Playing With Fire

When we're in the thick of navigating non-monogamy, especially in the early stages, it can feel like an endless emotional workout. The jealousy, the NRE highs and lows, the constant communication—it's a lot! Many people wonder if it will ever get easier or if this constant state of emotional processing is just what non-monogamy is all about.The good news? It absolutely can become more easeful! In this episode, we explore what "boring polyamory" might look like and why it might actually be a good fit for you. We challenge the assumption that non-monogamy must be inherently harder than monogamy and offer practical insights for creating more sustainable, grounded relationships.We’re breaking down:— The difference between "easy" and "easeful" in relationships— How we often mistake intensity for intimacy, and why that keeps us locked in drama cycles— The ways we unconsciously validate our non-monogamy by staying in turbulence and conflict— Why the premise that "monogamy is easier" is a harmful myth that keeps us stuck— How our nervous system awareness directly impacts our capacity for easeful relationships— The drama triangle and how it keeps us locked in unhealthy patterns— The importance of making implicit expectations explicit through clear agreements— Creating micro-spaces for reconnection and communication in your relationships— Why familiar patterns will win out over healthy ones (and what to do about it)— How to identify what a week of calm, fulfilling polyamory would look like for youResources mentioned in this episode:— Our Drama Triangle episodeJOIN The Year Of Opening® community for a full year of learning & support. Registration is open now at ⁠⁠www.TheYearOfOpening.com⁠⁠Learn the 5 secrets to open your relationship the smart wayAre you ready to open your relationship happily? Find out at www.JoliQuiz.comGet the answers you want to create the open relationship of your dreams! Sign up for an Ask Me Anything hereMusic: Dance of Felt by ⁠Blue Dot Sessions

Feeling exhausted by non-monogamy? You're not alone! Even when we know why we chose this path, the day-to-day reality can sometimes feel overwhelming. But before you throw in the towel, let's explore what's really happening when non-monogamy feels like "too much" – and what you can do about it.Whether you're new to non-monogamy or have been practicing for years, we all hit points where we question if the effort is worth it. The good news? There are concrete strategies you can use to build resilience and reconnect with your "why" – without burning yourself out in the process.In this episode, we talk about:— The difference between persisting through growth versus persisting through unnecessary pain— How to assess whether you're genuinely at capacity or just expecting things to be easier than they realistically can be— The importance of checking your actual capacity across different domains of life (physical, emotional, social)— Practical ways to recognize your personal "tells" when you're becoming dysregulated— Why the stories we tell ourselves about our exhaustion matter just as much as the exhaustion itself— Building nervous system regulation skills to help manage relationship challenges— The value of making meaning from difficulties rather than just trying to eliminate them— Why it's impossible to "go back" to not knowing about relationship possibilities once you've started exploring them— How the skills you're developing through non-monogamy benefit your growth regardless of your relationship structure— The importance of community support when navigating relationship challengesResources mentioned in this episode:— Normalizing Non-Monogamy's community resources— Marion Woodman's The Ravaged Bridegroom— James Hillman's works— Andrea Zanin's Post Non-Monogamy and BeyondPlaying With Fire has been featured at #3 in FeedSpot's list of the ⁠Top 25 Non-monogamy Podcasts⁠!JOIN The Year Of Opening® community for a full year of learning & support. Registration is open now at ⁠⁠www.TheYearOfOpening.com⁠⁠Learn the 5 secrets to open your relationship the smart wayAre you ready to open your relationship happily? Find out at www.JoliQuiz.comGet the answers you want to create the open relationship of your dreams! Sign up for an Ask Me Anything hereMusic: Dance of Felt by ⁠Blue Dot Sessions

Navigating holidays can be a joy and a challenge for those in non-monogamous relationships. Discover how holidays amplify stress and joy while managing complex dynamics with family. Learn the importance of documenting experiences to enhance future celebrations and the extra weight on hinge partners. They share practical strategies like scheduling check-ins and redistributing emotional labor to ease stress. Recognizing personal triggers and co-creating meaningful traditions is key to reclaiming holiday joy.

Can trauma survivors venture into non-monogamy? Absolutely, but it demands intentionality and self-compassion. Opening up relationships can actually showcase the healing progress made. Hosts discuss the challenges of navigating emotional responses and the tools trauma survivors bring to the table. Pacing is vital, as is understanding the difference between moving slowly and stonewalling. Community support offers crucial validation during these transitions, making room for explicit repair practices essential in any healthy relationship.

The podcast dives into the complexities of secrecy and privacy in relationships. It reveals how keeping secrets from ourselves can be just as damaging as hiding them from partners. The hosts discuss 'bifurcated monogamy,' where people lead dual lives that create friction in intimacy. They emphasize the importance of writing down thoughts to achieve self-integration and rebuild trust through consistent actions. Listening encourages embracing uncomfortable truths and developing new communication skills for healthier connections.

Navigating non-monogamy can feel overwhelming, but it's a common struggle. The hosts share insights on reconnecting with your personal reasons for being poly, known as your 'poly why.' They explore the hidden dynamics of entitlement and how it can skew relationships. Creative outlets are suggested as ways to process challenging emotions. Community support is crucial, but alternatives like journaling can help too. Listeners are encouraged to celebrate small wins and remind themselves that change takes time and effort.

In this insightful discussion, psychotherapist Jessica Fern and restorative justice facilitator David Cooley explore the transformative power of addressing shame. They introduce their book, revealing the 'shame triangle' and how inherited narratives shape our experiences. Listeners learn practical tools to shift from self-criticism to self-nurturing, and how relationships serve as mirrors for personal growth. With actionable strategies, they emphasize the importance of cultivating authentic connections and understanding the underlying patterns of shame in our lives.

Explore the nuanced world of relationship transitions, especially in non-monogamous contexts. Discover the impact of seemingly small shifts in attention and how they can lead to unexpected friction. Learn about different transition styles and the importance of acknowledging your own needs. Simple rituals can transform parting and rejoining into opportunities for deeper intimacy. The conversation also emphasizes the importance of clear communication and setting norms to make transitions smoother and more fulfilling.

Navigating shared spaces as a polycule can feel like stepping into uncharted territory. Whether you're attending a community event, family gathering, or social outing with multiple partners, the absence of cultural scripts can leave us feeling uncertain and vulnerable. Many of us struggle with questions like: How do we introduce each other? What level of affection is appropriate? What happens if we run into unexpected people?These concerns are completely normal when venturing beyond the default monogamy script that society provides. The good news is that with some preparation and self-awareness, we can create meaningful experiences together while honoring everyone's boundaries.In this episode, we talk about:— Why approaching polycule gatherings as "experiments" rather than perfect events or potential disasters creates a healthier mindset— The importance of having intentional conversations before spending time together in shared spaces— How to handle introductions, labels, and public displays of affection when cultural scripts don't exist for your relationship structure— Creating personal "self-rescue plans" for moments when you feel excluded or uncomfortable in group settings— The value of separating reconnection, aftercare, and debriefing after shared experiences— Why some people feel energized by challenging social norms while others find it uncomfortable— How to navigate situations where some partners are "out" and others aren't— The emotional impact of feeling like someone's "secret" and how different people respond to various levels of relationship visibility— Why processing time varies between individuals— The importance of community support when navigating relationships outside mainstream normsResources mentioned in this episode:— Self-regulation skills training available on YouTubeJOIN The Year Of Opening® community for a full year of learning & support. Registration is open now at ⁠⁠www.TheYearOfOpening.com⁠⁠Learn the 5 secrets to open your relationship the smart wayAre you ready to open your relationship happily? Find out at www.JoliQuiz.comGet the answers you want to create the open relationship of your dreams! Sign up for an Ask Me Anything hereMusic: Dance of Felt by ⁠Blue Dot Sessions

Most of us have been conditioned to follow relationship "escalators," those predetermined paths that dictate how our connections should progress. But what happens when we step off these escalators and design our relationships according to our own values? What if we could move beyond hierarchical thinking and embrace a more expansive view of love and connection?Enter, relationship anarchy, and Dr. Nicole Thompson, who’s joining us to explore this fascinating path to more intentional, authentic connections across every aspect of our lives. We aren’t just talking romance here–relationship anarchy is about reimagining all your relationships by examining and dismantling their power structures.In this episode, we talk about:— What relationship anarchy really means:— How relationship anarchy connects to political anarchist values of self-governance and community care— Why relationship anarchy isn't just about romantic or sexual relationships but applies to all connections in our lives— The difference between "power over" dynamics versus conscious stratification of relationships— How to recognize when you're using hierarchy as a safety mechanism rather than as an intentional choice— The challenge of moving away from obligation-based relationships toward mutuality and choice— Why commitment looks different in relationship anarchy— The revolutionary feeling of knowing someone chooses to be with you when they have complete freedom not to— How to begin practicing relationship anarchy by first recognizing all the relationships you already have— The importance of community in providing multiple sources of love and support— Why relationship anarchy requires ongoing consciousness about power dynamics in all areas of life— How to navigate the reality of finite time and energy without defaulting to unconscious hierarchiesResources mentioned in this episode:— Modern Anarchy Podcast, hosted by Dr. Nicole ThompsonJOIN The Year Of Opening® community for a full year of learning & support. Registration is open now at ⁠⁠www.TheYearOfOpening.com⁠⁠Learn the 5 secrets to open your relationship the smart wayAre you ready to open your relationship happily? Find out at www.JoliQuiz.comGet the answers you want to create the open relationship of your dreams! Sign up for an Ask Me Anything hereMusic: Dance of Felt by ⁠Blue Dot Sessions