Being Well with Forrest Hanson and Dr. Rick Hanson

Shame is one of the most complex and difficult emotions we experience on a regular basis, and one that can have seriously negative impacts on our sense of self-worth and ability to experience healthy connection with others.On this episode of Being Well, Dr. Rick and Forrest Hanson take a deep dive into what shame is, how it develops, and what distinguishes it from guilt and other related emotions. They then focus on questioning our assumptions about shame, which can help us identify where it comes from. Watch the Episode: Prefer watching video? You can watch this episode on YouTube.Key Topics:0:00: Introduction1:40: The biological roots of shame4:00: Shame's ties to our assumptions about the world 7:00: Impropriety, and shame as a psychological stage of development9:55: Distinguishing shame from guilt14:00: Unnecessary shame, healthy remorse, and your own integrity system21:55: Who decides what being good looks like?25:40: Morality in the service of power32:20: What helps us work with experiences of shame38:25: Isolation and the value of sharing with others in some way43:50: Working with your shame story49:00: Shame, group belonging, and personal change51:25: Recap Rick's Grief and Loss Workshop: We all face losses in life, from separation and disappointment to shocking, even traumatic events. Join Rick August 13 and 14 for 7 hours of LIVE, online teaching focused on learning simple, powerful practices that help us come to terms with them, heal, and find happiness again. Use coupon code BeingWell50 at checkout for an additional $50 off the registration price.Support the Podcast: We're now on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link.Sponsors:Bombas designed their socks, shirts, and underwear to be the clothes you can’t wait to put on every day. Visit bombas.com/beingwell and use code beingwell for 20% off. Join over a million people using BetterHelp, the world’s largest online counseling platform. Visit betterhelp.com/beingwell for 10% off your first month!Want to sleep better? Try the Calm app! Visit calm.com/beingwell for 40% off a premium subscription.Ready to shake up your protein Ritual? Being Well listeners get 10% off during your first 3 months at ritual.com/WELL.Connect with the show: Subscribe on iTunes Follow Forrest on YouTube Follow us on Instagram Follow Forrest on Instagram Follow Rick on Facebook Follow Forrest on Facebook Visit Forrest's website Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

In this fascinating discussion, Dr. Mary-Frances O'Connor, a renowned neuroscientist and clinical psychologist, delves into the complexities of grief. She challenges the outdated five stages model, emphasizing that grief is a unique journey for each person. The conversation explores how our brains process grief, the importance of attachment, and the role of spirituality in coping with loss. Dr. O'Connor also highlights the significance of self-compassion as we navigate our emotional responses, advocating for a more personalized understanding of grief.

Discover the nuances of Borderline Personality Disorder as emotions fluctuate intensely for many. The podcast dives into the importance of emotional regulation and self-nurturance, offering practical tips for managing distress. It explores the complexities of relationships shaped by borderline tendencies, emphasizing empathy and understanding. Techniques like Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) are discussed to help navigate these challenges. Ultimately, it focuses on fostering healthy boundaries and compassionate connections.

Explore the power of learning how to learn and update old beliefs for personal growth. Delve into the neurological aspects of learning and the significance of cultivating inner strengths like courage and self-confidence. Discover the HEAL framework to internalize positive experiences, and hear about recent studies demonstrating how positive neuroplasticity can lead to meaningful change. The discussion also tackles the complexity of statistical significance in research and emphasizes the importance of mindful engagement for lasting transformation.

When a child is particularly emotionally intelligent, and a parent is particularly emotionally vulnerable, an inversion of the typical relationship can occur where the child devotes themselves to meeting the parent’s needs rather than the other way around. This can lead the child to lose touch with their own wants and needs – with their authentic self – which then leads to underlying feelings of worthlessness, uncertainty, and self-alienation in adulthood.Extreme versions of this pattern are known as parentification, but mild to moderate versions are surprisingly common. On today’s episode of Being Well, Dr. Rick and Forrest Hanson explore how we can heal from the effects of these difficult early experiences and rediscover who we truly are. This material was completely eye-opening for me, and it’s one of my favorite episodes we've ever produced.Want to learn more? Check out Alice Miller’s classic book The Drama of the Gifted Child.Prefer watching video? You can watch this episode on YouTube.Key Topics:0:00: Introduction2:55: Distinction between parentification and the gifted child5:05: Serving a psychological function - what is the “gift” we’re talking about?7:50: Self-definition vs. defining yourself through relationship10:30: Examples of generational patterns16:45: Accumulation of subtle forms of parentification over time21:55: Patterns of interaction, and differentiation24:00: Summary of material so far27:00: “The manic defense against depression”30:30: What can people do?35:00: Love, aspiration, and power in parenting styles40:20: Creating a coherent (and balanced) narrative43:30: Seductive narratives, grief not shame, claiming your nature51:25: What emotions were you permitted?53:35: RecapWednesday Meditation Group: Join Rick for his freely offered online weekly meditation, talk, and discussion.Support the Podcast: We're now on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link.Sponsors:Join over a million people using BetterHelp, the world’s largest online counseling platform. Visit betterhelp.com/beingwell for 10% off your first month!Want to sleep better? Try the Calm app! Visit calm.com/beingwell for 40% off a premium subscription.Ready to shake up your protein Ritual? Being Well listeners get 10% off during your first 3 months at ritual.com/WELL.Connect with the show: Subscribe on iTunes Follow Forrest on YouTube Follow us on Instagram Follow Forrest on Instagram Follow Rick on Facebook Follow Forrest on Facebook Visit Forrest's website Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Dr. Rick and Forrest explore how to connect with our positive aspects, overcoming fears of conceit and tribalism. They discuss societal influences on self-perception, intimacy, courage, and cherishing ourselves and others. Embracing self-acceptance and recognizing inner goodness are key themes, along with self-reflection for improvement and exploring human nature views.

In this engaging conversation, Elizabeth Ferreira, a graduate of Somatic Psychology at CIIS and content creator on CPTSD, shares her personal journey with Complex PTSD. She candidly discusses the emotional landscape shaped by childhood trauma and the lingering effects it has on adult relationships. Elizabeth emphasizes the significance of creating safe spaces to process grief and repressed emotions, and the value of therapy in reconnecting with neglected parts of ourselves. Her insights provide a compassionate guide to navigating the challenges of CPTSD.

The hosts explore the intriguing relationship between attachment and suffering through Buddhist teachings. They differentiate between healthy and unhealthy attachments while discussing personal experiences. The conversation highlights the necessity of mindfulness and self-awareness in managing desires. Listeners learn how to embrace change and cultivate emotional awareness to foster healthier relationships. By accepting the transient nature of life, they discover paths to greater peace and joy.

In this engaging discussion, internationally recognized family therapist Terry Real shares insights on overcoming toxic individualism to foster genuine intimacy. He highlights the importance of balancing acceptance and agency in relationships and introduces the concepts of the Adaptive Child and Wise Adult. Real discusses effective communication strategies to express needs without a counselor’s help, advocating for collaboration over dominance. He emphasizes breaking generational trauma cycles to build healthier connections, urging listeners to shift from ‘me vs. you’ to a united ‘Us’.

Dr. Ronald Siegel, an Assistant Professor of Psychology at Harvard Medical School and author, explores the pitfalls of social comparison and the myths surrounding extraordinary achievements. He shares insights on embracing our ordinary selves as a path to genuine self-acceptance. The discussion highlights how cultural pressures shape our self-worth, the healing power of social connection, and practical strategies to cultivate a balanced self-view. Siegel's wisdom invites listeners to find joy and fulfillment in their everyday experiences.