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Chris Voss: How to Succeed at Hard Conversations

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Oct 2, 2023

Guest

Chris Voss

Join former FBI lead negotiator Chris Voss, an expert on high-stakes conversations and author of "Never Split the Difference," as he shares invaluable insights on navigating tough dialogues. He delves into essential strategies for managing emotions and reading body language, helping listeners master negotiation skills in business and personal life. Voss emphasizes the importance of empathy, proactive listening, and authentic communication, while sharing gripping anecdotes from crisis negotiations that reveal the psychological intricacies involved in reaching mutually beneficial outcomes.

02:51:01

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Episode notes

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ADVICE

Diagnose Deals Quickly

Quickly determine if a deal is possible or potentially bad.
Walk away fast from bad deals; wasting time on them is worse than not getting a deal at all.

question_answer

ANECDOTE

Playful Negotiation Wins

Chris Voss recounts two successful negotiations from a playful mindset.
A lost suitcase was found after jokingly asking an airport worker to "wave a magic wand".

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ADVICE

The Calming Voice Tactic

Use a calm, low voice in heated negotiations; the "late-night FM DJ voice" calms both parties down.
This voice helps regulate negative emotions and improves information processing.

Get the Snipd Podcast app to discover more snips from this episode

Mastering Negotiation: Insights from an FBI Expert

01:56 • 4min

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Negotiation Strategies and Emotional Dynamics

06:14 • 21min

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Negotiation Cues: The Power of Authenticity and Generosity

27:11 • 3min

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Cultivating Goodwill in Professional Relationships

30:20 • 4min

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Negotiation Lessons from Crisis Scenarios

34:16 • 26min

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Strategic Approaches to High-Stakes Negotiation

01:00:43 • 3min

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Mastering Negotiation and Communication

01:03:44 • 29min

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Understanding Ego Depletion in Conversations and Negotiations

01:32:19 • 5min

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Navigating Negotiations and Emotions

01:37:28 • 14min

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Navigating Pressure and Personal Growth

01:51:07 • 16min

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Empathy and Communication in Research

02:06:56 • 15min

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Mastering Proactive Listening

02:22:07 • 27min

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Gratitude and Practical Tools for Effective Communication

02:49:20 • 4min

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Beyond Winning

Negotiating to Create Value in Deals and Disputes

Bob Mnuchin

The Body Keeps the Score

Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma

Bessel van der Kolk

In this book, Dr. Bessel van der Kolk uses recent scientific advances to show how trauma reshapes both the body and brain, compromising sufferers’ capacities for pleasure, engagement, self-control, and trust. He explores various treatments, including neurofeedback, meditation, sports, drama, and yoga, which activate the brain’s natural neuroplasticity to aid in recovery. The book emphasizes the power of relationships in both causing and healing trauma and offers hope through descriptions of novel approaches to treatment. It is based on Dr. van der Kolk’s own research and that of other leading specialists in the field[1][2][5].

Never Split the Difference

Negotiating As If Your Life Depended On It

Tahl Raz

Chris Voss

VOSS/RAZ

This book, written by former FBI hostage negotiator Chris Voss and co-author Tahl Raz, provides a masterclass in influencing others through negotiation. It distills the Voss method, revealing skills such as establishing rapport, creating trust with tactical empathy, and transforming conflict into collaboration. The book is filled with real-life examples from Voss's career, illustrating how these techniques can be applied in both professional and personal life to achieve goals and defuse potential crises.

The upward spiral

Dilip Kumar Roy

Written by Dilip Kumar Roy in the Sri Aurobindo Ashram, 'The Upward Spiral' is a mystic novel that reflects on spiritual and philosophical themes. The book is influenced by Roy's experiences and the spiritual environment of the ashram.

In this episode, my guest is Chris Voss, a former Federal Bureau of Investigation (FBI) agent who was the lead negotiator in many high-risk, high-consequence cases. Chris has taught negotiation courses at Harvard and Georgetown Universities and is the author of the book “Never Split the Difference.” We discuss how to navigate difficult conversations of all kinds, including in business, romance and romantic breakups, job firings and tense conversations with family and friends. Chris explains how to navigate online, in person and in written negotiations, the red flags to watch out for and how to read body and voice cues in face-to-face and phone conversations. He explains how to use empathy, certain key questions, proactive listening, emotional processing and more to ensure you reach the best possible outcome in any hard conversation. This episode ought to be of interest to anyone looking to improve their interpersonal abilities and communication skills and for those who want to be able to keep a level head in heated discussions.

For show notes, including referenced articles and additional resources, please visit hubermanlab.com.

Use Ask Huberman Lab, our new AI-powered platform, for a summary, clips, and insights from this episode.

Thank you to our sponsors

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Momentous: https://livemomentous.com/huberman

Timestamps

(00:00:00) Chris Voss

(00:02:34) Sponsors: LMNT & Waking Up

(00:04:59) Negotiation Mindset, Playfulness

(00:11:41) Calm Voice, Emotional Shift, Music

(00:18:59) “Win-Win”?, Benevolent Negotiations, Hypothesis Testing

(00:28:38) Generosity

(00:33:06) Sponsor: AG1

(00:33:44) Hostile Negotiations, Internal Collaboration

(00:39:40) Patterns & Specificity; Internet Scams, “Double-Dip”

(00:48:15) Urgency, Cons, Asking Questions

(00:54:46) Negotiations, Fair Questions, Exhausting Adversaries

(01:02:18) “Vision Drives Decision”, Human Nature & Investigation

(01:07:47) Lying & Body, “Gut Sense”

(01:15:42) Face-to-Face Negotiation, “738” & Affective Cues

(01:20:39) Online/Text Communication; “Straight Shooters”

(01:26:47) Break-ups (Romantic & Professional), Firing, Resilience

(01:32:16) Ego Depletion, Negotiation Outcomes

(01:37:35) Readiness & “Small Space Practice”, Labeling

(01:45:17) Venting, Emotions & Listening; Meditation & Spirituality

(01:51:41) Physical Fitness, Self-Care

(01:57:01) Long Negotiations & Recharging

(02:02:40) Hostages, Humanization & Names

(02:08:50) Tactical Empathy, Compassion

(02:15:27) Tool: Mirroring Technique

(02:22:20) Tool: Proactive Listening

(02:29:48) Family Members & Negotiations

(02:35:21) Self Restoration, Humor

(02:39:01) Fireside, Communication Courses; Rapport; Writing Projects

(02:47:45) “Sounds Like…” Perspective

(02:50:54) Zero-Cost Support, Spotify & Apple Reviews, Sponsors, YouTube Feedback, Momentous, Social Media, Neural Network Newsletter

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