Playing With Fire 209 Transitioning from Swinging to Polyamory
What actually changes when you go from swinging to polyamory? Is it just more dates—or a total shift in your emotional and relational world? We explore the real answers—plus the question no one wants to ask: “What if my partner doesn't want to go with me?”
This transition is more than a change in labels—it’s a deep reconfiguration of your emotional bandwidth, time, priorities, and sense of self. It often begins with excitement but can stir unexpected grief as you let go of identities, imagined futures, and unspoken assumptions.
In this episode, we talk about:
— The key differences between swinging, polyamory, and polysexuality
— What happens when partners discover they have divergent desires for relationship structures
— The importance of clarifying your own needs and wants before making new agreements
— Why patience is crucial when learning about yourself and your evolving desires
— How to navigate the redistribution of time and energy when relationship structures change
— The reality that feelings don’t always follow rules—and what to do when unexpected emotions arise
— Why asking someone not to have feelings is an impossible request that can damage relationships
— The value of making commitments about actions rather than trying to control emotions
— How transitions often reveal differences, resentments, and incompatibilities that were previously hidden
— Essential skills for navigating this transition: introspection, conversation, grief work, and repair
— Why building resilience is more valuable than creating “perfect” rules to prevent discomfort
Resources mentioned in this episode:
— Structured apologies as a repair technique
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Music: Dance of Felt by Blue Dot Sessions