The Art of We

As mission-based people, it’s culturally acceptable to constantly be tethered to our phones, but what happens when being at the beck and call of our business gets in the way of authentic and deep connection? In this episode, we explore the impact that technology overuse has on our relationship and work on crafting a new agreement about using our phones after working hours. Since starting the Integrative Psychiatry Institute in 2018, we’ve largely been in startup mode. Now that the team is built out and there’s more operational support, it’s not solely on Will to put out fires anymore. But, shifting out of the habit of picking up the phone for every ping and ding hasn’t come naturally. In our conversation, we unpack the effects of unconscious phone usage and how it touches on our childhood wounding. We workshop ways that we can come to an understanding, rather than operate from a place of fear or insecurity. We also look at ways that having boundaries around technology can create more sovereignty over our attention and energy. Our invitation this week is to work with your partner to understand why there’s something interfering with your connection, technology or otherwise, and discuss the impact it has on your relationship. With that foundation, it’s easier to collaborate on a win-win solution. Listen to the episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Google Podcasts, or on your favorite podcast platform. Topics Covered:Becoming more conscious of what we spend our time on, particularly outside the office Learning how to express the need for contact and attention Experimenting with an agreement about how we use technology in the evening Ways that social media might be covering up a lack of authentic connection How we can experience more freedom by practicing constraint Resources Mentioned: The Art Of We Weekly NewsletterGet in Touch: The Art Of We WebsiteThe Art of We Instagram Integrative Psychiatry Institute: Integrative Mental Wellness & Psychedelic Therapy TrainingRate, Review & Follow on Apple Podcasts: If you want to show your support for this show, please consider rating and reviewing The Art of We on Apple Podcasts. To do that, open the Apple Podcasts app and search for The Art of We. Scroll to the bottom of the package and rate with 5 stars. Let us know your favorite part of the show by clicking “Write a Review.” While you’re at it, follow the show so you can get the latest episode delivered to your phone weekly. 

Krista Van Derveer shares her journey of being single and looking for a partnership before she met Will. You’ll hear her unique approach on finding love after loss, preparing for a new relationship, navigating the dating world, and her secret relationship practices that helped her weed out incompatible partners to find a partner (Will!) that had similar relationship goals and also stood for an extraordinary kind of long-term relationship. If you’re single and looking for a relationship or you want to elevate your current relationship, this episode is for you!00:00 - Unique approaches to calling in a partner01:40 - Discussion on the concept of calling in "the one"04:23 - Krista’s relationship journey before meeting Will06:33 - Reclaiming desire after loss08:30 - Talking a stand for the type of relationship we really want10:02 - Does it really help to list qualities desired in a partner?12:18 - Secret practices and orientations for finding the right partner14:10 - Dating advice for those currently vetting potential partners16:32 - Importance of authenticity and speaking straight20:23 - Early dating experiences and assessing potential partners27:12 - Growth and discomfort in long-term partnerships31:17 - Overcoming superficial judgments in choosing a partner32:24 - The importance of honest feedback in relationshipsFeel free to reach out with your thoughts, experiences, and topics you want to hear about. We love hearing from our listeners!Listen to the episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Google Podcasts, or on your favorite podcast platform. Resources Mentioned: Our Top 10 Relationship Agreements The Collaborative Way and Lloyd FickettGet in Touch: The Art Of We WebsiteThe Art of We Instagram Integrative Psychiatry Institute: Psychedelic Therapy TrainingRate, Review & Follow on Apple Podcasts: If you want to show your support for this show, please consider rating and reviewing The Art of We on Apple Podcasts. To do that, open the Apple Podcasts app and search for The Art of We. Scroll to the bottom of the package and rate with 5 stars. Let us know your favorite part of the show by clicking “Write a Review.” While you’re at it, follow the show so you can get the latest episode delivered to your phone weekly. 

Will shares his journey of waking up on his 40th birthday realizing he didn’t have the kind of relationship he really wanted, and what he uniquely did to eventually call-in his next partner (Krista!) and co-create the kind of partnership they have today. Whether you're single and searching or looking to elevate your current relationship, this episode offers valuable insights and useful advice.Topics Covered:Getting Honest: Will's 40th birthday epiphany about wanting a secure-functioning, interdependent relationship.Defining Your Ideal Relationship: Will shares how he clarified and envisioned the specific kind of partnership he wanted.Doing Inner Work: The unique process Will underwent to be ready for a new kind of partnership.Practical Wisdom: Learn about the essential steps Will took, from leaving a long-term marriage to defining a new relationship model with a "mandala" of qualities he desired.Overcoming Challenges: Moving beyond our limiting beliefs.Categories: Dating Advice; Leaving Your Relationship; Calling In The One; Marriage Advice; Relationship Advice, Personal Growth; Divorce AdviceListen now and continue your journey towards the partnership you deserve! Listen to the episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Google Podcasts, or on your favorite podcast platform. Resources Mentioned: Our Top 10 Relationship Agreements Subtle Art Of Not Giving A F*** - Mark MansonNo More Mr. Nice Guy - Dr. Robert GloverPACT Couples TherapyGet in Touch: The Art Of We WebsiteThe Art of We Instagram Integrative Psychiatry Institute: Integrative Mental Wellness & Psychedelic Therapy TrainingRate, Review & Follow on Apple Podcasts: If you want to show your support for this show, please consider rating and reviewing The Art of We on Apple Podcasts. To do that, open the Apple Podcasts app and search for The Art of We. Scroll to the bottom of the package and rate with 5 stars. Let us know your favorite part of the show by clicking “Write a Review.” While you’re at it, follow the show so you can get the latest episode delivered to your phone weekly. 

Within our web of vows that help us maintain what we believe is possible in our relationship, gambling everything for the love we want is at the center. In this episode, we unpack what that means for us and how we work to bring forth every aspect of ourselves, even in challenging or uncomfortable conversations. Unless we take a real stand for the kind of relationship we desire, and then be willing to put everything on the table to give our relationship a chance to live into that stand, we are going to compromise or settle in an unfulfilling partnership.Although we have a deep commitment to addressing ruptures and impact, we’re not immune to misunderstandings. There’s a level of consciousness inside our relationship where we can recognize the filters that we have for each other. These assumptions and automations not only limit the possibility for deeper connections, and they also have the potential to intensify resentments and wounds. We share five practices that help us to lay our vulnerability on the table and work through tension. In our conversation, we break down what these five tools are and how they can help you and your partner co-create solutions. Join us as we look at these techniques in action and discuss ways to approach edgy topics within your relationship. Listen to the episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Google Podcasts, or on your favorite podcast platform. Topics Covered:Why we don’t agree with the concept of ‘choosing your battles’ Noticing when make assumptions about your partner and where those beliefs come from Having safeguards in place to deal with the consequences of addressing an uncomfortable reality that exists in your relationship Honoring the voice that signals your needs aren’t being met Developing a willingness to to receive feedback and see it as an opportunity for growth Resources Mentioned: The Art Of We Weekly NewsletterGet in Touch: The Art Of We WebsiteThe Art of We Instagram Integrative Psychiatry Institute: Integrative Mental Wellness & Psychedelic Therapy TrainingRate, Review & Follow on Apple Podcasts: If you want to show your support for this show, please consider rating and reviewing The Art of We on Apple Podcasts. To do that, open the Apple Podcasts app and search for The Art of We. Scroll to the bottom of the package and rate with 5 stars. Let us know your favorite part of the show by clicking “Write a Review.” While you’re at it, follow the show so you can get the latest episode delivered to your phone weekly. 

Dr. Will and Krista Van Derveer discuss why loving a partner exactly the way they are may not be compatible with growth and support in a relationship. They argue that unconditional love can become a cop-out for not truly supporting one another to step into their greatest potential, and that growth as a couple requires the willingness to acknowledge and address blind spots together. Listen in to hear about:The importance of challenging each other to grow and expandWhere couples get stuck in their partnershipCreating the context in relationship to support each other to see blind spotsExamples of how to approach one another with a challengeCommunication skills for healthy relationshipsTaking on the role of holding our partners to live into their greatest expressionResources Mentioned: Our Top 10 Relationship Agreements Bessel Van Der KolkEpisode on Navigating Introvert-Extrovert PartnershipGet in Touch: The Art Of We Website3 Game Changing Conversations Every Couple Must HaveThe Art of We Instagram Integrative Psychiatry Institute: Mental Wellness & Psychedelic Therapy TrainingRate, Review & Follow on Apple Podcasts: If you want to show your support for this show, please consider rating and reviewing The Art of We on Apple Podcasts. To do that, open the Apple Podcasts app and search for The Art of We. Scroll to the bottom of the package and rate with 5 stars. Let us know your favorite part of the show by clicking “Write a Review.” While you’re at it, follow the show so you can get the latest episode delivered to your phone weekly. Listen to the episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Google Podcasts, or on your favorite podcast platform. 

Join us as we explore Oprah's '110 Relationship-Boosting Questions for Couples,' asking each other spontaneous questions that not only led to unexpected insights for us as a couple but also highlighted areas where we need to gain deeper clarity in our intimate partnership.We get into topics such as:Is there such a thing as a “harmless” lie?How organized glasses in cupboards helps our relationshipLearning to speak more straight and maintain positive impactVampires vs werewolvesDoes commitment lead to more or less freedom?This relationship podcast episode with Krista Van Derveer and Dr. Will Van Derveer has questions for couples to explore around relationship challenges, couples communication and relationship growth as a couple. Resources Mentioned: Our Top 10 Relationship Agreements Jayson Gaddis InstagramOprah’s List of Questions for CouplesGet in Touch: The Art Of We Website3 Game Changing Conversations Every Couple Must HaveThe Art of We Instagram Integrative Psychiatry Institute: Mental Wellness & Psychedelic Therapy TrainingRate, Review & Follow on Apple Podcasts: If you want to show your support for this show, please consider rating and reviewing The Art of We on Apple Podcasts. To do that, open the Apple Podcasts app and search for The Art of We. Scroll to the bottom of the package and rate with 5 stars. Let us know your favorite part of the show by clicking “Write a Review.” While you’re at it, follow the show so you can get the latest episode delivered to your phone weekly. Listen to the episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Google Podcasts, or on your favorite podcast platform. 

Today we have a special guest to talk about navigating the turbulent waters of heartbreak & betrayals, & the power of grief as a portal for healing & transformation. Sara Avant Stover just came out with her third book “Handbook for the Heartbroken.” We talk about her very personal & vulnerable journey from devastation to rebirth. This conversation is a beacon for anyone wanting to heal & transform from heartbreak. Listen in for an intimate look into:Sara's serial heartbreaks across all facets of her life Learning her former fiance was living a duplicitous lifeThe journey of overcoming heartbreaks & transforming from griefThe power of internal family systems (IFS) in addressing deep-seated woundsPractical advice on moving from devastation to rebirth, featuring potent learnings, rituals, & practices that aid in emotional and spiritual recovery.This episode is not just a dialogue; it's an invitation to understand the transformative potential of grief & the journey towards becoming the person you are meant to be. Whether you're dealing with a fresh wound or an old scar, Sara's story & Krista's parallel grief journey offer a pathway to healing and hope. Join us as we explore how to turn heartbreak into a foundation for profound personal growth & renewal.Resources Mentioned: Our Top 10 Relationship Agreements Sara’s new book “Handbook for the Heartbroken”Sara’s IG accountSara’s podcast “Her Self”Krista on Sara’s podcast in 2017Episodes 78 & 79 on Duplicitous LivesIFS Richard SchwartzGet in Touch: The Art Of We Website3 Game Changing Conversations Every Couple Must HaveThe Art of We Instagram Integrative Psychiatry Institute: Mental Wellness & Psychedelic Therapy TrainingRate, Review & Follow on Apple Podcasts: If you want to show your support for this show, please consider rating and reviewing The Art of We on Apple Podcasts. To do that, open the Apple Podcasts app and search for The Art of We. Scroll to the bottom of the package and rate with 5 stars. Let us know your favorite part of the show by clicking “Write a Review.” While you’re at it, follow the show so you can get the latest episode delivered to your phone weekly. Listen to the episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Google Podcasts, or on your favorite podcast platform. 

Do you ever get stuck arguing a TON? Or “processing” issues all the time as a couple? If so, this episode is for you! Listen in for strategies to break the cycle of conflict, hear Krista and Will’s personal experiences, and learn practical tools and techniques to disrupt the arguing and to foster better communication and understanding.[0:00] - Conflict “quality” in relationships[0:55] - Hosts personal experiences[1:07] - Pain points in conflicts and advanced communication skills[6:12] - Relationship agreements for successful outcomes[7:23] - Strategies for dealing with emotional hijacking[10:28] - ‘Witnessing awareness’ & its role in managing emotional responses[14:10] - Practical relationship agreements to aid in conflict resolution[19:12] - Techniques for co-regulation without conversation[22:15] - Exploring "smart requests" to improve clarity and effectiveness in communication[28:03] - Emphasizing the co-creation of ruptures & a growth mindset in relationshipsKey Discussion PointsHow the quality of your conflict determines the quality of your partnership Techniques like couples therapy, somatic psychotherapy, & psychedelics to navigate through trauma in relationshipsImportance of relational agreements in maintaining a secure partnershipStrategies for self-regulation & co-regulation during intense emotional statesUsing 'smart requests' and pre-emptive understanding of each partner's emotional needsThe value of a growth-oriented mindset in approaching relationship challenges.Resources Mentioned: Our Top 10 Relationship Agreements IFS Richard SchwartzInside Out Movie“SMART Goals”Get in Touch: The Art Of We Website3 Game Changing Conversations Every Couple Must HaveThe Art of We Instagram Integrative Psychiatry Institute: Mental Wellness & Psychedelic Therapy TrainingRate, Review & Follow on Apple Podcasts: If you want to show your support for this show, please consider rating and reviewing The Art of We on Apple Podcasts. To do that, open the Apple Podcasts app and search for The Art of We. Scroll to the bottom of the package and rate with 5 stars. Let us know your favorite part of the show by clicking “Write a Review.” While you’re at it, follow the show so you can get the latest episode delivered to your phone weekly. Listen to the episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Google Podcasts, or on your favorite podcast platform. 

In Part 2/2 of this series, we dive into the shadows cast by public figures accused of leading double lives, including the likes of "Dr. Death" Paulo Macchiarini and podcaster Andrew Huberman. This episode unpacks the intricate dance of deceit and the personal ramifications of their alleged duplicity.In this episode, we explore:Our immediate reactions and predictions following recent revelations about Andrew Huberman’s personal affairsThe often unrealistic standards of perfection imposed on public figuresOur collective human curiosity about the private lives of celebritiesThe debate over the level of responsibility public figures should bearThe balance between respecting privacy and demanding transparency from those in the spotlightThe human propensity to idolize, then harshly criticize, public figuresThis conversation not only probes the complexities of fame and accountability but also challenges listeners to examine their own views and biases. If you're fascinated by the ethical quandaries and psychological intricacies of celebrity culture, this episode offers an interesting and captivating discussion that will continue long after you've listened.Listen to the episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Google Podcasts, or on your favorite podcast platform. Resources Mentioned: Our Top 10 Relationship Agreements The Relationship School Podcast with Jayson GaddisElise Loehnen “On Our Best Behavior”“Dr. Death” Series on PeacockNY Mag article “Andrew Huberman’s Mechanisms of Control”Get in Touch: The Art Of We Website3 Game Changing Conversations Every Couple Must HaveThe Art of We Instagram Integrative Psychiatry Institute: Mental Wellness & Psychedelic Therapy TrainingRate, Review & Follow on Apple Podcasts: If you want to show your support for this show, please consider rating and reviewing The Art of We on Apple Podcasts. To do that, open the Apple Podcasts app and search for The Art of We. Scroll to the bottom of the package and rate with 5 stars. Let us know your favorite part of the show by clicking “Write a Review.” While you’re at it, follow the show so you can get the latest episode delivered to your phone weekly. 

Inspired by people publicly accused of living duplicitous lives, such as "Dr. Death" Paulo Macchiarini, podcaster Andrew Huberman, & Bill Clinton, we dive into the complex dynamics of individuals who excel in their public personas but struggle with personal integrity in their private lives, specifically in intimate partnership. We share our personal thoughts & discuss the psychological aspects & real-life relational consequences of such disparities.[0:00] Duplicitous personalities of public figures[2:28] Social & relational implications[5:54] Complexities of deceitful relationships[7:10]  Psychological impacts & public perceptions[9:11] Our personal reflections & experiences[10:47] Narcissism, sociopathy & lack of empathy [13:19] Individuals & victims involved in deceitful narratives[15:00] Moral implications & motivations behind duplicitous lifestyles[19:30] Societal fascination & considerations of involving oneself in public figures' private livesListen to the episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Google Podcasts, or on your favorite podcast platform. Resources Mentioned: Our Top 10 Relationship Agreements “Dr. Death” Series on PeacockNY Mag article “Andrew Huberman’s Mechanisms of Control”“The Clinton Affair” Documentary Get in Touch: The Art Of We Website3 Game Changing Conversations Every Couple Must HaveThe Art of We Instagram Integrative Psychiatry Institute: Mental Wellness & Psychedelic Therapy TrainingRate, Review & Follow on Apple Podcasts: If you want to show your support for this show, please consider rating and reviewing The Art of We on Apple Podcasts. To do that, open the Apple Podcasts app and search for The Art of We. Scroll to the bottom of the package and rate with 5 stars. Let us know your favorite part of the show by clicking “Write a Review.” While you’re at it, follow the show so you can get the latest episode delivered to your phone weekly.