The Kink Consultant

What happens when a self-proclaimed vanilla romance lover brings a spicy book to The Kink Consultant for a breakdown?In this episode, I’m joined by Brenda (my Bizdom) and Tish (my podcast editor and first-time guest) as we kick off the official Kink Consultant Book Club with a deep dive into The Deep End by Ali Hazelwood, plus a quick update on my own dating life. I share my take on the book through the lens of a kink consultant and why the story felt a little too close to home. Because while we were reading about a dom who disappears for days and a sub who doesn’t speak up for what she needs, I was ending a real-life relationship that unraveled for the exact same reason: lack of communication. The timing couldn’t have been more aligned.We explore the difference between fantasy and functional dynamics, how kink is portrayed in books versus how it plays out in real life, and why honest communication will always be hotter than skipping straight to the sex.If you’ve ever read a spicy scene and thought, “Wait… is this how it actually works?” or you’re curious about how kink and power exchange show up beyond the page, this one’s for you.Episode Highlights: 04:21 Discussing 'The Deep End' by Ali Hazelwood11:01 Amanda's Relationship Update15:09 Navigating Kink and Communication in Relationships19:03 Cultural Differences in Communication20:44 The Importance of Communication in Kink25:32 Sexual vs. Non-Sexual Kinks30:29 Fantasy vs. Reality in Kink35:29 Final Thoughts on 'The Deep End'36:32 Join the Kink Consultant Book ClubJoin the Book Club: https://www.patreon.com/amandadames/membershipRead Deep End by Ali Hazelwood: https://amzn.to/43PFYiYConnect with Me: ⁠https://www.tiktok.com/@thekinkconsultant⁠⁠https://www.instagram.com/the_kinkconsultant/⁠Speak Your Desires with Confidence - Download this FREE step-by-step guide to having open, honest, and judgment-free conversations about kink, boundaries, and pleasure.https://www.amandadames.com/Speak-Your-Desires-with-Confidence-opt-in-1Ready to explore your desires and elevate your intimate life? Book your FREE 20-minute consultation with The Kink Consultant and discover how personalized coaching can help you unlock your full potential. Whether you’re curious about kink, want to spice things up, or need expert guidance, this is your chance to get tailored advice that meets you where you are. Don’t miss out—schedule your session now and take the first step toward a more fulfilling, authentic you! ⁠Book your consultation here⁠.

Explore the intriguing dynamics of a relationship centered around a shared spanking fetish. Discover how Kai and Sarah transitioned from long-distance play partners to a deeply connected couple, building trust and communication. They delve into daily rituals, alternative punishments, and the importance of community in enhancing their dynamic. The conversation touches on vulnerability, navigating play with others, and the significance of establishing rules and rituals. Their journey highlights that intimacy can flourish through shared desires and healthy boundaries.

Discover the journey of Kai and Sarah as they confront the challenges of suppressing their spanking fetish. They share stories of past relationships that lacked essential chemistry, the importance of community, and how they discovered fulfillment through each other. Their conversation dives deep into the emotional costs of hiding one’s identity and the courageous steps they took to align their lives with their true selves. This compelling discussion offers hope and validation for anyone navigating the complexities of identity and kink.

In this engaging conversation, Larah Sky, a content creator, dominatrix, and fetish educator, dives into the fascinating world of chastity and power dynamics. She explains why chastity resonates with many and discusses the psychology of denial. Larah shares her experiences with virtual chastity and the emotional complexities of online power exchanges. The discussion also touches on the balance of authenticity in content creation and the challenges of managing fan expectations, all wrapped in her unique take on dominance and submission.

What actually happens when you walk away from a BDSM dynamic that no longer works, and end up with someone who still can’t meet your needs, even after you’ve communicated them clearly, more than once? In this episode of The Kink Consultant, I sit down with Brenda (aka my BizDom) to share an honest and frustrating update on my dating life.I talk about why I chose to leave a partner who understood my kinks but lacked consistency, and how I entered a new connection with someone who seemed open to kink but has shown little interest in learning more. To make things harder, consistent communication has become its own challenge, despite multiple conversations about what I need.Whether you’ve been here yourself or are trying to avoid this cycle altogether, this episode offers a real look at the emotional toll of unmet needs, the importance of follow-through, and what it takes to stop settling for almost. Tune in for a candid conversation, some hard truths, and the kind of perspective that might just help you reset your own standards.Episode Highlights: 01:48 BDSM Contract and Breakup03:30 Dating and Political Differences20:44 Navigating New Relationships22:36 Recognizing Dominant Traits23:14 Spanking Fetish and Boundaries26:46 Communication Struggles28:43 Feeling Unseen and Unheard31:20 Reflecting on Compatibility36:26 Bridget Jones Comparison44:07 Setting Boundaries and Moving ForwardConnect with Me: ⁠https://www.tiktok.com/@thekinkconsultant⁠⁠https://www.instagram.com/the_kinkconsultant/⁠Speak Your Desires with Confidence - Download this FREE step-by-step guide to having open, honest, and judgment-free conversations about kink, boundaries, and pleasure.https://www.amandadames.com/Speak-Your-Desires-with-Confidence-opt-in-1Ready to explore your desires and elevate your intimate life? Book your FREE 20-minute consultation with The Kink Consultant and discover how personalized coaching can help you unlock your full potential. Whether you’re curious about kink, want to spice things up, or need expert guidance, this is your chance to get tailored advice that meets you where you are. Don’t miss out—schedule your session now and take the first step toward a more fulfilling, authentic you! ⁠Book your consultation here⁠.Keywords: dating while kinky, bdsm dating dynamics, friends with benefits breakup, kink consultant podcast, emotional needs in relationships, bdsm communication, kink compatibility, dating red flags, how to talk about kink, bdsm and emotional connection, kink podcast, dating update podcast, dating someone who won’t communicate, unmet needs in relationships, breaking up with fwb, when kink isn’t enough, sex-positive podcast, kink and modern dating, effort in relationships, why communication matters, Dominant and submissive, Dom, sub

Join Candace and Derek as they dive into the wild world of swinging, discussing how it transformed their marriage. They tackle subjects like religious shame, self-discovery, and the evolution of their sexual identities. Communication shines as they share strategies for managing jealousy and setting boundaries. Experience the rollercoaster of their first swinger party, including the sensory overload and lessons on consent. This candid exploration reveals how swinging is an enriching addition, not a solution, to a strong relationship.

What actually happens when a long-term monogamous couple decides to explore the world of sex parties and kink for the very first time? In this episode of The Kink Consultant, I sit down with married couple Derek and Candace, who share exactly what went down during their very first hotwife party weekend in Vegas. We talk about navigating consent, comfort, and connection in group play spaces, what makes or breaks a sex party vibe, and how Derek and Candace transitioned from a deeply monogamous marriage to a more open, exploratory dynamic. They also open up about what sparked their curiosity, what it’s like to play with others while staying emotionally connected as a couple, and how kink helped them redefine trust, intimacy, and their relationship to pleasure. We also dig into how emotional safety, exhibitionism, and even shared eye contact can be turn-ons in public play.If you’ve ever wondered what it’s like to attend a sex party, open up your relationship, or explore kink for the first time with a partner, this episode offers a raw and relatable perspective. Tune in to hear how one spontaneous night helped spark a new era in their marriage and why connection, honesty, and curiosity matter more than any label.Episode Highlights: 00:39 Meeting at the Hot Wife Party05:45 Exploring the Playrooms13:45 How Derek and Candace Met20:09 Intentional Setup: Creating the Perfect Environment24:37 Reflecting on the Date: Rules and Realizations28:36 Exploring Kinks and Desires31:47 Candace's Porn AddictionConnect with Me: ⁠https://www.tiktok.com/@thekinkconsultant⁠⁠https://www.instagram.com/the_kinkconsultant/⁠Speak Your Desires with Confidence - Download this FREE step-by-step guide to having open, honest, and judgment-free conversations about kink, boundaries, and pleasure.https://www.amandadames.com/Speak-Your-Desires-with-Confidence-opt-in-1Ready to explore your desires and elevate your intimate life? Book your FREE 20-minute consultation with The Kink Consultant and discover how personalized coaching can help you unlock your full potential. Whether you’re curious about kink, want to spice things up, or need expert guidance, this is your chance to get tailored advice that meets you where you are. Don’t miss out—schedule your session now and take the first step toward a more fulfilling, authentic you! ⁠Book your consultation here⁠.

What happens when a sex educator builds a half-million-strong following by telling the unfiltered truth about kink, consent, and community?In this episode of The Kink Consultant, I sit down with the unapologetically brilliant Moxie Rose who is a TikTok creator and in-house educator at Shop Quinky. We get into what it means to lead with authenticity, hold ethical boundaries as an educator, and show up in kink spaces without shame.Moxie shares her journey from private in-person educator to public kink figure, including how “The Moxie” move went viral, what it’s really like teaching sex ed online, and the importance of rejecting pressure to "go harder" just to prove you're kinky enough. We also dive into her thoughts on power dynamics, teaching consent, fighting coercion in kink spaces, and building inclusive, trust-first communities. From munches to shop floors to massive online platforms, she’s seen it all—and she’s here to tell it like it is.Whether you're new to kink, building your community, or figuring out where you stand on power and play, this episode is packed with real talk and honest insight. Tune in for a raw, hilarious, and grounded conversation that will leave you smarter, safer, and ready to lead with intention.Episode Highlights: 04:01 The Moxie: A Unique Intimacy Technique06:34 The Importance of Ethical and Inclusive Education15:18 Building and Finding Good Communities18:47 Joining Mr. Pierre Fashion19:58 The Kink Community and Education20:38 Challenges with Selling Adult Products22:23 The Role of Education in Kink34:27 Importance of Boundaries and ConsentConnect with Moxiehttps://www.instagram.com/moxierosedances/https://shopquinky.com/Connect with Me: ⁠https://www.tiktok.com/@thekinkconsultant⁠⁠https://www.instagram.com/the_kinkconsultant/⁠Speak Your Desires with Confidence - Download this FREE step-by-step guide to having open, honest, and judgment-free conversations about kink, boundaries, and pleasure.https://www.amandadames.com/Speak-Your-Desires-with-Confidence-opt-in-1Ready to explore your desires and elevate your intimate life? Book your FREE 20-minute consultation with The Kink Consultant and discover how personalized coaching can help you unlock your full potential. Whether you’re curious about kink, want to spice things up, or need expert guidance, this is your chance to get tailored advice that meets you where you are. Don’t miss out—schedule your session now and take the first step toward a more fulfilling, authentic you! ⁠Book your consultation here⁠.

Luna Matatas, a Toronto-based sex and pleasure educator, shares expert tips on embracing dirty talk with confidence. She explores the common barriers to erotic communication and practical techniques to overcome them. Luna emphasizes the importance of connection through sensory details, tone, and playfulness in dirty talk. She also discusses balancing preferences in sexual relationships and the significance of body positivity in the pursuit of pleasure. Tune in for valuable insights into enhancing intimacy and fun in the bedroom!

Join Ben and Jas as they dive into the real ups and downs of sharing their relationship online. They discuss the importance of open communication and how emotional safety revolutionizes intimacy. Explore their 30 Days of Sex challenge that defined their bond, and how they handle feedback constructively. From navigating kinks to balancing their professional and personal lives, this candid conversation sheds light on the complexities of modern relationships. Get ready for laughs, vulnerability, and actionable insights that will inspire you to deepen your connections!