239 Radical Relating with Mel Cassidy

Radical relating isn't just about who you're dating—it's about dismantling systems of power and creating community. In this episode, we welcome Mel Cassidy, somatic relationship coach and author of "Radical Relating: A Queer and Polyamory-Informed Guide to Love Beyond the Myth of Monogamy."

Mel shares their journey from blogger to coach to author, and how their work challenges the foundations of mono-normativity. We explore how white supremacy culture, colonization, and Christianity have shaped our understanding of relationships, and how we can break free from these restrictive patterns to create more authentic connections.

This conversation goes far beyond the typical focus on sex in non-monogamy discussions. Instead, we dive into how resource sharing, conflict resolution, and community building can help us create more liberatory forms of love—whether we're in monogamous relationships, polyamorous networks, or anywhere in between.

In this episode, we talk about:

— How white supremacy culture, colonization, and Christianity have shaped monogamy as the default relationship structure

— The concept of "anarcule" as a way to understand relationships beyond sexual connections

— Why perfectionism in relationships is a harmful aspect of mono-normativity that prevents authentic communication

— How the nuclear family was designed as a political tool to counter feminism and socialism

— Ways to practice resource sharing even if you're not interested in having multiple romantic partners

— The importance of decentering sex in our understanding of relationships and asking "what does sex mean to you?"

— Why Google calendars might actually hide conflict rather than resolve scheduling issues

— Practical approaches to conflict resolution, starting with low-stakes issues to build capacity

— How our nervous systems "time travel" during conflict, bringing up old wounds and patterns

— The value of understanding who you become during conflict and how to work with different conflict styles

Resources mentioned in this episode:

— Mel Cassidy's new book: Radical Relating: A Queer and Polyamory-Informed Guide to Love Beyond the Myth of Monogamy

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Music: Dance of Felt by ⁠Blue Dot Sessions