The Secure Love Podcast with Julie Menanno

For anyone wondering why they keep hitting the same wall in their relationship, this session is essential listening. This week, we go back to the beginning to uncover the origin stories of Bethany and Brian’s core wounds—the first major hurts that set their painful cycle in motion and are still alive in their conflict today. We explore how their survival strategies collide when old pain is triggered. Bethany uses logic and explanation to stay safe from overwhelming emotion, while Brian uses anger as a desperate attempt to be seen and heard. We hear the story of Bethany’s hidden grief over feeling alone and the story of Brian’s broken trust. This episode reveals that healing doesn't start with tallying wrongs or proving who was right. It begins with building the capacity to finally see the wound in the person across from you. The turning point comes not from winning the fight, but from learning how to speak from the pain instead of the defense. This week’s prompt: What is your go-to emotional defense when you feel hurt? Do you tend to explain and rationalize, or do you get loud to demand being heard? Send your responses to this prompt or any questions or comments about the podcast via email or voice note to support@thesecurerelationship.com. Your submission might be featured on a future episode. Follow Julie Menanno on social media @thesecurerelationship. For weekly homework assignments visit our website: The Secure Relationship Podcast Take Julie's Anxious Attachment Course: Anxious Attachment: Self-Work Course Purchase Julie's book Secure Love: Create a Relationship That Lasts a Lifetime

Have you ever gotten caught up in the “50/50” debate in your relationship? This week, we explore the messy, emotional reality that lives underneath the fight for fairness. The session dives into a conflict where Brian feels he’s carrying an unequal share of the load, from household chores to finances, leaving him feeling unseen and unappreciated. We explore how the argument isn't really about who does what, but about Brian's desperate cry to be seen and valued for his contributions. His hurt comes out as anger and protest, but underneath lies a deep-seated feeling of being unworthy that stems from his childhood and his parents’ divorce. This episode reveals the powerful shift that occurs when protest gives way to pain. The turning point isn't a logical solution to dividing chores; it's the moment Brian's raw vulnerability finally reaches Bethany, instantly softening her heart. It’s a profound lesson that true connection isn’t born from strategy or proving a point; it’s born from the courageous act of showing our wounds. This week’s prompt: Think about a time you fought about fairness or "50/50" in your relationship. What was the deeper feeling or unmet need hiding beneath the logistics? Send your responses to this prompt or any questions or comments about the podcast via email or voice note to support@thesecurerelationship.com. Your submission might be featured on a future episode.

Brian, a participant in a therapeutic session, dives deep into the emotional turmoil of his partnership with Bethany. They explore the painful silence that arises when he withdraws, leaving her feeling abandoned and confused. The discussion highlights how vulnerability can break down defensive walls, allowing Brian to recognize his empathy for Bethany's pain. By addressing their fears and learning to communicate openly, they begin to shift their dynamic from one of gridlock to understanding. This insightful exchange reveals how shared vulnerability can rebuild connections and foster healing.

Fear can make leaving feel safer than staying, as explored through Brian and Bethany's journey. Brian shares painful memories and a distressing dream that reveal his deep mistrust and fear of abandonment. Their conversation uncovers the chronic anxiety caused by Brian's repeated threats to leave, illuminating how reactive behaviors mask vulnerabilities. The session highlights the challenge of facing fears together rather than letting them pull them apart, offering valuable insights on emotional needs and effective communication.

A family crisis during a tonsil surgery reveals how differing perceptions can unravel communication. Tensions rise as Bethany's anxiety triggers Brian’s fear of failure, leading him to consider divorce as an easier option than facing their disconnect. The discussion highlights the importance of addressing unspoken needs in relationships. Can they learn to confront their fears together instead of letting them pull them apart? A powerful exploration of how high-stress events expose existing vulnerabilities.

Brian, a partner in couples therapy, opens up about feeling like a 'second-class citizen' in his relationship with Bethany. He discusses how this feeling contributes to his anger, revealing that it stems from a deep longing for connection. The duo wrestles with unspoken sadness and twisted communication patterns, where Brian's emotional struggles turn into name-calling. Meanwhile, Bethany's coping mechanisms only enhance their disconnection. The conversation emphasizes awareness of emotions and questions how neglect affects their bond.

In this engaging session, Brian, an anxious partner, and Bethany navigate the tricky waters of couples therapy. They dive into a heated dispute sparked by a Wi-Fi password, revealing deep-rooted trust issues. Bethany grapples with being seen as the 'bad guy,' while Brian steps into vulnerability for the first time, likening it to donning a 'corny suit.' Their honest dialogue shines a light on attachment styles and the importance of breaking cycles of conflict, marking a pivotal moment for their relationship growth.

In Season 2 of The Secure Love Podcast, licensed therapist and author Julie Menanno returns with a new couple: Bethany and Brian, separated, on the brink of divorce, and making one final attempt to repair their relationship.  This season you'll hear name-calling, financial betrayal, post-partum isolation and deep emotional wounds surface in real time. But beneath the hurt, there's a deeper story, one of longing, vulnerability, and a quiet hope that love might still be possible. Whether or not your relationship looks like theirs, if you’ve ever felt disconnected, stuck in unhealthy patterns, or unsure how to move forward with your partner, you'll see yourself in their story. Can two people who’ve hurt each other so deeply learn to connect again? Can they find their way back? Season 2 begins next week. Subscribe now to follow their journey. Follow Julie Menanno on social media @thesecurerelationship. For weekly homework assignments visit our website: The Secure Relationship Podcast Attend a course or worshop hosted by Julie: Attachment Theory and Relationship Growth Courses Purchase Julie's book Secure Love: Create a Relationship That Lasts a Lifetime

In this engaging discussion, Drew shares his journey through couples therapy alongside partner Melissa, offering a candid look at their emotional growth. They reflect on their initial anxieties and the breakthroughs they experienced during 20 sessions. Julie, their therapist, explains the principles of Emotionally Focused Therapy, emphasizing conflict avoidance and healing. The trio discusses navigating anger, emotional safety, and the healing power of love, providing valuable insights into the dynamics of vulnerability and connection in relationships.

Drew, one half of a couple navigating life's challenges and participating in therapy, joins for a candid discussion about self-acceptance and shame. The conversation dives into how Drew learns to embrace vulnerability, which enhances his emotional connection with Melissa. They tackle parenting anxieties together and reflect on emotional turmoil in relationships, emphasizing the need for mindfulness and communication. Ultimately, they focus on using self-compassion to transform their relationship, breaking negative cycles and fostering deeper understanding.