289 | Sex, Intimacy and ADHD with Ari Tuckman

Sep 24, 2019

Ari Tuckman, a psychologist and certified sex therapist specializing in ADHD, delves into the impact of ADHD on sex and intimacy. He discusses his new book, highlighting differences in sexual eagerness between those with and without ADHD. The conversation emphasizes the importance of communication for enhancing romantic satisfaction. Tuckman shares statistics on sexual behaviors and how they affect relationships, while also addressing the role of emotional openness and innovative strategies to keep intimacy alive.

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ADVICE

Invest in Honest Sex Talk

Invest time and have honest conversations about your sexual needs and interests to keep your sex life good, especially in long-term relationships.
Communicate openly about what makes sex good and explore new things with your partner to avoid boring, repetitive sex life.

INSIGHT

Sexual and Romantic Overlap

Sexual satisfaction and romantic satisfaction overlap about two-thirds, influencing each other in both directions.
Issues in one area likely negatively affect the other, emphasizing the importance of healthy sex life for overall relationship satisfaction.

ADVICE

Calm Communication Beats Conflict

Practice calm, honest communication focusing on needs rather than blame to improve intimacy.
Manage emotions well both when speaking and listening to prevent conflicts from harming your sex life.

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Ari Tuckman is back on the show to discuss his new book and new findings regarding how ADHD affects sex and intimacy. Ari is a psychologist in Pennsylvania working to help others live their best lives. Many times, living your best life requires understanding your sexual needs and wants and how they affect your partner or spouse. Ari has spent a great deal of time researching how people with and without ADHD relate to and process sexual activities and intimacy. In his new book , he shares the results of a survey taken of those with and without ADHD to reveal their levels of sexual eagerness. He then dispenses this down to share how varying levels of sexual eagerness affect intimate relationships and how to find ways to connect in the gaps. This conversation is full of great information about the true core issue of any sexually deficient relationship… communication. Ari shares some amazing statistics, I share some really terrible dad jokes, and together we hope to inspire you to use better communication skills to create a more unified sex life. Your Resources: You’ll Learn: [01:59] Welcome back to the show Ari Tuckman! [02:51] Ari is back to discuss sex and intimacy for those with ADHD. [03:24] Ari shares some of the recent shows he’s gone to. [03:56] Why does Ari study ADHD and sex? [05:58] Romantic and sexual satisfaction overlap and affect one another. [07:24] Ari has been studying the difference between willingness and eagerness. [09:03] How do you address the core issue of communication to improve sexual interaction? [10:22] What is emotion regulation and how can you employ it? [13:03] Ari reveals several of the differences between the sexual interactions of those with ADHD and those without. [17:25] Which categories did people with ADHD rate themselves higher in on a survey of sexual eagerness. [20:36] What considerations should a person who is beginning a relationship think about? [23:35] Learn about the differences between ADHD and non-ADHD regarding masturbation, kinkiness, and monogamy. [27:25] How does masturbation affect your life and sex life? [28:50] Where does kink fit into this spectrum? [31:31] What is consensual non-monogamy? [40:46] Does Ari’s research touch on cheating and sex addiction? What does it reveal? [46:33] Is porn use for those with ADHD really about porn? [47:50] The problem with labeling things an addiction… [50:06] Did Ari open up the survey to same-sex couples? [51:10] Ari shares 5 tips that men and women with and without ADHD could use to better their sex lives. [56:37] Learn more about the for this year. [57:47] If you’re a regular listener, consider becoming a patron and click on our Patreon button at Use my Audible.com affiliate link for your favorite titles: ADHD reWired Coaching and Accountability Groups The 16th season of the ADHD reWired Coaching and Accountability groups are ending soon. ArC 17 Summer Sessions run July 11th – Sept. 19th. We only have 9 spots remaining. Please visit to learn more and sign-up for our Last Scheduled Registration Event on June 11th at 3 PM CT. You don’t want to miss it! Support the Podcast on Patreon Patreon allows listeners like you to support content creators like me. With a monthly contribution, you can get access to different levels of perks. One perk example is our Patron-only Group Coaching Sessions. Learn more at . ADHD reWired Facebook Group: If you would like to apply to join the ADHD reWired Secret Facebook group, go to and fill out the application. Productivity Q&A Get your ADHD questions answered live! These Q&A sessions take place on the 2nd Tuesday of every month at 12:30 PM CT. Go to Want to be a guest? Hey! What about you? Do you have a story? Are you a coach? Are you an ADHD Clinician? If you answered yes to any of these questions and you’d like to be a guest, .