The Secure Love Podcast with Julie Menanno

This session dives into the struggles of an avoidant partner, focusing on Bethany's misread attempts to help her sick daughter. She reveals her 'stone face' is not indifference but a defense against feeling like a failure. A breakthrough occurs when she admits her numbness stems from avoiding overwhelming pain. As vulnerability increases, Brian begins to soften, fostering hope for their relationship. Listeners are prompted to reflect on their own defenses and what feelings they might be shutting out.

Brian, a partner in a complicated therapy session, shares his struggles with trust and feelings of being attacked by his partner, Bethany. He questions his sanity as they confront a cycle of negativity fueled by past traumas. The crucial insight emerges when they reframe Brian's narrative from viewing Bethany as malicious to seeing her as hurt and protective. This shift opens a path to vulnerability, encouraging both to explore their painful histories and the narratives that keep them stuck. Julie challenges listeners to rethink their own assumptions in relationships.

Old wounds can linger longer than we'd like. Brian grapples with new empathy directed at Bethany, which resurfaces his own past trauma. This raw discussion highlights the importance of voicing vulnerabilities instead of competing over pain. The episode dives into how emotional support can transform relationships through co-regulation. Brian’s breakthrough moment turns despair into connection, reminding us that healing often requires simply being seen and understood by our partners. Reflecting on our own triggers can lead to powerful insights.

Melissa and Drew return to discuss their year-long journey since the first season. They candidly share their experiences with anxious-avoidant cycles and parenting differences. The couple highlights their progress in emotional regulation and how therapy has reshaped their marriage. They emphasize the importance of vulnerability and mutual support, contradicting the notion that only one partner needs to change. Their reflections reinforce that healing is an ongoing process, showcasing both struggles and transformative growth.

When a couple faces a minor conflict about a baby monitor, it spirals into a major fight, revealing deeper emotional struggles. They explore how Brian's sarcasm masks feelings of inadequacy and how Bethany's need to explain dismisses real hurt. The discussion emphasizes the challenging but essential practice of co-regulation, focusing on one partner's pain at a time. Through vulnerability and validation, they learn to replace old defensive habits with new, supportive communication strategies.

Why do we lie to the people we love? This week, we dive into that question by exploring the roots of Bethany's financial dishonesty—a betrayal that has broken Brian's trust and left him questioning everything. This session moves beyond blame to understand the fears and unmet needs that often drive dishonest behavior. It's a powerful look at why healing mistrust is an essential first step before a couple can begin to repair their negative cycle, reminding us that while we can't excuse the behavior, understanding its origin is essential for healing. This week's prompt: Reflect on a time you've experienced dishonesty. If you were the one being dishonest, what fear or unmet need was driving your actions? If you were on the receiving end, what did that moment teach you about trust, healing, and boundaries? Send your responses to this prompt or any questions/comments about the podcast via email or voice note to support@thesecurerelationship.com. Your submission might be featured in a future episode. Follow Julie Menanno on social media @thesecurerelationship. For weekly homework assignments visit our website: The Secure Relationship Podcast Take Julie's Anxious Attachment Course: Anxious Attachment: Self-Work Course Purchase Julie's book Secure Love: Create a Relationship That Lasts a Lifetime

For anyone wondering why they keep hitting the same wall in their relationship, this session is essential listening. This week, we go back to the beginning to uncover the origin stories of Bethany and Brian's core wounds—the first major hurts that set their painful cycle in motion and are still alive in their conflict today. We explore how their survival strategies collide when old pain is triggered. Bethany uses logic and explanation to stay safe from overwhelming emotion, while Brian uses anger as a desperate attempt to be seen and heard. We hear the story of Bethany's hidden grief over feeling alone and the story of Brian's broken trust. This episode reveals that healing doesn't start with tallying wrongs or proving who was right. It begins with building the capacity to finally see the wound in the person across from you. The turning point comes not from winning the fight, but from learning how to speak from the pain instead of the defense. This week's prompt: What is your go-to emotional defense when you feel hurt? Do you tend to explain and rationalize, or do you get loud to demand being heard? Send your responses to this prompt or any questions or comments about the podcast via email or voice note to support@thesecurerelationship.com. Your submission might be featured on a future episode. Follow Julie Menanno on social media @thesecurerelationship. For weekly homework assignments visit our website: The Secure Relationship Podcast Take Julie's Anxious Attachment Course: Anxious Attachment: Self-Work Course Purchase Julie's book Secure Love: Create a Relationship That Lasts a Lifetime

Have you ever gotten caught up in the "50/50" debate in your relationship? This week, we explore the messy, emotional reality that lives underneath the fight for fairness. The session dives into a conflict where Brian feels he's carrying an unequal share of the load, from household chores to finances, leaving him feeling unseen and unappreciated. We explore how the argument isn't really about who does what, but about Brian's desperate cry to be seen and valued for his contributions. His hurt comes out as anger and protest, but underneath lies a deep-seated feeling of being unworthy that stems from his childhood and his parents' divorce. This episode reveals the powerful shift that occurs when protest gives way to pain. The turning point isn't a logical solution to dividing chores; it's the moment Brian's raw vulnerability finally reaches Bethany, instantly softening her heart. It's a profound lesson that true connection isn't born from strategy or proving a point; it's born from the courageous act of showing our wounds. This week's prompt: Think about a time you fought about fairness or "50/50" in your relationship. What was the deeper feeling or unmet need hiding beneath the logistics? Send your responses to this prompt or any questions or comments about the podcast via email or voice note to support@thesecurerelationship.com. Your submission might be featured on a future episode.

Brian, a participant in a therapeutic session, dives deep into the emotional turmoil of his partnership with Bethany. They explore the painful silence that arises when he withdraws, leaving her feeling abandoned and confused. The discussion highlights how vulnerability can break down defensive walls, allowing Brian to recognize his empathy for Bethany's pain. By addressing their fears and learning to communicate openly, they begin to shift their dynamic from one of gridlock to understanding. This insightful exchange reveals how shared vulnerability can rebuild connections and foster healing.

Fear can make leaving feel safer than staying, as explored through Brian and Bethany's journey. Brian shares painful memories and a distressing dream that reveal his deep mistrust and fear of abandonment. Their conversation uncovers the chronic anxiety caused by Brian's repeated threats to leave, illuminating how reactive behaviors mask vulnerabilities. The session highlights the challenge of facing fears together rather than letting them pull them apart, offering valuable insights on emotional needs and effective communication.