The hosts tackle the complexities of gender-based rules in non-monogamous relationships, highlighting how these often mask deeper emotional issues. They discuss the roots of jealousy and competition, emphasizing the need to address these feelings rather than applying superficial solutions. The conversation also examines societal programming and its impact on individual comfort with gender identities. Practical steps for transforming rigid rules into authentic agreements foster open communication and emotional growth.

Navigating privacy and transparency in relationships can feel like walking a tightrope—especially when you and your partners have different comfort levels with information sharing. If you've ever felt frustrated by how much (or how little) your partner shares, you're not alone! The good news? There's no "right" amount of transparency or privacy. What matters is finding agreements that work for you and your partners while maintaining everyone's sense of safety. This episode dives deep into how to handle those tricky conversations with intention and integrity. In this episode, we talk about: — The crucial difference between privacy and secrecy (hint: it's about impact!) — Why safety is at the core of our transparency/privacy needs — How to identify your own comfort levels with information sharing — The role of trust-building in navigating transparency — The nervous system’s safety needs and strategies — Why consistent relationship check-ins are essential for maintaining a healthy flow of information — The importance of having explicit agreements about information sharing — How to create repair plans for when agreements aren't met — Why moral judgments about privacy vs. transparency can block intimacy — Different domains of transparency (emotional, sexual, scheduling, etc.) — The value of examining patterns rather than isolated incidents — How to handle situations where partners have very different needs around disclosure — Why the timing of disclosure matters as much as content Resources mentioned in this episode: — Playing With Fire Episode 149 Relationship Agreements 101 — Playing With Fire Episode 123 Weasel Words and Creating More Intimacy in Your Relationships — Playing With Fire Episode 71 Doing what you said you’d do: When accountability works and when it doesn’t JOIN The Year of Opening community for a full year of learning & support. Registration is open now at ⁠⁠www.TheYearOfOpening.com⁠⁠ Learn the 5 secrets to open your relationship the smart way Are you ready to open your relationship happily? Find out at www.JoliQuiz.com Get the answers you want to create the open relationship of your dreams! Sign up for an Ask Me Anything here Music: Dance of Felt by ⁠Blue Dot Sessions

How do you tell the difference between being selfish and practicing healthy autonomy? You probably won’t be surprised to hear that it’s complicated! The line between hyper-individualism and differentiation isn’t just blurry; it’s usually impossible to judge any action one way or the other without a loooot of context (and maybe even hindsight!). To unpack this question, we have to dig deep into the culture of American exceptionalism, principles of ecology and community, and depth psychology’s lenses of duality and multiplicity. In this episode, we talk about: — The hyper-individualism and enmeshment spectrum, and the “bounce-back” phenomenon — How to answer the “Am I The Asshole” question — How America’s culture of individualism and exceptionalism impacts our relationships — The challenges of balancing individual needs with community responsibilities — Why context is crucial when evaluating "selfish" behavior — How our personal histories shape our tendencies toward individualism or enmeshment — The role of imagination in creating healthier relationship dynamics — Why it's often impossible to judge a single action as selfish or autonomous — How the stories we tell ourselves impact our perceptions of others' behavior — The value of holding multiple perspectives when interpreting situations — Practical strategies for moving from victim mentality to empowered creator — The potential benefits of re-parenting work for those struggling with hyper-individualism Resources mentioned in this episode: — Playing With Fire Episode 142 Enmeshment: Are you over-functioning in your relationship? — Playing With Fire Episode 108 with Mollena Williams-Haas — Book mention: "Selfish" by Nakita Thigpen JOIN The Year of Opening community for a full year of learning & support. Registration is open now at ⁠⁠www.TheYearOfOpening.com⁠⁠ Are you ready to open your relationship happily? Find out at www.JoliQuiz.com Learn the 5 secrets to open your relationship the smart way Get the answers you want to create the open relationship of your dreams! Sign up for an Ask Me Anything here Music: Dance of Felt by ⁠Blue Dot Sessions

One of the most common concerns we hear about non-monogamous relationships is “but what about the kids?!?” We have a lot to say in response… but in this special episode, you get to hear it from one of our kids instead! Moi offers a candid glimpse into his experience of being raised by polyamorous parents and shares his perspective on what it’s like to navigate a world where polyamory is rarely represented. He also talks about his journey with queerness and transness, and how our family’s values created space for that exploration. Tune in for a heartfelt conversation about the impact of family dynamics on identity, and why it’s important for parents—non-monogamous or otherwise—to create spaces where kids can discover themselves without fear or shame. In this episode, we talk about: — Moi's experience growing up with non-monogamous parents and how it shaped his views — The importance of open communication about relationships and sexuality within families while maintaining appropriate boundaries — How being exposed to different relationship structures allowed Moi to better understand his own monogamous identity — The challenges of explaining non-traditional family structures to others — The lack of representation of polyamorous families in media and how that impacts children's understanding — Why Moi appreciates that we've been open about our non-monogamy rather than hiding it — The value of letting kids discover their own identities without pressure to label themselves Resources mentioned in this episode: — Joli's TED Talk on jealousy Get the answers you want to create the open relationship of your dreams! Sign up for an Ask Me Anything here JOIN The Year of Opening community for a full year of learning & support. Registration is open now at ⁠⁠www.TheYearOfOpening.com⁠⁠ Are you ready to open your relationship happily? Find out at www.JoliQuiz.com Learn the 5 secrets to open your relationship the smart way Get the answers you want to create the open relationship of your dreams! Sign up for an Ask Me Anything here Music: Dance of Felt by ⁠Blue Dot Sessions

Are you struggling to talk to your friends and family about your non-monogamous identity? Whether you’re unsure how to start the conversation or you’ve tried before and it didn’t go so well, we’re here to help. This episode is a quick and easy resource to share directly with your loved ones. It addresses some common concerns and misconceptions about non-monogamy and shares tips for having more supportive and meaningful conversations. In this episode, we talk about: — Why non-monogamy isn't "better" or "more evolved" than monogamy — Common concerns about non-monogamy and how to address them — The importance of defining what a "successful" relationship means to you and your loved ones — Why the kids are alright–research on children in non-monogamous families — The core principles of ethical non-monogamy: consent, personal responsibility, and resilience — Why non-monogamous relationship skills can benefit all types of relationships — Common misconceptions about non-monogamy (it's not all about sex!) — How to have supportive conversations with your non-monogamous loved ones Resources mentioned in this episode: — Elizabeth Sheff's longitudinal studies on polyamorous families — Emily Nagoski's work on desire and sexuality Are you ready to open your relationship happily? Find out at⁠⁠ www.JoliQuiz.com⁠ Get the answers you want to create the open relationship of your dreams! Sign up for an Ask Me Anything here: www.jolihamilton.com/ama JOIN The Year of Opening community for a full year of learning & support. Registration is open now at ⁠⁠www.TheYearOfOpening.com⁠⁠ Are you ready to open your relationship happily? Find out at www.JoliQuiz.com Learn the 5 secrets to open your relationship the smart way Get the answers you want to create the open relationship of your dreams! Sign up for an Ask Me Anything here Music: Dance of Felt by ⁠Blue Dot Sessions

The word projection gets thrown around a lot these days, often in an accusatory way (think, “so-and-so is projecting!”). But projection is actually a normal, unconscious psychological process that shows up in all relationships! That doesn’t mean we should let our projections go unchecked. They can interfere with our ability to truly see our partners as whole, autonomous beings. The good news is that when we become aware of our projections, we have a powerful opportunity to uncover and reclaim the parts of ourselves we’ve denied and disowned. And these aren’t always deep, dark shadowy parts—they can also be positive traits like creativity or intelligence. In this episode, we explore what projection is, how it shows up in relationships, and why reclaiming these “shadow” parts is essential for personal growth. Tune in to learn how working through projections can deepen your connections and help you see yourself—and your partners—in a whole new light. We’re breaking down: — What psychological projection is and how it operates in our subconscious minds — The role of projection in falling in love, limerence, and new relationship energy — How projection can interfere with seeing our partners as sacred, autonomous beings — The stages of becoming aware of and working through projections — Why reclaiming projected qualities is essential for personal growth — How projection relates to childhood wounds and unresolved issues from the past — The dangers of over-identifying with negative projections or shadow qualities — Practical strategies for recognizing and working with projections in relationships — The value of patience and compassion when addressing projections with a partner Resources mentioned in this episode: — Carl Jung's Collected Works (This is the Wikipedia page, to give you an idea of what the CW contains. If you’re looking for a good place to begin reading Jung’s work, Joli suggests Memories, Dreams, Reflections) — PWF Episode 164: I HATE THIS: Get Unstuck with Existential Kink (A shadow work method) JOIN The Year of Opening community for a full year of learning & support. Registration is open now at ⁠⁠www.TheYearOfOpening.com⁠⁠ Are you ready to open your relationship happily? Find out at www.JoliQuiz.com Learn the 5 secrets to open your relationship the smart way Get the answers you want to create the open relationship of your dreams! Sign up for an Ask Me Anything here Music: Dance of Felt by ⁠Blue Dot Sessions

Explore the hidden dangers of defensiveness in relationships and how it stifles growth and intimacy. Discover how childhood experiences shape our defensive patterns and the surprising connection between ego protection and personal creativity. Learn practical techniques for recognizing defensiveness, embracing vulnerability, and fostering empathy through effective communication. The conversation encourages self-awareness, accountability, and the transformative power of asking questions to create deeper, more meaningful connections.

Coming out as non-monogamous can bring its own set of challenges and concerns, especially if you also hold other marginalized identities. And maintaining the social appearance of monogamy can come at a cost. In this episode, we’re exploring the risks and rewards of sharing your non-monogamous identity. And, if you do want to come out to the people in your life, we’re breaking down some key steps you can take to get ready for whatever reactions may come your way. We’re breaking down: — Why coming out conversations can be important for authenticity and relationship health — The different "circles" of people you might consider coming out to (family, friends, work, etc.) — How geographical location and social context can impact coming out experiences — The importance of considering and discussing your partners' comfort levels and boundaries — Practical tips for planning and executing coming out conversations — Why it's okay to not have all the answers when you're first exploring non-monogamy — How to handle potentially invasive questions — Addressing the potential turn-on of secrecy in non-monogamous relationships — The value of celebrating your authentic self when coming out Resources mentioned in this episode: — Episode 89 of Playing with Fire: Learning the taxonomy of non-monogamy — Laura Boyle's book Monogamy, in This Economy? — The work of Sunny Megatron, Midori, and Mollena Williams-Haas JOIN The Year of Opening community for a full year of learning & support. Registration is open now at ⁠⁠www.TheYearOfOpening.com⁠⁠ Are you ready to open your relationship happily? Find out at www.JoliQuiz.com Learn the 5 secrets to open your relationship the smart way Get the answers you want to create the open relationship of your dreams! Sign up for an Ask Me Anything here Music: Dance of Felt by ⁠Blue Dot Sessions

It’s totally normal and understandable to want privacy around your relationships. Especially in a culture that can be less than understanding towards non-monogamous people. And, maintaining the social appearance of monogamy (AKA social monogamy), can come at a cost. For some people, maintaining social monogamy can lead to feelings of disconnection and inauthenticity. You can also get into some messy territory around consent and secrecy with your partners, especially if you have different privacy preferences. We’re not here to tell you how to live your life. We are here to help you navigate these tricky issues, and to help prepare you for the possibility of coming out as non-monogamous in the future. In this episode, we talk about: — The concept of default monogamy and how it shapes societal expectations — The differences between social monogamy, compulsory monogamy, and non-monogamy — The challenges of maintaining social monogamy while practicing non-monogamy — The potential impact of secrecy on relationships and personal well-being — Why it's important to have conversations about relationship visibility early on — How maintaining social monogamy can reinforce mono-normative structures — The complexities of coming out as non-monogamous, especially when children are involved — Why it's crucial to revisit decisions about relationship visibility periodically — The reality of discrimination against non-monogamous individuals and relationships Resources mentioned in this episode: — Angela Willey's academic papers on compulsory monogamy — Elizabeth Emmons' legal paper on monogamy assumptions — Emily Nagoski's work on desire and relationships JOIN The Year of Opening community for a full year of learning & support. Registration is open now at ⁠⁠www.TheYearOfOpening.com⁠⁠ Are you ready to open your relationship happily? Find out at www.JoliQuiz.com Learn the 5 secrets to open your relationship the smart way Get the answers you want to create the open relationship of your dreams! Sign up for an Ask Me Anything here Music: Dance of Felt by ⁠Blue Dot Sessions

Dating → becoming exclusive → moving in together → getting married → having kids. This is the assumed trajectory that all relationships will take. If you’ve already started exploring non-monogamy, you have some experience with breaking the mold. But even in non-monogamous relationships, it’s common to find yourself slipping back into the relationship escalator framework. This path is so ingrained, it’s easy to feel pressure, both internal and external, to fit your life into its rigid set of steps. We’ve been there, and we continue to work every day to question our own assumptions and tendencies. In this episode, we’re helping you reimagine relationships and relationship security beyond the confines of the relationship escalator. In this episode, we talk about: — What the relationship escalator is and how it shapes our expectations — Different types of escalators beyond just romantic relationships — Why getting off the escalator can be psychologically challenging — How to question relationship norms and make space for alternatives — The importance of building security outside of traditional relationship structures — Practical ways to shift language and interactions to be more inclusive Resources mentioned in this episode: — Amy Gahran's book Stepping Off the Relationship Escalator — Dr. Bella DePaulo’ book Single at Heart JOIN The Year of Opening community for a full year of learning & support. Registration is open now at ⁠⁠www.TheYearOfOpening.com⁠⁠ Are you ready to open your relationship happily? Find out at www.JoliQuiz.com Learn the 5 secrets to open your relationship the smart way Get the answers you want to create the open relationship of your dreams! Sign up for an Ask Me Anything here Music: Dance of Felt by ⁠Blue Dot Sessions