The Secure Love Podcast with Julie Menanno Session 10: Does it Get Worse Before It Gets Better?
Nov 11, 2025
Old wounds can linger longer than we'd like. Brian grapples with new empathy directed at Bethany, which resurfaces his own past trauma. This raw discussion highlights the importance of voicing vulnerabilities instead of competing over pain. The episode dives into how emotional support can transform relationships through co-regulation. Brian’s breakthrough moment turns despair into connection, reminding us that healing often requires simply being seen and understood by our partners. Reflecting on our own triggers can lead to powerful insights.
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Accumulated Trauma Behind Brian's Shutdown
- Brian describes being violently attacked, tearing his bicep, and becoming unable to work while feeling alone.
- That period, plus his grandmother's death and a separation, created long‑running hurt he never voiced clearly.
Why The Show Focuses On Harder Couples
- Julie explains she chose a more distressed couple (Bethany and Brian) to help listeners who relate to harder cycles.
- She warns she avoids normalizing unhealthy behavior while reducing shame by exposing root unmet attachment needs.
Validate Overwhelm To Open Up Avoidants
- When a partner feels interrogated, validate the overwhelm and offer likely words for their internal state.
- This lowers defensiveness and helps them coalesce feelings into language.
