10% Happier with Dan Harris Fight Right: The Science of Healthy Conflict | Drs. John and Julie Gottman
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Feb 5, 2024 
Drs. John and Julie Gottman, co-founders of The Gottman Institute, share their decades of research on relationship dynamics. They discuss the three conflict styles essential for navigating disagreements, emphasizing that conflicts can lead to deeper connections. The couple reveals why the first moments of a fight are crucial and debunks the myth of constructive criticism. They also clarify the difference between solvable and perpetual problems, providing insights on how to approach arguments with compassion and effective communication.
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Conflict Styles
- There are three main conflict styles: avoiding, validating, and volatile.
- All three styles can work if the positive-to-negative emotion ratio is 5:1 or higher.
Positive Language
- Use positive language during arguments, like nodding, saying "good point," and complimenting.
- These small positive actions can offset negativity and promote connection.
Four Horsemen
- Criticism, defensiveness, contempt, and stonewalling are the "Four Horsemen" of relationship conflict.
- These behaviors escalate negativity and create distance between partners.
