
It’s All Your Fault: High Conflict People
Hosted by Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq. and Megan Hunter, MBA, It’s All Your Fault! High Conflict People explores the five types of people who can ruin your life—people with high conflict personalities and how they weave themselves into our lives in romance, at work, next door, at school, places of worship, and just about everywhere, causing chaos, exhaustion, and dread for everyone else.
They are the most difficult of difficult people — some would say they’re toxic. Without them, tv shows, movies, and the news would be boring, but who wants to live that way in your own life!
Have you ever wanted to know what drives them to act this way?
In the It’s All Your Fault podcast, we’ll take you behind the scenes to understand what’s happening in the brain and illuminates why we pick HCPs as life partners, why we hire them, and how we can handle interactions and relationships with them. We break down everything you ever wanted to know about people with the 5 high conflict personality types: narcissistic, borderline, histrionic, antisocial/sociopath, and paranoid.
And we’ll give you tips on how to spot them and how to deal with them.
Latest episodes

Mar 30, 2023 • 26min
Narcissistic Co-Parents, Borderline Spouses, and Intimidating Behaviors
The hosts discuss mediating high conflict cases and offer training programs. They talk about dealing with a high conflict custody case and concerns for the child. They cover co-parenting with challenging behaviors and teaching life skills. The concept of co-parenting and addressing a high conflict family member is discussed. They also talk about managing high conflict people and finding a counselor for oneself.

Mar 23, 2023 • 39min
The Alex Murdaugh Con and How to Avoid Being Conned
This podcast explores the Alex Murdaugh con and how to avoid being conned. They discuss Alex's conning M.O., con artists and fake emergencies, and how to spot and avoid being conned. They also talk about the vulnerability of small rural communities to con artists and share personal experiences of being conned.

Mar 16, 2023 • 42min
Alex Murdaugh’s Personality: Is He a Sociopath, Psychopath, Antisocial?
Alex Murdaugh, central figure in a high-profile murder case, is discussed in relation to high conflict and mental health disorders. Topics include remorse, empathy, trust, aggression, personality clues, opioid addiction, and patterns of lying and gaining sympathy.

Mar 9, 2023 • 33min
Why Connection Is So Important in High Conflict Interactions
Learn why connection is key in managing high conflict personalities, the impact of brain functions on interactions, the importance of cultural differences in relationships, and strategies for effective communication in intense situations.

Mar 2, 2023 • 45min
High Conflict Workplace Investigations with Guest Host Cherolyn Knapp and Guest Bob Stenhouse
Guest co-host Cherolyn Knapp and guest Bob Stenhouse, founder of Verita, discuss high conflict workplace investigations, challenges posed by people with high conflict personalities, building rapport with interviewees, use of BIFF in investigations, DARVO concept, and recommendations for employers to address bullying and harassment.

Feb 23, 2023 • 42min
Divorce Radio and Celebrity Divorce with Guest Ilyssa Panitz
Journalist and radio host Ilyssa Panitz, THE Divorce Journalist, discusses her divorce radio show, high conflict divorce during the pandemic, similarities between celebrity and regular divorces, listener feedback, and lessons learned. The podcast explores navigating challenges in divorce, the impact on celebrities, and turning hardships into positive messages.

Feb 16, 2023 • 50min
10 Paradigm Shifts of High Conflict Mediation with Guest Michael Lomax
Guest Michael Lomax, an expert in high conflict mediation, discusses 10 paradigm shifts essential for mediating high conflict disputes, focusing on problem-solving and client participation. They highlight the importance of avoiding apologies, guiding parties towards future-oriented solutions, and patience in reaching agreements.

Feb 9, 2023 • 45min
Family Law in Israel with Guest Michal Fein
Is it possible to change family law in an entire country? Change that results in improvements for families, and especially for children?In today’s episode, Bill and Megan talk with family law attorney, Michal Fein, of Tel Aviv, Israel, about a law she wrote to address some problematic issues in Israel’s family law system—the Family Disputes Settlement Law. They will discuss:what prompted the change and why it was neededwhat the Family Disputes Settlement Law was intended to dowhether it was met with resistance and were there implementation challengesdata at the two-year and six-year marks—did court applications (filings) increase, decrease or stay the samedid the new law impact domestic violence, alienation, mediation and other divorce-related challengeswhether the pandemic impacted divorce rates in IsraelMichal’s hope for the future of family law in IsraelLinks & Other NotesWEBSITE for MICHAL FEINNews and BlogsARTICLE: How Israel Substantially Reduced Litigation In Family CourtOur website: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/Submit a Question for Bill and MeganAll of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books.You can also find these show notes at our site as well.Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing patterns of behavior.
(00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault
(02:25) - Meet Michal Fein
(05:18) - Question Round
(09:37) - Background of Her Law
(23:24) - Resistance
(25:57) - Implementation
(28:04) - Changing Over Time
(31:23) - Changes They've Seen
(34:25) - Domestic Violence
(37:11) - Mediation
(38:19) - Affects of Pandemic
(40:50) - Hope for Family Law's Future in Israel
(43:10) - Wrap Up
(44:12) - Reminders & Coming Next Week: Connection in High Conflict Interactions
Learn more about our New Ways for Work Coaching sessions. Get started today!

Feb 2, 2023 • 31min
Telling a High Conflict Spouse That You Want a Divorce
One of the hardest decisions when divorcing a high-conflict spouse is how and when to tell that person that you want a divorce. How will the person react? Will I be in danger? Will my life become a worse hell?In this episode, Megan and Bill discuss this extremely relevant and important topic, starting with a question from a listener. They will discuss:What should you do if your partner doesn’t know yet that you want a divorce? How should you tell that person? How should you prepare?What should you say? Where should you say it?Should you have someone with me?Is it okay to stay at home after delivering the news?What to be aware of going forward.Should the kids be told in advance? Or when do I tell them?Should the kid’s school be notified?Links & Other NotesBOOKSSplitting: Protecting Yourself While Divorcing Someone with Borderline or Narcissistic Personality DisorderCalming Upset People with EAR: How Statements Showing Empathy, Attention, and Respect Can Quickly Defuse a ConflictAUDIO SERIESHigh Conflict Separation & Divorce Basics: 13-part SeriesON DEMAND COURSES & COACHINGNew Ways for Families Online Class and CoachingConversations About Domestic Violence in Family Law with 16 ExpertsOur website: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/Submit a Question for Bill and MeganAll of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books.You can also find these show notes at our site as well.Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing patterns of behavior.
(00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault
(02:17) - Telling an HCP You Want a Divorce
(04:01) - Start With Preparing
(08:31) - So Many Things to Think About
(11:05) - What You'll Say and Where
(17:28) - Should I Have Someone With Me?
(19:02) - Should I Go Home Afterward?
(20:21) - Going Forward
(22:56) - When to Tell the Children
(26:10) - Telling the School
(27:43) - Wrapping Up
(29:26) - Reminders & Coming Next Week: Family Law in Israel with Guest Michal Fein
Learn more about our New Ways for Work Coaching sessions. Get started today!

Jan 26, 2023 • 28min
Getting it Backwards in Family Court—Winners & Losers
Sometimes professionals in the legal system get it backwards. It’s frustrating and leaves people feeling helpless. Why can’t the judge see what the other party is doing? Why is my ex’s lawyer painting him/her out to be a hero, convincing everyone in the courtroom that I’m the bad parent?Do professionals get it backwards and believe the wrong person sometimes?Bill and Megan discuss this important topic, including:is this a high conflict issuewhat is a persuasive blamercan persuasive blamers influence the court’s decisionsdo persuasive blamers honestly believe the false statements they make or that they are victimscognitive distortions that lead to persuasive blamingdo they have personality disorderswhy professionals believe persuasive blamers—can professionals get emotionally hookedexamples: domestic violence, alienation, emotionally too intensehow to overcome this in court—what can parents dowhat can professionals doLinks & Other NotesBOOKSHigh Conflict People in Legal DisputesSplitting: Protecting Yourself While Divorcing Someone with Borderline or Narcissistic Personality DisorderARTICLESFamily Law: 3 Theories of the High-Conflict CaseSix Ways You Should Be Assertive in Family CourtOur website: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/Submit a Question for Bill and MeganAll of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books.You can also find these show notes at our site as well.Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing patterns of behavior.
(00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault
(02:31) - Family Court – Getting It Backwards
(06:29) - Why do HCPs do this?
(09:52) - Why are they believed?
(13:30) - Examples
(17:52) - How to Overcome
(19:12) - Three Theories
(22:55) - Tips to Help
(26:39) - Reminders & Coming Next Week: Telling a High Conflict Spouse You Want a Divorce
Learn more about our New Ways for Work Coaching sessions. Get started today!
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