It’s All Your Fault: High Conflict People

It’s not unusual that high conflict people demand an apology from a reasonable person who has attempted to set limits on them, such as a supervisor in a workplace dispute or someone in a neighbor dispute. While apologies resolve many disputes between reasonable people, they are a much different matter with HCPs and usually need to be avoided. However, don’t be surprised that high conflict people frequently will demand an apology from another party, at times saying that they cannot move forward without such an apology. Sometimes a reasonable person will demand an apology from a high conflict person because of their extreme behavior, also saying that they can’t move forward without it. Many relationships (and mediations) bog down here in the apology quicksand.Bill and Megan discuss this apology quicksand – how we get there, how to avoid it, and what to do if someone’s demanding an apology from you.Links & Other NotesBOOKSIt’s All Your Fault! 12 Tips for Managing People Who Blame You for EverythingCalming Upset People with EARON DEMAND COURSESNew Ways for Mediation TrainingNew Ways for Mediation Training for Family CasesHow to Write a BIFF ResponseThe Brain 101: How to Communicate EffectivelyOur website: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/Submit a Question for Bill and MeganAll of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books.You can also find these show notes at our site as well.Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing patterns of behavior. (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault (00:36) - Apology Quicksand (01:10) - Instant Apology When Blamed (07:31) - Processing 'I'm Sorry' as Adversarial (09:01) - Alternatives (12:03) - The Source of the Apology (13:31) - In Mediation (19:35) - Between Friends or Family (24:39) - What If You're in the Wrong? (26:07) - Reminders & Coming Next Week: Walking Away

What do you do when a community resident or homeowner calls with complaints as consistently as the sun rises and sets? Some are chronic complainers but easily handled with some attention and/or humor.But what if you have a persistent complainer who watches the neighbors like a hawk and insists that all homeowners follow HOA regulations to the letter of the law? And complains to HOA management with any and all violations or perceived violations, with expectations of punishment and consequences for the offender, even when it’s about the trash bin that’s left out an extra hour or two?Is this someone with a high conflict personality? Or does that strict adherence to rules and regulations mean that this person may have an Obsessive Compulsive personality? While we don’t and won’t diagnose – and neither should you – Bill and Megan discuss whether this personality type may be in the Cluster B category (high conflict) or Cluster C category (Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder), and what to do about it if you’re confronted with this behavior in an HOA or anywhere.Note: Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder and someone with “OCD” are different. We’ll discuss this in this episode.Links & Other NotesBOOKSIt’s All Your Fault! 12 Tips for Managing People Who Blame You for EverythingCalming Upset People with EARBIFF: Quick Responses for High Conflict People, Their Personal Attacks, Hostile Emails and Social Media MeltdownsON DEMAND COURSESConflict Influencer CertificationHow to Write a BIFF ResponseThe Brain 101: How to Communicate EffectivelyOur website: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/Submit a Question for Bill and MeganAll of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books.You can also find these show notes at our site as well.Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing patterns of behavior. (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault (00:34) - Obsessive Compulsive Disorder in Relation to High Conflict Situations (01:30) - We've Been Busy (04:12) - OCD or OCPD in an HOA (07:47) - OCD (10:57) - OCPD (15:51) - Back to the HOA Situation (21:14) - Learning to Manage It (24:30) - Family Example (26:08) - Will It Resolve? (28:38) - Wrap Up (28:56) - Reminders & Coming Next Week: Apology Quicksand

A TikTok video went viral of a boy barricading himself and his sister to avoid reuniting with their allegedly abusive father in Utah. The episode discusses the challenges of high-conflict cases, issues of parental alienation, and the difficulty for courts to determine the truth. The hosts present a structured approach to understanding such complex situations.

Dr. Amy J.L. Baker discusses high conflict divorce, parental alienation vs. estrangement, recommendations for lawyers when children resist contact, tips for mild to severe cases, and programs to help reconnect children with rejected parents.

Dr. Amy J. L. Baker discusses high conflict divorce and parental alienation, exploring the prevalence, causes, and impact on adult children. The conversation delves into defining alienation, terminology, and recommendations for parents whose children have cut them off.

Bill and Megan are off to Scotland to talk about their New Ways for Families Program. Scotland will be the first country that implements the High Conflict Institute’s program countrywide, which is very exciting. In this abbreviated episode, Bill walks through the program’s approach and its methods.Links & Other NotesOur website: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/Submit a Question for Bill and MeganAll of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books.You can also find these show notes at our site as well.Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing patterns of behavior. (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault (01:05) - New Ways for Families Program (05:37) - The Approach (07:32) - Methods (09:02) - Skills (10:31) - Wrap Up (10:51) - Schedule Update

In some high conflict cases, we may have reached the end of our rope and resort to what we see as our only option: threatening to expose the high conflict person’s bad behavior to others. Will this work or will it backfire?In today’s episode, Megan and Bill discuss this delicate and challenging topic, including:Does exposure of bad behavior work?Does the threat of exposure have a chance of success?Is there a steadfast rule or does it depend on the situation?What if a distortion campaign has been waged against you?Plus, alternatives to exposure and humiliation...Links & Other NotesBOOKSIt’s All Your Fault at Work: Managing Narcissists and Other High-Conflict People5 Types of People Who Can Ruin Your LifeBIFF at Work: Your Guide to Difficult Workplace CommunicationARTICLESFire or Keep High-Conflict Employees?Should Employees with High-Conflict Behaviors Be Given a Chance to Change?PROGRAMS/COURSESNew WaysOur website: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/Submit a Question for Bill and MeganAll of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books.You can also find these show notes at our site as well.Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing patterns of behavior. (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault (01:31) - Exposure and Humiliation as a High-Conflict Strategy (02:21) - Good or Bad Idea? (08:14) - Exposure Doesn't Necessarily Stop Them (11:08) - Good Strategies (14:53) - Get Toxic People Out of Your Life (18:10) - Conversions Through Coaching (19:57) - Thinking It Through (21:29) - Intervention (24:00) - Coming Next Week: Harry, Megan, and the Coronation

The definition of a “win” is different in high conflict situations as opposed to ordinary conflict. Not recognizing that a win looks quite different can inadvertently escalate conflict or take a few steps backwards. In today’s episode, Megan and Bill talk about:defining what it means to “win” in high conflictdo you need to reach an expected outcome to have successtemptation to keep going when you should stopwhen do you know if you’ve wonchoosing your battlesavoid opening up emotions focusing on keeping people focused on thinking and doingLinks & Other NotesBOOKS5 Types of People Who Can Ruin Your LifeCalming Upset People with EARIt’s All Your Fault!ARTICLESTips On Offering Mediation To A High Conflict EmployeeOur website: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/Submit a Question for Bill and MeganAll of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books.You can also find these show notes at our site as well.Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing patterns of behavior. (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault (01:26) - How to Avoid Sabotaging a Successful Interaction (02:34) - Definition of a Win in High Conflict Situations (05:11) - Choosing Your Battles (07:06) - Praise vs. Opening Up Emotions (09:26) - Making Progress, Not Perfection (12:13) - Fuhgedaboudits (17:42) - Blame as Indicator (20:31) - Coming Next Week: Exposure and Humiliation as a High-Conflict Strategy

Who can you trust with national security documents? An article by Tom Nicholas in The Atlantic titled The Narcissists Who Endanger America points the finger at narcissists as those who are the hardest for the U.S. national security community to spot. Why are they hard to spot? How can you know in advance?In today’s episode, Bill and Megan discuss this difficult topic that impacts countries globally.Links & Other NotesBOOKS5 Types of People Who Can Ruin Your Life: Identifying and Dealing with Narcissists, Sociopaths, and Other High-Conflict PersonalitiesIt’s All Your Fault! 12 Tips for Managing People Who Blame Others for EverythingIt’s All Your Fault at Work! Managing Narcissists and Other High-Conflict PeopleCOURSESDealing with Narcissistic Personalities: The Arrogant Players of DivorceConflict Influencer Certification CourseARTICLESThe Narcissists Who Endanger American [available only with paid subscription to The Atlantic]The Narcissism of the Angry Young Men [available only with paid subscription to The Atlantic]Sociopaths and Their DeceptionsOur website: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/Submit a Question for Bill and MeganAll of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books.You can also find these show notes at our site as well.Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing patterns of behavior. (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault (00:37) - Leaked National Security Secrets (01:47) - Narcissism Principle (05:02) - Being Seen as Superior (06:08) - Malignant vs. Benign Narcissists (10:03) - This Case vs. Snowden's (14:18) - Times to Break the Laws (19:16) - Still Developing at Younger Ages (21:30) - Earning Trust (24:10) - Don't Give Them Power Over You (25:33) - Last Thoughts (26:26) - Coming Next Week: Letting a Win Be a Win

Alienation in UtahHigh-conflict situations often include extreme behaviors and the case we’ll discuss in this episode is a perfect example of extreme behaviors. In the U.S. state of Utah, a 15-year-old boy released a TikTok video detailing his family’s high-conflict drama. According to the video, he had barricaded himself along with his 12-year-old sister inside a room at their mother’s house in order to avoid a judge’s order to reunite with their allegedly abusive father. His videos detailing this harrowing and dramatic experience have made him TikTok famous, at the very least. The issue in many (most) alienation cases is that the courts don’t know who to believe. Is mom lying? Is dad lying? Are the kids lying? It’s a mess for the courts to identify what’s happening and a tragedy for all involved.In today’s episode, Megan lists the case details and asks you, the listener, to decide who is lying and who is telling the truth. Then, Bill provides an analysis of the case and how we can use a structured approach to understanding what’s going on, or at least make a best attempt at figuring it out.Links & Other Notes:RELATED NEWS ARTICLESProPublica article New York Post articleCOURSESHigh-Conflict Co-Parenting Online Course (coaching optional)BOOKSBIFF for Co-Parent Communication: Your Guide to Difficult Texts, Emails, and Social Media PostsDon’t Alienate the KidsARTICLESAlienation UpdateHigh Conflict Divorce and Separations Basics (audios)Our website: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/Submit a Question for Bill and MeganAll of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books.You can also find these show notes at our site as well.Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing patterns of behavior. (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault (01:26) - The Case of Ty and Brynlee Larson (07:00) - Breaking It Down (18:33) - Reasonable Force? (22:32) - Wrap Up (23:22) - Coming Next Week: Leaking Classified Documents