It’s All Your Fault: High Conflict People

Is it possible to change family law in an entire country? Change that results in improvements for families, and especially for children?In today’s episode, Bill and Megan talk with family law attorney, Michal Fein, of Tel Aviv, Israel, about a law she wrote to address some problematic issues in Israel’s family law system—the Family Disputes Settlement Law. They will discuss:what prompted the change and why it was neededwhat the Family Disputes Settlement Law was intended to dowhether it was met with resistance and were there implementation challengesdata at the two-year and six-year marks—did court applications (filings) increase, decrease or stay the samedid the new law impact domestic violence, alienation, mediation and other divorce-related challengeswhether the pandemic impacted divorce rates in IsraelMichal’s hope for the future of family law in IsraelLinks & Other NotesWEBSITE for MICHAL FEINNews and BlogsARTICLE: How Israel Substantially Reduced Litigation In Family CourtOur website: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/Submit a Question for Bill and MeganAll of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books.You can also find these show notes at our site as well.Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing patterns of behavior. (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault (01:25) - Meet Michal Fein (04:19) - Question Round (08:37) - Background of Her Law (22:24) - Resistance (24:57) - Implementation (27:04) - Changing Over Time (30:24) - Changes They've Seen (33:25) - Domestic Violence (36:11) - Mediation (37:19) - Affects of Pandemic (39:50) - Hope for Family Law's Future in Israel (42:10) - Wrap Up (43:12) - Reminders & Coming Next Week: Connection in High Conflict Interactions

Divorcing a high-conflict spouse? The hosts tackle the daunting task of breaking the news, emphasizing careful preparation and clear communication. They discuss the emotional turmoil involved, potential safety risks, and the importance of choosing the right moment and environment. With insights on how to inform children and maintain support systems, they provide crucial advice on navigating this tricky terrain. Plus, look forward to innovative family law discussions aimed at fostering cooperation between parents.

Navigating family court can be a daunting task, especially with high conflict personalities involved. The discussion dives into how emotional manipulation can skew perceptions, leaving the wrong parent painted as the villain. Misjudgments in cases of domestic violence and parental alienation are examined, illustrating the potential for tragic outcomes. The importance of open-mindedness and careful evidence gathering is emphasized to ensure fair resolutions, ultimately prioritizing the well-being of children.

Personality disorders are mystifying to those unfamiliar with them, and even to some in the mental health profession, although with copious amounts of information online about them these days, everyone acts like an expert and the terminology is bandied about with authority. It’s sticky and fascinating information. Unexplainable behaviors can quickly be explained away as narcissistic personality disorder or other personality disorder types. Once that thought happens, it’s easy to develop confirmation bias, which we talked about in the last episode. But it can be dangerous information, information that must be treated with respect and caution. In this episode, Bill and Megan discuss:Are personality disorders a type of mental illness? What is different about them? How common are they?How do they appear in everyday life? Would I know if someone had one? Examples?What questions should be asked in relation to personality disorder and criminal behavior, including the current tragic case of the Idaho murders?Are all people with personality disorders high conflict people?If I think someone has a personality disorder should I tell them?If I want to explain to a friend or family member what a personality disorder is, what should I say?Links & Other NotesARTICLEThe New Elephant in the Room: Why All Professionals Need to Learn About Personality DisordersBOOKSIt’s All Your FaultIt’s All Your Fault at Work: Managing Narcissists and Other High Conflict PeopleThe Big Book on Borderline Personality DisorderHigh Conflict People in Legal DisputesARTICLESFull list of articles on personality disordershttps://www.highconflictinstitute.com/hci-articles?category=Personality%20DisordersOur website: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/Submit a Question for Bill and MeganAll of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books.You can also find these show notes at our site as well.Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing patterns of behavior. (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault (00:34) - How to Understand Personality Disorders (02:00) - Are Personality Disorders a Type of Mental Illness? (05:30) - Higher Percentage? (07:36) - A Different Way to Find the Solution (10:59) - Careful Labelling (11:47) - How Would I Know? (14:00) - Idaho Murder Case Example (18:24) - Personality Disorder Does Not Equal HCP (20:41) - Blame and Charm (22:34) - Always There (23:22) - Lack of Self-Awareness (24:53) - Explaining Personality Disorders (28:55) - Last Thoughts (29:43) - Reminders & Coming Next Week: Getting It Backwards in Family Court

Have you ever been fooled by someone? Or become passionate about a cause, belief, or opinion that later was proven to be false – and you discovered that the information was there all the time but you hadn’t considered anything outside one point of view? That may have been because of confirmation bias.In today’s episode, Bill and Megan discuss:what confirmation bias is and how it can fool usconfirmation bias in today’s society, such as social media, politics, and othershow it is used in high conflict court caseshow to avoid getting fooled by confirmation bias with allegations of abusehow to avoid getting fooled by a high conflict personLinks & Other NotesBOOKS5 Types of People Who Can Ruin Your LifeHigh Conflict People in Legal DisputesOur website: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/Submit a Question for Bill and MeganAll of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books.You can also find these show notes at our site as well.Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing patterns of behavior. (00:00) - Timestamp: 158760000 (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault (00:35) - Confirmation Bias (02:03) - What Is Confirmation Bias? (04:18) - Vs. Brainwashing (05:52) - Social Media (06:50) - Meta-Analysis (08:40) - Social Worker History (12:43) - Size of the Problem (17:58) - #MeToo Movement (19:17) - When in Cases (23:39) - Resist and Refuse Cases (27:13) - Avoiding Confirmation Bias (29:34) - Avoiding Getting Fooled by HCPs (31:41) - Wrap Up (32:05) - Reminders & Coming Next Week: Explaining Personality Disorders

People with high conflict personalities have strong unconscious fears that are easily triggered: abandonment; humiliation, being dominated; ignored; and other major losses. When triggered, this is a greater concern with high conflict people than with the average person. In this episode, Bill and Megan discuss:the types of losses that can trigger high risk:divorcenew relationship partnerjob terminationevictionneighbor disputeother losseswhether these are predictable how to be awarehow to protect yourself and handle:divorce situations when delivering bad news or other big changesworkplace situations, especially when disciplining or terminating someone’s employmentneighborhood/homeowner’s or condo association meetings Links & Other NotesBOOKSSplitting: Protecting Yourself While Divorcing Someone with Borderline or Narcissistic Personality DisorderBIFF: Quick Responses to High-Conflict People, Their Personal Attacks, Hostile Email and Social Media MeltdownsBIFF at Work: Your Guide to Difficult Workplace Communication: Your Guide to Difficult Workplace CommunicationCalming Upset People with EAROur website: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/Submit a Question for Bill and MeganAll of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books.You can also find these show notes at our site as well.Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing patterns of behavior. (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault (00:34) - Times of High Risk (01:25) - Why a Greater Concern with HCPs? (05:17) - Unconscious Reactions (08:09) - HOA Example (14:05) - Settings (16:30) - Divorce Examples (23:46) - Times of High Risk (26:27) - In the Workplace (28:32) - Success Story (30:42) - Last Thoughts (31:55) - Reminders & Coming Next Week: Confirmation Bias

High-conflict situations can trigger our emotional overreactions, often rooted in the brain's wiring. The discussion dives into why we get hooked by these conflicts and the neurological challenges that arise. A 'Dilemmas and Decisions' list is introduced as a proactive tool to manage reactions and promote thoughtful analysis. Writing is highlighted as a transformative method for emotional regulation. Listeners are encouraged to engage with practical strategies that shift them from being reactive to proactive in challenging interactions.

Did you know if brainwashing of a child is real in divorce and/or co-parenting? In parental alienation (child alienation), families are divided but is brainwashing behind it? A part of it? Or not at all?In today’s episode, Megan interviews Bill about his latest findings on this topic, which is one of the most challenging and painful life experiences that families go through. They will discuss:quick explanation of what parental alienation is why use the strong term of brainwashingthe role of neurons in a child’s brainwhy parental alienation seems to take hold primarily between the ages of 9 and 14, or does it?why alienated children have such strange or frivolous reasons why they resist or refuse contact with one of their parentswhy the child’s rejection or hatred of one parent is so pure and extreme, and not at all ambivalentan example of a 15-year-old girl who wrote a letter to her divorced father intending to end all contact with himwhat happened in that casewhat can be learned from itwhat should have happenedLinks & Other NotesWEBINAR: How Brainwashing Works on a Child’s Brain BOOK:  Don’t Alienate the KidsBOOK: Splitting: Protecting Yourself While Divorcing Someone with Borderline or Narcissistic Personality Disorder ARTICLE:  Does Ridicule Stop Alienation?ARTICLE: Child Alienation: “1000 Little Bricks”ARTICLE: Handling Alienation in New Ways for Families®Our website: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/Submit a Question for Bill and MeganAll of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books.You can also find these show notes at our site as well.Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing patterns of behavior. (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault (00:31) - Today's Topic (01:34) - Parental Alienation (06:30) - Neurons (09:00) - Ages 9-14 (17:09) - Why They Refuse Contact (21:58) - Pure Hatred (26:23) - Example (33:14) - Wrap Up (34:24) - Reminders

The Second City – where countless actors and comedians got their start. They’ve been bringing the funny for over 60 years. Now the first name in improve and comedy, they’ve expanded well beyond the stage and into business, wellness, education and so much more. Kelly Leonard, Executive Director of Learning and Applied Improvisation at The Second City, joins Bill and Megan in this episode to talk about improvisation, creativity, and whether and how it can be used in conflict communication – especially in high conflict interactions. For over twenty years, he oversaw Second City’s live theatrical divisions working with such talent as Tina Fey, Stephen Colbert, Amy Poehler, Seth Meyers, Steve Carrell, and others.In this episode, we’ll talk about:Kelly’s book, Yes, Andimprovisation and creativity beyond the stageallowing anything to be on the tabledifferences between creativity and innovationallowing yourself to be a human beingthe effect of the body on the brain and anxiety (he’ll talk about what can be seen on an MRI when a smile is involved)so much moreLinks & Other Notes:KELLY’S BOOKYes, And: How Improvisation Reverses "No, But" Thinking and Improves Creativity and Collaboration--Lessons from The Second CityKELLY’S PODCAST"Getting to Yes, And"KELLY’S TEDxBroadwayTalkEmbrace Your FailuresKELLY’S COURSESThe Second CityOur website: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/Submit a Question for Bill and MeganAll of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books.You can also find these show notes at our site as well.Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing patterns of behavior. (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault (01:17) - Meet Kelly Leonard (08:08) - Yes! And... (11:16) - Using It in Conflict Situations (14:32) - Times to Not 'Yes And' (17:18) - Thank You, Because... (18:50) - Avoiding Escalation (19:45) - Humor, Surprise, Delight (20:27) - Why Improv? (25:48) - The Science (35:43) - Reminders & Coming Next Week: Jackhammer Parents

Erasing Family. In this age of cancellation, it’s not so rare. In the divorce and child custody (family court) world, cancellation has been a “thing” for a long time. Cancellation of the child’s other parent and even extended family is common. In this episode, Bill and Megan are joined by Ginger Gentile, director of the Erasing Family documentary. Erasing Family follows young adults fighting to reunite with their broken families. Part emotional roller coaster, part investigative exposé, the film “follows the money” to expose why loving moms and dads are erased from their kid’s lives by divorce. Bill and Megan will talk with Ginger about the documentary and discuss:why kids are often unaware they are alienated from a parentwhat should a parent say and do when their child says they never want to see them againwhat to do when a child refuses all contact with a parent, if anythingtop mistakes a parent makes when reuniting with a parenthow long it can take to reunite - whether it’s a process or can it be resolved in a daythe patterns that all families who reunite followbiggest changes in alienation in the last decadeself-care in alienationlistener questions focused on:getting through to the other parent just how damaging their behavior is on the kids; and protecting them from other parents behavior without also engaging in alienationhow to handle other family members who have been pulled into the conflictLinks & Other NotesGINGER GENTILE’S WEBSITE & DOCUMENTARYErasingFamily.OrgBOOKSDon’t Alienate the KidsBIFF for Communication: Your Guide to Difficult Texts, Emails and Social Media PostsPROGRAMS/COURSESNew Ways for Families for Parents & ChildrenOur website at High Conflict Institute: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/Submit a Question for Bill and MeganAll of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books.You can also find these show notes at our site as well.Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing patterns of behavior. (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault (01:58) - Ginger Gentile (03:37) - Questions (06:27) - Erasing Family (13:05) - Feedback (16:17) - Alienated Children (17:42) - Parental Responses (19:21) - When Kids Refuse (21:28) - New Ways for Families (24:06) - Reunion Mistakes (30:56) - Dealing With the Other Parent (36:05) - Changes Over Time (41:24) - Communicating If There's No Contact (42:40) - Parental Self-Care (43:49) - Counteracting Alienation (45:58) - Counteracting Patterns (49:00) - Being Ready (52:03) - Target of Blame (55:05) - Reminders