Explore the theory of high conflict personalities with Bill Eddy, focusing on patterns of behavior like blaming others and extreme emotions. Understand the importance of behavior-focused approaches in dealing with individuals with high-conflict traits. Learn about the challenges in diagnosing personality disorders and effective strategies for managing interactions without labels.

When dealing with high conflict personalities, knowing when to stop trying is crucial. Recognize signs like overreacting or feeling overwhelmed. Setting boundaries and disengaging with empathy are key strategies. The podcast provides valuable insights on navigating relationships with such individuals.

High conflict divorce and separation in the family courts consumes the majority of the courts’ time and resources and provides the most frustration and confusion. This is the second of a two-part episode with Dr. Amy J.L. Baker in our new High Conflict Divorce series, in which we interview leading experts from the high conflict divorce world – attorneys, counselors, custody evaluators, researchers, mediators and those within the courts themselves. In this episode Dr. Amy J.L. Baker, parental alienation expert and author of 9 books, including Co-parenting with a Toxic Ex; The High-Conflict Custody Battle; and Adult Children of Parental Alienation Syndrome will talk with Bill and Megan about:Whether favored parents ever recognize that they’re doing itParental alienation vs. parental estrangement Recommendations for lawyers when a child resists or refuses contactTips for what can be done in mild, moderate, severe casesTips for lawyers and therapistsTips for parents and grandparentsPrograms that can help reconnect a child with a rejected parentLinks & Other NotesWEBSITESDr. Baker’s Websitehttps://www.amyjlbaker.com/New Ways for Familieshttps://www.highconflictinstitute.com/new-ways-for-familiesTurning Points for Familieshttps://www.turningpointsforfamilies.com/BOOKSCo-Parenting with a Toxic Exhttps://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1608829588Adult Children of Parental Alienation Syndromehttps://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0393705196The High-Conflict Custody Battlehttps://www.amazon.com/The-High-Conflict-Custody-Battle-Accusations/dp/1626250731OTHEROur website: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/Submit a Question for Bill and MeganBooks: all of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold.You can also find these show notes at our site.Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing patterns of behavior. (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault (02:26) - Adult Children and Alienation (05:17) - Advice (10:31) - Recognizing You're Alienating (14:19) - Personality Disorders and Labels (17:38) - Evolving the Term (22:48) - Added to the DSM? (25:23) - Treatment (29:33) - Therapists (35:32) - Lawyers (37:25) - Parents (39:53) - Cutting Off Contact (42:10) - Wrapping Up (43:19) - Reminders & Coming Next Week: Part 2 of our High Conflict Divorce series Learn more about our New Ways for Mediation Coaching Sessions. Get started today!

High conflict divorce and separation in the family courts consumes the majority of the court’s time and resources and provides the most frustration and confusion. This is the first episode in our new High Conflict Divorce series in which we will interview leading experts from the high conflict divorce world — attorneys, counselors, custody evaluators, researchers, mediators, and those within the courts themselves. In this episode – the first of two – we talk with renowned parental alienation expert Dr. Amy J.L. Baker, the author of nine books including Co-parenting with a Toxic Ex, The High-Conflict Custody Battle, and Adult Children of Parental Alienation Syndrome. Alienation is one of the most challenging, confusing, and terrifying events in one’s life. Bill and Megan talk with Dr. Baker about:Alienation definedTerminology: parental alienation or some other termPrevalence in divorce/separationWhether it is increasing or notCauses of alienationResearch on adult children of parental alienationWhether adult children of parental alienation mostly connect or not with parents somedayRecommendation to parents whose children have cut them off?Links & Other NotesWEBSITESDr. Baker’s WebsiteNew Ways for FamiliesBOOKSCo-Parenting with a Toxic ExAdult Children of Parental Alienation SyndromeThe High-Conflict Custody BattleOTHEROur websiteSubmit a Question for Bill and MeganAll of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold.You can also find these show notes on our site as well.Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing patterns of behavior. (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault (02:28) - Part I of High Conflict Divorce Series (04:48) - Dr. Amy J.L. Baker (10:23) - What Is Alienation? (13:49) - Alienation vs. Estrangement (16:41) - The Five Factor Model (24:28) - How Prevalent Is Alienation? (27:41) - Reminders & Coming Next Week: Part 2 of our High Conflict Divorce series Learn more about our New Ways for Mediation Coaching Sessions. Get started today!

REBROADCASTDomestic ViolenceMegan and Bill are joined by the Honorable Karen Adam and Annette Burns to discuss domestic violence. This is part one of this conversation.Links & Other NotesTHE VIDEO THAT WAS DISCUSSED IN THE EPISODEConversations About Domestic Violence in Family Law with 16 ExpertsBIOSBios for Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq., Honorable Karen Adam, and Annette Burns, J.D.DOMESTIC VIOLENCE EXPERTS INTERVIEWED IN THE VIDEOAbi Ajibolade, Executive Director, The Redwood, Toronto, OntarioAmy G. Applegate, JD, Clinical Professor of Law, Maurer School of Law, Indiana University, Bloomington, IndianaLinda Bortell, PsyD, Clinical Psychologist, Bortell Psychological, Inc., Los Angeles, CaliforniaMelissa Brickhouse-Thomas, LCSW, Manager, Victim Services, Glendale Police Dept., Glendale, ArizonaGabrielle Davis, JD, Legal and Policy Advisor, Battered Women’s Justice Project, Minneapolis, MinnesotaLoretta M. Frederick, JD, Senior Legal & Policy Director, Battered Women’s Justice Project, Minneapolis, MinnesotaAnna Harper-Guerrero, LMSW, Executive Vice President & Chief Strategy Officer, Emerge! Center Against Domestic Abuse, Tucson, ArizonaAmy Holtzworth-Munroe, PhD, Professor of Psychology, Dept. of Psychological & Brain Science, Indiana University, Bloomington, IndianaHilary A. Linton, JD, LLM, Mediator, President, Family Mediation Services (mediate393) Toronto, OntarioJan Maiden, JD, Family Law/Domestic Violence Attorney, Law Office of Jan Maiden, San Diego, CaliforniaWendy Million, City Magistrate, Tucson City Court Domestic Violence Court, Tucson, ArizonaCharles A. Sawchenko, MSW, Police Lieutenant (Ret), Delaware State Police, Dover, DelawareWilliam Spiller, Jr., JD, Family Lawyer and Minor’s Counsel, Law Offices of William Spiller, Jr., Los Angeles, CaliforniaNancy Ver Steegh, MSW, JD, Professor of Law, Mitchell Hamline School of Law, St. Paul, MinnesotaNeil Websdale, PhD, Director, Family Violence Center, Arizona State University, Tempe, ArizonaDavid Wexler, PhD, Director, Relationship Training Institute, San Diego, CaliforniaSubmit a Question for Bill and MeganAll of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books.You can also find these show notes at highconflictinstitute.com/podcast as well.Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing patterns of behavior. (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault (02:41) - Dealing With Domestic Violence (04:28) - Meet Our Guests (06:24) - Impetus Behind DV Video Series (07:19) - Overall Objective (08:32) - Surprises (09:54) - Karen's Motivation (13:47) - Survivor vs. Victim (16:57) - Annette's Motivation (19:29) - Biggest Issues in Divorce & Co-Parenting (29:41) - Intimate Partner Violence vs. DV (31:51) - Coercive Control (34:20) - HCPs (41:19) - Last Words (42:58) - Coming Next Week: Part 2 Learn more about our New Ways for Mediation Coaching Sessions. Get started today!

REBROADCASTIn today’s episode, we talk about how to tackle hostile communications with BIFF Responses.What is a hostile communication? It usually contains blame and personal attacks. You read it. Your heart rate doubles. You either want to blast back or instantly delete. Mostly, you never want to hear from that person again. It was far less common pre-electronic communication. Now it’s a matter of daily life, especially on social media or even more so when the communication is coming from someone with a high conflict personality.The challenge with dealing with HCPs, or people with High Conflict Personalities, is that they wage war wherever they can, including on your screen. The problem is that most people respond right away. Why? Because they think they need to defend themselves. We talk about why people do that; why the HCP sends it in the first place; whether or not you need to respond; and if you do, how to do it differently using a BIFF Response.Do you need to respond?Much of hostile e-communication does not need a response. Letters from (ex-) spouses, angry neighbors, irritating co-workers, or attorneys do not usually have legal significance. The letter itself has no power, unless you give it power. Often, it is emotional venting aimed at relieving the writer’s anxiety. If you respond with similar emotions and hostility, you will simply escalate things without satisfaction, and just get a new piece of hostile mail back. In most cases, you are better off not responding.If you do have to respond, use a BIFF Response.Some letters and emails develop power when copies are filed in a court or complaint process – or simply get sent to other people. In these cases, it may be important to respond to inaccurate statements with accurate statements of fact. The best way to handle hostile communications from an HCP is with a BIFF Response. BIFF reminds you to be Brief, Informative, Friendly, and Firm, assuming you need to respond.We’d love to hear your stories so we can talk through them on the show! Please visit our site and click the Submit a Question button at the top of the page. You can also send us an email at podcast@highconflictinstitute.com or send us a note on any of our socials.Please rate, review and share this show!Links & Other NotesSubmit a Question for Bill and MeganArticle on using BIFF Response®Online course for lawyers on BIFF Response®Online course for anyone on using BIFF Response®Info on BIFF CertificationBIFF BooksBIFF for AnyoneBIFF for Co-ParentsBIFF for the WorkplaceAll of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books.You can also find these show notes at highconflictinstitute.com/podcast as well. (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault (02:42) - High Conflict in the Written Word (05:45) - Using BIFF (08:30) - What's Happening in the Brain? (12:13) - When to Respond (14:08) - An Example (17:14) - Not Taking It Personally (18:23) - Three As (24:53) - BIFFing That Example (31:00) - BIFF in High Conflict Divorce (35:19) - Being Disciplined to Use BIFF (36:25) - BIFF Certification (37:29) - Reminders & Coming Next Week: Using BIFF at Work Learn more about our New Ways for Mediation Coaching Sessions. Get started today!

REBROADCASTThe challenge of being emotional creaturesDid you know that emotions are contagious? We like to think we are in complete control of our emotions, but lots of research shows that emotions are contagious and it’s how we handle our own emotions once we’re emotionally hooked.In this episode we’ll break down emotion contagion. If you’re a brain nerd like us, or you simply want to have a better understanding of human behavior and the impact of unmanaged emotions on others, you’ll enjoy this episode. Specifically, we’ll discuss:Can you get emotionally “hooked?” and “unhooked?”How exactly are emotions contagious? How does that work in our brains?Can emotions lead us to make bad decisions?How do High Conflict People deal with emotions?How do High Conflict People communicate differently using their emotions?Are emotions part of why we have such angry polarization today in families and in politics?What can we do to calm down emotionsLinks & Other NotesBOOKSBIFF for everyoneBIFF for Coparent CommunicationBIFF for WorkplaceCalming Upset People with EARON DEMAND COURSEThe Brain 101: For Lawyers & AnyoneWho Are High Conflict People?ARTICLESManaging EmotionsKeep the Conflict Small! (With Managed Emotions)Submit a Question for Bill and MeganAll of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books.Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing patterns of behavior. (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault (02:42) - Emotionally Hooked & Unhooked (06:22) - Getting Hooked (08:16) - Emotional Persuasion (14:13) - In the Brain (22:33) - Emotions Leading to Bad Decisions (25:49) - HCPs Dealing With Emotions (28:57) - Communicating with Emotions (30:23) - Polarization (35:41) - Calming Emotions (37:47) - Reminders & Coming Next Week: HCPs in Love Learn more about our New Ways for Mediation Coaching Sessions. Get started today!

REBROADCASTFamily members (and friends) of someone who suffers from Borderline Personality Disorder (or BPD) are typically mystified about how to interact with them, walk on eggshells around them, and generally feel overwhelmed and defeated because they don’t know what to do.In this episode, Bill and Megan continue their discussion with BPD expert Amanda Smith, LCSW, founder of HopeforBPD.com. Amanda is a highly skilled BPD and Dialectical Behavior Therapy expert, having helped countless clients through their recovery. She’s helped family members learn the necessary skills for helping their loved one best while also taking care of themselves. Amanda also provides treatment consultation. She is the author of two books:The Dialectical Behavior Therapy Wellness PlannerThe Borderline Personality Disorder Wellness Planner for FamiliesIn this episode – part 2 of 2 – Amanda gives hope and help to family members and friends of those with BPD. She discusses what to do and what to avoid. She will explain whether BPD is a hopeless situation with no resolution or whether something can be done to intervene – including whether an “intervention” can work.Links & Other NotesHopeforBPDThe Dialectical Behavior Therapy Wellness PlannerThe Borderline Personality Disorder Wellness PlannerOur website: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/Submit a Question for Bill and MeganAll of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books.Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing patterns of behavior. (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault (02:40) - The Family of Someone With BPD (03:44) - Avoiding Blame (06:35) - Helping When They Don't See the Problem (08:29) - When in a Marriage (10:23) - Couples Counseling (12:26) - Intervention? (14:50) - Calling It Out (16:18) - How to Approach It (18:03) - In High Conflict Divorces (21:42) - E A R Statements (23:19) - Medication (25:00) - Amanda's Book (27:50) - Wrapping Up (30:04) - Reminders Learn more about our New Ways for Mediation Coaching Sessions. Get started today!

REBROADCASTWhen an HCP is a Narcissist...Do you know someone whose moods swing wildly? Do they act unreasonably suspicious or antagonistic? Do they blame others for their own problems? When a high conflict person (HCP) has one of five common personality disorders – borderline, narcissistic, paranoid, antisocial, or histrionic – they can lash out in risky extremes of emotion and aggression. And once an HCP decides to target you, they’re hard to shake.Most everyone has been around a narcissist, but not everyone understands how to handle a narcissistic HCP. Bill and Megan do a deep dive into this personality type, exploring:Their fear-based need to be superior and makes others feel inferiorThe differences between vulnerable, narcissistic and malignant typesWhy they see themselves as a hero and protector while those around them experience them as bulliesHow to spot themStatistics on Narcissistic Personality Disorder and narcissistic HCPs in the U.SUnderstanding and dealing with Narcissistic HCPs come in layers, and understanding the why they behave that way is the first step.If you’ve been the Target of Blame for a narcissistic HCP, you know the devastating impact it can have. It’s easy to get emotionally hooked by their aggressive behaviors and respond with aggression or avoidance, which emboldens them. Instead, learning the necessary skills –that don’t always feel natural – is the ticket to managing interactions with them. The first step is to understand their behavior patterns, starting now.Send us your stories!We’d love to hear your stories so we can talk through them on the show! Please visit our site and click the ‘Submit a Question’ button at the top of the page. You can also send us an email at podcast@highconflictinstitute.com or send us a note on any of our socials.Please rate, review and share this show!Links & Other NotesBooks:BIFF at Work5 Types of People Who Can Ruin Your Life: Identifying and Dealing with Narcissists, Sociopaths, and Other High-Conflict PersonalitiesIt’s All Your Fault: Managing Narcissists and Other High Conflict PeopleAll of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books and some in audio format.Training:For attorneys: Dealing with Narcissistic Personalities: The Arrogant Players of DivorceThe Narcissistic Family Member: Prickly and SuperiorArticles:Do Narcissists Make Good Leaders in Business?Narcissism and Incivility: Is There a Connection?Narcissist in Your Family? 4 Tips for Dealing with ThemSubmit a Question for Bill and MeganYou can also find these show notes on our website as well. (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault (02:45) - Last Time... (03:10) - HCP Refresher (06:06) - The Narcissistic HCP (08:38) - Statistics (09:54) - Dealing With an Narcissistic HCP (10:57) - Sexual Abuse (11:21) - Genetic Component? (13:47) - Empathy Factor (15:58) - How They See Themselves (18:45) - Types of Narcissists (24:56) - Lack of Self-Awareness (27:07) - Treatment (30:00) - Dealing With a Narcissistic HCP in Your Life (33:27) - Getting Support (34:40) - Gender Breakdown (36:18) - Don't Tell Them They're an HCP (37:04) - Narcissists vs. Narcissistic HCPs (37:50) - Are HCPs bad people? (40:00) - Raising Healthy Kids (43:06) - Reminders & Coming Next Week: Antisocial HCPs Learn more about our New Ways for Mediation Coaching Sessions. Get started today!

REBROADCASTIn today’s episode, we look at what makes up a high conflict person and talk about EAR Statements.Blamers. Narcissists. Accusers. Ragers. These are all people who may fall into the category of High Conflict Personality. Most of us don’t act this way, but these people don’t often realize they’re acting this way and can’t control themselves. So should you engage? Or should you learn how to deal with them? If you guessed the latter, you’d be right.Many people say these people are unpredictable, but Megan and Bill talk about how these people actually are very predictable... if you know what to look for. Several things can lead to people becoming HCPs. It could be genetic or could come from how they were raised. And because of this, HCPs can exist anywhere in the world. So how do you deal with them?Well, the first step is learning to identify them. They will usually blame anyone but themselves, and they’ll never be able to connect the dots back to themselves. They rarely take responsibility for their own actions. But the feelings are so strongly in them that they can’t have their mind changed. Once you realize you’re dealing with an HCP, definitely don’t tell them they’re an HCP. It’s likely going to trigger them further.If you’re in a situation with an HCP, try an EAR Statement.Empathy. Attention Respect. These tools may seem opposite to how you’d normally deal with a person who is confronting you, but remember, you’re not an HCP. The HCP needs this so you can get out of the situation you’re in. It’s hard, but give it a try.We’d love to hear your stories so we can talk through them on the show! Please visit our site and click the Submit a Question button at the top of the page. You can also send us an email at podcast@highconflictinstitute.com or send us a note on any of our socials.Please rate, review and share this show!Links & Other NotesSubmit a Question for Bill and MeganArticle – ‘What is a High Conflict Individual’Article – ‘Calming Upset People Fast with an EAR Statement™’Online course for attorneys/judges – Understanding & Managing High Conflict People in Legal DisputesOnline course for anyone – Calming Upset People with an EAR StatementOnline Course: Who Are High Conflict People?Book: 5 Types of People Who Can Ruin Your LifeBook: Calming Upset People with EARAll of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books. (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault (02:41) - What is a High Conflict Person? (06:29) - Why and How are HCPs Different? (09:49) - Why Are They Like This and Why Don't They Change? (13:44) - Why They Blame (16:24) - How to Deal With HCPs (21:17) - Getting Hooked (25:09) - Breaking Down Megan's Story (28:45) - Using EAR Statements (33:14) - Reminders & Coming Next Week: BIFF Response Learn more about our New Ways for Mediation Coaching Sessions. Get started today!