#914 - Dr Ethan Kross - How To Stop Feeling Negative Emotions All The Time
Mar 13, 2025
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Dr. Ethan Kross, Director of the Emotion and Self-Control Laboratory at the University of Michigan, dives into the intricacies of emotional regulation. He explores how negative emotions, like anxiety, can be reframed as opportunities for growth. Kross also discusses the interplay between genetics and emotional health strategies, emphasizing the importance of personalization. Listeners learn about sensory tools, such as music and environment, that can help cultivate emotional resilience and well-being.
Emotions, both positive and negative, serve essential functional purposes that contribute to our overall human experience and emotional regulation.
The societal trend of toxic positivity can hinder emotional growth by creating unrealistic expectations around the processing of negative emotions.
Variability in emotional regulation abilities presents opportunities for individuals to develop personalized techniques, comparable to physical fitness training for emotional management.
Sensory experiences, such as music, can be powerful tools for intentionally shifting emotional states, influencing mood and enhancing overall well-being.
Deep dives
Understanding Emotions and Their Mechanisms
Emotions are responses we have to significant events in our lives, influenced by both external situations and internal thoughts. They operate like a software program, prompting physiological, cognitive, and motor responses; for instance, anxiety can manifest as a stomachache while directing our focus on potential threats. Additionally, emotions are recognized as essential components of human experience, despite the difficulty many people have in defining what they are. Importantly, acknowledging that all emotions serve a functional purpose, even those categorized as 'negative,' is crucial for effective emotion regulation.
The Utility of Negative Emotions
Negative emotions such as anger and sadness are fundamentally useful when understood appropriately. Anger often arises when our sense of justice is violated, motivating us to correct a perceived transgression, while sadness prompts introspection and community connection during challenging life events. These emotional responses are adaptive; anger helps us confront injustices, while sadness can facilitate reflection and social connection, reminding us of our communal nature. Embracing the full spectrum of emotions leads to better emotional outcomes and a richer human experience.
Striving for Emotional Balance
The societal trend of promoting relentless positivity, often referred to as toxic positivity, can lead to unrealistic expectations around emotional experiences. This pressure to maintain an upbeat demeanor disregards the necessity of experiencing and processing negative emotions, which can be detrimental over time. A balanced emotional life acknowledges the importance of both negative and positive feelings, utilizing them as tools for growth and self-discovery rather than repressing them. Individuals can benefit from embracing the natural ebb and flow of emotions, harnessing them strategically to enhance performance and well-being.
Challenges in Emotion Regulation
Despite the inherent ability to experience a wide range of emotions, many struggle with effectively managing them in daily life. Variability exists in people's emotional regulation abilities, presenting an opportunity for growth for everyone, regardless of their current skill level. The key to progress lies in understanding the mechanics of emotion regulation, equating it to physical fitness, where people require knowledge of exercises and routines to build their capacity. By developing a better understanding of emotional management techniques, individuals can take actionable steps towards improved well-being.
Combining Tools for Better Regulation
Future research aims to explore the optimal combinations of various emotion regulation tools for different situations and individuals. Recent studies during the COVID pandemic highlighted that people often employed multiple strategies daily to manage their anxiety, revealing significant variability in effective tools. Developing personalized approaches to emotional management can empower individuals to discover which combinations yield the best results for them. The message is clear: everyone should engage in self-experimentation to find their unique set of effective tools for managing emotions.
The Impact of Anxiety in Modern Life
Anxiety has emerged as a prevalent emotional challenge in contemporary society, with increased rates of anxiety, loneliness, and other negative experiences reported. This phenomenon is likely influenced by the complex demands of modern life, including social media pressures and the rapid pace of change. Historical context reveals that humans have long struggled with emotion regulation, indicating that this enduring struggle may be a fundamental aspect of the human condition. Despite the challenges, hope lies in the availability of evidence-based tools designed to help people navigate emotional difficulties.
Navigating Emotions Through Sensory Shifters
Sensory experiences, such as listening to music or engaging in physical touch, can serve as powerful levers for improving emotional states. For instance, music has the ability to rapidly alter mood and energy levels, which can be beneficial when facing stress. While using sensory shifters, it’s important to choose strategies that align with desired emotional outcomes; for instance, opting for upbeat music to enhance motivation or calming tunes to relax. Effectively harnessing these sensory channels allows individuals to shift their emotional states intentionally.
Strategic Relationship Management
The relationships we cultivate can have a significant impact on our emotional health. Engaging with supportive individuals who provide empathetic listening followed by constructive guidance can promote emotion regulation. Conversely, venting without direction might strengthen interpersonal bonds but fail to address underlying issues effectively. Acknowledging emotional contagion within social contexts underscores the need to be mindful of the emotional states present in our environments and strive to connect with those who facilitate positive emotional growth.
Ethan Kross is a psychologist, professor, and author.
Emotions are complex. We all feel them, but how often are they genuine? When should we express them, and when should we hold them back? And ultimately how do we gain mastery over them?
Expect to learn what exactly emotions are and why we struggle to control them, why anxiety is the boogie man of modern times, how to actually get in control of your emotional state, the best ways to stop ruminating thoughts, the most powerful daily practices to make big change, and much more…
