ADHD reWired 289 | Sex, Intimacy and ADHD with Ari Tuckman
Sep 24, 2019
Ari Tuckman, a psychologist and certified sex therapist specializing in ADHD, delves into the impact of ADHD on sex and intimacy. He discusses his new book, highlighting differences in sexual eagerness between those with and without ADHD. The conversation emphasizes the importance of communication for enhancing romantic satisfaction. Tuckman shares statistics on sexual behaviors and how they affect relationships, while also addressing the role of emotional openness and innovative strategies to keep intimacy alive.
01:02:38
Invest in Honest Sex Talk
- Invest time and have honest conversations about your sexual needs and interests to keep your sex life good, especially in long-term relationships.
- Communicate openly about what makes sex good and explore new things with your partner to avoid boring, repetitive sex life.
Sexual and Romantic Overlap
- Sexual satisfaction and romantic satisfaction overlap about two-thirds, influencing each other in both directions.
- Issues in one area likely negatively affect the other, emphasizing the importance of healthy sex life for overall relationship satisfaction.
Calm Communication Beats Conflict
- Practice calm, honest communication focusing on needs rather than blame to improve intimacy.
- Manage emotions well both when speaking and listening to prevent conflicts from harming your sex life.
Get the Snipd Podcast app to discover more snips from this episode
Get the app 1 chevron_right 2 chevron_right 3 chevron_right 4 chevron_right 5 chevron_right 6 chevron_right 7 chevron_right 8 chevron_right
Intro
00:00 • 3min
Navigating Intimacy with ADHD
02:53 • 12min
Exploring Sexual Eagerness and Desire Discrepancies in ADHD
14:44 • 6min
Communicating Intimacy: ADHD and Relationships
20:36 • 17min
ADHD and Impulsivity in Relationships
37:50 • 6min
Rethinking Sexual and Porn Addiction
44:08 • 6min
Navigating Intimacy with ADHD
50:03 • 8min
Fostering Community and Connection Through ADHD Rewired
57:42 • 5min
#134
• Mentioned in 110 episodes
10% Happier
Dan Harris
In '10% Happier,' Dan Harris shares his personal journey of discovering the benefits of meditation.
Initially a skeptic, Harris, a news anchor, found himself on a path of self-discovery after a nationally televised panic attack.
He delves into the world of spirituality and self-help, encountering various figures including brain scientists, CEOs, and spiritual leaders.
The book explores how meditation can reduce stress, improve focus, and enhance overall well-being without compromising one's ambition or edge.
Harris emphasizes the importance of mindfulness in making one more resilient and better equipped to handle life's challenges, though it does not eliminate problems entirely.
#2
• Mentioned in 987 episodes
Atomic Habits
James Clear
Atomic Habits by James Clear provides a practical and scientifically-backed guide to forming good habits and breaking bad ones.
The book introduces the Four Laws of Behavior Change: make it obvious, make it attractive, make it easy, and make it satisfying.
It also emphasizes the importance of small, incremental changes (atomic habits) that compound over time to produce significant results.
Clear discusses techniques such as habit stacking, optimizing the environment to support desired habits, and focusing on continuous improvement rather than goal fixation.
The book is filled with actionable strategies, real-life examples, and stories from various fields, making it a valuable resource for anyone seeking to improve their habits and achieve personal growth.
#2174
• Mentioned in 15 episodes
She comes first
the thinking man's guide to pleasuring a woman
Ian Kerner
She Comes First is an essential guidebook to oral sex, offering a radical new philosophy for pleasuring women.
Written by sex therapist Ian Kerner, the book details dozens of tried-and-true techniques for consistently satisfying a woman.
It includes a detailed anatomy lesson, step-by-step instructions, and practical tips to improve sexual satisfaction.
Kerner argues that oral sex is not just foreplay but a crucial part of the entire arousal process, making it a vital component of sexual relationships.
#20
• Mentioned in 282 episodes
The Body Keeps the Score
Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma
Bessel van der Kolk
In this book, Dr. Bessel van der Kolk uses recent scientific advances to show how trauma reshapes both the body and brain, compromising sufferers’ capacities for pleasure, engagement, self-control, and trust.
He explores various treatments, including neurofeedback, meditation, sports, drama, and yoga, which activate the brain’s natural neuroplasticity to aid in recovery.
The book emphasizes the power of relationships in both causing and healing trauma and offers hope through descriptions of novel approaches to treatment.
It is based on Dr. van der Kolk’s own research and that of other leading specialists in the field.
#4611
• Mentioned in 8 episodes
The art of asking
How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Let People Help
Amanda Palmer
In this captivating memoir, Amanda Palmer shares her journey of embracing vulnerability and the power of asking for help.
The book delves into her experiences as a musician, friend, and wife, highlighting the emotional, philosophical, and practical aspects of asking.
Palmer discusses how fear of asking for help can paralyze lives and relationships, and she inspires readers to rethink their ideas about asking, giving, art, and love.
The book is an expansion of her highly acclaimed TED talk and explores her successes and failures in building a supportive community through her music and art.
#3763
• Mentioned in 9 episodes
Harry Potter Series
A Series of Seven Fantasy Novels
J.K. Rowling
The Harry Potter series chronicles the adventures of Harry Potter, a young wizard who discovers his magical heritage on his eleventh birthday.
Along with his friends Ron Weasley and Hermione Granger, Harry navigates the magical world, attends Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, and confronts the dark wizard Lord Voldemort.
The series spans seven years, each book set over the course of one school year, culminating in a final battle against Voldemort in the seventh book.
The series explores themes of friendship, courage, and the struggle between good and evil, set against a richly detailed magical backdrop.
#63
• Mentioned in 171 episodes
The One Thing
The Surprisingly Simple Truth Behind Extraordinary Results
Jay Papasan
Gary Keller
The book discusses the benefits of prioritizing a single task and provides strategies for overcoming distractions, building productive habits, and maintaining focus.
It challenges common productivity myths such as multitasking and the idea of a balanced life, and introduces the 'Focusing Question': 'What's the ONE Thing I can do such that by doing it everything else will be easier or unnecessary?
' The authors also discuss time blocking, habit-building, and aligning short-term actions with long-term goals to achieve success in various aspects of life.
#1361
• Mentioned in 22 episodes
Procrastinate on purpose
Rory Vaden
Rory Vaden's "Procrastinate on Purpose" challenges conventional productivity wisdom.
Instead of fighting procrastination, Vaden suggests strategically delaying tasks to maximize efficiency and focus.
The book introduces the concept of the "Focus Funnel," a five-step process for prioritizing tasks based on their importance and the individual's unique strengths.
Readers learn to eliminate, automate, delegate, procrastinate (purposefully), and concentrate on high-impact activities.
The book emphasizes the importance of working in one's signature strength area and avoiding distractions.
#1125
• Mentioned in 25 episodes
The four tendencies
Gretchen Rubin
Gretchen Rubin's "The Four Tendencies" introduces a personality framework categorizing individuals into four tendencies: Upholders, Questioners, Obligers, and Rebels.
Understanding these tendencies helps explain how people respond to inner and outer expectations, impacting their decision-making, habit formation, and relationships.
The book provides self-assessment tools and practical advice for leveraging each tendency's strengths and navigating its challenges.
It offers insights into personal productivity, communication, and conflict resolution.
Ultimately, it promotes self-awareness and improved relationships.
#1341
• Mentioned in 22 episodes
Meditation for fidgety skeptics
Dan Harris
#13743
• Mentioned in 3 episodes
Change Your Questions, Change Your Life
Anna Crowe
Marilee Adams
This book, an international bestseller, emphasizes the importance of the questions we ask ourselves and others.
Dr. Marilee Adams uses a fable to illustrate how great results begin with great questions.
The book introduces the Question Thinking™ Model, which includes the Choice Map, a tool to predict the outcomes of different types of questions.
It provides practical strategies for switching from a constricting Judger mindset to an expansive Learner mindset, leading to improved communication, collaboration, and problem-solving.
The 4th edition includes a new chapter on neuroscience and managing stresses and fears effectively.
#13741
• Mentioned in 3 episodes
ADHD After Dark
Ari Tuchman
Ari Tuckman is back on the show to discuss his new book and new findings regarding how ADHD affects sex and intimacy. Ari is a psychologist in Pennsylvania working to help others live their best lives. Many times, living your best life requires understanding your sexual needs and wants and how they affect your partner or spouse.
Ari has spent a great deal of time researching how people with and without ADHD relate to and process sexual activities and intimacy. In his new book ADHD After Dark, he shares the results of a survey taken of those with and without ADHD to reveal their levels of sexual eagerness. He then dispenses this down to share how varying levels of sexual eagerness affect intimate relationships and how to find ways to connect in the gaps.
This conversation is full of great information about the true core issue of any sexually deficient relationship… communication. Ari shares some amazing statistics, I share some really terrible dad jokes, and together we hope to inspire you to use better communication skills to create a more unified sex life.
Your Resources:
- More Attention, Less Deficit Podcast
- More Attention, Less Deficit by Ari Tuckman
- Ari's Website
- 17: Ari Tuckman on Sleep, Meds, Self-Esteem & He-Man
- 55: Ari Tuckman: ADHD Sex and Intimacy
- 94: ADHD, Sex, and Intimacy Survey Results, with Ari Tuckman
- Bonus Episode: One Of 15 Million (CHADD)
- She Comes First by Ian Kerner
- ADHD After Dark by Ari Tuckman
- CHADD Conference 2019
You'll Learn:
- [01:59] Welcome back to the show Ari Tuckman!
- [02:51] Ari is back to discuss sex and intimacy for those with ADHD.
- [03:24] Ari shares some of the recent shows he's gone to.
- [03:56] Why does Ari study ADHD and sex?
- [05:58] Romantic and sexual satisfaction overlap and affect one another.
- [07:24] Ari has been studying the difference between willingness and eagerness.
- [09:03] How do you address the core issue of communication to improve sexual interaction?
- [10:22] What is emotion regulation and how can you employ it?
- [13:03] Ari reveals several of the differences between the sexual interactions of those with ADHD and those without.
- [17:25] Which categories did people with ADHD rate themselves higher in on a survey of sexual eagerness.
- [20:36] What considerations should a person who is beginning a relationship think about?
- [23:35] Learn about the differences between ADHD and non-ADHD regarding masturbation, kinkiness, and monogamy.
- [27:25] How does masturbation affect your life and sex life?
- [28:50] Where does kink fit into this spectrum?
- [31:31] What is consensual non-monogamy?
- [40:46] Does Ari's research touch on cheating and sex addiction? What does it reveal?
- [46:33] Is porn use for those with ADHD really about porn?
- [47:50] The problem with labeling things an addiction…
- [50:06] Did Ari open up the survey to same-sex couples?
- [51:10] Ari shares 5 tips that men and women with and without ADHD could use to better their sex lives.
- [56:37] Learn more about the CHADD conference for this year.
- [57:47] If you're a regular listener, consider becoming a patron and click on our Patreon button at www.ADHDreWired.com
http://www.audibletrial.com/ADHDreWired
ADHD reWired Coaching and Accountability GroupsThe 16th season of the ADHD reWired Coaching and Accountability groups are ending soon. ArC 17 Summer Sessions run July 11th – Sept. 19th. We only have 9 spots remaining. Please visit coachingrewired.com to learn more and sign-up for our Last Scheduled Registration Event on June 11th at 3 PM CT. You don't want to miss it!
Support the Podcast on PatreonPatreon allows listeners like you to support content creators like me. With a monthly contribution, you can get access to different levels of perks. One perk example is our Patron-only Group Coaching Sessions. Learn more at http://patreon.com/adhdrewired.
ADHD reWired Facebook Group:If you would like to apply to join the ADHD reWired Secret Facebook group, go to https://www.adhdrewired.com/community and fill out the application.
Productivity Q&AGet your ADHD questions answered live! These Q&A sessions take place on the 2nd Tuesday of every month at 12:30 PM CT. Go to https://www.adhdrewired.com/events
Want to be a guest?Hey! What about you? Do you have a story? Are you a coach? Are you an ADHD Clinician? If you answered yes to any of these questions and you'd like to be a guest, schedule a pre-interview call here.