I’m checking in on you and me. There's a lot going on in the world right now, and I am still reeling from the news that Stephen ‘tWitch’ Boss died from suicide. If you had to ask me to list the 5 most positive people on the planet, The Rock would be #1, and tWitch would be #2. Having lost too many friends and people I love to mental health challenges like depression, addiction, trauma, and hopelessness – all of who died from suicide – I’m just so heavy with emotion.  tWitch was beloved by millions for being Ellen DeGeneres’ executive producer, dance partner, and DJ on her talk show. He was a part of people’s lives 5 days a week, for years. He competed on So You Think You Can Dance and he had one of those million-dollar smiles that just lit up every room he walked into. He is followed by millions of people online who love the adorable dances that he, his wife Allison, and his 3 kids do. Seeing such a bright light like tWitch go out so suddenly at the age of 40, with 3 beautiful kids, a huge life, and adoring fans around the world… It just stirred up so much sadness inside of me, and this may be stirring up a lot inside of you.  You don’t have to know tWitch personally (I didn’t – I am just a fan) to be profoundly impacted by the news of his death. This may be bringing up experiences of loss from your own life. It may also be reminding you of moments when you were really struggling, which is another reason why I felt the urgency to talk to you today. And I thought, maybe you’re sad too.Or having a hard time processing how someone who seemed to “have it all” and “so much talent” could come to a point where this could happen.Or maybe you are going through a tough time yourself.Or maybe you just need a friend to tell you it’s going to be okay and give you a boost. So I wanted to connect. I decided to roll out of bed, get right on the mic, and share what I'm feeling and how I'm thinking about tWitch's death so we can process this together. Please take 14 minutes to listen to this powerful message. I share my thoughts about how to process news like this and I also emphasize something tWitch always said: Be kind. Today, be kind. You never know what another person is going through, so be kind.And always, be kind to yourself. One thing you can do today is reach out to people you love. You never know what it’s going to mean to someone. If you don’t know what to say, you can share this episode. And, if you are in pain right now. PLEASE. There’s a difference between wanting to end the pain you feel, and wanting to end your life. You can end the pain with support and by taking small steps forward every single day.  It can and it will get better. Please, if you need help, pick up the phone. You deserve support. Trained volunteers are standing by to help you. Call the National Suicide Hotline, which is 988 in the US. Different languages are available – click here. Or, text HOME to 741-741 for the Crisis Text Line. Thanks for reading this and listening to this episode. And I just wanted to end by saying, I love you and it means more than you know that you are here.

I’ve lived with ADHD, dyslexia, and anxiety for most of my life. And I’ve spent the last decade immersed in research around how to improve my mental health, but only recently did I realize there was a big missing piece to the puzzle when it came to being happier, more confident, and more present. That’s taking care of the brain. Your brain is your problem-solver.It’s your memory keeper.It’s a supercomputer. If the physical health of your brain sucks, it’s like having a beer belly with IBS for a brain. If you’re really committed to being a happier and healthier person, it's common sense to keep your brain happy and healthy. But… The science can be complicated and boring. More serotonin and dopamine would be great… but I zone out when I am looking at all the research. That’s why I asked one of the leading experts on brain health to be here today. Dr. Daniel Amen has 40 years of experience as a psychiatrist, 12 New York Times bestselling books, and he’s conducted over 200,000 brain scans, all of which back up the simple tactics he’s about to share with you. Today’s episode is jam-packed with practical information, so you may even want to listen twice. You can make your brain stronger and more resilient. There are specific changes you can make today, including supplements to take, a change to your walking style, a specific breathing technique to reduce anxiety, and more. Dr. Amen will also share the one powerful question he’s been asking himself every single day that keeps his brain strong. He also shares a recipe for a delicious mug of “brain healthy hot chocolate.” I’ll drink to that and a little Brain Health 101. Xo Mel  You will learn: 1:34: The results of my brain scan – and a huge finding that was discovered in my husband’s brain scan9:37: A simple 101 on the brain13:14: The 3 most important habits that have the biggest impact on brain health15:41: The exact thing to say to yourself first thing in the morning to improve your brain16:57: The specific two vitamins that are most important for the health of your brain19:38: The difference between serotonin and dopamine and how to achieve balance between the two25:08: How to tell if you have low dopamine & how to increase it28:55: Why strength training is so important for your overall health30:21: What cortisol is, why it matters, and how to reduce it32:03: The one specific breathing exercise that Dr. Amen recommends for an anxious mind36:06: How to calm a busy brain39:22: The 3 most important words for mental training41:27: What to do if you feel chronically tired43:30: The 5 most important foods for brain health44:21: How to make brain-healthy hot chocolate47:06: What a psychiatrist of 40 years would never do because it’s bad for your brain

Today you and I are digging into three things you must accept about other people.  It took me years to understand these truths. It sounds horrible, but I always wondered, “What’s wrong with people? Why don’t they change?” I know you can relate. Because today I’m taking your questions about trying to change other people.  You’re frustrated by the fact that your spouse or partner won’t exercise more. You get angry seeing how much money your daughter wastes going out every weekend. You’re annoyed by how stubborn your parents have become the older they get. Me too. I’ve tried every tactic you can imagine to get other people to change. And recently I realized the true source of my frustration: It’s not them, it’s me. I’m refusing to accept three things. These things are hard to accept, and they’re true. Once you hear them and you apply them to your life, your relationships will be way easier. In addition to the three truths about other people, you’ll learn research that explains why it’s so hard to get other people to change. And like all episodes, this one is packed with tactical advice and takeaways that you can put to use immediately. And, if you’re the one who’s busy making changes but your loved ones are not being supportive, I answer that question from a listener, too. I feel compelled to answer your questions because so many of you are improving your life with the tools you’re learning on this podcast and your family is starting to get annoyed with you. That’s okay. It shows you’re making progress (but it doesn’t make it easy). Hopefully today’s episode will. Xo Mel  Key lessons: 3:12: 3 powerful truths you have to accept about people.4:33: Rule #1 explained6:02: How do you deal with people who don’t want to change?9:00: Why some people can’t change.12:42: I’m embarrassed to tell you this story.19:49: Rule #2 explained20:37: Rule #3 explained21:44: My “6-month rule” for any complainer32:03: What do when the people around you don’t support the changes you’re making40:23: The science of “Myside bias” and what it says about human nature For full show notes, go to melrobbins.com/podcastDo you want to create a better morning routine? Join my free 5-day Wake Up Challenge and I’ll coach day by day on setting your day up for success here.

Have you ever had such a powerful coincidence happen in your life that you think… This must be a sign. The person sitting next to you at an event turns out to be part of the team you’re interviewing with next week. There is a hummingbird outside your apartment window on move-in day, and your grandmother always said she’d come back as one. You’re sitting in your favorite coffee shop, thinking of someone you haven’t seen in a long time, and right at that moment, they text you. You can’t explain how these things happen, but when they do, they give you goosebumps and make you feel just a little bit more confident and less alone. I personally love it when this happens. And I’m always on the lookout for signs that my life is moving in the right direction. Well, what if I told you that you can create more moments like this? That’s what we’re talking about today. These moments have a name: they’re called “synchronicities.” And my guest today is Dr. Tom Myers, a professor who researched and wrote his entire Ph.D. dissertation on the subject. You’re about to learn simple steps that will train your brain to create more of these impactful synchronicities in your own life, and three powerful reasons why it’s important that you do so. Today, you and I are hanging out at the intersection of psychology, science, and spirituality. Wouldn’t it be nice if your life had more of these magical moments? Looking for signs that you’re on the right path is not some cheesy thing to do; it’s yet another way you can get intentional about training your brain to help you experience life in a whole new way. I’ll also share a few stories from my life that are not only examples of synchronicity, but they will also give you goosebumps. I can’t wait to hear your “goosebump” stories, and I hope what you learn from our conversation today will teach you how to create more of them. Xo Mel  I talk more about synchronicity, including a powerful story from my life and how to create more of them, in my New York Times bestselling book The High 5 Habit. For complete show notes, including links to every research study mentioned, see the episode page at melrobbins.com/podcast

I was lying in bed one morning, and all of a sudden it hit me… If I ever want to be truly happy, I have to stop doing THIS. So do you. What is this thing we need to stop doing? I call it the “Campaign of Misery.”   In the background of your mind, there’s a campaign of misery running on a loop. And until you stop it, you will never experience the happiness, joy and contentment you deserve.  I promise you - it is there. In the background - talking to you all the time.  This is the missing piece to true happiness.  When you remove the campaign of misery, you create room for joy. I recorded this episode the same morning I had this profound insight.  What you're about to hear is a conversation with me and two friends and colleagues, Amy and Jessie. Pull up a seat at the kitchen table; I want you to hear me unpacking this breakthrough about happiness in real time. My two friends saw their “campaign of misery” immediately and started describing in detail the ridiculous ways they torture themselves. You’ll laugh, you’ll nod along, and you might even cry a little. We sure did. Because when you realize how much you rob yourself of the happiness you deserve, it is sad.  I always say, this isn’t just a listening podcast, it’s a doing podcast. So by the end, there’s something specific I will be asking you to do with us while you listen.  In three simple steps, you will join us as we put down the sword, grab a book of matches, and pick up the pen to write new default programming into our minds.  Don’t worry, I’ll explain why you need matches near the end of the episode. And you’ll be so happy that I did. You have the power to change the way you think and the way you talk to yourself. You have the power to stop seeing all the reasons your life is hard and teach yourself to see how this could be easier.  Yes, you can be happy. You can be content. But first, you have to stop making yourself miserable. Let’s support one another on this.  If we fight this battle for happiness together, side-by-side, I am certain we will win. Xo Mel  In this episode, you’ll learn:What happens when you get caught up in your storiesMy profound breakthrough around the importance of mindfulnessHow to start celebrating yourself right now, no matter your mindsetThe 3 incredibly powerful mindset hacks I did with my friends and colleagues, Amy & Jessie Go deeper: Do you want to create a better morning routine? Join my free 5-day Wake Up Challenge and I’ll coach day by day on setting your day up for success here. Morning Pages inspired by Julia Cameron: The Artist’s Way For complete show notes, click here.

Buckle up and get ready to take notes because this episode is a masterclass. The tools you’re about to learn will help you become more confident, influential, and even make more money. Today, we’re talking about The “It” Factor. Some people just seem to have IT, right? When I think of The It Factor, people like Oprah, The Rock, Taylor Swift, the Dalai Lama, and Martin Luther King, Jr. come to mind. These people make you want to lean in, join in, and learn more. So today we’re asking… What is “It” that some people have that makes us automatically trust and like them? And, more importantly, how can you get it? Here to answer that question is Vanessa Van Edwards, a best-selling author, researcher, and founder of the behavior lab The Science of People. I cannot wait for you to dig into what she has researched. Turns out The It Factor has another name: charisma. And the good news? YOU can learn how to have charisma, starting today. You’re going to want to. Research finds that charismatic people are more influential, earn a higher income, and have a bigger impact at work, in their communities, and in their relationships. The secret to hacking it? Social cues, like body language and the way you speak. That’s why today’s episode is a masterclass. You’ll learn… Shocking research from Princeton about how people size you up3 things you must do in the first 10 seconds of a Zoom callTips for nailing an interviewThe major mistake you’re making as you speakHow to ask for a raiseA simple test that will help you figure out how charismatic you areWhy you never want to fake a smileTips for charisma for introvertsWhy a second impression is as important as the first That’s just the tip of the iceberg. Today’s episode is jam-packed with simple, tactical research and tools that will help you and anyone you care about develop the skill of charisma. And you deserve that.  Xo Mel  Join the free 5-day Wake Up Challenge with me and master your morning routine here. All show notes for this episode can be found at melrobbins.com/podcastCheck out the video version of this podcast on my YouTube channel here.

Whatever you're doing right now, stop and make time for this conversation. Every single day, I get questions from listeners about self-love, self-hatred, and what it actually means to like yourself. I understand why it’s confusing.  The topic of self-love is so broad, and there is very little actionable advice on how exactly you learn to like yourself, especially if you’ve spent your whole life being hard on yourself. So don’t worry, I’ve decided to attack this topic of self-love in a completely unique, surprising, and tactical manner. This is also one of the most personal episodes I’ve released because I’m inviting you to join a conversation I’m having with our 17-year-old son, Oakley. This is not a “podcast interview.” This is an intimate conversation between a mother and a son about the most important topic you could discuss: self-love.  When Oakley was in middle school, he hated himself, and as his mom, it was awful to see him so lonely and sad. In today’s conversation, he shares things with me about this time in his life that I never knew. And more importantly, we unpack the moment he had an epiphany that changed everything. You will absolutely relate to everything he shares and his reflections about it. I’m so proud to share this conversation with you. You will be blown away because you’ll not only feel like you’re part of our family, but we’re also welcoming you into our hearts. You will laugh out loud, even though your heart might break a little. And by the end of it, you’ll have not only wisdom, but also a couple of simple tools to help you learn how to like yourself a little more. This conversation is a must-listen for EVERYONE in your life. And especially for young adults because when they hear these insights from someone their age, it’s way more compelling than getting advice from an adult. I do want to be up front about one thing: Oakley is 17 and like most 17-year-olds, whether they do it in front of you or not, he has a case of the F’s, meaning he drops the F-word a fair number of times, and I made a decision to record it as is and allow him to speak freely. And, I just can’t emphasize enough how much insight this is going to give you into your own relationship with yourself. I hope you will make the time to spend a half hour with the two of us, because I know you will leave feeling seen, understood, and liking yourself a little better. I cannot wait to hear what you learn. Xo Mel  For complete show notes, go to melrobbins.com

I want you to get serious about inserting fun back into the holidays this year. It might seem odd to have an entire conversation about fun. But here’s why we have to: most of us aren’t having any. In fact, it’s gotten so bad that researchers have a term for it: “a fun drought.” You’re not alone – 97% of people want to have more fun. And wouldn’t it be fabulous if you had an absolute blast with your family this holiday season? It is possible. And you’re just the person to make it happen. On the topic of family, I find it interesting that most of the advice out there is focused on toxic family dynamics and boundaries. If your family is that toxic, the only thing you need to do is make other plans. You’re not required to spend time with them. But… if you are planning to spend time with family during the holidays, make this the year you bring the fun. Fun breaks up old dynamics, fun draws people out of their shells, and fun gives you something to talk about other than the weather and how the school year is going. And laughter is not only great medicine, but it also makes you happier and strengthens your relationships with those you’re having fun with! Today you and I are getting serious about fun. In this episode, you’re going to learn the 3 things that get in the way of you having fun – the biggest one being that you don’t plan for it. So, we are going to discuss how to plan for and have more fun, and I’ll give you all kinds of ideas to consider. This is the perfect episode to listen to with your family if you’re traveling. It’s appropriate for all ages. So shake off the dread and pull out the party hats. I’m on a mission to inspire you to have more fun. Xo Mel For complete show notes, go to melrobbins.com

I used simple research from Harvard Business School and UCLA to tame my fear of public speaking and become one of the most successful keynote speakers in the world. I used this same tool to overcome my fear of flying. If nerves or fear are holding you back from applying for that promotion, asking someone on a date, speaking up at a meeting, or traveling to another part of the world, this brain hack will change your life. Your fears make your life small. Your nerves limit your potential. Your anxiety robs you of happiness and confidence. Today on the podcast, you’ll hear me coach someone through one of her biggest fears. You’ll hear the hilarious ways I used to cope with my fears and you’ll also learn why telling someone to calm down never works. You’ll leave this episode with a 4-step tool that you can apply to your life the moment you learn it. Stop letting your fear make your life small. Board that plane, step onto that stage, apply for that promotion, and never let your nerves stop you from living your life the way that you want to again. And please, share this episode not only with people you love, but particularly with all the young adults in your life, because research shows that this tool not only helps you tame your anxiety – it also helps you perform better on tests, be a better athlete, and compete at a higher level in academic competitions. Xo Mel For complete show notes, go to melrobbins.com

What if you could show up in any relationship feeling secure, exactly as you are? You didn’t have to overthink every text you sent.  You wouldn’t have to play the dating games. If somebody ghosted you, it wouldn’t be the end of the world.  Well I’m here to tell you today that you CAN be that person.  Meet the phenomenal Dr. Marisa Franco, New York Times bestselling author of “Platonic” and expert on attachment theory. Today, we’re shining a light on your attachment style. What is an attachment style? Simple. It’s a framework backed by decades of research that will help you understand how you show up in relationships. There are 4 attachment styles, and whether you’re aware of it or not, you default to one of them. If you have a hard time setting boundaries with family members… If you keep dating the same kind of people…  If you cling to relationships that have long expired… Or if you’ve never been able to connect with someone on a deeply emotional level. Blame your attachment style. And here’s the good news: when you understand attachment theory, you can change your default attachment style and become more secure, which leads to happier and healthier relationships. You deserve that, which is why this episode is for you. Today, Dr. Franco breaks down the 4 attachment styles that make or break your relationships, AND the powerful tools you can use to improve them.  Once you understand your attachment style, you’ll have a lens through which to improve absolutely every relationship, especially the one you have with yourself.  Because at the deepest level, becoming more secure is about allowing love in. Xo Mel PS: One way to let more love in is to get in touch with your big dreams. Let me help you with a free journal guide: melrobbins.com/dreambig For complete show notes, go to melrobbins.com