The Secure Love Podcast with Julie Menanno Session 12: The Very Good Reasons Why The Avoidant Partner Avoids
Nov 25, 2025
This session dives into the struggles of an avoidant partner, focusing on Bethany's misread attempts to help her sick daughter. She reveals her 'stone face' is not indifference but a defense against feeling like a failure. A breakthrough occurs when she admits her numbness stems from avoiding overwhelming pain. As vulnerability increases, Brian begins to soften, fostering hope for their relationship. Listeners are prompted to reflect on their own defenses and what feelings they might be shutting out.
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Daycare Pickup Misread As Control
- Bethany describes getting a daycare call about their sick three-year-old and choosing to pick her up to save Brian disruption at work.
- Brian interpreted her action as control, leading to a fight and feelings of being labeled the 'bad guy.'
Use Healthy Assertion, Not Just Explanation
- Try healthy assertion: state limits and unmet needs instead of only explaining or defending.
- Say clear boundaries like "I can't keep being the bad guy" to reclaim power and invite change.
Emotional Engagement Opens Both Partners
- Brian admits emotional engagement from Bethany gives him hope and opens his nervous system.
- Mutual emotional sharing shifts them from problem-only focus to addressing each other's hurt.
