198 Why does jealousy freak out the nervous system?

Ok, so you’re working on nervous system regulation, and you’re working on jealousy. But why is it that the feeling of jealousy can just totally freak out our nervous systems?? In this episode, we’re answering this and other questions about jealousy, panic, and somatics.

When jealousy triggers that primal panic in our bodies, it can feel like your world is ending. But we’re not powerless against. There are some practical ways to navigate these intense emotions without letting them derail your relationship and your sense of self, and we’re sharing them with you in this episode!

We’re breaking down:

— Why jealousy triggers such intense nervous system responses from an attachment theory perspective

— The concept of primal panic and how it relates to our sense of safety in relationships

— How our attachment systems can remain wired to one person even as we try to create space for multiple relationships

— The physiological experience of jealousy as a "high volume" emotion with intense bodily sensations

— How neural tags from past experiences, media, and cultural stories can amplify our jealousy responses

— The importance of distinguishing between the physical sensations of jealousy and the stories we tell ourselves about what's happening

— Practical techniques for managing jealousy in the moment, including tracking sensations, using humor, and co-regulation

— Why creating a "rescue plan" for jealousy episodes returns our sense of agency and helps prevent spiraling

— The value of asking for specific reassurance that addresses your actual fears rather than generic comfort

— How jealousy can reveal important information about ourselves and our deepest fears if we're willing to examine it

— Why experiencing jealousy doesn't mean you're "failing" at non-monogamy—it's a normal part of the journey

Resources mentioned in this episode:

— The Befriending Jealousy Workshop on March 25, 2025, from 7-9pm Eastern time

— Episode 170: Jealousy and Attachment Panic

— Episode 118: Are there quick and easy ways to manage relationship stress?

— Episode 113: How to do hard things and build exceptional love with Elisabeth Kristof

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Music: Dance of Felt by ⁠Blue Dot Sessions