The Art of We

To sleep or not to sleep together? Celebrity couples like Cameron Diaz, and supposedly the Beckhams, are coming out about sleeping in separate bedrooms. On this episode of “The Art of We” we share our take on the benefits and drawbacks of both scenarios, and address the narrative that there’s something wrong in the relationship if couples are sleeping separately.Given the importance of sleep for our health, wellbeing, and capacity to connect with others, we take sleep very seriously over here in the Van Derveer household. You’ll hear how we’ve navigated our sleeping arrangements in unique ways that have mostly kept us in the same room, but with a few brilliant twists to ensure the best sleep possible. We explore different impacts from sleeping together and separately, from energetic, biological, scientific and personal preference angles. We also share our sleeping tricks for when we travel together to ensure the best sleep, and how different seasons of our lives have required different sleeping arrangements. Lastly, we encourage a real attempt at understanding our partner’s challenges when they are not sleeping well, versus simply assuming that something isn’t right in the partnership. A must listen for:Contemplating the right sleeping set up for you and your partnerA deeper investigation the the impacts of sleeping choicesLearning unique tips and tricks to ensure better sleep for both partnersUnderstanding how our nervous systems can impact each other’s sleepListen to the episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Google Podcasts, or on your favorite podcast platform. Resources Mentioned: Our Top 10 Relationship Agreements Heartmath Get in Touch: The Art Of We Website3 Game Changing Conversations Every Couple Must HaveThe Art of We Instagram Integrative Psychiatry Institute: Mental Wellness & Psychedelic Therapy TrainingRate, Review & Follow on Apple Podcasts: If you want to show your support for this show, please consider rating and reviewing The Art of We on Apple Podcasts. To do that, open the Apple Podcasts app and search for The Art of We. Scroll to the bottom of the package and rate with 5 stars. Let us know your favorite part of the show by clicking “Write a Review.” While you’re at it, follow the show so you can get the latest episode delivered to your phone weekly. 

This definition of the “We” elevates partnership beyond the conventional. Listen in to hear a conversation between us, Krista and Dr. Will, that frames how we view our relationship such that we more quickly can make decisions, work as a team, and operate at higher levels of functioning. In episode 76 we revisit a fundamental concept of “The Art Of We.” You’ll hear personal anecdotes and professional insights to illustrate the power of embracing the 'We' in relationships. We dive into the creation of a third entity (the “We”) that emerges from the union of two individuals, a concept that transcends yet includes both partners. This episode is an invitation to listeners to consider their partnerships as a potent vehicle for growth and impact, making it an enlightening listen for couples, business partners and collaborators alike. We share simple yet impactful questions and tools to create a roadmap for couples looking to elevate their connection, explore the depths of their partnership, and make a significant impact together. Whether you're in a relationship seeking depth or an individual curious about the dynamics of successful partnerships, this episode offers invaluable wisdom and inspiration.A must listen for:Learning how partnership is not only about two individuals, but something much greaterPractical application for deepening connections.The balance between individuality and unity: navigating the tension between maintaining autonomy while also embracing the collective identity of the partnershipStrategies for growth and overcoming challengesListen to the episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Google Podcasts, or on your favorite podcast platform. Resources Mentioned: Our Top 10 Relationship Agreements 3 Game Changing Conversations Every Couple Must HaveGet in Touch: The Art Of We WebsiteThe Art of We Instagram Integrative Psychiatry Institute: Mental Wellness & Psychedelic Therapy TrainingRate, Review & Follow on Apple Podcasts: If you want to show your support for this show, please consider rating and reviewing The Art of We on Apple Podcasts. To do that, open the Apple Podcasts app and search for The Art of We. Scroll to the bottom of the package and rate with 5 stars. Let us know your favorite part of the show by clicking “Write a Review.” While you’re at it, follow the show so you can get the latest episode delivered to your phone weekly. 

In this episode, Dr. Will and Krista Van Derveer work through a challenge in real-time, sharing a raw and unscripted exploration of navigating work-from-home challenges. Without the safety net of rehearsals or preparations, listeners are granted an intimate glimpse into the dynamics of how they work through conflict while standing for both individual needs and collective harmony.Faced with the adjustments of working from home more frequently due to their business partner’s paternity leave, Will and Krista confront the complexities of sharing their suddenly all-too-close quarters. Their candid discussion revolves around an innovative agreement aimed at granting each other solo days at home but quickly evolves into a deeper examination of personal needs, boundaries, and the intricate dance of living and working together in a shared space.The conversation navigates through moments of tension, insight, and vulnerability, offering listeners a rare look at the process of real-time problem-solving within a relationship. Join Dr. Will and Krista as they demonstrate the art of working through challenges together, in real-time, with openness and love.A must listen for:Learning to create shared reality as a basis to work through conflictLearning to stand for one’s own preferences while being willing to see new areas of growthLearning to get everyone’s needs met, rather than compromiseUnderstanding the power of agreement-based relationshipsListen to the episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Google Podcasts, or on your favorite podcast platform. Resources Mentioned: Our Top 10 Relationship Agreements Get in Touch: The Art Of We WebsiteThe Art of We Instagram Integrative Psychiatry Institute: Mental Wellness & Psychedelic Therapy TrainingRate, Review & Follow on Apple Podcasts: If you want to show your support for this show, please consider rating and reviewing The Art of We on Apple Podcasts. To do that, open the Apple Podcasts app and search for The Art of We. Scroll to the bottom of the package and rate with 5 stars. Let us know your favorite part of the show by clicking “Write a Review.” While you’re at it, follow the show so you can get the latest episode delivered to your phone weekly. 

Addressing passive-aggressive comments like a ninja is highly satisfying. It can stop the aggressor in their shoes and wake them up to the impact they’re having. Most passive aggressive comments are simply unskilled communications of negative feelings. By directly and neutrally addressing passive aggressiveness, we can support each other to grow as human beings. In episode 74 of the Art of We podcast, we get into the nuanced terrain of passive aggressiveness, in both personal and professional relationships. Dr. Will and Krista Van Derveer discuss its subtle nature and how it can operate under a veneer of politeness, making it challenging to detect and address. They dive into the psychological underpinnings of why individuals resort to such behavior, highlighting the cultural lack of effective tools for expressing negative feelings directly.The hosts share practical strategies, share personal anecdotes and role-play scenarios to illustrate how to respond to passive aggression in a way that fosters understanding and growth, rather than perpetuating a cycle of negativity. They advocate for an approach that involves acknowledging the impact of such comments, expressing one's feelings without aggression, and seeking to understand the underlying needs of the other person.A must listen for:Individuals in leadership positions who deal with other humans :)Partners who have a hard time communicating their needs and wants skillfully People who have family or community that have a habit of passive aggressive behaviorAnyone who loves to grow!Listen to the episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Google Podcasts, or on your favorite podcast platform. Resources Mentioned: Our Top 10 Relationship Agreements Psychology TodayGet in Touch: The Art Of We WebsiteThe Art of We Instagram Integrative Psychiatry Institute: Mental Wellness & Psychedelic Therapy TrainingRate, Review & Follow on Apple Podcasts: If you want to show your support for this show, please consider rating and reviewing The Art of We on Apple Podcasts. To do that, open the Apple Podcasts app and search for The Art of We. Scroll to the bottom of the package and rate with 5 stars. Let us know your favorite part of the show by clicking “Write a Review.” While you’re at it, follow the show so you can get the latest episode delivered to your phone weekly. 

In episode 73 of "The Art of We" podcast, hosts Krista and Dr. Will Van Derveer explore the concept that when individuals are genuinely supported within their partnerships, they unlock a unique level of potential that can be a pivotal foundation for personal growth and achieving one's greatest successes, and that transcends an individual’s mere high-functioning ability. They illuminate how the patterns and beliefs instilled in us from childhood carry over into our adult lives, influencing our intimate relationships. By challenging and supporting each other to confront and heal from past relational injuries, partners can achieve a level of fulfillment and expression that was previously unattainable, highlighting the interconnectedness of personal development and relational dynamics.The episode culminates in a powerful message about the potential for partnerships to serve as a catalyst for not just personal transformation but also for contributing positively to the world,  pushing the boundaries of what is possible both personally and collectively.You’ll also hear:The need for support and security within primary partnerships to unlock higher levels of potentialGrowth and healing within intimate relationships as a foundation for overcoming the limitations imposed by past traumas and childhood imprintsThe transformative potential of partnerships in contributing positively to the wider worldA call to action for listeners to reevaluate the depth and purpose of their relationshipsListen to the episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Google Podcasts, or on your favorite podcast platform. Resources Mentioned: Our Top 10 Relationship Agreements Episode 72: “Conscious Relationship Endings”Get in Touch: The Art Of We WebsiteThe Art of We Instagram Integrative Psychiatry Institute: Mental Wellness & Psychedelic Therapy TrainingRate, Review & Follow on Apple Podcasts: If you want to show your support for this show, please consider rating and reviewing The Art of We on Apple Podcasts. To do that, open the Apple Podcasts app and search for The Art of We. Scroll to the bottom of the package and rate with 5 stars. Let us know your favorite part of the show by clicking “Write a Review.” While you’re at it, follow the show so you can get the latest episode delivered to your phone weekly. 

In episode 72 of the Art of We podcast, Dr. Will and Krista Van Derveer explore the value of conscious relationship endings, offering a transformative perspective on closure. This conversation not only equips listeners with strategies for achieving closure but also highlights the significance of embracing endings as a gateway to greater alignment with one’s true path.The hosts share their personal experiences with relationship endings, including uncommon conversations and reflective questions, acknowledging the gifts and lessons learned, and the power of ritual for emotional release and letting go. Listeners are encouraged to see the end of a relationship not as a failure but as an essential step towards personal fulfillment and alignment with one's true path.This episode serves as a guide for anyone facing the daunting task of ending a relationship or getting over a past relationship. This conversation is a must-listen for anyone looking to navigate the complexities of relationships with grace, wisdom, and an open heart, promising a journey of self-discovery, transformation and preparation for the next partnership to arrive.You’ll also hear:How incompletion can create a sense of disempowerment How Will and his previous partner came to clarity about their ending and their journey of conscious closure togetherHow Krista processed the ending of her last relationship without her partner, since her partner had a sudden deathSpecific questions for listeners to contemplate to support relationship completionListen to the episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Google Podcasts, or on your favorite podcast platform. Resources Mentioned: Our Top 10 Relationship Agreements Episode 25: “Should I Stay Or Should I Go?”John DemartiniGet in Touch: The Art Of We WebsiteThe Art of We Instagram Integrative Psychiatry Institute: Mental Wellness & Psychedelic Therapy TrainingRate, Review & Follow on Apple Podcasts: If you want to show your support for this show, please consider rating and reviewing The Art of We on Apple Podcasts. To do that, open the Apple Podcasts app and search for The Art of We. Scroll to the bottom of the package and rate with 5 stars. Let us know your favorite part of the show by clicking “Write a Review.” While you’re at it, follow the show so you can get the latest episode delivered to your phone weekly.

In episode 71 of The Art of We podcast, Dr. Will and Krista Van Derveer share the challenges they encounter in their partnership with one person being an introvert and one being an extrovert. The differences in social needs can be a source of hardship when left unaddressed, however when there’s deeper understanding and collaboration, these differences can turn into a solid source of connection.Listen in to learn about the nuances of introverted and extroverted behaviors, including how to navigate as a couple, the tendency for introverts to need more alone time to recharge and process experiences internally, and extroverts' inclination to seek out social interactions for energy and processing. The hosts share practical tips for couples to negotiat their differences to create a more inclusive and enjoyable social experience for both introverts and extroverts, ultimately strengthening the partnership by honoring and leveraging their distinct traits. This episode offers a thoughtful examination of how embracing and working with differences can lead to deeper connection and a more joyful social experience for both partners.A must-listen for:Couples with differing social preferences such as introverts and extrovertsUnderstanding introvert-extrovert relationship dynamics and challengesDiscovering win-win strategies for social settingsSpecific communication and support for introvert-extrovert partnershipsListen to the episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Google Podcasts, or on your favorite podcast platform. Resources Mentioned: The Art Of We - Our Top 10 Relationship Agreements Get in Touch: The Art Of We WebsiteThe Art of We Instagram Integrative Psychiatry Institute: Integrative Mental Wellness & Psychedelic Therapy TrainingRate, Review & Follow on Apple Podcasts: If you want to show your support for this show, please consider rating and reviewing The Art of We on Apple Podcasts. To do that, open the Apple Podcasts app and search for The Art of We. Scroll to the bottom of the package and rate with 5 stars. Let us know your favorite part of the show by clicking “Write a Review.” While you’re at it, follow the show so you can get the latest episode delivered to your phone weekly.

In episode 70 of the Art of We podcast, Dr. Will and Krista Van Derveer dive into the nuanced world of relational trauma, exploring how past traumas from previous relationships can manifest and affect current relationships. This episode offers deep insights into the nature of relational trauma, the impact of unhealed scars on one's sense of self, and the patterns that emerge as a cry for attention and healing.The Van Derveers discuss the spectrum of relational traumas, from minor misunderstandings to severe cases of abuse, emphasizing the significance of a compassionate and curious approach towards these patterns. They introduce listeners to the concept that trauma can serve as an opportunity for healing, especially within the context of a supportive and understanding relationship. By sharing personal stories and professional insights, their conversation is a testament to the healing potential of intimate partnerships and the importance of mutual support in addressing past injuries. Concluding with practical advice and therapeutic strategies, the episode is not just a deep dive into the complexities of relational trauma but also a guide on navigating these challenges as a couple.A must-listen for:Individuals in new relationships with past traumas Partners seeking to support each other’s healingPeople struggling with trust and vulnerability issuesAnyone interested in personal growth within relationshipsListen to the episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Google Podcasts, or on your favorite podcast platform. Resources Mentioned: The Art Of We - Our Top 10 Relationship Agreements John DeMartiniSomatic Experiencing - Peter LevineGet in Touch: The Art Of We WebsiteThe Art of We Instagram Integrative Psychiatry Institute: Integrative Mental Wellness & Psychedelic Therapy TrainingRate, Review & Follow on Apple Podcasts: If you want to show your support for this show, please consider rating and reviewing The Art of We on Apple Podcasts. To do that, open the Apple Podcasts app and search for The Art of We. Scroll to the bottom of the package and rate with 5 stars. Let us know your favorite part of the show by clicking “Write a Review.” While you’re at it, follow the show so you can get the latest episode delivered to your phone weekly.

In episode 69 of the Art of We podcast, hosts Krista and Dr. Will Van Derveer focus on the critical distinctions between codependency and interdependency. The conversation highlights how codependency often stems from good intentions but leads to disempowerment and stuckness within relationships, especially when one partner enables the other.By contrast, interdependency is presented as a healthier model that fosters mutual responsibility, freedom, and empowerment, supporting a more evolved partnership. Through personal anecdotes and theoretical insights, the hosts explore how individuals can inadvertently fall into patterns of distorted masculine and feminine energies, which contribute to the cycle of codependency. In this episode the host’s share their experience with both codependency and interdependency, and how to navigate challenging patterns that often manifest as a fear of engulfment or abandonment. The dialogue encourages listeners to reflect on their own relationships, identifying areas where they might be leaning too heavily towards codependency and exploring ways to cultivate a more interdependent, mutually responsible, balanced and fulfilling partnership.Main Topics Covered:Distinction Between Codependency and Interdependency in intimate relationshipsImpact of Distorted Masculine and Feminine Energies and the importance of recognizing and addressing these patterns.Personal Growth and Self-Awareness to identify and shift towards healthier relational dynamics.Strategies for Cultivating Interdependency and balancing individual needs with the health of the relationship.Exploring Personal and Shared Values in Relationships to enhance relational harmony and fulfillment.Listen to the episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Google Podcasts, or on your favorite podcast platform. Resources Mentioned: The Art Of We - Our Top 10 Relationship Agreements Codependent No More Book - Melody BeattieBruce Tift, MA, LMFT - Distorted Masculine and Feminine EnergiesStan Tatkin - Attachment StylesThe Art Of We E67: Relationship Values Vs AgreementsGet in Touch: The Art Of We WebsiteThe Art of We Instagram Integrative Psychiatry Institute: Integrative Mental Wellness & Psychedelic Therapy TrainingRate, Review & Follow on Apple Podcasts: If you want to show your support for this show, please consider rating and reviewing The Art of We on Apple Podcasts. To do that, open the Apple Podcasts app and search for The Art of We. Scroll to the bottom of the package and rate with 5 stars. Let us know your favorite part of the show by clicking “Write a Review.” While you’re at it, follow the show so you can get the latest episode delivered to your phone weekly.

In episode 68 of the Art of We podcast, hosts Krista and Dr. Will Van Derveer explore the complexities of driving together as a couple, a topic that brings challenges for many couples. They share their own personal challenges together, including how driving styles and passenger experiences can reveal deeper dynamics in relationships, highlighting the importance of communication and understanding. The Van Derveers share their concept of "we driving," a collaborative approach aimed at making both the driver and passenger comfortable. They stress the significance of signaling intentions and adjustments in driving habits to accommodate each other's comfort levels. The discussion extends to recognizing and respecting each other's driving preferences, with Will admitting his preference for speed and Krista advocating for a more cautious approach. This dialogue illustrates the broader theme of partnership and mutual respect, where both parties work together to find a middle ground that honors each other's needs and boundaries. By sharing their personal experiences and the strategies they've developed to address their driving disagreements, Krista and Dr. Will offer listeners practical advice on enhancing relationship harmony. Their reflections on "we driving" serve as a metaphor for relationship management, underscoring the importance of actively working together to create a supportive and understanding environment, both on the road and in life.Main Topics Covered:Navigating differences in driving styles and passenger experiences within couples, focusing on feelings of control and safety.The impact of individual driving behaviors on the partner's comfort and stress levels, including the use of signals and communication while driving.The concept of "we driving" as a strategy for couples to ensure mutual comfort and safety, highlighting the need for compromise and understanding.The role of communication in preventing and addressing discomfort and fear in the passenger, emphasizing the importance of expressing concerns calmly and clearly.Reflections on how managing driving dynamics can mirror handling relationship challenges, underscoring the broader implications for partnership and mutual respect.Listen to the episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Google Podcasts, or on your favorite podcast platform. Resources Mentioned: The Art Of We - Our Top 10 Relationship Agreements Get in Touch: The Art Of We WebsiteThe Art of We Instagram Integrative Psychiatry Institute: Integrative Mental Wellness & Psychedelic Therapy TrainingRate, Review & Follow on Apple Podcasts: If you want to show your support for this show, please consider rating and reviewing The Art of We on Apple Podcasts. To do that, open the Apple Podcasts app and search for The Art of We. Scroll to the bottom of the package and rate with 5 stars. Let us know your favorite part of the show by clicking “Write a Review.” While you’re at it, follow the show so you can get the latest episode delivered to your phone weekly.