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The Gottman Doctors: "Women Tend to Be More Unhappily Married", 96% Of Non-Cuddlers Have An Awful Sex Life & Why One Night Stands Are Dangerous!

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Mar 28, 2024

Drs. John and Julie Gottman, world-renowned relationship researchers and co-founders of The Gottman Institute, delve into the dynamics of marital happiness. They reveal that intimacy, like kissing and cuddling, is crucial for a healthy relationship. The Gottmans discuss the impact of emotional bids on connection and stress the importance of effective communication in resolving conflicts. Their research indicates women often feel more dissatisfied in marriages, while understanding differing perspectives is key. They also promote their new book on turning conflict into connection.

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INSIGHT

Relationships and Health

Close relationships predict longevity and happiness, according to social epidemiology.
Socially isolated individuals with poor relationships experience shorter lifespans and increased health risks.

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ADVICE

Turning Towards Bids

Respond positively to bids for connection to strengthen relationships.
Turning towards bids, even with simple acknowledgements, fosters deeper friendship.

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ANECDOTE

John's Concentration

Julie Gottman initially felt ignored by John's lack of response to her attempts to connect.
She later understood that his intense concentration, developed in a noisy childhood environment, made him less aware of his surroundings.

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The Science of Love and Relationships

03:51 • 11min

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The Power of Emotional Connection

15:05 • 20min

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Navigating Relationship Dynamics

34:42 • 23min

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Navigating Relationship Conflicts

57:47 • 20min

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The Power of Affection in Relationships

01:17:58 • 21min

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Enhancing Intimacy Through Communication

01:39:20 • 3min

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Understanding Betrayal and Trust in Relationships

01:42:32 • 3min

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Navigating Relationship Dynamics

01:45:08 • 6min

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Enhancing Connection and Communication in Relationships

01:51:23 • 2min

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The Power of Influence in Love

01:53:13 • 5min

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The Importance of Healthy Conflict Resolution

01:58:21 • 1min

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Reflections on Family Dynamics

01:59:48 • 4min

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The Impact of Early Relationships on Love and Success

02:03:51 • 2min

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No specific book titled 'Got Sex' found

General contributions to relationship literature

John M. Gottman

Julie Schwartz Gottman

John and Julie Gottman are well-known for their contributions to understanding and improving relationships through The Gottman Institute. Their work focuses on building strong emotional connections, effective communication, and intimacy in relationships. While they have written extensively on these topics, there is no specific book titled 'Got Sex' attributed to them.

The Man's Guide to Women

Scientifically Proven Secrets from the Love Lab About What Women Really Want

Douglas Abrams

Rachel Carlton Abrams M.D.

John M. Gottman

Julie Schwartz Gottman

Based on 40 years of research from the Gottmans' Love Lab, this book provides insights into what women want in a man and how men can build successful, long-term relationships. It covers topics such as emotional attunement, conflict resolution, and understanding female biology.

Talk to Me Like I'm Someone You Love

Gabra Zackman

Nancy Dreyfus

Talk to Me Like I'm Someone You Love is an interactive relationship tool designed to help couples stop arguing and begin healing. Developed by psychotherapist Nancy Dreyfus, the book includes over 100 'flash cards for real life'—written statements that help express feelings and emotions in a loving and constructive manner. The revised edition includes new sections on making love and deepening trust, providing additional tools for strengthening relationships.

The Normal Bar

The Surprising Secrets of Happy Couples and What They Reveal About Creating a New Normal in Your Relationship

Chrisanna Northrup

Pepper Schwartz and James Witte

The Normal Bar provides an in-depth exploration of what makes relationships fulfilling, drawing from a massive survey of over 75,000 people in committed relationships. The book delves into various aspects of relationships, including communication, intimacy, trust, conflict resolution, and shared activities. It offers practical tools and advice to help couples navigate the complexities of their relationships, making it an indispensable guide for those seeking to enhance their romantic connections. The authors analyze behaviors and habits of happy couples, providing insights into what constitutes a 'new normal' in relationships and how to achieve it.

Come as you are

the surprising new science that will transform your sex life

Emily Nagoski

Blanca González Villegas

In 'Come as You Are', Emily Nagoski and Blanca González Villegas delve into the latest scientific research on human sexuality, offering insights and practical advice to improve sexual well-being. The book addresses various aspects of sex, including desire, arousal, and the complexities of sexual response, aiming to help readers understand and enhance their sexual experiences.

The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work

A Practical Guide from the Country's Foremost Relationship Expert

John Gottman

Nan Silver

This book, written by John Gottman and Nan Silver, is based on Gottman's extensive research on couples and their relationships. It outlines seven principles that couples can follow to nurture their friendship, resolve conflicts effectively, and create a shared sense of meaning. The principles include enhancing 'love maps,' nurturing fondness and admiration, turning toward each other, letting each other influence, solving solvable problems, overcoming gridlock, and creating shared meaning. The book also warns against the 'Four Horsemen' of criticism, defensiveness, contempt, and stonewalling, which can predict the demise of a marriage. Packed with exercises, questionnaires, and real-life examples, this guide helps couples improve their communication, intimacy, and overall relationship quality.

Eight Dates

Essential Conversations for a Lifetime of Love

John Gottman

Julie Schwartz Gottman

In 'Eight Dates: Essential Conversations for a Lifetime of Love', John Gottman and Julie Schwartz Gottman provide a step-by-step guide to help couples navigate the challenges of long-term commitment. Drawing from their extensive research at the Love Lab, the authors outline eight essential conversations that couples should have to build a strong and lasting relationship. Each date is designed to address a different critical topic, including trust, conflict, intimacy, finances, family, adventure, spirituality, and dreams. The book includes exercises, open-ended discussion questions, and suggestions for where to have these dates, aiming to foster deeper understanding, empathy, and connection between partners.

Fight Right

How Successful Couples Turn Conflict Into Connection

John Gottman

Julie Schwartz Gottman

In 'Fight Right', Drs. John and Julie Gottman, founders of the world-famous Love Lab, share their decades of research to help couples understand and manage conflict effectively. The book identifies five common mistakes couples make during conflicts and provides five secrets to get back on track. It emphasizes the importance of understanding each person's unique conflict culture, which is shaped by their upbringing and past relationships. The Gottmans guide readers through various conflict styles, such as Avoiders, Validators, and Volatiles, and offer practical tools to help couples adopt a collaborative approach, calming down, staying connected, and truly understanding each other during conflicts.

If over half of marriages end in divorce, what are the skills to make sure your relationship stays in the successful 50%?

Drs. John and Julie Gottman are world leading relationship researchers that have been studying couples for over 40 years, publishing over 200 academic journal articles and 46 books. They are the co-founders of The Gottman Institute and Love Lab.

In this conversation the Gottman’s and Steven discuss topics such as, the 3 skills you need for a healthy relationship, the steps to repair a relationship after an argument, why kissing can extend your life, and how cuddling leads to a better sex life.

You can purchase the Gottman’s new book, ‘Fight Right: How Successful Couples Turn Conflict into Connection’, here: https://amzn.to/3TDm5Fx

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