The Secure Love Podcast with Julie Menanno Session 4: Why Does Leaving Feel Better Than Staying?
Sep 23, 2025
Fear can make leaving feel safer than staying, as explored through Brian and Bethany's journey. Brian shares painful memories and a distressing dream that reveal his deep mistrust and fear of abandonment. Their conversation uncovers the chronic anxiety caused by Brian's repeated threats to leave, illuminating how reactive behaviors mask vulnerabilities. The session highlights the challenge of facing fears together rather than letting them pull them apart, offering valuable insights on emotional needs and effective communication.
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Leaving As A Survival Strategy
- Leaving language often functions as a survival strategy rather than a literal plan to exit a relationship.
- It hides deep vulnerability and aims to regulate unbearable emotional pain.
Delay Your Reaction To Co-Regulate
- Temporarily prioritize co-regulation when your partner brings up pain and delay your own response.
- Return later and request support for your feelings after they have been soothed.
Work One Moment At A Time
- Work conflict by focusing on a single triggering moment rather than circling the whole relationship.
- Own one behavior you could change in that moment and practice a new response repeatedly.
