The Secure Love Podcast with Julie Menanno Session 9: The Knock-Down, Drag-Out Fight for Co-Regulation
Oct 28, 2025
When a couple faces a minor conflict about a baby monitor, it spirals into a major fight, revealing deeper emotional struggles. They explore how Brian's sarcasm masks feelings of inadequacy and how Bethany's need to explain dismisses real hurt. The discussion emphasizes the challenging but essential practice of co-regulation, focusing on one partner's pain at a time. Through vulnerability and validation, they learn to replace old defensive habits with new, supportive communication strategies.
AI Snips
Chapters
Books
Transcript
Episode notes
Small Conflicts Reveal Big Needs
- Small conflicts often reveal unmet attachment needs and can derail connection as much as big crises.
- Secure baseline attachment gives couples resilience so small triggers cause less damage.
Car Crash That Sparked Emotional Fallout
- Bethany described a traumatic car accident where her car rolled and she was treated on scene but walked away with minor injuries.
- Brian immediately stepped in, drove her to the hospital, handled insurance, and cared for logistics while she recovered.
Monitor Text Ignited Old Wounds
- Brian described how a text about the baby monitor triggered him into sarcasm despite his earlier support after the accident.
- He felt diminished and controlled by the monitor and that his competence as a father was being questioned.
