What are the 4 Fuhgedaboudits When Interacting with Someone with a High Conflict Personality?
Oct 20, 2022
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Learn strategies for interacting with high conflict personalities, including avoiding trying to give them insight into themselves. Understand the challenges of opening up emotions in relationships with high conflict personalities. Explore how our brains respond to high conflict situations and how to train our amygdala to stay calm. Remember the four key things when dealing with individuals with a high conflict personality.
To effectively interact with high conflict individuals, professionals should avoid trying to provide insight into their behavior and focus on managing the relationship and finding practical solutions.
Professionals dealing with high conflict individuals can train their amygdala by repeatedly exposing themselves to high conflict situations and remaining calm, which can desensitize the amygdala and reduce emotional reactions.
Deep dives
The Four 'Forget About It' in High Conflict Situations
In this podcast episode, the hosts discuss the four key things to avoid in high conflict situations. The first point is to forget about trying to give the person insight into themselves and their behavior. High conflict individuals often lack self-awareness, making it futile to attempt to make them understand the impact of their actions. The second point is to forget about focusing on the past. High conflict people are prone to rewriting history and blaming others, so it is crucial to center discussions on the present and future. The third point advises against opening up emotions. Emotional confrontations and discussions about feelings can escalate conflicts with high conflict individuals, as they tend to lack emotional regulation. The fourth and final point is to forget about using labels. Labeling individuals as high conflict or having personality disorders can trigger defensiveness and hinder progress. Instead, the focus should be on managing the relationship and finding practical solutions. By keeping these four principles in mind, professionals can navigate high conflict situations more effectively.
Training the Amygdala in High Conflict Situations
The hosts highlight the amygdala's role in high conflict situations and how it can be trained. The amygdala processes threats and triggers the fight-or-flight response. However, by repeatedly exposing oneself to high conflict situations and remaining calm, the amygdala can be desensitized, reducing the emotional reaction. It is possible to reframe the amygdala's response through cultural influences and personal experiences. Professionals dealing with high conflict individuals can consciously work on remaining calm, using encouraging statements, and reminding themselves that they have the skills to handle these situations.
Practical Tips for Dealing with High Conflict Individuals
The hosts provide practical tips for effectively managing high conflict individuals. They emphasize the importance of writing down and memorizing the four principles discussed in the episode: avoiding attempts to give insight into the person, focusing on the present and future instead of dwelling on the past, refraining from emotional confrontations, and avoiding labels. They advise professionals to keep reminders of these principles and to incorporate them into their daily routines. By implementing these strategies, professionals can navigate high conflict situations with greater ease and prevent escalating conflicts.
Interactions with someone with a high conflict personality often become contentious and you may eventually get upset, storm off, or simply feel inadequate. We’re often left wondering why our best skills don’t work in these interactions.
A primary reason for this is because we often respond in a way that doesn’t work — our own defaults that work well with most people.
There are 4 Fuhgedaboudits in high conflict interactions that will revolutionize them. They are necessary but we often forget about the 4 Fuhgedaboudits.
In this episode, Megan and Bill will explain what they are and why they’re so important.