67. Relationship Values vs Agreements

In episode 67 of "The Art of We" podcast, hosts Krista and Dr. Will Van Derveer address a listener’s question about the difference between values and agreements in relationships. The hosts get into defining how values are used in different ways, and how to “operationalize” the values by turning them into agreements so they can actively live inside the partnership.

The conversation extends to the broader theme of supporting each other's individual values within a relationship, such as differing interests in fitness or financial responsibility, and the potential for polarization and arguments in partnerships. The hosts share examples of how to address polarizing values and how to work as a couple to find alignment and mutuality. 

Krista and Dr. Will discuss turning values into actionable agreements to strengthen relationships. They emphasize the need for agreements to be specific and actionable, using examples like transparency and connection. The conversation touches on the challenges of fulfilling these agreements and the importance of understanding and supporting each other's unique approaches. 

Main Topics Covered:

• Impact of Individual Habits on Relationships: How one-sided personal habits, like drinking cocktails, can affect interpersonal connections and explores the importance of understanding underlying needs for a state change or feeling better.
• Supporting Individual Values in Partnerships: The significance of recognizing and respecting each partner's unique values within a relationship and how to do that.
• Difference Between Values and Agreements: How values and agreements differ in relationships, defining values as guiding principles and the importance of alignment in partnerships.
• Exploring and Understanding Partner's Values: The importance of being curious about and understanding your partner's values and fears, with examples provided.
• Turning Values into Actionable Agreements: The necessity of converting values into specific, actionable agreements to reinforce relationships and the challenges of fulfilling these agreements in practice.

Listen to the episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Google Podcasts, or on your favorite podcast platform. 

Resources Mentioned: 

• Episode 65: How To Create Your Own Relationship Agreements
• Episode 66: When A Partner Doesn’t Keep Their Agreements

Get in Touch: 

• The Art Of We - Our Top 10 Relationship Agreements 
• The Art Of We Website
• The Art of We Instagram 
• Integrative Psychiatry Institute: Integrative Mental Wellness & Psychedelic Therapy Training

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