It’s All Your Fault: High Conflict People

Guest co-host Cherolyn Knapp and guest Bob Stenhouse, founder of Verita, discuss high conflict workplace investigations, challenges posed by people with high conflict personalities, building rapport with interviewees, use of BIFF in investigations, DARVO concept, and recommendations for employers to address bullying and harassment.

Journalist and radio host Ilyssa Panitz, THE Divorce Journalist, discusses her divorce radio show, high conflict divorce during the pandemic, similarities between celebrity and regular divorces, listener feedback, and lessons learned. The podcast explores navigating challenges in divorce, the impact on celebrities, and turning hardships into positive messages.

Guest Michael Lomax, an expert in high conflict mediation, discusses 10 paradigm shifts essential for mediating high conflict disputes, focusing on problem-solving and client participation. They highlight the importance of avoiding apologies, guiding parties towards future-oriented solutions, and patience in reaching agreements.

Is it possible to change family law in an entire country? Change that results in improvements for families, and especially for children?In today’s episode, Bill and Megan talk with family law attorney, Michal Fein, of Tel Aviv, Israel, about a law she wrote to address some problematic issues in Israel’s family law system—the Family Disputes Settlement Law. They will discuss:what prompted the change and why it was neededwhat the Family Disputes Settlement Law was intended to dowhether it was met with resistance and were there implementation challengesdata at the two-year and six-year marks—did court applications (filings) increase, decrease or stay the samedid the new law impact domestic violence, alienation, mediation and other divorce-related challengeswhether the pandemic impacted divorce rates in IsraelMichal’s hope for the future of family law in IsraelLinks & Other NotesWEBSITE for MICHAL FEINNews and BlogsARTICLE: How Israel Substantially Reduced Litigation In Family CourtOur website: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/Submit a Question for Bill and MeganAll of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books.You can also find these show notes at our site as well.Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing patterns of behavior. (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault (01:25) - Meet Michal Fein (04:19) - Question Round (08:37) - Background of Her Law (22:24) - Resistance (24:57) - Implementation (27:04) - Changing Over Time (30:24) - Changes They've Seen (33:25) - Domestic Violence (36:11) - Mediation (37:19) - Affects of Pandemic (39:50) - Hope for Family Law's Future in Israel (42:10) - Wrap Up (43:12) - Reminders & Coming Next Week: Connection in High Conflict Interactions

Divorcing a high-conflict spouse? The hosts tackle the daunting task of breaking the news, emphasizing careful preparation and clear communication. They discuss the emotional turmoil involved, potential safety risks, and the importance of choosing the right moment and environment. With insights on how to inform children and maintain support systems, they provide crucial advice on navigating this tricky terrain. Plus, look forward to innovative family law discussions aimed at fostering cooperation between parents.

Navigating family court can be a daunting task, especially with high conflict personalities involved. The discussion dives into how emotional manipulation can skew perceptions, leaving the wrong parent painted as the villain. Misjudgments in cases of domestic violence and parental alienation are examined, illustrating the potential for tragic outcomes. The importance of open-mindedness and careful evidence gathering is emphasized to ensure fair resolutions, ultimately prioritizing the well-being of children.

Personality disorders are mystifying to those unfamiliar with them, and even to some in the mental health profession, although with copious amounts of information online about them these days, everyone acts like an expert and the terminology is bandied about with authority. It’s sticky and fascinating information. Unexplainable behaviors can quickly be explained away as narcissistic personality disorder or other personality disorder types. Once that thought happens, it’s easy to develop confirmation bias, which we talked about in the last episode. But it can be dangerous information, information that must be treated with respect and caution. In this episode, Bill and Megan discuss:Are personality disorders a type of mental illness? What is different about them? How common are they?How do they appear in everyday life? Would I know if someone had one? Examples?What questions should be asked in relation to personality disorder and criminal behavior, including the current tragic case of the Idaho murders?Are all people with personality disorders high conflict people?If I think someone has a personality disorder should I tell them?If I want to explain to a friend or family member what a personality disorder is, what should I say?Links & Other NotesARTICLEThe New Elephant in the Room: Why All Professionals Need to Learn About Personality DisordersBOOKSIt’s All Your FaultIt’s All Your Fault at Work: Managing Narcissists and Other High Conflict PeopleThe Big Book on Borderline Personality DisorderHigh Conflict People in Legal DisputesARTICLESFull list of articles on personality disordershttps://www.highconflictinstitute.com/hci-articles?category=Personality%20DisordersOur website: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/Submit a Question for Bill and MeganAll of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books.You can also find these show notes at our site as well.Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing patterns of behavior. (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault (00:34) - How to Understand Personality Disorders (02:00) - Are Personality Disorders a Type of Mental Illness? (05:30) - Higher Percentage? (07:36) - A Different Way to Find the Solution (10:59) - Careful Labelling (11:47) - How Would I Know? (14:00) - Idaho Murder Case Example (18:24) - Personality Disorder Does Not Equal HCP (20:41) - Blame and Charm (22:34) - Always There (23:22) - Lack of Self-Awareness (24:53) - Explaining Personality Disorders (28:55) - Last Thoughts (29:43) - Reminders & Coming Next Week: Getting It Backwards in Family Court

Have you ever been fooled by someone? Or become passionate about a cause, belief, or opinion that later was proven to be false – and you discovered that the information was there all the time but you hadn’t considered anything outside one point of view? That may have been because of confirmation bias.In today’s episode, Bill and Megan discuss:what confirmation bias is and how it can fool usconfirmation bias in today’s society, such as social media, politics, and othershow it is used in high conflict court caseshow to avoid getting fooled by confirmation bias with allegations of abusehow to avoid getting fooled by a high conflict personLinks & Other NotesBOOKS5 Types of People Who Can Ruin Your LifeHigh Conflict People in Legal DisputesOur website: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/Submit a Question for Bill and MeganAll of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books.You can also find these show notes at our site as well.Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing patterns of behavior. (00:00) - Timestamp: 158760000 (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault (00:35) - Confirmation Bias (02:03) - What Is Confirmation Bias? (04:18) - Vs. Brainwashing (05:52) - Social Media (06:50) - Meta-Analysis (08:40) - Social Worker History (12:43) - Size of the Problem (17:58) - #MeToo Movement (19:17) - When in Cases (23:39) - Resist and Refuse Cases (27:13) - Avoiding Confirmation Bias (29:34) - Avoiding Getting Fooled by HCPs (31:41) - Wrap Up (32:05) - Reminders & Coming Next Week: Explaining Personality Disorders

People with high conflict personalities have strong unconscious fears that are easily triggered: abandonment; humiliation, being dominated; ignored; and other major losses. When triggered, this is a greater concern with high conflict people than with the average person. In this episode, Bill and Megan discuss:the types of losses that can trigger high risk:divorcenew relationship partnerjob terminationevictionneighbor disputeother losseswhether these are predictable how to be awarehow to protect yourself and handle:divorce situations when delivering bad news or other big changesworkplace situations, especially when disciplining or terminating someone’s employmentneighborhood/homeowner’s or condo association meetings Links & Other NotesBOOKSSplitting: Protecting Yourself While Divorcing Someone with Borderline or Narcissistic Personality DisorderBIFF: Quick Responses to High-Conflict People, Their Personal Attacks, Hostile Email and Social Media MeltdownsBIFF at Work: Your Guide to Difficult Workplace Communication: Your Guide to Difficult Workplace CommunicationCalming Upset People with EAROur website: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/Submit a Question for Bill and MeganAll of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books.You can also find these show notes at our site as well.Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing patterns of behavior. (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault (00:34) - Times of High Risk (01:25) - Why a Greater Concern with HCPs? (05:17) - Unconscious Reactions (08:09) - HOA Example (14:05) - Settings (16:30) - Divorce Examples (23:46) - Times of High Risk (26:27) - In the Workplace (28:32) - Success Story (30:42) - Last Thoughts (31:55) - Reminders & Coming Next Week: Confirmation Bias

High-conflict situations can trigger our emotional overreactions, often rooted in the brain's wiring. The discussion dives into why we get hooked by these conflicts and the neurological challenges that arise. A 'Dilemmas and Decisions' list is introduced as a proactive tool to manage reactions and promote thoughtful analysis. Writing is highlighted as a transformative method for emotional regulation. Listeners are encouraged to engage with practical strategies that shift them from being reactive to proactive in challenging interactions.