How to fight perfectionism (from The Happiness Lab)
Aug 12, 2024
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Thomas Curran, a researcher on the rise of perfectionism, teams up with Jordana Confino, a recovering perfectionist, to explore the challenges posed by high standards. They discuss the detrimental effects of perfectionism on mental health, especially in today’s social media-driven world. Jordana shares insights on quieting the inner critic and embracing self-compassion, while Thomas highlights the alarming trends in perfectionism among youth. Their dialogue encourages listeners to confront unrealistic expectations and cultivate a healthier relationship with success.
Perfectionism often causes significant distress as individuals impose unrealistic standards on themselves, fueling self-criticism and anxiety.
Social media amplifies feelings of inadequacy and heightens pressures of socially prescribed perfectionism, impacting mental health among young people.
Deep dives
The Perils of Perfectionism
Perfectionism often leads individuals to impose unrealistically high standards on themselves, causing significant distress and anxiety. It manifests in different forms, including self-oriented perfectionism, where one sets demanding goals for oneself, and socially prescribed perfectionism, where individuals feel pressured by others' expectations. This pressure can stem from a fear of being judged or not being seen as 'good enough', fueling a cycle of harsh self-criticism and emotional turmoil. Understanding these dimensions of perfectionism is crucial because it sheds light on why many suffer silently under self-imposed pressures and may not even recognize their perfectionism as the root cause of their struggles.
The Impact of Social Media
Social media platforms, particularly Instagram and Facebook, play a substantial role in exacerbating feelings of inadequacy among young people. Users are bombarded with curated images of success and perfection, which can lead to them internalizing unrealistic comparisons and expectations. This influx of perceived perfection can heighten socially prescribed perfectionism, as individuals feel compelled to meet standards set by their social circles. The result is an intensified fear of judgment and a detrimental impact on mental health, illustrating the urgent need to address the dangerous influence of social media.
Strategies for Managing Perfectionism
Recovering from perfectionism requires a conscious effort to replace harsh self-criticism with self-compassion. Simple practices such as maintaining a thought journal can help individuals identify negative self-talk and challenge these thoughts with kinder alternatives. Additionally, visualizing the critical inner voice as a separate entity can provide a helpful perspective for working towards self-acceptance and kindness. Implementing boundaries by assessing the costs associated with saying 'yes' to new commitments can foster a healthier relationship with work and personal expectations.
Personal Stories and Realizations
Individuals sharing their experiences with perfectionism, such as Jordana, highlight the transformative journey towards self-acceptance and understanding. Jordana illustrates how her past pursuits of perfection led to isolation and anxiety, ultimately prompting her to seek help and re-evaluate her priorities. This journey emphasizes the importance of building connections and finding joy outside of achievements, reinforcing the idea that life should encompass more than just productivity and perfection. Their stories serve as powerful reminders that recovery from perfectionism is ongoing and that small, compassionate steps can lead to lasting change.
On Fixable, we're always trying to help listeners solve problems in the best way possible, but holding yourself to impossibly high standards is the other side of the coin that can make solving any work problem miserable. We’re sharing an episode of The Happiness Lab, hosted by Dr. Laurie Santos where she hears from researcher Thomas Curran about a worrying growth in perfectionism in society, and asks "recovering perfectionist" Jordana Confino how to tackle the nagging voice in your head telling you to always psh yourself and work harder.
Yale professor Dr. Laurie Santos has studied the science of happiness and found that many of us do the exact opposite of what will truly make our lives better. Each week, she will take you through the latest scientific research and share some surprising and inspiring stories that will change the way you think about happiness on The Happiness Lab.
We'll be back soon with more episodes from Fixable! If you want to be on Fixable, call our hotline at 234-Fixable (that's 234-349-2253) to leave Anne and Frances a voicemail with your workplace problem or email fixable@ted.com