Huberman Lab

Chris Voss: How to Succeed at Hard Conversations

Oct 2, 2023

Join former FBI lead negotiator Chris Voss, an expert on high-stakes conversations and author of "Never Split the Difference," as he shares invaluable insights on navigating tough dialogues. He delves into essential strategies for managing emotions and reading body language, helping listeners master negotiation skills in business and personal life. Voss emphasizes the importance of empathy, proactive listening, and authentic communication, while sharing gripping anecdotes from crisis negotiations that reveal the psychological intricacies involved in reaching mutually beneficial outcomes.

02:51:01

Creator website

Episode guests

Chris Voss

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Highlights

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Episode notes

Podcast summary created with Snipd AI

Quick takeaways

Identifying urgency and specificity are crucial in identifying scams and fraudulent negotiations.

Using passive aggressive behavior and specific inquiries can exhaust aggressive adversaries and potentially reveal opportunities.

Recognizing urgency coupled with requests for immediate action or sensitive information is a red flag for scams.

Specificity in negotiations helps assess the legitimacy of claims and uncover limitations and motives.

Listening to intuition and gut instincts can provide valuable information in decision making and negotiations.

Approaching tense conversations with empathy, observation, and active listening creates understanding and connection.

Deep dives

Identifying Urgency and Scams: A Lesson in Negotiating

In high friction negotiations or situations where there is potential for a bad outcome, it is important to identify urgency and potential scams. Scammers often create a sense of urgency, pressuring you to act quickly or face dire consequences. However, it is crucial to remain skeptical and probe for more information. In some cases, scammers may lack the ability to carry out their threats, and specificity is the key to identifying legitimacy. Ask specific questions, such as who, what, when, and where, to determine if the other party can provide accurate details. By assessing their ability to follow through on their claims and requiring specificity, you can better protect yourself from scams and fraudulent negotiations.

The Humane Way to End a Relationship

02:02

Using correction to build rapport and intelligence gathering

01:51

The Power of How and What Questions in Negotiations//compensation

01:48

The Power of Empathy in Understanding and Persuasion

02:08

Intro

2min

Mastering Negotiation: Insights from an FBI Expert

4min

Negotiation Strategies and Emotional Dynamics

21min

Negotiation Cues: The Power of Authenticity and Generosity

3min

Cultivating Goodwill in Professional Relationships

4min

Negotiation Lessons from Crisis Scenarios

26min

Strategic Approaches to High-Stakes Negotiation

3min

Mastering Negotiation and Communication

29min

Understanding Ego Depletion in Conversations and Negotiations

5min

10.

Navigating Negotiations and Emotions

14min

11.

Navigating Pressure and Personal Growth

16min

12.

Empathy and Communication in Research

15min

13.

Mastering Proactive Listening

27min

14.

Gratitude and Practical Tools for Effective Communication

4min

In this episode, my guest is Chris Voss, a former Federal Bureau of Investigation (FBI) agent who was the lead negotiator in many high-risk, high-consequence cases. Chris has taught negotiation courses at Harvard and Georgetown Universities and is the author of the book “Never Split the Difference.” We discuss how to navigate difficult conversations of all kinds, including in business, romance and romantic breakups, job firings and tense conversations with family and friends. Chris explains how to navigate online, in person and in written negotiations, the red flags to watch out for and how to read body and voice cues in face-to-face and phone conversations. He explains how to use empathy, certain key questions, proactive listening, emotional processing and more to ensure you reach the best possible outcome in any hard conversation. This episode ought to be of interest to anyone looking to improve their interpersonal abilities and communication skills and for those who want to be able to keep a level head in heated discussions.

For show notes, including referenced articles and additional resources, please visit hubermanlab.com.

Use Ask Huberman Lab, our new AI-powered platform, for a summary, clips, and insights from this episode.

Thank you to our sponsors

AG1: https://drinkag1.com/huberman

LMNT: https://drinklmnt.com/hubermanlab

Waking Up: https://wakingup.com/huberman

Momentous: https://livemomentous.com/huberman

Timestamps

(00:00:00) Chris Voss

(00:02:34) Sponsors: LMNT & Waking Up

(00:04:59) Negotiation Mindset, Playfulness

(00:11:41) Calm Voice, Emotional Shift, Music

(00:18:59) “Win-Win”?, Benevolent Negotiations, Hypothesis Testing

(00:28:38) Generosity

(00:33:06) Sponsor: AG1

(00:33:44) Hostile Negotiations, Internal Collaboration

(00:39:40) Patterns & Specificity; Internet Scams, “Double-Dip”

(00:48:15) Urgency, Cons, Asking Questions

(00:54:46) Negotiations, Fair Questions, Exhausting Adversaries

(01:02:18) “Vision Drives Decision”, Human Nature & Investigation

(01:07:47) Lying & Body, “Gut Sense”

(01:15:42) Face-to-Face Negotiation, “738” & Affective Cues

(01:20:39) Online/Text Communication; “Straight Shooters”

(01:26:47) Break-ups (Romantic & Professional), Firing, Resilience

(01:32:16) Ego Depletion, Negotiation Outcomes

(01:37:35) Readiness & “Small Space Practice”, Labeling

(01:45:17) Venting, Emotions & Listening; Meditation & Spirituality

(01:51:41) Physical Fitness, Self-Care

(01:57:01) Long Negotiations & Recharging

(02:02:40) Hostages, Humanization & Names

(02:08:50) Tactical Empathy, Compassion

(02:15:27) Tool: Mirroring Technique

(02:22:20) Tool: Proactive Listening

(02:29:48) Family Members & Negotiations

(02:35:21) Self Restoration, Humor

(02:39:01) Fireside, Communication Courses; Rapport; Writing Projects

(02:47:45) “Sounds Like…” Perspective

(02:50:54) Zero-Cost Support, Spotify & Apple Reviews, Sponsors, YouTube Feedback, Momentous, Social Media, Neural Network Newsletter

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Huberman Lab

Chris Voss: How to Succeed at Hard Conversations

Episode guests

Podcast summary created with Snipd AI

Quick takeaways

Deep dives

Identifying Urgency and Scams: A Lesson in Negotiating

Knowing When to Relent: Wear Out Aggressive Adversaries

Scams and Urgency: Protecting Yourself in Modern Threats

The Importance of Specificity in Negotiations

Personalized platform for understanding data and adjusting health

The process of wearing down an aggressive negotiator

The importance of listening to your gut

Approaching conversations with empathy and observation

The Power of Humanizing Communication

The Technique of Mirroring

Proactive Listening for Deactivating Negativity

The Humane Way to End a Relationship

Using correction to build rapport and intelligence gathering

The Power of How and What Questions in Negotiations//compensation

The Power of Empathy in Understanding and Persuasion

Timestamps

Get the Snipd
podcast app

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podcast player

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highlights

Save any
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Huberman Lab

Chris Voss: How to Succeed at Hard Conversations

Episode guests

Podcast summary created with Snipd AI

Quick takeaways

Deep dives

Identifying Urgency and Scams: A Lesson in Negotiating

Knowing When to Relent: Wear Out Aggressive Adversaries

Scams and Urgency: Protecting Yourself in Modern Threats

The Importance of Specificity in Negotiations

Personalized platform for understanding data and adjusting health

The process of wearing down an aggressive negotiator

The importance of listening to your gut

Approaching conversations with empathy and observation

The Power of Humanizing Communication

The Technique of Mirroring

Proactive Listening for Deactivating Negativity

The Humane Way to End a Relationship

Using correction to build rapport and intelligence gathering

The Power of How and What Questions in Negotiations//compensation

The Power of Empathy in Understanding and Persuasion

Timestamps

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Discoverhighlights

Save anymoment

Share& Export

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