It’s All Your Fault: High Conflict People

Personality disorders are mystifying to those unfamiliar with them, and even to some in the mental health profession, although with copious amounts of information online about them these days, everyone acts like an expert and the terminology is bandied about with authority. It’s sticky and fascinating information. Unexplainable behaviors can quickly be explained away as narcissistic personality disorder or other personality disorder types. Once that thought happens, it’s easy to develop confirmation bias, which we talked about in the last episode. But it can be dangerous information, information that must be treated with respect and caution. In this episode, Bill and Megan discuss:Are personality disorders a type of mental illness? What is different about them? How common are they?How do they appear in everyday life? Would I know if someone had one? Examples?What questions should be asked in relation to personality disorder and criminal behavior, including the current tragic case of the Idaho murders?Are all people with personality disorders high conflict people?If I think someone has a personality disorder should I tell them?If I want to explain to a friend or family member what a personality disorder is, what should I say?Links & Other NotesARTICLEThe New Elephant in the Room: Why All Professionals Need to Learn About Personality DisordersBOOKSIt’s All Your FaultIt’s All Your Fault at Work: Managing Narcissists and Other High Conflict PeopleThe Big Book on Borderline Personality DisorderHigh Conflict People in Legal DisputesARTICLESFull list of articles on personality disordershttps://www.highconflictinstitute.com/hci-articles?category=Personality%20DisordersOur website: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/Submit a Question for Bill and MeganAll of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books.You can also find these show notes at our site as well.Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing patterns of behavior. (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault (01:34) - How to Understand Personality Disorders (03:00) - Are Personality Disorders a Type of Mental Illness? (06:29) - Higher Percentage? (08:35) - A Different Way to Find the Solution (11:59) - Careful Labelling (12:46) - How Would I Know? (15:00) - Idaho Murder Case Example (19:24) - Personality Disorder Does Not Equal HCP (21:40) - Blame and Charm (23:33) - Always There (24:22) - Lack of Self-Awareness (25:53) - Explaining Personality Disorders (29:55) - Last Thoughts (30:42) - Reminders & Coming Next Week: Getting It Backwards in Family Court Learn more about our New Ways for Work Coaching sessions. Get started today!

Have you ever been fooled by someone? Or become passionate about a cause, belief, or opinion that later was proven to be false – and you discovered that the information was there all the time but you hadn’t considered anything outside one point of view? That may have been because of confirmation bias.In today’s episode, Bill and Megan discuss:what confirmation bias is and how it can fool usconfirmation bias in today’s society, such as social media, politics, and othershow it is used in high conflict court caseshow to avoid getting fooled by confirmation bias with allegations of abusehow to avoid getting fooled by a high conflict personLinks & Other NotesBOOKS5 Types of People Who Can Ruin Your LifeHigh Conflict People in Legal DisputesOur website: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/Submit a Question for Bill and MeganAll of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books.You can also find these show notes at our site as well.Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing patterns of behavior. (00:00) - Timestamp: 158760000 (00:59) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault (01:35) - Confirmation Bias (03:03) - What Is Confirmation Bias? (05:17) - Vs. Brainwashing (06:51) - Social Media (07:50) - Meta-Analysis (09:40) - Social Worker History (13:43) - Size of the Problem (18:57) - #MeToo Movement (20:17) - When in Cases (24:39) - Resist and Refuse Cases (28:13) - Avoiding Confirmation Bias (30:34) - Avoiding Getting Fooled by HCPs (32:41) - Wrap Up (33:05) - Reminders & Coming Next Week: Explaining Personality Disorders Learn more about our New Ways for Work Coaching sessions. Get started today!

People with high conflict personalities have strong unconscious fears that are easily triggered: abandonment; humiliation, being dominated; ignored; and other major losses. When triggered, this is a greater concern with high conflict people than with the average person. In this episode, Bill and Megan discuss:the types of losses that can trigger high risk:divorcenew relationship partnerjob terminationevictionneighbor disputeother losseswhether these are predictable how to be awarehow to protect yourself and handle:divorce situations when delivering bad news or other big changesworkplace situations, especially when disciplining or terminating someone’s employmentneighborhood/homeowner’s or condo association meetings Links & Other NotesBOOKSSplitting: Protecting Yourself While Divorcing Someone with Borderline or Narcissistic Personality DisorderBIFF: Quick Responses to High-Conflict People, Their Personal Attacks, Hostile Email and Social Media MeltdownsBIFF at Work: Your Guide to Difficult Workplace Communication: Your Guide to Difficult Workplace CommunicationCalming Upset People with EAROur website: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/Submit a Question for Bill and MeganAll of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books.You can also find these show notes at our site as well.Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing patterns of behavior. (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault (01:34) - Times of High Risk (02:24) - Why a Greater Concern with HCPs? (06:17) - Unconscious Reactions (09:09) - HOA Example (15:05) - Settings (17:29) - Divorce Examples (24:46) - Times of High Risk (27:26) - In the Workplace (29:31) - Success Story (31:41) - Last Thoughts (32:54) - Reminders & Coming Next Week: Confirmation Bias Learn more about our New Ways for Work Coaching sessions. Get started today!

High-conflict situations can trigger our emotional overreactions, often rooted in the brain's wiring. The discussion dives into why we get hooked by these conflicts and the neurological challenges that arise. A 'Dilemmas and Decisions' list is introduced as a proactive tool to manage reactions and promote thoughtful analysis. Writing is highlighted as a transformative method for emotional regulation. Listeners are encouraged to engage with practical strategies that shift them from being reactive to proactive in challenging interactions.

Did you know if brainwashing of a child is real in divorce and/or co-parenting? In parental alienation (child alienation), families are divided but is brainwashing behind it? A part of it? Or not at all?In today’s episode, Megan interviews Bill about his latest findings on this topic, which is one of the most challenging and painful life experiences that families go through. They will discuss:quick explanation of what parental alienation is why use the strong term of brainwashingthe role of neurons in a child’s brainwhy parental alienation seems to take hold primarily between the ages of 9 and 14, or does it?why alienated children have such strange or frivolous reasons why they resist or refuse contact with one of their parentswhy the child’s rejection or hatred of one parent is so pure and extreme, and not at all ambivalentan example of a 15-year-old girl who wrote a letter to her divorced father intending to end all contact with himwhat happened in that casewhat can be learned from itwhat should have happenedLinks & Other NotesWEBINAR: How Brainwashing Works on a Child’s Brain BOOK:  Don’t Alienate the KidsBOOK: Splitting: Protecting Yourself While Divorcing Someone with Borderline or Narcissistic Personality Disorder ARTICLE:  Does Ridicule Stop Alienation?ARTICLE: Child Alienation: “1000 Little Bricks”ARTICLE: Handling Alienation in New Ways for Families®Our website: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/Submit a Question for Bill and MeganAll of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books.You can also find these show notes at our site as well.Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing patterns of behavior. (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault (01:30) - Today's Topic (02:34) - Parental Alienation (07:29) - Neurons (09:59) - Ages 9-14 (18:09) - Why They Refuse Contact (22:57) - Pure Hatred (27:23) - Example (34:13) - Wrap Up (35:23) - Reminders Learn more about our New Ways for Work Coaching sessions. Get started today!

The Second City – where countless actors and comedians got their start. They’ve been bringing the funny for over 60 years. Now the first name in improve and comedy, they’ve expanded well beyond the stage and into business, wellness, education and so much more. Kelly Leonard, Executive Director of Learning and Applied Improvisation at The Second City, joins Bill and Megan in this episode to talk about improvisation, creativity, and whether and how it can be used in conflict communication – especially in high conflict interactions. For over twenty years, he oversaw Second City’s live theatrical divisions working with such talent as Tina Fey, Stephen Colbert, Amy Poehler, Seth Meyers, Steve Carrell, and others.In this episode, we’ll talk about:Kelly’s book, Yes, Andimprovisation and creativity beyond the stageallowing anything to be on the tabledifferences between creativity and innovationallowing yourself to be a human beingthe effect of the body on the brain and anxiety (he’ll talk about what can be seen on an MRI when a smile is involved)so much moreLinks & Other Notes:KELLY’S BOOKYes, And: How Improvisation Reverses "No, But" Thinking and Improves Creativity and Collaboration--Lessons from The Second CityKELLY’S PODCAST"Getting to Yes, And"KELLY’S TEDxBroadwayTalkEmbrace Your FailuresKELLY’S COURSESThe Second CityOur website: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/Submit a Question for Bill and MeganAll of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books.You can also find these show notes at our site as well.Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing patterns of behavior. (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault (02:17) - Meet Kelly Leonard (09:07) - Yes! And... (12:15) - Using It in Conflict Situations (15:32) - Times to Not 'Yes And' (18:18) - Thank You, Because... (19:50) - Avoiding Escalation (20:45) - Humor, Surprise, Delight (21:26) - Why Improv? (26:48) - The Science (36:43) - Reminders & Coming Next Week: Jackhammer Parents Learn more about our New Ways for Work Coaching sessions. Get started today!

Erasing Family. In this age of cancellation, it’s not so rare. In the divorce and child custody (family court) world, cancellation has been a “thing” for a long time. Cancellation of the child’s other parent and even extended family is common. In this episode, Bill and Megan are joined by Ginger Gentile, director of the Erasing Family documentary. Erasing Family follows young adults fighting to reunite with their broken families. Part emotional roller coaster, part investigative exposé, the film “follows the money” to expose why loving moms and dads are erased from their kid’s lives by divorce. Bill and Megan will talk with Ginger about the documentary and discuss:why kids are often unaware they are alienated from a parentwhat should a parent say and do when their child says they never want to see them againwhat to do when a child refuses all contact with a parent, if anythingtop mistakes a parent makes when reuniting with a parenthow long it can take to reunite - whether it’s a process or can it be resolved in a daythe patterns that all families who reunite followbiggest changes in alienation in the last decadeself-care in alienationlistener questions focused on:getting through to the other parent just how damaging their behavior is on the kids; and protecting them from other parents behavior without also engaging in alienationhow to handle other family members who have been pulled into the conflictLinks & Other NotesGINGER GENTILE’S WEBSITE & DOCUMENTARYErasingFamily.OrgBOOKSDon’t Alienate the KidsBIFF for Communication: Your Guide to Difficult Texts, Emails and Social Media PostsPROGRAMS/COURSESNew Ways for Families for Parents & ChildrenOur website at High Conflict Institute: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/Submit a Question for Bill and MeganAll of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books.You can also find these show notes at our site as well.Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing patterns of behavior. (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault (02:58) - Ginger Gentile (04:36) - Questions (07:27) - Erasing Family (14:04) - Feedback (17:17) - Alienated Children (18:41) - Parental Responses (20:20) - When Kids Refuse (22:27) - New Ways for Families (25:05) - Reunion Mistakes (31:55) - Dealing With the Other Parent (37:04) - Changes Over Time (42:24) - Communicating If There's No Contact (43:39) - Parental Self-Care (44:48) - Counteracting Alienation (46:57) - Counteracting Patterns (49:59) - Being Ready (53:02) - Target of Blame (56:05) - Reminders Learn more about our New Ways for Work Coaching sessions. Get started today!

Doug Noll, founder of Prison of Peace, discusses success stories, affect labeling, and recidivism rates in transforming inmates into peacemakers. The program's implementation, growth, and reasons for success are explored, offering hope for reducing conflict in communities.

“From Serving Life to a Life of Service.” This is the motto of the Prison of Peace program created by Doug Noll and Laurel Kaufer, two lawyers with big hearts from California. Through Prison of Peace, incarcerated individuals are led through intensive workshops as they progress through the various program levels from Peacemaker to Certified Trainer, mastering the art of communication and conflict resolution, enabling them to create safer, more peaceful lives for themselves and others, in prison and beyond.In today’s episode, the first of a two-parter, Bill and Megan are joined by Doug Noll who will talk about the transformative Prison of Peace program. They discuss:what the program is and how it workshow it startedwhat led inmates to being incarcerated (think trauma background)program successwhether it can work for everyoneListen in as Doug talks about “Listening people into existence” in this first episode of two.Links & Other NotesDOUG NOLL’S WEBSITE & BOOKShttps://dougnoll.com/podcast/high-conflict-institute/https://www.prisonofpeace.org/Our website: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/Submit a Question for Bill and MeganAll of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books.You can also find these show notes at our site as well.Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing patterns of behavior. (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault (02:55) - Doug Noll and Personal Transformation in Inmate Populations (03:21) - Doug's Background (04:53) - Questions (08:46) - Prison of Peace (16:22) - Affect Labeling (19:34) - Back to Prison of Peace (30:46) - Reminders & Coming Next Week: Part 2 with Doug Noll Learn more about our New Ways for Work Coaching sessions. Get started today!

In workplace conflict, handling complaints, upset employees and high conflict situations is taxing, leaving many organizations feeling stuck or without options other than termination or throwing hands up in the air and living with it. But there is a method to help employees learn necessary skills — a method called New Ways for Work: Personal Skills for Productive Relationships.In this episode, Bill and Megan are joined by Cherolyn Knapp, lawyer, mediator, workplace investigator and HCI’s newest speaker/trainer. Together they will discuss:high conflict situations in the workplacewhether conflict increased during covid and if so, whyobservations about how HR, coaches, management and others handle high conflict situations — and whether what they’re doing is workingNew Ways for Work as a skills-building tool for helping calm high conflict situations by teaching skills how New Ways for Work can help anyone who coaches challenging workplace conflict, including high conflict situationsCherolyn’s top 3 tips for HR, coaches, anyone working with high conflict situationsLinks & Other NotesCOURSENew Ways for Work® Training RegistrationBOOKSNew Ways for Work® Coaching Manualor on Amazon New Ways for Work® Workbookor on AmazonIt’s All Your Fault at Work: Managing Narcissists and Other High Conflict Peopleor on AmazonBIFF at Work: Your Guide to Difficult Workplace Communicationor on AmazonARTICLESNew Ways for Work: A New Coaching MethodWhy Can't They Get It? - What to do when coworkers and employees have no idea how they behave.GUEST BIOhttps://www.highconflictinstitute.com/aboutOur website: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/Submit a Question for Bill and MeganAll of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books.You can also find these show notes at our site as well.Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing patterns of behavior. (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault (02:41) - Meet Cherolyn Knapp (04:41) - Questions (22:00) - New Ways for Work (30:25) - Tips (32:37) - Reminders & Coming Next Week: (34:42) - Wrap Up Learn more about our New Ways for Work Coaching sessions. Get started today!