Ann

Ann, a secure attachment expert, and Sue, a mindfulness practitioner, discuss what secure attachment looks like in daily life. They talk about conversation skills, parenting practices, self-check-ins, and deepening connections. They also explore the difference between feeling secure and being secure, the importance of integration and security, and the role of curiosity in maintaining a secure state of mind.

Navigate more securely no matter where you start. Learn to deepen interpersonal connections, heal trauma and even add enjoyment through secure relating! This podcast gives you truly deep dives into attachment and helpful tools to build comfort with intimacy.  Is it possible to have unresolved trauma and still be operating securely in various relationships? Absolutely!! You don’t have to be totally healed from years of therapy under your belt or a history of secure attachment to develop skills for increased intimacy and secure relating. This is something that anybody, no matter their history, can begin to learn. Channeling your inner awareness to recognize a heightened state of arousal or using visualizations to help stay in a regulated place helps tap into your right brain to connect with yourself and your humanity. Ann and Sue navigate their personal examples, self-regulating tips, breaking out of their defensive “competitive head”, and many more useful strategies to explore the ways we can move in the direction of secure connections. “Even if you have a history that leads you to trend toward preoccupied, dismissive or avoidant relating, with effort and practice opening up you can learn to relate from a secure base.” – Dr. Ann Kelley Time Stamps for Secure Relating vs Secure Attachment  3:06 – Introduction to attachment patterns 8:53 – Acknowledging the fluctuation of the attachment spectrum 11:56 – The definition of secure relating 27:09 – Using visualizations as a regulation tactic 29:01 – Abandoning your “competitive head” 34:13 – Utilizing the word “bookmark” 37:36 – The importance of preparing yourself for tough conversations 40:45 –  Implementing Gottman’s “soft starts” 42:45 – Navigating the coexistence of complex feelings Episode Resources for Secure Relating vs Secure Attachment “How to Fight Smarter: Soften Your Starts” – Gottman Institute Article Other Relevant Therapist Uncensored Episodes https://therapistuncensored.com/episodes/whole-brain-living-psychology-neuroanatomy-spirit-with-dr-jill-bolte-taylor-164/ https://therapistuncensored.com/episodes/thrive-during-stress-172/ Secure Relating vs Secure Attachment Transcripts  – Lightly edited for readability We have pledged 50% of all corporate profits & merch sales to organizations that support mental health access to those traditionally left out of mainstream healthcare.  We can only do that with the help of our Patrons. Please join us today! By joining as a Patron premium subscriber, you get a dedicated ad-free feed, deeper dives into select content, extra episodes, and very unique study opportunities Sponsors who help make these episodes free and available to all – support them to support us! $75 credit alert for our listeners!  Ann and Sue aren’t tech-savvy so they appreciate how easy it is to use and navigate Indeed.  It is the hiring platform where you can attract, interview, and hire all in one place. Find top talent fast with Indeed’s suite of powerful hiring tools like Instant Match, Assessments, and Virtual Interviews. Hate waiting? Indeed’s US data shows over 80% of Indeed employers find quality candidates, whose resume on Indeed matches their job description, the MOMENT they sponsor a job. Start hiring now with a seventy-five dollar sponsorship credit to post your job post at Indeed.com/therapistuncensored With MasterClass, you can learn from the world’s best minds – anytime, anywhere, and at your own pace. With over 150 classes from a range of world-class instructors, that thing you’ve always wanted to do is closer than you think. Get unlimited access to EVERY class, and as a Therapist Uncensored listener, you get 15% off an annual membership! Go to MasterClass.com/TU now.  Interested in even more content? Check out our full episodes and other bonus clips from the show on our Youtube Channel. Please like, comment & subscribe! Thanks for stopping by, we hope the podcast (and these show notes) offer quality education and insight into interpersonal relationships.  

Attachment basics are explored in this episode. Ann and Sue break down what attachment is, its impact on early development, and the importance of understanding attachment patterns. They discuss embodied stories, the protection system, and building secure attachment through curiosity. Topics include coherent narratives and recognizing patterns in nervous system behaviors.

Join inquisitive guests John, seeking clarity on TEAM techniques, Ann, looking for solutions to her blushing, and Dylan, curious about response timing in CBT exercises. They discuss whether one can successfully do TEAM on their own and explore the intricacies of positive reframing. Ann's struggles with social anxiety lead to insightful conversations about self-acceptance and managing blushing. The dialogue also delves into the value of combining self-help with professional guidance in mental health journeys.

Power can be associated with safety, but when misused it can also be a key indicator of a lack of emotional security and a common defensive move. We call it power over versus empowered with and it’s a tricky move because it’s so supported culturally we frequently don’t realize we are taking over. This is the 3rd episode in a series of 5.  You can start anywhere but if you prefer to start at the beginning of the series click here for Session 1 or here for Session 2. Join us for free therapy boot camp by going through this series and reflecting on how you relate and what patterns you might want to change interpersonally. When you unconsciously deem “power” as what keeps you “safe” in vulnerable situations, reflecting and rewiring on this dynamic can transform your connections. Human defenses are quite necessary to protect our nervous system and sense of self. The goal isn’t to eliminate defenses – but to learn how to regulate them, especially in relationships. Defenses can often feel triggered when there is an uneven power dynamic expressed in a relationship and can be influenced by outside factors like gender socialization, culture, or personal history. Tune in as Ann and Sue reflect on their own experiences, shame, and navigating power dynamics to form deeper connections. Shownotes at www.therapistuncensored.com/185 Join our private Neuronerd community at www.therapistuncensored.com/join. “Anytime we focus on the power-over position – it can’t be a safe connection. It communicates to your own nervous system that ‘You need to be more alone to be safe…’ It ends up being a self-perpetuating experience.”  – Ann Kelley Time Stamps for Power Dynamics – Episode 185 2:47 – Deep dive into the dismissive/”one-upping” defense tactic 9:57 – The role of gender socialization in this defense 14:41 – Addressing shame in relation to defense 24:36 – How our culture breeds narcissism and “one-down” defenses 34:55 – Interactive exercise for vulnerability 45:31 – Reviewing the “Three R’s” spiral CLICK HERE FOR THE DEFENSE SERIES, SESSION 3 TRANSCRIPTS on power dynamics – Episode 185  – Lightly edited for readability Related Therapist Uncensored Episodes  https://therapistuncensored.com/episodes/call-out-culture-168/ We have pledged 50% of all corporate profits & merch sales to organizations that support mental health access to those traditionally left out of mainstream healthcare.  We can only do that with the help of our Patrons. Please join us today! By joining as a Patron premium subscriber, you get a dedicated ad-free feed, deeper dives into select content, extra episodes, and very unique study opportunities   Sponsors who help make these episodes free and available to all – please do check them out to support the show! ACTION ALERT – For a limited time only our partner AG1 is offering our listeners $30 off if purchased by the end of September.  This is in addition to the free 1 year supply of Vit D and travel packs.  What is AG1?  It is the shake Ann and Sue both drink every morning because it actually tastes good and it provides a power-punch of all the good wellness ingredients including for gut health! Redeem here  www.athleticgreens.com/therapistuncensored! $75 credit alert for our listeners!  Ann and Sue aren’t tech-savvy so they appreciate how easy it is to use and navigate Indeed.  It is the hiring platform where you can attract, interview, and hire all in one place. Find top talent fast with Indeed’s suite of powerful hiring tools like Instant Match, Assessments, and Virtual Interviews. Hate waiting? Indeed’s US data shows over 80% of Indeed employers find quality candidates, whose resume on Indeed matches their job description, the MOMENT they sponsor a job. Start hiring now with a seventy-five dollar sponsorship credit to post your job post at Indeed.com/therapistuncensored If you are the tent pole holding up support for other people, you may want to make sure they are protected should something happen to you.  Policygenius is an insurance marketplace that makes it easy to compare quotes from top companies like AIG and Prudential in one place to find your lowest price on life insurance. You could save 50% or more on life insurance by comparing quotes and options start at just $17 per month for $500,000 of coverage.  The licensed agents at Policygenius work for you, not the insurance companies and it doesn’t cost you a thing to use their services. Policygenius.com  Interested in more content? Check out our full episodes and other bonus clips from the show on our Youtube Channel. Please like, comment & subscribe!

Authors Ann and Sue discuss themes from their book 'Secure Relating: Holding Your Own in an Insecure World'. They emphasize the importance of secure connections, healing, personal growth, and collaboration to overcome division. They break down the three sections of the book, highlighting the healing process and building agency in relationships.

Vox senior correspondent Ann discusses the challenges faced by the sandwich generation, caring for children and aging loved ones at the same time. They explore the gaps in eldercare policy, the emotional challenges of caregiving, the declining ratio of caregivers, and the limitations of Medicare and Medicaid. Additionally, they discuss the difference in costs and care between nursing homes and at-home caregiving, the challenges faced by caregivers, and the need for better elder care policies and support.

Delve into how early experiences shape internal working models of attachment, influencing relationships. Learn about caregivers' role in shaping emotions and beliefs about relationships. Explore misunderstandings, insecurities, and projections in real-time interactions. Discover the importance of self-awareness for secure relating and applying attachment theory in daily life.

Authors Ann and Sue discuss understanding attachment spectrum colors, recognizing internal activations, and shifting activation levels. They explore blue leaning patterns, dismissing attachment activation, preoccupied patterns, trauma resolution, and the importance of learning how our body responds when activated.

Ann and Sue discuss the importance of secure relating in their upcoming book. They delve into the three R healing spiral, recognition, reflection, and rewiring. They also address how to be secure when others aren't and the privilege of true safety. The podcast emphasizes the accessibility of secure relating to all individuals.