we're not careful about our approach.In this episode, we're joined by Dr. Nicole Thompson, a queer, non-monogamous sex and relationship psychotherapist with training in psychedelic integration therapy. Nicole is the host of the Modern Anarchy podcast and founder of The Pleasure Practice. Her groundbreaking doctoral research is the first study on relationship anarchy, and she brings a wealth of knowledge about how psychedelics can support relational liberation.In this episode, we talk about:— How psychedelics function as "non-specific amplifiers" that can enhance whatever is present in your relationships (both the good and challenging aspects)— The crucial importance of set, setting, and integration when using psychedelics for relationship exploration— Why community is medicine—both in psychedelic experiences and non-monogamy— The parallels between non-monogamy and psychedelics as mind-expanding experiences that challenge cultural norms— How psychedelics can help us experience our bodies differently and reconnect with sensation after trauma— The neuroplasticity that occurs during and after psychedelic experiences (and how to make the most of that 72-hour window)— Why self-compassion is essential when navigating jealousy in non-monogamous relationships— The similarities between NRE (New Relationship Energy) and psychedelic states— Practical integration practices that help us incorporate insights from altered states into everyday life— Why focusing on positive experiences is just as important as processing challenges— The importance of harm reduction and testing substances if you choose to use psychedelicsResources mentioned in this episode:— Nicole's podcast: Modern Anarchy— The Psychedelic Jealousy Guide— Fireside Project psychedelic support hotline— Relationship Reflection Integration QuestionsJOIN The Year Of Opening® community for a full year of learning & support. Registration is open now at ⁠⁠www.TheYearOfOpening.com⁠⁠Learn the 5 secrets to open your relationship the smart wayAre you ready to open your relationship happily? Find out at www.JoliQuiz.comGet the answers you want to create the open relationship of your dreams! Sign up for an Ask Me Anything hereMusic: Dance of Felt by ⁠Blue Dot Sessions

Relationships often face ruptures, but effective repair is a learnable skill. Relying on time alone won't heal wounds; it can actually compound them. Genuine communication and accountability are key to deepening intimacy and creating psychological safety. Apologies need to be heartfelt, not performative, and accountability should be specific. The discussion emphasizes that repair is not merely a problem to solve, but an opportunity for growth and resilience in connections, enabling stronger emotional bonds.

Explore the intriguing world of the Drama Triangle, where roles of victim, hero, and villain trap us in relationship conflicts. Learn how these patterns play out in everyday life, and discover transformative strategies to break free. The discussion highlights the importance of self-awareness and small, purposeful actions to foster healthier interactions. Embrace the Empowerment Dynamic, shifting from victim to creator, and see how challengers and coaches can spark personal growth. Real stories bring these concepts to life, making it an engaging listen!

When your partner experiences something for the first time with another person—whether it's a first date, first kiss, or first intimate encounter—it can trigger a complex mix of emotions. These "firsts" often carry significant meaning and can create unexpected emotional responses, even when you feel intellectually prepared for them.You might spend months discussing, planning, and considering what opening your relationship will look like, but when the moment actually arrives—when theory becomes reality—many of us find ourselves unprepared for the emotional impact. In this episode, we’re discussing some crucial strategies and reframes you can use to to move through difficult emotions and stay in alignment and connection with yourself and your partner(s).We’re breaking down:— Why firsts can feel so charged, even for experienced non-monogamous people— The importance of examining what meaning you're making about these firsts and how that affects your emotional response— How the unknown aspects of what your partner is experiencing can sometimes be scarier than the reality— Practical nervous system regulation techniques to help you stay grounded when big emotions arise— The value of having a personal "rescue plan" ready for moments of distress— Why community support from people who understand non-monogamy is crucial— How intentional "wallowing" can sometimes be helpful when done with boundaries and time limits— The possibility that you might experience compersion (joy at your partner's joy) rather than distress— Why different levels of transparency and communication need to be negotiated between partners— The importance of surrendering to the unknown and trusting yourself to navigate these new experiencesResources mentioned in this episode:— Neuro-Somatic Intelligence— Free training on nervous system regulation— The Multi-Amory community and Normalizing Non-Monogamy communityJOIN The Year Of Opening® community for a full year of learning & support. Registration is open now at ⁠⁠www.TheYearOfOpening.com⁠⁠Learn the 5 secrets to open your relationship the smart wayAre you ready to open your relationship happily? Find out at www.JoliQuiz.comGet the answers you want to create the open relationship of your dreams! Sign up for an Ask Me Anything hereMusic: Dance of Felt by ⁠Blue Dot Sessions

What actually changes when you go from swinging to polyamory? Is it just more dates—or a total shift in your emotional and relational world? We explore the real answers—plus the question no one wants to ask: “What if my partner doesn't want to go with me?”This transition is more than a change in labels—it’s a deep reconfiguration of your emotional bandwidth, time, priorities, and sense of self. It often begins with excitement but can stir unexpected grief as you let go of identities, imagined futures, and unspoken assumptions.In this episode, we talk about:— The key differences between swinging, polyamory, and polysexuality— What happens when partners discover they have divergent desires for relationship structures— The importance of clarifying your own needs and wants before making new agreements— Why patience is crucial when learning about yourself and your evolving desires— How to navigate the redistribution of time and energy when relationship structures change— The reality that feelings don’t always follow rules—and what to do when unexpected emotions arise— Why asking someone not to have feelings is an impossible request that can damage relationships— The value of making commitments about actions rather than trying to control emotions— How transitions often reveal differences, resentments, and incompatibilities that were previously hidden— Essential skills for navigating this transition: introspection, conversation, grief work, and repair— Why building resilience is more valuable than creating “perfect” rules to prevent discomfortResources mentioned in this episode:— Imago Dialogue— Structured apologies as a repair techniqueJoin The Year Of Opening® community for a full year of learning & support. Registration is open now at www.TheYearOfOpening.comLearn the 5 secrets to open your relationship the smart wayAre you ready to open your relationship happily? Find out at www.JoliQuiz.comGet the answers you need to create the open relationship of your dreams! Sign up for an Ask Me Anything hereMusic: Dance of Felt by Blue Dot Sessions