Huberman Lab

How to Find & Be a Great Romantic Partner | Lori Gottlieb

4209 snips
Apr 7, 2025
Lori Gottlieb, MFT, is a renowned psychotherapist and bestselling author known for her insights on relationships. In this conversation, she delves into how childhood experiences shape our romantic choices and the patterns we unconsciously repeat. Lori emphasizes the importance of self-awareness and emotional regulation in fostering healthy partnerships. They discuss the impact of social media and dating apps on connections, as well as how to embrace intentional living for deeper fulfillment and happiness in relationships.
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Pause for Regulation

  • When dysregulated during an argument, pause and return to a regulated state before continuing.
  • This prevents unproductive escalation and allows for clearer communication.
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Unfinished Business

  • People often "marry their unfinished business," seeking partners who resemble those who hurt them in the past.
  • This stems from a desire to master past hurts, though it rarely leads to fulfilling outcomes.
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Give It Another Date

  • Don't dismiss potential partners solely for lack of initial "spark."
  • Give it another date if the interaction felt good; chemistry can develop over time.
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