What happens when a couple survives a major crisis, only to be thrown back into their negative cycle by a simple text message? This week, after Bethany recounts a traumatic car accident and Brian's initial, supportive response, a seemingly small conflict about a baby monitor spirals into a "knock-down, drag-out" fight.
We dive deep into the difficult work of co-regulation when both partners are hurting. We explore the raw hurt behind Brian's sarcasm—his pain of feeling controlled, questioned as a parent, and like a "second-class citizen." We also uncover why Bethany's instinct to explain and rationalize, a lifelong strategy to manage overwhelming emotions, lands as a dismissal and keeps them stuck.
This extended session highlights the essential, messy process of learning to attend to one partner's pain at a time, even when you're drowning in your own. Can you put your hurt aside, just for a moment, to truly see the person across from you? It's hard, but necessary work if healing is the goal.
This week's prompt: Reflect on your last conflict. When you felt hurt, what was your go-to protective move (sarcasm, explaining, silence)? What feeling were you trying to communicate underneath that defense?
Send your responses to this prompt or any questions/comments you have about the podcast via email or voice note to support@thesecurerelationship.com.
Your submission might be featured on a future episode.
