284: The Way to Stop Rescuing People From Their Problems, with Michael Bungay Stanier

Michael Bungay Stanier: The Coaching Habit

Michael Bungay Stanier is the author of eight books, including The Coaching Habit, which has sold more than a million copies and is the best-selling book on coaching this century. In 2011 he created and edited End Malaria, a book written in partnership with Seth Godin that raised more than $400k for Malaria No More.

Michael is the founder Box of Crayons, a learning and development company that’s trained thousands of people around the world to be more coach-like. He has been featured in many publications including Harvard Business Review, Forbes, and Fast Company. His TEDx Talk on Taming Your Advice Monster has been viewed more than a million times.

Key Points

• When things get difficult, there are three roles people may fall into: the victim, the persecutor, and/or the rescuer.
• To step out of a victim role, figure out what’s really going on, take a deep breath, and think, “And what else?”
• To avoid the persecutor role, assume positive intent and that people are trying their best.
• To stop rescuing as much, ask the victim, “How can I help?” or “What do you want from me?”
• Ask yourself what you want in the situation, and make sure you’ve communicated it to others. Then ask the others what they want.

Resources Mentioned

• The Coaching Habit: Say Less, Ask More & Change the Way You Lead Forever by Michael Bungay Stanier
• The Advice Trap by Michael Bungay Stanier

Related Episodes

• How to Start Coaching Someone (episode 2)
• How to Improve Your Coaching Skills, with Tom Henschel (episode 190)
• These Coaching Questions Get Results, with Michael Bungay Stanier (episode 237)

Discover More

Activate your free membership for full access to the entire library of interviews since 2011, searchable by topic. To accelerate your learning, uncover more inside Coaching for Leaders Plus.