The Art of We

In episode 67 of "The Art of We" podcast, hosts Krista and Dr. Will Van Derveer address a listener’s question about the difference between values and agreements in relationships. The hosts get into defining how values are used in different ways, and how to “operationalize” the values by turning them into agreements so they can actively live inside the partnership.The conversation extends to the broader theme of supporting each other's individual values within a relationship, such as differing interests in fitness or financial responsibility, and the potential for polarization and arguments in partnerships. The hosts share examples of how to address polarizing values and how to work as a couple to find alignment and mutuality. Krista and Dr. Will discuss turning values into actionable agreements to strengthen relationships. They emphasize the need for agreements to be specific and actionable, using examples like transparency and connection. The conversation touches on the challenges of fulfilling these agreements and the importance of understanding and supporting each other's unique approaches. Main Topics Covered:Impact of Individual Habits on Relationships: How one-sided personal habits, like drinking cocktails, can affect interpersonal connections and explores the importance of understanding underlying needs for a state change or feeling better.Supporting Individual Values in Partnerships: The significance of recognizing and respecting each partner's unique values within a relationship and how to do that.Difference Between Values and Agreements: How values and agreements differ in relationships, defining values as guiding principles and the importance of alignment in partnerships.Exploring and Understanding Partner's Values: The importance of being curious about and understanding your partner's values and fears, with examples provided.Turning Values into Actionable Agreements: The necessity of converting values into specific, actionable agreements to reinforce relationships and the challenges of fulfilling these agreements in practice.Listen to the episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Google Podcasts, or on your favorite podcast platform. Resources Mentioned: Episode 65: How To Create Your Own Relationship AgreementsEpisode 66: When A Partner Doesn’t Keep Their AgreementsGet in Touch: The Art Of We - Our Top 10 Relationship Agreements The Art Of We WebsiteThe Art of We Instagram Integrative Psychiatry Institute: Integrative Mental Wellness & Psychedelic Therapy TrainingRate, Review & Follow on Apple Podcasts: If you want to show your support for this show, please consider rating and reviewing The Art of We on Apple Podcasts. To do that, open the Apple Podcasts app and search for The Art of We. Scroll to the bottom of the package and rate with 5 stars. Let us know your favorite part of the show by clicking “Write a Review.” While you’re at it, follow the show so you can get the latest episode delivered to your phone weekly.

In "The Art of We" Episode 66, hosts Dr. Will Van Derveer and Krista Van Derveer take a deep dive into the essence of relationship agreements. Building on the momentum from Episode 65, this discussion explores how couples can effectively create, sustain, and evolve their agreements, and specifically what happens when you make the agreements but then one or both of the partners don’t keep them. Navigating the complexities of commitments within a relationship, Dr. Will and Krista address common challenges couples face when agreements are broken or disregarded. They emphasize the importance of trust, learning, open communication, and continuous personal growth in maintaining a healthy relationship. Dr. Will and Krista discuss how breaches in agreements are not failures but opportunities for growth, emphasizing the importance of a supportive and understanding approach in these situations.The hosts delve into the significance of agreements in a relationship, discussing how they serve as a foundation for mutual goals and dreams, reducing friction and conflicts. The episode sheds light on the necessity of revisiting and adjusting agreements to ensure they remain relevant and supportive for both partners. Through their candid sharing of personal stories, the episode becomes a relatable guide for couples striving to strengthen their bond and resolve conflicts more effectively.Main Topics Covered:Establishing and Upholding Agreements: the significance of agreements in a relationship.Learning from Challenges: breaches in agreements are not failures but opportunities for growth.Building Trust Through Commitments: trust in a relationship is bolstered by consistently honoring commitments, thereby strengthening the partnership.Regular Review and Adaptation: the necessity of revisiting and adjusting agreements to ensure they remain relevant and supportive for both partners.Practical Tips and Strategies: for effectively managing and revising relationship agreements, ensuring they align with the evolving needs of the relationship.Listen to the episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Google Podcasts, or on your favorite podcast platform. Resources Mentioned: John DemartiniGet in Touch: The Art Of We - Our Top 10 Relationship Agreements The Art Of We WebsiteThe Art of We Instagram Integrative Psychiatry Institute: Integrative Mental Wellness & Psychedelic Therapy TrainingRate, Review & Follow on Apple Podcasts: If you want to show your support for this show, please consider rating and reviewing The Art of We on Apple Podcasts. To do that, open the Apple Podcasts app and search for The Art of We. Scroll to the bottom of the package and rate with 5 stars. Let us know your favorite part of the show by clicking “Write a Review.” While you’re at it, follow the show so you can get the latest episode delivered to your phone weekly.

In episode 65 of "The Art of the Podcast," hosts Dr. Will Van Derveer and Krista Van Derveer share how to form relationship agreements in intimate partnerships, and the extraordinary kind of partnership that becomes possible when we move away from assumptions of how each other will behave and into mutually aligned agreements about how we do relationship together. The episode dives into specific examples of agreements and practices that the hosts have found beneficial in their own relationship. The hosts share three different types of agreements couples should consider for a healthy and secure relationship, including agreements that specify interpersonal behaviors to support their success. They highlight the importance of these practices in regulating emotional responses and maintaining a secure, supportive relationship environment.Finally, the episode explores the idea of relationship agreements as a living, evolving entity. The hosts encourage listeners to regularly revisit and adjust their agreements to reflect the changing dynamics of their relationships. They emphasize that these agreements should foster personal growth and not just comfort, framing them as safety rails on the journey of a committed partnership rather than tools to avoid discomfort or challenges.Main Topics Covered:The significance of creating and maintaining agreements in intimate partnershipsThe importance of both partners understanding and investing in the relationship agreementsExamples from hosts' own relationship, their recommendations of what agreements can really make a big difference, and three areas of agreements to considerThe role of agreements in regulating emotional responses and maintaining a secure relationship environment.Framing agreements as the vehicle to move forward what we want to accomplish and as tools for personal growth and facing challengesListen to the episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Google Podcasts, or on your favorite podcast platform. Resources Mentioned: 3 Game Changing Conversations All Couples Should HaveOur Top 10 Relationship AgreementsAOW Episode 59 Gambling Everything For LoveStan Tatkin, PACT ModelThe Collaborative WayGet in Touch: The Art Of We - Our Top 10 Relationship Agreements The Art Of We WebsiteThe Art of We Instagram Integrative Psychiatry Institute: Integrative Mental Wellness & Psychedelic Therapy TrainingRate, Review & Follow on Apple Podcasts: If you want to show your support for this show, please consider rating and reviewing The Art of We on Apple Podcasts. To do that, open the Apple Podcasts app and search for The Art of We. Scroll to the bottom of the package and rate with 5 stars. Let us know your favorite part of the show by clicking “Write a Review.” While you’re at it, follow the show so you can get the latest episode delivered to your phone weekly.

In episode 64 of "The Art of We" podcast, hosts Dr. Will Van Derveer and Krista Van Derveer explore the intricate dynamics of conscious adult partnership with their dear friends and relationship experts Jayson Gaddis and Ellen Boeder. This deeply personal episode is a dialogue about viewing relationships as a growth path and the nuanced complexities of practicing secure functioning together.The discussion highlights the balance of individual needs within family dynamics, particularly the prioritization of partnership in the midst of parenting challenges. You’ll hear personal experiences and strategies in maintaining a healthy relationship and effective collaboration, both in parenting roles and in professional endeavors. This episode also touches upon the concept of relational development as a spiritual path, offering a perspective on personal growth and the importance of mutual support in relationships. They explore the consequences of developmental gaps experienced during adolescence and how they can affect adult intimate relationships, with the guests sharing personal insights and emphasizing the significance of addressing relational trauma.Main Topics Covered:Unique insights into adult development stages and how gaps in these stages can impact intimate relationshipThe significance of relational health and how it impacts every area of our livesThe art of parenting and collaboration in relationships with real-life examplesThe balance of individual needs and partnership dynamics in a family settingCodependency vs InterdependencyThe role of relational development in personal growth and spiritual pathsListen to the episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Google Podcasts, or on your favorite podcast platform. Resources Mentioned: Jayson Gaddis - The Relationship School WebsiteEllen Boeder WebsiteJayson Gaddis InstagramEllen Boeder InstagramGetting To Zero – By Jayson GaddisJayson Gaddis YouTubeStan Tatkin, PACT ModelDr. Ellyn BaderGet in Touch: The Art Of We - Our Top 10 Relationship Agreements The Art Of We WebsiteThe Art of We Instagram Integrative Psychiatry Institute: Integrative Mental Wellness & Psychedelic Therapy TrainingRate, Review & Follow on Apple Podcasts: If you want to show your support for this show, please consider rating and reviewing The Art of We on Apple Podcasts. To do that, open the Apple Podcasts app and search for The Art of We. Scroll to the bottom of the package and rate with 5 stars. Let us know your favorite part of the show by clicking “Write a Review.” While you’re at it, follow the show so you can get the latest episode delivered to your phone weekly.

In episode 63 of “The Art of We Podcast”, hosts Krista and Dr. Will Van Derveer invite listeners to set a theme for their partnership this new year. Their second year creating a theme, they share the power behind a mutually agreed upon, fully aligned, “North Star” that’s different than goal setting but that sets the stage for the quality of life their “We” most needs in the coming year. You’ll hear how Krista and Dr. Will came up with their partnership theme for the year as well as how they plan to implement it. Unlike individual intentions, when we can look to see what the “We” of us needs – that which includes but transcends both individuals – a lot more comes into focus including new opportunities for creating a healthy, vibrant and potent partnership. In addition to setting a theme, the hosts share their #1 “if you do anything together this year, do this!” action item for all types of partnerships. Please enjoy and thank you for being part of "The Art of We" community. Wishing you joy, growth, and meaningful connections in the upcoming year!Main Topics Covered:What a “partnership theme” is and why you want oneAn example of how to come up with a partnership themeHow and why Krista and Dr. Will chose their themeThe importance of prioritizing quality of life as much as quantity of life inside partnershipListen to the episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Google Podcasts, or on your favorite podcast platform. Resources Mentioned: Art of We Episode #33 – The One Thing All Couples Must AskTami Simon + Sounds TrueGet in Touch: The Art Of We - Our Top 10 Relationship Agreements The Art Of We WebsiteThe Art of We Instagram Integrative Psychiatry Institute: Integrative Mental Wellness & Psychedelic Therapy TrainingRate, Review & Follow on Apple Podcasts: If you want to show your support for this show, please consider rating and reviewing The Art of We on Apple Podcasts. To do that, open the Apple Podcasts app and search for The Art of We. Scroll to the bottom of the package and rate with 5 stars. Let us know your favorite part of the show by clicking “Write a Review.” While you’re at it, follow the show so you can get the latest episode delivered to your phone weekly.

Welcome to Episode 62 of "The Art of We" Podcast – a special episode marking the completion of our commitment to a full year of weekly episodes in 2023. In this episode we share how we will be reviewing this past year and our new and unique way of setting “We” Goals for this coming year. We introduce how we are tweaking our annual review process, which involves examining Demartini’s seven key areas of life – spiritual, health, financial, relationship, family, intellectual, and career. This reflective process helps us assess how well we met our goals, what lessons we learned, and identify areas for improvement. We introduce our new approach to goal setting for the upcoming year. Instead of individual goals, we emphasize "we goals" – goals that are mutually aligned and contribute to the growth and success of the relationship. There’s a new level of possibility for the success of each of us and for our “We” when we are looking from a holistic level and holding our individual goals collectively.Thank you for being part of "The Art of We" community. Wishing you joy, growth, and meaningful connections in the upcoming year!Main Topics Covered:The Seven Areas of Life Framework by John Demartini: we discuss the importance of customizing this framework to align with our personal values and priorities.Filling the Gaps Together: the importance of identifying gaps in various areas and collaboratively addressing them as a couple.Bringing Aliveness into Goals: the importance of not only identifying gaps but also recognizing and prioritizing what brings aliveness and joy. Quality of Goal Pursuit: our shift in letting the end outcomes drive us rather than standing for how we feel in the process of working towards those outcomesListen to the episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Google Podcasts, or on your favorite podcast platform. Resources Mentioned: John Demartini - 7 Areas Of LifeGet in Touch: The Art Of We - Our Top 10 Relationship Agreements The Art Of We WebsiteThe Art of We Instagram Integrative Psychiatry Institute: Integrative Mental Wellness & Psychedelic Therapy TrainingRate, Review & Follow on Apple Podcasts: If you want to show your support for this show, please consider rating and reviewing The Art of We on Apple Podcasts. To do that, open the Apple Podcasts app and search for The Art of We. Scroll to the bottom of the package and rate with 5 stars. Let us know your favorite part of the show by clicking “Write a Review.” While you’re at it, follow the show so you can get the latest episode delivered to your phone weekly.

Welcome to Episode 61 of The Art of the Podcast! In this second-to-last episode of the year, Krista and Will delve into practical practices that can provide support to our partners during family gatherings and social events, especially during the darker time of the year. Released on the solstice, this episode aims to bring more light into your relationships during the festive season.You’ll hear specific practices that Krista and Will have found effective in navigating stress and triggers during the holiday season. From pre-planning for events to understanding our partner’s subtle stress signals, their practical tips provide a roadmap for fostering a more secure and connected partnership, enhancing the holiday experience for you and your loved one.Krista and Will invite you to venture into the realm of creating new, elevated experiences within your relationship. Discover the transformative power of embracing fresh perspectives during challenging circumstances, particularly in the context of family gatherings and social events during the holiday season.Main Topics Covered:The impact of family history on behavior during holiday gatherings and the ways in which certain memories and patterns can automatically surface.Pre-Gaming with your partner before potentially challenging family or social events, discussing potential triggers and creating a game plan for support.Understanding how different parts of your personality can contribute to less effective communication and support in moments of stress.Tracking signals and non-verbal cues from your partner, allowing for proactive support and intervention in real time. A relationship agreement  (turned marriage vow) that helps to protect each other, not only in public and private, but also from themselves. Listen to the episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Google Podcasts, or on your favorite podcast platform. Resources Mentioned: The Art Of We - Our Top 10 Relationship Agreements Dick Schwartz and Internal Family Systems (Parts Work)Stan TatkinGet in Touch: The Art Of We WebsiteThe Art of We Instagram Integrative Psychiatry Institute: Integrative Mental Wellness & Psychedelic Therapy TrainingRate, Review & Follow on Apple Podcasts: If you want to show your support for this show, please consider rating and reviewing The Art of We on Apple Podcasts. To do that, open the Apple Podcasts app and search for The Art of We. Scroll to the bottom of the package and rate with 5 stars. Let us know your favorite part of the show by clicking “Write a Review.” While you’re at it, follow the show so you can get the latest episode delivered to your phone weekly.

In this podcast episode, Dr. Will Van Derveer and Krista Van Derveer engage in a thoughtful discussion on the topics of purpose and purposeful action. Driven by their experiences, they highlight the energetic difference between purposeful action, where one consciously moves toward significant goals, and non-purposeful action, characterized by a sense of tension, anxiety, and purposelessness. They draw parallels between their insights in a business context and the dynamics within their relationship, emphasizing the role of purpose in fostering a sense of order and fulfillment .As they reflect on the end of the year, they explore the importance of setting wildly unachievable goals and the transformative impact such aspirations can have. The conversation evolves into exploring the nuances of goal-setting, sharing their differences in what works for the greatest success in accomplishing desired outcomes. As the hosts prepare for the next season of their podcast, they express anticipation for deepening conversations about their shared goals, encouraging listeners to reflect on their own journeys toward generativity, aliveness, and purposeful action. The hosts conclude by inviting listeners to share their own processes around goal-setting and the containers that work best for them.Main Topics Covered:The transformative impact of setting ambitious, seemingly unachievable goalsThe difference between purposeful action and non-purposeful action, and why that mattersThe parallels between their business context and within their relationship, in fostering order, fulfillment, and a positive energetic flowGoal-Setting Perspectives: the nuances of goal-setting to instill confidence and forward momentumFear-based patterns that can arise if a goal is to small or too bigPendulating between pride and shame relating to goals and actionListen to the episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Google Podcasts, or on your favorite podcast platform. Resources Mentioned: The Art Of We - Our Top 10 Relationship Agreements Get in Touch: The Art Of We WebsiteThe Art of We Instagram Integrative Psychiatry Institute: Integrative Mental Wellness & Psychedelic Therapy TrainingRate, Review & Follow on Apple Podcasts: If you want to show your support for this show, please consider rating and reviewing The Art of We on Apple Podcasts. To do that, open the Apple Podcasts app and search for The Art of We. Scroll to the bottom of the package and rate with 5 stars. Let us know your favorite part of the show by clicking “Write a Review.” While you’re at it, follow the show so you can get the latest episode delivered to your phone weekly.

In Episode 59 of The Art of We Podcast, hosts Dr. Will and Krista Van Derveer delve into the theme of "Gambling Everything for Love." In this podcast episode, the hosts explore how this commitment (which they turned into a wedding vow) represents the fullest expression of limitless possibilities in a relationship. By risking old survival strategies that may hinder genuine connection, the hosts emphasize the importance of taking bold steps for the type of love they aspire to. The hosts reflect on their individual journeys towards seeking secure functioning partnerships, and the concept of not knowing what kind of partnership you have unless you are willing to risk bringing everything to the table. When you bring everything to the table you give the partnership – and the partners – the chance to step up to meet the opportunity. If we get stuck in thinking our partners or partnership cannot handle something, and thus we choose not to address something important, then we are inadvertently putting a limitation on what’s possible. The hosts conclude by sharing tangible daily practices they employ to live out the vow of "gambling everything for love." These practices include envisioning the kind of partnership they desire, addressing biases about each other, and tracking moments of discomfort or unexpressed feelings. By continuously working on their relationship, the hosts advocate for a deep and meaningful connection, providing insights and encouragement for listeners to embrace vulnerability and take risks in their own pursuit of love.Main Topics Covered:The details of what it means to “gamble everything for love”Why they turned this into a marriage vow and why it’s foundational to their partnershipTheir individual journeys that led them to this perspective The importance of reflecting on the potential or possibility of your partnership and not defaulting to it as a static entityThe challenges and fears of this marriage vow and how Krista and Will work with thesePractices to support living into “gambling everything for love” togetherListen to the episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Google Podcasts, or on your favorite podcast platform. Resources Mentioned: The Art Of We - Our Top 10 Relationship Agreements Get in Touch: The Art Of We WebsiteThe Art of We Instagram Integrative Psychiatry Institute: Integrative Mental Wellness & Psychedelic Therapy TrainingRate, Review & Follow on Apple Podcasts: If you want to show your support for this show, please consider rating and reviewing The Art of We on Apple Podcasts. To do that, open the Apple Podcasts app and search for The Art of We. Scroll to the bottom of the package and rate with 5 stars. Let us know your favorite part of the show by clicking “Write a Review.” While you’re at it, follow the show so you can get the latest episode delivered to your phone weekly.

In Episode 58 of the Art of We podcast, Dr. Will and Krista Van Derveer delve into another foundational agreement turned vow in their relationship. Join them as they explore the nuances of supporting each other's greatest expression and the pivotal role it plays in their partnership. The hosts share personal experiences, emphasizing the necessity of a secure home base for authentic expression and the impact of mutual support on their professional endeavors.Dr. Will and Krista underscore the value of recognizing and addressing blind spots together, fostering growth and finding possibility, especially when it’s hard. They discuss the proactive and courageous stance required to accept and hold each other accountable to live into one another’s greatest expression, emphasizing the cost of suppressing important goals and desires in order to avoid facing conflict in relationship. The episode dives into the nuances of navigating differences in mindsets, touching on cancel culture and the importance of respectful discourse. As the hosts share examples of personal challenges, they stress the significance of taking time, seeking external support when needed, and finding alignment in overcoming obstacles. The episode concludes with an invitation for listeners to reflect on their own relationships, encouraging open communication and the courage to stand for their partner's fullest expression. Tune in for more insightful discussions on the Art of We podcast!Main Topics Covered:Personal Growth as the Supportive Partner: the challenges and growth opportunities inherent in supporting a partner's self-expressionCreating a Safe Home Base: the significance of a secure home base for authentic expression and ability to transformOvercoming Challenges and Finding Mutuality: the importance of a partner seeing beyond individual perspectivesNavigating Differences: the need for respectful discourse and differences of opinion to foster cultural progressionOvercoming Challenges Together: the role of a partner in helping navigate blind spots and fostering growthListen to the episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Google Podcasts, or on your favorite podcast platform. Resources Mentioned: The Collaborative WayThe Relationship School with Jayson GaddisFilm: “Abortion Talks”The Art Of We - Our Top 10 Relationship Agreements Get in Touch: The Art Of We WebsiteThe Art of We Instagram Integrative Psychiatry Institute: Integrative Mental Wellness & Psychedelic Therapy TrainingRate, Review & Follow on Apple Podcasts: If you want to show your support for this show, please consider rating and reviewing The Art of We on Apple Podcasts. To do that, open the Apple Podcasts app and search for The Art of We. Scroll to the bottom of the package and rate with 5 stars. Let us know your favorite part of the show by clicking “Write a Review.” While you’re at it, follow the show so you can get the latest episode delivered to your phone weekly.