Playing With Fire

When you've been together for years, it's easy to let your relationship run on autopilot. But what happens when you need to reconnect, especially after a difficult period? In this episode, we share our personal journey of creating an intentional retreat to nurture our established relationship after 18 months of significant changes and challenges.We believe that established relationships deserve just as much intentional care as new ones—maybe even more so! The routines and patterns that develop over time can either support your connection or slowly erode it. By creating a specific container for reconnection, we discovered a renewed sense of love and appreciation for each other that surprised even us.We’re breaking down:— How we created a 5-day retreat to nurture our established relationship energy— The power of using a Minimum Viable Agreement (MVA) to create clear expectations and boundaries for our time together— Why choosing a familiar environment reduced the need for resilience and allowed us to focus on each other— The importance of regular check-ins to stay connected without falling into hypervigilance— How practicing differentiation (recognizing where you end and your partner begins) creates space for authentic connection— The value of having a "parking lot" for relationship issues that need discussion but can wait— Using regulation tools when things get emotionally challenging, especially around intimacy— Why explicit communication is crucial for preventing resentment from unmet implicit expectations— How repair tools like our soft safe word "marshmallow" and the apology and accountability ladder helped us navigate difficult moments— The necessity of preparation when creating intentional relationship experiencesResources mentioned in this episode:— NSI (Neuro Somatic Intelligence) techniques— The Apology and Accountability Ladder and other repair techniquesJOIN The Year Of Opening® community for a full year of learning & support. Registration is open now at ⁠⁠www.TheYearOfOpening.com⁠⁠Learn the 5 secrets to open your relationship the smart wayAre you ready to open your relationship happily? Find out at www.JoliQuiz.comGet the answers you want to create the open relationship of your dreams! Sign up for an Ask Me Anything hereMusic: Dance of Felt by ⁠Blue Dot Sessions

When we step outside established relationship norms, we're not just changing our dating lives—we're challenging entire paradigms that shape how we see the world. In this episode, we welcome Marla Schreiber, author of the new book Non-Monogamy and Defying a Paradigm, to discuss what it truly means to question and move beyond mononormativity.Marla brings a fresh perspective as someone who's been practicing polyamory since 2005, when resources were scarce and community was hard to find. Their journey offers valuable insights for anyone questioning relationship structures or feeling constrained by societal expectations.Paradigm shifts aren't just intellectual exercises—they're deeply personal transformations that require courage, patience, and a willingness to exist in uncertainty. Whether you're considering non-monogamy or simply questioning other societal norms, this conversation offers wisdom about the challenging but rewarding process of creating your own path.In this episode, we talk about:— What paradigms are and why they're so difficult to challenge— The humbling experience of trying to create new relationship structures without established models— How mono-normativity is embedded not just in our social world but in legal systems and economic structures— Why it takes 3-5 years (or more!) to truly begin shifting paradigms— The scarcity model that underlies mono-normativity and how it affects our sense of security— Why "exclusivity" often stands in for deeper values and needs that can be met in other ways— How couples privilege operates and why it's challenging to recognize when you're benefiting from it— The courage required to question your approach, even after years of practice— Why defiance can be a powerful tool when challenging established norms— The importance of staying in the "unknown" rather than rushing to create new rigid structuresResources mentioned in this episode:— Marla Schreiber's new book Non-Monogamy and Defying a Paradigm— Marla’s socials: @PolyaMarla— Marla's newsletter at polyamarla.com— The new edition of More Than TwoJOIN The Year Of Opening® community for a full year of learning & support. Registration is open now at ⁠⁠www.TheYearOfOpening.com⁠⁠Learn the 5 secrets to open your relationship the smart wayAre you ready to open your relationship happily? Find out at www.JoliQuiz.comGet the answers you want to create the open relationship of your dreams! Sign up for an Ask Me Anything hereMusic: Dance of Felt by ⁠Blue Dot Sessions

When we think about altered states of consciousness, we often focus on individual experiences. But what happens when we bring psychedelics into our relationships—especially non-monogamous ones? The potential for healing, connection, and transformation is immense, but so are the risks if we're not careful about our approach.In this episode, we're joined by Dr. Nicole Thompson, a queer, non-monogamous sex and relationship psychotherapist with training in psychedelic integration therapy. Nicole is the host of the Modern Anarchy podcast and founder of The Pleasure Practice. Her groundbreaking doctoral research is the first study on relationship anarchy, and she brings a wealth of knowledge about how psychedelics can support relational liberation.In this episode, we talk about:— How psychedelics function as "non-specific amplifiers" that can enhance whatever is present in your relationships (both the good and challenging aspects)— The crucial importance of set, setting, and integration when using psychedelics for relationship exploration— Why community is medicine—both in psychedelic experiences and non-monogamy— The parallels between non-monogamy and psychedelics as mind-expanding experiences that challenge cultural norms— How psychedelics can help us experience our bodies differently and reconnect with sensation after trauma— The neuroplasticity that occurs during and after psychedelic experiences (and how to make the most of that 72-hour window)— Why self-compassion is essential when navigating jealousy in non-monogamous relationships— The similarities between NRE (New Relationship Energy) and psychedelic states— Practical integration practices that help us incorporate insights from altered states into everyday life— Why focusing on positive experiences is just as important as processing challenges— The importance of harm reduction and testing substances if you choose to use psychedelicsResources mentioned in this episode:— Nicole's podcast: Modern Anarchy— The Psychedelic Jealousy Guide— Fireside Project psychedelic support hotline— Relationship Reflection Integration QuestionsJOIN The Year Of Opening® community for a full year of learning & support. Registration is open now at ⁠⁠www.TheYearOfOpening.com⁠⁠Learn the 5 secrets to open your relationship the smart wayAre you ready to open your relationship happily? Find out at www.JoliQuiz.comGet the answers you want to create the open relationship of your dreams! Sign up for an Ask Me Anything hereMusic: Dance of Felt by ⁠Blue Dot Sessions

Relationship ruptures happen to everyone, but repair is a skill that most of us were never really taught. When connections break down between partners, friends, family members, or colleagues, many of us rely on time alone to heal the wounds. But time itself isn't a repair tool, and waiting for hurts to magically disappear often leads to relationships that heal incorrectly, like a broken bone that wasn't properly set.The good news? Effective repair is a learnable skillset that can transform your relationships. Not only does thoughtful repair address specific ruptures, but it also builds relationship resilience, deepens intimacy, and creates psychological safety that allows both people to take more risks in vulnerability.Listen to this one, then check out the Repair Skills YT series we made for you—this is life-changing learning!In this episode, we talk about:— What relationship repair actually is (and what it definitely isn't)— Why time alone cannot heal relationship wounds— How repair is an opportunity to deepen intimacy rather than just a problem to solve— The importance of taking responsibility for your part in ruptures without over-functioning— Why defensiveness, excuses, and intellectualizing are repair-blockers that compound the original hurt— How to avoid performative apologies that don't actually address the underlying issues— Why asking for forgiveness can be problematic and coercive— Why patterns of rupture require patterns of repair— Why repair needs to be consensual—your partner may not be ready when you are— How explanation differs from excuses, and why timing matters when offering explanations— The importance of making repair actions relevant to the specific rupture that occurred— Why gift-giving, sex, or other distractions are not substitutes for genuine repairResources mentioned in this episode:— The Repair Skills YouTube Series— PWF Episode 129: Imago DialogueJOIN The Year Of Opening® community for a full year of learning & support. Registration is open now at ⁠⁠www.TheYearOfOpening.com⁠⁠Learn the 5 secrets to open your relationship the smart wayAre you ready to open your relationship happily? Find out at www.JoliQuiz.comGet the answers you want to create the open relationship of your dreams! Sign up for an Ask Me Anything hereMusic: Dance of Felt by ⁠Blue Dot Sessions

Explore the intriguing world of the Drama Triangle, where roles of victim, hero, and villain trap us in relationship conflicts. Learn how these patterns play out in everyday life, and discover transformative strategies to break free. The discussion highlights the importance of self-awareness and small, purposeful actions to foster healthier interactions. Embrace the Empowerment Dynamic, shifting from victim to creator, and see how challengers and coaches can spark personal growth. Real stories bring these concepts to life, making it an engaging listen!

When your partner experiences something for the first time with another person—whether it's a first date, first kiss, or first intimate encounter—it can trigger a complex mix of emotions. These "firsts" often carry significant meaning and can create unexpected emotional responses, even when you feel intellectually prepared for them.You might spend months discussing, planning, and considering what opening your relationship will look like, but when the moment actually arrives—when theory becomes reality—many of us find ourselves unprepared for the emotional impact. In this episode, we’re discussing some crucial strategies and reframes you can use to to move through difficult emotions and stay in alignment and connection with yourself and your partner(s).We’re breaking down:— Why firsts can feel so charged, even for experienced non-monogamous people— The importance of examining what meaning you're making about these firsts and how that affects your emotional response— How the unknown aspects of what your partner is experiencing can sometimes be scarier than the reality— Practical nervous system regulation techniques to help you stay grounded when big emotions arise— The value of having a personal "rescue plan" ready for moments of distress— Why community support from people who understand non-monogamy is crucial— How intentional "wallowing" can sometimes be helpful when done with boundaries and time limits— The possibility that you might experience compersion (joy at your partner's joy) rather than distress— Why different levels of transparency and communication need to be negotiated between partners— The importance of surrendering to the unknown and trusting yourself to navigate these new experiencesResources mentioned in this episode:— Neuro-Somatic Intelligence— Free training on nervous system regulation— The Multi-Amory community and Normalizing Non-Monogamy communityJOIN The Year Of Opening® community for a full year of learning & support. Registration is open now at ⁠⁠www.TheYearOfOpening.com⁠⁠Learn the 5 secrets to open your relationship the smart wayAre you ready to open your relationship happily? Find out at www.JoliQuiz.comGet the answers you want to create the open relationship of your dreams! Sign up for an Ask Me Anything hereMusic: Dance of Felt by ⁠Blue Dot Sessions

What actually changes when you go from swinging to polyamory? Is it just more dates—or a total shift in your emotional and relational world? We explore the real answers—plus the question no one wants to ask: “What if my partner doesn't want to go with me?”This transition is more than a change in labels—it’s a deep reconfiguration of your emotional bandwidth, time, priorities, and sense of self. It often begins with excitement but can stir unexpected grief as you let go of identities, imagined futures, and unspoken assumptions.In this episode, we talk about:— The key differences between swinging, polyamory, and polysexuality— What happens when partners discover they have divergent desires for relationship structures— The importance of clarifying your own needs and wants before making new agreements— Why patience is crucial when learning about yourself and your evolving desires— How to navigate the redistribution of time and energy when relationship structures change— The reality that feelings don’t always follow rules—and what to do when unexpected emotions arise— Why asking someone not to have feelings is an impossible request that can damage relationships— The value of making commitments about actions rather than trying to control emotions— How transitions often reveal differences, resentments, and incompatibilities that were previously hidden— Essential skills for navigating this transition: introspection, conversation, grief work, and repair— Why building resilience is more valuable than creating “perfect” rules to prevent discomfortResources mentioned in this episode:— Imago Dialogue— Structured apologies as a repair techniqueJoin The Year Of Opening® community for a full year of learning & support. Registration is open now at www.TheYearOfOpening.comLearn the 5 secrets to open your relationship the smart wayAre you ready to open your relationship happily? Find out at www.JoliQuiz.comGet the answers you need to create the open relationship of your dreams! Sign up for an Ask Me Anything hereMusic: Dance of Felt by Blue Dot Sessions

Relationship structures don't have to follow a script. Whether you're monogamous, polyamorous, or somewhere in between, you can intentionally design all your relationships to fit exactly who's in them. But what does that actually look like in practice?In this episode, we welcome Annie Undone, a non-binary queer writer whose journey through various relationship styles offers powerful insights into relating. Annie shares their evolution from monogamy to polyamory to relationship anarchy, demonstrating how deconstructing societal expectations can lead to more authentic relationships across all domains of life.We dive deep into what relationship anarchy truly means (spoiler: it's not just about romantic relationships!) and how this framework can benefit everyone—polyamorous or not—by challenging the assumptions we've internalized about how relationships "should" work.In this episode, we talk about:— Annie's personal journey from monogamy through polyamory to relationship anarchy— The simple yet profound definition of relationship anarchy— How to deconstruct heteronormativity and mononormativity in your relationships— Why relationship anarchy can be beneficial even for monogamous couples— The importance of asking "Do I want this, or do I think I should want this?" when examining relationship expectations— How mononormativity can sneak back in even when we think we've moved beyond it— The value of intergenerational relationships and challenging ageism in our communities— Why coming out to family members about non-monogamy might be less complicated than you fear— The challenges of perfectionism in polyamorous communities— How relationship anarchy creates space for aromantic and asexual people in non-monogamous communities— Why symmetry in relationships isn't always the goal (and can sometimes be inherently unfair)— The ongoing nature of relationship deconstruction as a lifelong processResources mentioned in this episode:— Annie’s Instagram— Annie's Patreon— Annie's new e-book, On Polyamory— Book a one-to-one peer support session with AnnieJOIN The Year Of Opening® community for a full year of learning & support. Registration is open now at ⁠⁠www.TheYearOfOpening.com⁠⁠Learn the 5 secrets to open your relationship the smart wayAre you ready to open your relationship happily? Find out at www.JoliQuiz.comGet the answers you want to create the open relationship of your dreams! Sign up for an Ask Me Anything hereMusic: Dance of Felt by ⁠Blue Dot Sessions

If you’ve been a PWF listener for a while, you know that we love self-agreements. Creating self-agreements based on your goals may sound like a simple process, but we find that some big questions often come up along the way.To answer this week’s listener question, we’re diving deep into value and accountability systems, and we’re giving you practical exercises you can use to uncover your desires and create agreements that actually work for you instead of against you.In this episode, we talk about:— Why all agreements ultimately start as agreements with yourself— The importance of getting explicit about what you actually want versus what you think you "should" want— How to use desire excavation to uncover your true motivations— The power of using verbs in your agreements to make them actionable— Understanding and implementing both natural and manufactured consequences of not following through— Building in rewards and reinforcement for meeting your agreements— Creating support scaffolding through accountability partners, apps, and community— Why perfectionism sabotages agreements and how "daily-ish" can be more effective than rigid expectations— Identifying and removing friction points that get in the way of keeping agreements— Using creative problem-solving to make agreements easier to keep— How keeping agreements with yourself builds self-esteem, integrity, and resilience— The importance of aligning your agreements with your core valuesResources mentioned in this episode:— Oliver Burkeman's book Four Thousand WeeksJOIN The Year Of Opening® community for a full year of learning & support. Registration is open now at ⁠⁠www.TheYearOfOpening.com⁠⁠Learn the 5 secrets to open your relationship the smart wayAre you ready to open your relationship happily? Find out at www.JoliQuiz.comGet the answers you want to create the open relationship of your dreams! Sign up for an Ask Me Anything hereMusic: Dance of Felt by ⁠Blue Dot Sessions

Jealousy and grief are deeply intertwined emotions, often revealing a hidden loss in our relationships. The concept of ambiguous grief shows how emotional shifts can complicate self-perception. It’s fascinating to see how recognizing jealousy can help us appreciate what we value. The podcast explores the mythology of jealousy, emphasizing its role in personal growth. Listeners are encouraged to embrace these feelings and engage in community discussions to enhance emotional health.