Being Well with Forrest Hanson and Dr. Rick Hanson

Discover the nuances of Borderline Personality Disorder as emotions fluctuate intensely for many. The podcast dives into the importance of emotional regulation and self-nurturance, offering practical tips for managing distress. It explores the complexities of relationships shaped by borderline tendencies, emphasizing empathy and understanding. Techniques like Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) are discussed to help navigate these challenges. Ultimately, it focuses on fostering healthy boundaries and compassionate connections.

Explore the power of learning how to learn and update old beliefs for personal growth. Delve into the neurological aspects of learning and the significance of cultivating inner strengths like courage and self-confidence. Discover the HEAL framework to internalize positive experiences, and hear about recent studies demonstrating how positive neuroplasticity can lead to meaningful change. The discussion also tackles the complexity of statistical significance in research and emphasizes the importance of mindful engagement for lasting transformation.

When a child is particularly emotionally intelligent, and a parent is particularly emotionally vulnerable, an inversion of the typical relationship can occur where the child devotes themselves to meeting the parent’s needs rather than the other way around. This can lead the child to lose touch with their own wants and needs – with their authentic self – which then leads to underlying feelings of worthlessness, uncertainty, and self-alienation in adulthood.Extreme versions of this pattern are known as parentification, but mild to moderate versions are surprisingly common. On today’s episode of Being Well, Dr. Rick and Forrest Hanson explore how we can heal from the effects of these difficult early experiences and rediscover who we truly are. This material was completely eye-opening for me, and it’s one of my favorite episodes we've ever produced.Want to learn more? Check out Alice Miller’s classic book The Drama of the Gifted Child.Prefer watching video? You can watch this episode on YouTube.Key Topics:0:00: Introduction2:55: Distinction between parentification and the gifted child5:05: Serving a psychological function - what is the “gift” we’re talking about?7:50: Self-definition vs. defining yourself through relationship10:30: Examples of generational patterns16:45: Accumulation of subtle forms of parentification over time21:55: Patterns of interaction, and differentiation24:00: Summary of material so far27:00: “The manic defense against depression”30:30: What can people do?35:00: Love, aspiration, and power in parenting styles40:20: Creating a coherent (and balanced) narrative43:30: Seductive narratives, grief not shame, claiming your nature51:25: What emotions were you permitted?53:35: RecapWednesday Meditation Group: Join Rick for his freely offered online weekly meditation, talk, and discussion.Support the Podcast: We're now on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link.Sponsors:Join over a million people using BetterHelp, the world’s largest online counseling platform. Visit betterhelp.com/beingwell for 10% off your first month!Want to sleep better? Try the Calm app! Visit calm.com/beingwell for 40% off a premium subscription.Ready to shake up your protein Ritual? Being Well listeners get 10% off during your first 3 months at ritual.com/WELL.Connect with the show: Subscribe on iTunes Follow Forrest on YouTube Follow us on Instagram Follow Forrest on Instagram Follow Rick on Facebook Follow Forrest on Facebook Visit Forrest's website Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Dr. Rick and Forrest explore how to connect with our positive aspects, overcoming fears of conceit and tribalism. They discuss societal influences on self-perception, intimacy, courage, and cherishing ourselves and others. Embracing self-acceptance and recognizing inner goodness are key themes, along with self-reflection for improvement and exploring human nature views.

In this engaging conversation, Elizabeth Ferreira, a graduate of Somatic Psychology at CIIS and content creator on CPTSD, shares her personal journey with Complex PTSD. She candidly discusses the emotional landscape shaped by childhood trauma and the lingering effects it has on adult relationships. Elizabeth emphasizes the significance of creating safe spaces to process grief and repressed emotions, and the value of therapy in reconnecting with neglected parts of ourselves. Her insights provide a compassionate guide to navigating the challenges of CPTSD.

The hosts explore the intriguing relationship between attachment and suffering through Buddhist teachings. They differentiate between healthy and unhealthy attachments while discussing personal experiences. The conversation highlights the necessity of mindfulness and self-awareness in managing desires. Listeners learn how to embrace change and cultivate emotional awareness to foster healthier relationships. By accepting the transient nature of life, they discover paths to greater peace and joy.

In this engaging discussion, internationally recognized family therapist Terry Real shares insights on overcoming toxic individualism to foster genuine intimacy. He highlights the importance of balancing acceptance and agency in relationships and introduces the concepts of the Adaptive Child and Wise Adult. Real discusses effective communication strategies to express needs without a counselor’s help, advocating for collaboration over dominance. He emphasizes breaking generational trauma cycles to build healthier connections, urging listeners to shift from ‘me vs. you’ to a united ‘Us’.

Dr. Ronald Siegel, an Assistant Professor of Psychology at Harvard Medical School and author, explores the pitfalls of social comparison and the myths surrounding extraordinary achievements. He shares insights on embracing our ordinary selves as a path to genuine self-acceptance. The discussion highlights how cultural pressures shape our self-worth, the healing power of social connection, and practical strategies to cultivate a balanced self-view. Siegel's wisdom invites listeners to find joy and fulfillment in their everyday experiences.

Anger is a complex emotion with both costs and benefits. The discussion highlights its biological roots and ethical implications, advocating for a deeper understanding of anger's role in our lives. Embracing anger can lead to personal growth when expressed in safe environments. The podcast also examines societal repression of anger and its historical context. By reframing anger as a source of energy and motivation, listeners are encouraged to manage it constructively, transforming it into a powerful force for positive change.

Self-awareness is a vital yet challenging skill to develop. The discussion delves into the different types of awareness and shares personal anecdotes about navigating internal and external self-discovery. There's emphasis on balancing self-acceptance with the fear of arrogance. The importance of reconnecting with positive aspects of ourselves and mindfulness as tools for growth are highlighted. Engaging strategies and reflective exercises guide listeners on their journey toward embracing their true selves.