It’s All Your Fault: High Conflict People

Guest Michael Lomax discusses 10 paradigm shifts for high conflict mediation, focusing on active client participation, problem-solving, and avoiding apologies. The podcast explores the importance of empowering parties, navigating high conflict individuals, and maintaining a positive approach in mediation.

Podcast explores personality disorders, their impact in everyday life and relationships. Discusses the confusion surrounding them, prevalence of misinformation online, and the concept of confirmation bias. Explores the connection between personality disorders and criminal behavior. Emphasizes the importance of understanding and supporting individuals with personality disorders. Examines a recent murder case and the possibility of the accused having antisocial personality disorder. Highlights the relationship between personality disorders and high conflict behaviors.

Some relationships with high conflict people reach a point where the only one getting frustrated and hurt is YOU. It is okay to walk away? Are some relationships so damaging that staying in them is damaging to you? Will the guilt draw you back under their spell? Will it trigger abandonment, inferiority, or other issues in the person with a high conflict personality, and possibly backfire on you? Bill and Megan discuss this tricky topic in relation to family, friend and other relationships. How do you know when the time is right? Should you continue trying to reconcile or just stop? And what steps should be taken if you choose to walk away? Listen in as Megan and Bill explore this sensitive, critical subject.Links & Other NotesBOOKSIt’s All Your Fault! 12 Tips for Managing People Who Blame You for EverythingBIFF: Quick Responses for High Conflict People, Their Personal Attacks, Hostile Emails and Social Media MeltdownsCalming Upset People with EARON DEMAND COURSESHow to Write a BIFF ResponseThe Brain 101: How to Communicate EffectivelyOur website: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/Submit a Question for Bill and MeganAll of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books.You can also find these show notes at our site as well.Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing patterns of behavior. (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault (00:34) - Walking Away (01:11) - When Can You Walk Away? (04:51) - When They're Part of Your Faith-Based Community (07:21) - Hitting the Point (10:38) - Things to Consider With the Five Types (16:31) - Think It Through (18:05) - When Really Emotionally Hooked (21:55) - Step by Step (23:12) - Setting LImits (24:10) - Last Thoughts (25:09) - Reminders & Coming Next Week: Splitting

It’s not unusual that high conflict people demand an apology from a reasonable person who has attempted to set limits on them, such as a supervisor in a workplace dispute or someone in a neighbor dispute. While apologies resolve many disputes between reasonable people, they are a much different matter with HCPs and usually need to be avoided. However, don’t be surprised that high conflict people frequently will demand an apology from another party, at times saying that they cannot move forward without such an apology. Sometimes a reasonable person will demand an apology from a high conflict person because of their extreme behavior, also saying that they can’t move forward without it. Many relationships (and mediations) bog down here in the apology quicksand.Bill and Megan discuss this apology quicksand – how we get there, how to avoid it, and what to do if someone’s demanding an apology from you.Links & Other NotesBOOKSIt’s All Your Fault! 12 Tips for Managing People Who Blame You for EverythingCalming Upset People with EARON DEMAND COURSESNew Ways for Mediation TrainingNew Ways for Mediation Training for Family CasesHow to Write a BIFF ResponseThe Brain 101: How to Communicate EffectivelyOur website: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/Submit a Question for Bill and MeganAll of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books.You can also find these show notes at our site as well.Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing patterns of behavior. (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault (00:36) - Apology Quicksand (01:10) - Instant Apology When Blamed (07:31) - Processing 'I'm Sorry' as Adversarial (09:01) - Alternatives (12:03) - The Source of the Apology (13:31) - In Mediation (19:35) - Between Friends or Family (24:39) - What If You're in the Wrong? (26:07) - Reminders & Coming Next Week: Walking Away

What do you do when a community resident or homeowner calls with complaints as consistently as the sun rises and sets? Some are chronic complainers but easily handled with some attention and/or humor.But what if you have a persistent complainer who watches the neighbors like a hawk and insists that all homeowners follow HOA regulations to the letter of the law? And complains to HOA management with any and all violations or perceived violations, with expectations of punishment and consequences for the offender, even when it’s about the trash bin that’s left out an extra hour or two?Is this someone with a high conflict personality? Or does that strict adherence to rules and regulations mean that this person may have an Obsessive Compulsive personality? While we don’t and won’t diagnose – and neither should you – Bill and Megan discuss whether this personality type may be in the Cluster B category (high conflict) or Cluster C category (Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder), and what to do about it if you’re confronted with this behavior in an HOA or anywhere.Note: Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder and someone with “OCD” are different. We’ll discuss this in this episode.Links & Other NotesBOOKSIt’s All Your Fault! 12 Tips for Managing People Who Blame You for EverythingCalming Upset People with EARBIFF: Quick Responses for High Conflict People, Their Personal Attacks, Hostile Emails and Social Media MeltdownsON DEMAND COURSESConflict Influencer CertificationHow to Write a BIFF ResponseThe Brain 101: How to Communicate EffectivelyOur website: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/Submit a Question for Bill and MeganAll of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books.You can also find these show notes at our site as well.Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing patterns of behavior. (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault (00:34) - Obsessive Compulsive Disorder in Relation to High Conflict Situations (01:30) - We've Been Busy (04:12) - OCD or OCPD in an HOA (07:47) - OCD (10:57) - OCPD (15:51) - Back to the HOA Situation (21:14) - Learning to Manage It (24:30) - Family Example (26:08) - Will It Resolve? (28:38) - Wrap Up (28:56) - Reminders & Coming Next Week: Apology Quicksand

A TikTok video went viral of a boy barricading himself and his sister to avoid reuniting with their allegedly abusive father in Utah. The episode discusses the challenges of high-conflict cases, issues of parental alienation, and the difficulty for courts to determine the truth. The hosts present a structured approach to understanding such complex situations.

Dr. Amy J.L. Baker discusses high conflict divorce, parental alienation vs. estrangement, recommendations for lawyers when children resist contact, tips for mild to severe cases, and programs to help reconnect children with rejected parents.

Dr. Amy J. L. Baker discusses high conflict divorce and parental alienation, exploring the prevalence, causes, and impact on adult children. The conversation delves into defining alienation, terminology, and recommendations for parents whose children have cut them off.

Bill and Megan are off to Scotland to talk about their New Ways for Families Program. Scotland will be the first country that implements the High Conflict Institute’s program countrywide, which is very exciting. In this abbreviated episode, Bill walks through the program’s approach and its methods.Links & Other NotesOur website: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/Submit a Question for Bill and MeganAll of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books.You can also find these show notes at our site as well.Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing patterns of behavior. (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault (01:05) - New Ways for Families Program (05:37) - The Approach (07:32) - Methods (09:02) - Skills (10:31) - Wrap Up (10:51) - Schedule Update

In some high conflict cases, we may have reached the end of our rope and resort to what we see as our only option: threatening to expose the high conflict person’s bad behavior to others. Will this work or will it backfire?In today’s episode, Megan and Bill discuss this delicate and challenging topic, including:Does exposure of bad behavior work?Does the threat of exposure have a chance of success?Is there a steadfast rule or does it depend on the situation?What if a distortion campaign has been waged against you?Plus, alternatives to exposure and humiliation...Links & Other NotesBOOKSIt’s All Your Fault at Work: Managing Narcissists and Other High-Conflict People5 Types of People Who Can Ruin Your LifeBIFF at Work: Your Guide to Difficult Workplace CommunicationARTICLESFire or Keep High-Conflict Employees?Should Employees with High-Conflict Behaviors Be Given a Chance to Change?PROGRAMS/COURSESNew WaysOur website: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/Submit a Question for Bill and MeganAll of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books.You can also find these show notes at our site as well.Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing patterns of behavior. (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault (01:31) - Exposure and Humiliation as a High-Conflict Strategy (02:21) - Good or Bad Idea? (08:14) - Exposure Doesn't Necessarily Stop Them (11:08) - Good Strategies (14:53) - Get Toxic People Out of Your Life (18:10) - Conversions Through Coaching (19:57) - Thinking It Through (21:29) - Intervention (24:00) - Coming Next Week: Harry, Megan, and the Coronation