Literary theory: the good, the bad, and the incomprehensible (Part 1)

In our new mini-series, learn to throw around words like "deconstruction", "post-colonialism", "semiotics", etc. with the best of them. 

Terms like these are easy to mock and equally easy to venerate. They're also easy to be intimidated by. Is there anything good that's come out of academic literary theory? What do all those fancy schmancy words mean anyway? Our heroes begin a journey through the history of literary criticism. By the end of it you will be able to talk about all of this stuff. First up, a brief history of everything leading up to the twentieth century.