It’s All Your Fault: High Conflict People

Bill, an expert on alienation and estrangement, discusses the differences between the two in high conflict divorces. He emphasizes setting limits in intact families and offers insights on dealing with high conflict people. The episode explores the impact of parental decisions on child relationships and provides practical advice for managing relationships effectively.

Learn strategies for interacting with high conflict personalities, including avoiding trying to give them insight into themselves. Understand the challenges of opening up emotions in relationships with high conflict personalities. Explore how our brains respond to high conflict situations and how to train our amygdala to stay calm. Remember the four key things when dealing with individuals with a high conflict personality.

Explore the theory of high conflict personalities with Bill Eddy, focusing on patterns of behavior like blaming others and extreme emotions. Understand the importance of behavior-focused approaches in dealing with individuals with high-conflict traits. Learn about the challenges in diagnosing personality disorders and effective strategies for managing interactions without labels.

When dealing with high conflict personalities, knowing when to stop trying is crucial. Recognize signs like overreacting or feeling overwhelmed. Setting boundaries and disengaging with empathy are key strategies. The podcast provides valuable insights on navigating relationships with such individuals.

High conflict divorce and separation in the family courts consumes the majority of the courts’ time and resources and provides the most frustration and confusion. This is the second of a two-part episode with Dr. Amy J.L. Baker in our new High Conflict Divorce series, in which we interview leading experts from the high conflict divorce world – attorneys, counselors, custody evaluators, researchers, mediators and those within the courts themselves. In this episode Dr. Amy J.L. Baker, parental alienation expert and author of 9 books, including Co-parenting with a Toxic Ex; The High-Conflict Custody Battle; and Adult Children of Parental Alienation Syndrome will talk with Bill and Megan about:Whether favored parents ever recognize that they’re doing itParental alienation vs. parental estrangement Recommendations for lawyers when a child resists or refuses contactTips for what can be done in mild, moderate, severe casesTips for lawyers and therapistsTips for parents and grandparentsPrograms that can help reconnect a child with a rejected parentLinks & Other NotesWEBSITESDr. Baker’s Websitehttps://www.amyjlbaker.com/New Ways for Familieshttps://www.highconflictinstitute.com/new-ways-for-familiesTurning Points for Familieshttps://www.turningpointsforfamilies.com/BOOKSCo-Parenting with a Toxic Exhttps://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1608829588Adult Children of Parental Alienation Syndromehttps://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0393705196The High-Conflict Custody Battlehttps://www.amazon.com/The-High-Conflict-Custody-Battle-Accusations/dp/1626250731OTHEROur website: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/Submit a Question for Bill and MeganBooks: all of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold.You can also find these show notes at our site.Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing patterns of behavior. (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault (02:25) - Adult Children and Alienation (05:16) - Advice (10:30) - Recognizing You're Alienating (14:18) - Personality Disorders and Labels (17:37) - Evolving the Term (22:47) - Added to the DSM? (25:22) - Treatment (29:32) - Therapists (35:31) - Lawyers (37:24) - Parents (39:52) - Cutting Off Contact (42:09) - Wrapping Up (43:17) - Reminders & Coming Next Week: Part 2 of our High Conflict Divorce series Learn more about our New Ways for Work Coaching sessions. Get started today!

High conflict divorce and separation in the family courts consumes the majority of the court’s time and resources and provides the most frustration and confusion. This is the first episode in our new High Conflict Divorce series in which we will interview leading experts from the high conflict divorce world — attorneys, counselors, custody evaluators, researchers, mediators, and those within the courts themselves. In this episode – the first of two – we talk with renowned parental alienation expert Dr. Amy J.L. Baker, the author of nine books including Co-parenting with a Toxic Ex, The High-Conflict Custody Battle, and Adult Children of Parental Alienation Syndrome. Alienation is one of the most challenging, confusing, and terrifying events in one’s life. Bill and Megan talk with Dr. Baker about:Alienation definedTerminology: parental alienation or some other termPrevalence in divorce/separationWhether it is increasing or notCauses of alienationResearch on adult children of parental alienationWhether adult children of parental alienation mostly connect or not with parents somedayRecommendation to parents whose children have cut them off?Links & Other NotesWEBSITESDr. Baker’s WebsiteNew Ways for FamiliesBOOKSCo-Parenting with a Toxic ExAdult Children of Parental Alienation SyndromeThe High-Conflict Custody BattleOTHEROur websiteSubmit a Question for Bill and MeganAll of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold.You can also find these show notes on our site as well.Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing patterns of behavior. (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault (02:27) - Part I of High Conflict Divorce Series (04:47) - Dr. Amy J.L. Baker (10:22) - What Is Alienation? (13:48) - Alienation vs. Estrangement (16:40) - The Five Factor Model (24:27) - How Prevalent Is Alienation? (27:40) - Reminders & Coming Next Week: Part 2 of our High Conflict Divorce series Learn more about our New Ways for Work Coaching sessions. Get started today!

REBROADCASTDomestic ViolenceMegan and Bill are joined by the Honorable Karen Adam and Annette Burns to discuss domestic violence. This is part one of this conversation.Links & Other NotesTHE VIDEO THAT WAS DISCUSSED IN THE EPISODEConversations About Domestic Violence in Family Law with 16 ExpertsBIOSBios for Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq., Honorable Karen Adam, and Annette Burns, J.D.DOMESTIC VIOLENCE EXPERTS INTERVIEWED IN THE VIDEOAbi Ajibolade, Executive Director, The Redwood, Toronto, OntarioAmy G. Applegate, JD, Clinical Professor of Law, Maurer School of Law, Indiana University, Bloomington, IndianaLinda Bortell, PsyD, Clinical Psychologist, Bortell Psychological, Inc., Los Angeles, CaliforniaMelissa Brickhouse-Thomas, LCSW, Manager, Victim Services, Glendale Police Dept., Glendale, ArizonaGabrielle Davis, JD, Legal and Policy Advisor, Battered Women’s Justice Project, Minneapolis, MinnesotaLoretta M. Frederick, JD, Senior Legal & Policy Director, Battered Women’s Justice Project, Minneapolis, MinnesotaAnna Harper-Guerrero, LMSW, Executive Vice President & Chief Strategy Officer, Emerge! Center Against Domestic Abuse, Tucson, ArizonaAmy Holtzworth-Munroe, PhD, Professor of Psychology, Dept. of Psychological & Brain Science, Indiana University, Bloomington, IndianaHilary A. Linton, JD, LLM, Mediator, President, Family Mediation Services (mediate393) Toronto, OntarioJan Maiden, JD, Family Law/Domestic Violence Attorney, Law Office of Jan Maiden, San Diego, CaliforniaWendy Million, City Magistrate, Tucson City Court Domestic Violence Court, Tucson, ArizonaCharles A. Sawchenko, MSW, Police Lieutenant (Ret), Delaware State Police, Dover, DelawareWilliam Spiller, Jr., JD, Family Lawyer and Minor’s Counsel, Law Offices of William Spiller, Jr., Los Angeles, CaliforniaNancy Ver Steegh, MSW, JD, Professor of Law, Mitchell Hamline School of Law, St. Paul, MinnesotaNeil Websdale, PhD, Director, Family Violence Center, Arizona State University, Tempe, ArizonaDavid Wexler, PhD, Director, Relationship Training Institute, San Diego, CaliforniaSubmit a Question for Bill and MeganAll of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books.You can also find these show notes at highconflictinstitute.com/podcast as well.Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing patterns of behavior. (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault (02:40) - Dealing With Domestic Violence (04:27) - Meet Our Guests (06:23) - Impetus Behind DV Video Series (07:18) - Overall Objective (08:31) - Surprises (09:53) - Karen's Motivation (13:46) - Survivor vs. Victim (16:56) - Annette's Motivation (19:28) - Biggest Issues in Divorce & Co-Parenting (29:40) - Intimate Partner Violence vs. DV (31:50) - Coercive Control (34:19) - HCPs (41:18) - Last Words (42:57) - Coming Next Week: Part 2 Learn more about our New Ways for Work Coaching sessions. Get started today!

Discover how to navigate hostile communications with high-conflict personalities using the BIFF method—Brief, Informative, Friendly, and Firm. Learn why emotional responses can escalate disputes and the importance of composing yourself during tense interactions. Delve into the power of empathy in communication, and why avoiding unnecessary apologies can lead to more productive dialogues. Explore practical strategies to transform misunderstandings into constructive conversations, helping you manage conflict in everyday situations.

REBROADCASTThe challenge of being emotional creaturesDid you know that emotions are contagious? We like to think we are in complete control of our emotions, but lots of research shows that emotions are contagious and it’s how we handle our own emotions once we’re emotionally hooked.In this episode we’ll break down emotion contagion. If you’re a brain nerd like us, or you simply want to have a better understanding of human behavior and the impact of unmanaged emotions on others, you’ll enjoy this episode. Specifically, we’ll discuss:Can you get emotionally “hooked?” and “unhooked?”How exactly are emotions contagious? How does that work in our brains?Can emotions lead us to make bad decisions?How do High Conflict People deal with emotions?How do High Conflict People communicate differently using their emotions?Are emotions part of why we have such angry polarization today in families and in politics?What can we do to calm down emotionsLinks & Other NotesBOOKSBIFF for everyoneBIFF for Coparent CommunicationBIFF for WorkplaceCalming Upset People with EARON DEMAND COURSEThe Brain 101: For Lawyers & AnyoneWho Are High Conflict People?ARTICLESManaging EmotionsKeep the Conflict Small! (With Managed Emotions)Submit a Question for Bill and MeganAll of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books.Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing patterns of behavior. (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault (02:41) - Emotionally Hooked & Unhooked (06:21) - Getting Hooked (08:15) - Emotional Persuasion (14:12) - In the Brain (22:32) - Emotions Leading to Bad Decisions (25:47) - HCPs Dealing With Emotions (28:56) - Communicating with Emotions (30:22) - Polarization (35:40) - Calming Emotions (37:46) - Reminders & Coming Next Week: HCPs in Love Learn more about our New Ways for Work Coaching sessions. Get started today!

REBROADCASTFamily members (and friends) of someone who suffers from Borderline Personality Disorder (or BPD) are typically mystified about how to interact with them, walk on eggshells around them, and generally feel overwhelmed and defeated because they don’t know what to do.In this episode, Bill and Megan continue their discussion with BPD expert Amanda Smith, LCSW, founder of HopeforBPD.com. Amanda is a highly skilled BPD and Dialectical Behavior Therapy expert, having helped countless clients through their recovery. She’s helped family members learn the necessary skills for helping their loved one best while also taking care of themselves. Amanda also provides treatment consultation. She is the author of two books:The Dialectical Behavior Therapy Wellness PlannerThe Borderline Personality Disorder Wellness Planner for FamiliesIn this episode – part 2 of 2 – Amanda gives hope and help to family members and friends of those with BPD. She discusses what to do and what to avoid. She will explain whether BPD is a hopeless situation with no resolution or whether something can be done to intervene – including whether an “intervention” can work.Links & Other NotesHopeforBPDThe Dialectical Behavior Therapy Wellness PlannerThe Borderline Personality Disorder Wellness PlannerOur website: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/Submit a Question for Bill and MeganAll of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books.Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing patterns of behavior. (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault (02:39) - The Family of Someone With BPD (03:43) - Avoiding Blame (06:34) - Helping When They Don't See the Problem (08:28) - When in a Marriage (10:22) - Couples Counseling (12:25) - Intervention? (14:49) - Calling It Out (16:17) - How to Approach It (18:02) - In High Conflict Divorces (21:41) - E A R Statements (23:18) - Medication (24:59) - Amanda's Book (27:49) - Wrapping Up (30:03) - Reminders Learn more about our New Ways for Work Coaching sessions. Get started today!