Conversation with Tara Brach and Arthur Brooks: Becoming Happier
Nov 16, 2023
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Mindfulness teacher and author Tara Brach and happiness expert Arthur Brooks discuss ingredients of happiness, the role of unhappiness, working with ego-fears, power of metacognition, transcendence of small self, and the love that brings true happiness in a conversation about becoming happier.
Love is not about ownership or transaction, but about the flow of love and acts of love.
Transcendence involves moving beyond our egoic self and connecting with something greater.
Metacognition helps us manage emotions and gain perspective on beliefs and desires.
Deep dives
The Importance of Love in the Search for Happiness
Love is the defining characteristic of a good life and the key to happiness. However, we often become transactional in our approach to love, expecting something in return for our actions. This attachment to helping others can create a fear that if we can't help anymore, we won't be loved. To overcome this fear, we must understand that love is not about ownership or transaction. It is about the flow of love and the acts of love that we express to others. Even if we can't physically help, we can still love others, and by doing so, we experience God's warmth and light within us.
The Role of Transcendence in Finding Happiness
Transcendence plays a crucial role in the search for happiness. It involves moving beyond our egoic self and realizing a larger sense of belonging with the universe. Through transcendent experiences, we can tap into a sacred tenderness and a deep sense of peace and perspective. It is important to have a transcendent practice, such as prayer or meditation, to connect with something greater than ourselves and gain a deeper understanding of our purpose and place in the world.
The Power of Metacognition and Self-Examination
Metacognition, the process of thinking about our own thoughts and beliefs, can help us manage our emotions and achieve lasting satisfaction. By writing down our beliefs and examining them, we can move the experience of our emotions to our prefrontal cortex, where we can manage them and not be controlled by them. This process helps us gain perspective and challenge the attachment to our beliefs. It can also lead us to a deeper understanding of ourselves and our desires, enabling us to prioritize what truly brings us fulfillment and happiness.
The Three Macronutrients of Happiness
Happiness consists of three macronutrients: enjoyment, satisfaction, and meaning. Enjoyment is not just about pleasure, but about adding people and memory to experiences. Satisfaction comes from reducing our wants and appreciating what we already have. Meaning involves coherence (understanding why things happen), purpose (the direction of our lives), and significance (our impact on others). The pursuit of pleasure alone can lead to addiction and regret, but combining it with enjoyment, satisfaction, and meaning can lead to true happiness.
Teaching and Sharing for Happiness
Teaching and sharing ideas about happiness can actually make us happier. When we teach others, we deepen our own understanding and experience of the subject matter. Sharing knowledge and practices related to happiness allows us to spread love and build connections with others. Just as love is about giving and sharing, happiness is also about communing with others and creating a sense of oneness. By teaching happiness, we can not only help others but also enhance our own wellbeing.
Becoming Happier: Conversation with Tara Brach and Arthur Brooks - The Dalai Lama regularly says that everyone wants to be happy, nobody wants to suffer. Arthur Brooks, in his new book on getting happier (co-authored with Oprah Winfrey) digs into the practical and science-based approaches that increase deep well-being. In this conversation Tara and Arthur discuss the ingredients of happiness, the role of unhappiness in our lives, how to work with core ego-fears, the power of metacognition, the necessity of transcendence of small self and the love that is the grounds of true happiness.
