How To Be Less Judgmental (Of Other People – And Yourself) | La Sarmiento
Dec 25, 2024
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In this engaging discussion, La Sarmiento, a seasoned Vipassana meditation practitioner and mindfulness teacher, explores the intricacies of judgment. They clarify the distinction between being judgmental and discerning, highlighting how mindfulness can help us recognize and mitigate harmful judgment. La gives insight into the allure of gossip, shares four vital questions for self-reflection, and emphasizes the importance of self-compassion on the path to true self-acceptance. This conversation is a refreshing take on navigating judgment, both of ourselves and others.
Mindfulness helps identify judgmental thoughts, allowing individuals to differentiate between discernment and harmful judgmentalism.
Self-judgment often arises from insecurity, and practicing self-kindness can transform negative self-talk into compassionate self-dialogue.
Asking reflective questions about emotional states can promote clarity, leading to more compassionate interactions and personal growth.
Deep dives
The Nature of Judgmentalism vs. Discernment
Judgmentalism often stems from a place of insecurity and can become a barrier to genuine connection and empathy. Mindfulness practices can help identify when one is being judgmental, allowing for a distinction between discernment and judgmentalism. The desire to be judgmental can feel rewarding temporarily, but ultimately it creates more pain, not just for others but for oneself. By increasing self-awareness, individuals can learn to discern situations more clearly without resorting to judgment, leading to healthier interactions and self-perception.
The Inner Critic and Self-Judgment
Many people often direct judgment toward themselves, focusing on their perceived inadequacies and constantly second-guessing their decisions. This inner critic can lead to a cycle of negativity, where one feels pressure to apply harsh self-assessment to achieve success. The importance of recognizing this self-judgment as a harmful pattern is emphasized, and instead, people are encouraged to practice self-kindness. Mindfulness techniques can serve as tools to intervene in these negative thought patterns, transforming harsh self-talk into compassionate self-dialogue.
Transforming Fear and Anxiety into Self-Acceptance
A central theme in addressing judgment is understanding the underlying fears that fuel it, such as fear of inadequacy or fear of not being accepted. By acknowledging these feelings without judgment, individuals can begin to cultivate a sense of self-acceptance and peace. Providing self-affirmations and recognizing one's intrinsic worth fosters resilience against external validation. This gentle approach allows individuals to confront their fears, transforming them into opportunities for personal growth and deeper connection with themselves.
Operationalizing Mindfulness Through Four Questions
When individuals notice judgment arising, they can benefit from asking themselves four key questions: Is my heart open or closed? Am I suffering or am I free? Am I feeling empowered or disempowered? Am I feeling connected or disconnected? These questions serve as a guide for self-reflection, prompting recognition of one’s emotional state and its alignment with mindfulness. By consistently applying these questions, individuals can gain clarity on their mental state and make conscious choices that promote a more compassionate mindset.
Acceptance of Others and the Power of Compassion
The distinction between a person's behavior and their innate worth forms the foundation of understanding and compassion. Accepting individuals for who they are, even when their actions may be hurtful or judgmental, fosters healthier relationships. This acceptance allows individuals to support themselves and others without internalizing negativity or feeling the need to change others fundamentally. Ultimately, this practice encourages a shift from judgment to compassion, promoting a sense of community and connection in a culture that often emphasizes competition and comparison.
Can mindfulness really pull you out of a spiral of self-judgment? Don’t you need to be judgmental sometimes? What’s the difference between being discerning and judgmental?
Description:
Meditation and mindfulness doesn’t uproot your capacity to be judgmental, but it can help you see the value in being judgmental by learning how to work with the judging mind.
La Sarmiento has been practicing Vipassana meditation since 1998. La is a mentor for the Mindfulness Meditation Teacher Certification Program, a teacher with Cloud Sangha, and a contributor to the Happier Meditation app.
In this episode we talk about:
How mindfulness can help us identify when we’re being judgmental
The difference between discernment and judgment
How it can be so delicious to be judgmental of others – but why it’s actually harmful to ourselves and others
The four questions to ask when we notice ourselves going into judgment mode
How to operationalize the phrase “am I suffering right now?”
Investigating the motivations behind striving for success
Why owning up to being a jerk is sometimes the exact right answer